Talk to MNHQ about the practicalities of labour – £50 voucher prize draw

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (which we’re VERY excited about we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

You can read every book under the sun, attend every class going, but nothing every quite matches up to experiencing labour for yourself. That’s why we’d be interested to hear from Mumsnetters who have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt (after getting meconium on it, obviously)

Following on from another thread we ran, we’d like to ask you about the practicalities of labour.
How did it compare with what you expected? Did you feel you knew how to push during labour? Did your natural instict take over, or did your natural instinct have to be coaxed out by a midwife?

As they say, hind sight is 20/20 - so is there anything you wish you would have known in advance which would have helped you know how to deal with the practicalities of being in labour?

We know that everyone’s birthing experience is different, but we would love to hear your story to uncover what the different misconceptions and struggles are around labour.

Everyone who shares their thoughts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks,

MNHQ

[ninetynineonehundred]

I was ok until it came to pushing
Didn't know how to do it 'right' got it hopelessly wrong and tore spectacularly.
Not fun

[Letitsnow9]

Learnt not to listen to the birth stories everyone seems compelled to tell, especially the awful ones!

[KitCat26]

Labour was awful! I remember thinking my bum would turn inside out when I was pushing and that totally put me off. There were many more interventions than I would have liked, I was on a drip, pushing against a very full bladder (no catheter) and in the end had a forceps delivery. Nothing could have prepared me and to be honest being warned prior to birth would have terrified me!

DD2 was born via elective section which was much nicer!

[boopdoop]

I had great antenatal classes, watched lots of obem, heard lots of stories from friends, but nothing quite prepared you!

I was induced, waters broken, then in the pool through to an hour if pushing, then CS as DS wasn't coming out. I actually thought that labour was ok! Yes it was painful, but the worst bit was 3-6cm sitting on a chair in a hospital bay cause of induction with just a tens machine and paracetamol. I was frustrated and it hurt. Once I was in the pool it was amazing. I found that really helped and when it came to pushing I found my body just what it needed instinctively. Whilst obviously painful etc, I found labour ok.

Our classes were great for preparing us for what would happen if things didn't go to plan, and it was incredibly helpful to us when we ended up with a CS, took a lot of the fear and uncertainty away which was great.

[MakeTeaNotWar]

I would just say don't listen to the horror stories but do educate yourself on eventualities. Try to relax and don't panic. It does hurt yes but I never thought I was going to die. Both of my labours were very quick and straightforward - 4 hours and 40 minutes so first time babies aren't necessarily marathons, mine was definitely a sprint!

[BlackeyedSusan]

first labours do not always follow the pattern of ten hours to dilate to ten cm or whatever it was. two hours plus one hour pushing.

second labours. apparently the cervix can be 1cm dilated to start anyway due to the first labour.

[Themrmen]

I had only really heard people's horror stories of births lasting 48 hours etc. I had my nct classes booked and my waters broke at 35 weeks so didn't manage to attend. I was worried as early and was expecting due to family/friends experience but when I went into labour was very quick. I had a couple of contractions at 11pm and they sent my dp home as said nothing would happen for hours, I must admit I always expected my dp to be with me during contractions but was alone, I asked for pain relief and was given a pethidone injection and told I would sleep through till morning, within an hour I knew baby was coming and called back the grumpy midwife who only examined me "as I was being silly about it" once she checked I was told to phone dp and get him back and was taken straight to labour ward as fully dialated. I was too quick for pain relief I had expected and discussed but knew when to push although my lovely labour midwife told me to hold off as room wasn't set up. Within 1 hour 35 minstrel little man arrived. So much quicker and less scary than I thought it would be and the most painful part was the injection for the stitching. I was also surprised how much energy I had after, I was showered within an hour. But I was surprised how much was instinct I knew he was coming and I knew when to push, I had a good labour and was very lucky

[LollyG01]

I had my first child 6 weeks ago and thought I was prepared for labour (I was wrong) I had read various books, heard many stories from friends who have children and I was so sure I knew what it was going to feel like and that I could handle it.

I can now report it was nothing like I imagined and a lot more painful than I thought it would be. I was lucky and dilated to 7cm in an hour and my son was born just over 6 hours later but I can honestly say it was the worst few hours of my life.

It is true that you kind of forget exactly what it's like and it was 100% worth it x

[niknoo88]

I found that in the end after months of birth plans and failed sweeps that the only person really in control is the baby. I ended up being induced at 41+5 and had a very fast labour which shocked me. Nothing could of prepared me for how quickly contractions grab hold of you. One minute I was up walking around the hospital next thing I know I'm nearly doubled over in pain. Went back to my ward to get my waters broken to discover an unusually high level of meconium in the amniotic fluid. Was rushed straight to delivery suite so they could put baby and me on a monitor neither of which stayed in place. Ended up being told they were going to go and arrange a c-section which I had not even thought about. That's when my instincts kicked in and I realised I was the only one that could get this baby out. Half an hour later I had my little girl in my arms. Delivered her with her head facing sideways and her right hand at same time as her head but delivered her myself. She tore me to shreds but I did it by myself with no surgical intervention. Much rather cope with a few (27) stitches than not be able to hold my own baby. Birth really is a very natural process even if I did have to be given a kick start

[Hopezibah]

Things only started going better when I was shown where to 'push' before that point I didn't feel any natural urge to push and I didn't feel any crowning. I still managed to push at the wrong time and get third degree tears.

I think there needs to be more recognition that not everyone will get the urge to push. I stayed home until i was fully dilated and then told the baby is coming 'now' as soon as I was in hospital. This is because i was told previously that I wasn't properly in labour - when actually i was.

[SixImpossible]

I've had three very different labours, yet all were standard, normal labours and deliveries.

Something that I did not expect was how empowered and womanly I would feel as a result. Even though the first birthing was very distressing, I nonetheless felt that I had achieved something amazing.

I was aware that a birth plan was a list of preferences, not a plan to be followed.

I felt well-prepared by my NCT and NHS classes, they were certainly very helpful. But some things I had to learn through experience.

Although we knew that we could say no to anything, it was very difficult to do so during the first labour. Everything was easier during subsequent labours, including saying no!

Something else I had to learn through experience was asking for help. If you appear to be coping you get left alone. Midwives are mostly wonderful, but they're not mind-readers. Similarly DHs!

Labour bag: the only essential during labour was a water bottle with a sports cap.

Food: may or may not want to eat during labour, but after labour, oh boy! The hunger! So pack plenty of good stuff.

Midwives love sharing celebratory post-birth chocolates.

Actually, midwives IME (apart from one midwife in all my three pregnancies) are pretty awesome people. They genuinely care how you are getting on and love meeting the babies whose mums they have looked after.

Post-birth skin-to-skin: mum was right, the minute you hold your new baby, feel their skin, smell them, make eye-contact, you begin to forget the pain of bringing them into the world.

Bring on those endorphins!

[mjmooseface]

I never wanted to be the woman screaming 'Get it out of me now' or 'I can't do this' or swearing at my husband for 'doing this to me!' etc! I was very lucky and had a very straight forward labour. I didn't have any signs of labour at all. I was just sat eating my sandwich before going to bed and 'Whoosh!' went my waters! Contractions started about 30 minutes later on the way to the hospital in a taxi!

At the hospital, I kept on saying to husband 'I really need a poo!' and I would sit on the loo and nothing would happen! Which is pretty standard for me! lol

Then, I got into my room at the hospital, and said to my husband 'No, I really need to do a poo this time!' I go and sit on the loo and then I'm shouting 'This is NOT a poo!' and my husband runs for the midwife who delightedly informs me it's my baby on the way!

So apart from thinking I needed a poo, I didn't know when to push or how to push. I didn't feel these natural urges that told me what I needed to do. But maybe that's because I knew I wasn't on my own and had a midwife to help me? If I'd been in a remote place with no help, I would hope I would be able to understand what my body was telling me to do. Instead, I just leaned on the big cushion and just listened to my midwife as she said 'Big push', 'little push', 'pant'' etc and that worked out fine! I had no issues with her gently telling me what to do whilst my back was rubbed and my husband made me laugh whispering stuff to me as I kind of guzzled on some gas and air!

I was surprised by my obviously high pain threshold. I was told to go home after being checked and only being 3cm dilated as I was 'too happy' to be in real labour - I was laughing whilst they poked me up there with whatever that thing was that made my waters break even more than they already had!

I couldn't go home so paced the hospital corridors, listened to music on my headphones, and then had a very long, hot bath - and threw up a bit - before finally going into a room and having my baby!

I over-amplified my expectations of how painful it would be. It wasn't too bad. To me. But that was just one labour. I might not be so lucky next time! I think the real trick is to take everything as it comes.

[snappycow]

I had no idea what to expect but I was illogically petrified. I have always been almost phobic of labour - cant even watch it on tv or talk about it. I avoided books, classes - everything.

I was induced after 12 days overdue. I was there for three days - got to 10cm dilated. Had an epidural. I couldn't cope with the pain. What I wasn't told and what I didn't expect was the vomiting. I vomited non stop for the three days and was severely dehydrated. I also didn't think it would take so long.

After all of that the baby turned back to back just as the epidural ran out and the pain was indescribable. I actually lay there and just wanted to die. Then i had forceps and emergency C section.

I still cry about it sometimes as I feel a bit of a failure - I also had trouble bonding with my baby.

All that being said - the care I received was absolutely wonderful and I couldn't admire midwives or any of the staff more. Everyone was so lovely, so helpful and so kind. Couldn't thank them enough (Leeds General Infirmary)

[kimnews]

I have never experienced any type of labour, as my baby was breech and we had an elective csection. I just feel that I dodged a bullet!

[gemima27]

with my first i was very sick(as in vomit) and thought something as wrong, i now know its quite common...wish i had know that! after a short labour, babys heart rate dropped and contractions faded...the emergency button was pressed and a whole team came in. A FABULOUS doctor came in and told me to put my chin on my chest and shoulders down and push....after that it was easy.
i think the main thing to remember is that the body is designed to do it...go with the flow...a birth plan is set to fail so dont give yourself the added pressure of a plan that will be broken.
After the panic in my first I dreaded my second labour, but it was all over in a couple of hours and i can honestly say I enjoyed it, I felt inpowered and so proud. I only had gas and air and when she was handed to me i just wanted to walk out of the hospital and show her to everyone!

[helcrai]

Was so disappointed that I had to have a crash Caesarian with my first daughter. I had been induced but other than horrendous hyper stimulated pains nothing happened for 8 hours. Because I was induced I don't think I had any of the usual hormones that your body produces so it felt very abnormal. Totally different with second daughter- I felt from the first labour pain that my body knew what it was doing. I had enough energy to walk around for a good few hours then wanted to retreat to a dark corner when I felt the urge to push. Went so well midwife hardly had to do anything until the last stage. Think if everything going okay you just have to go with your instincts and let your body take over. After a bad first experience I didn't set my hopes too high and was very open-minded about pain relief and what could happen. As a result I relaxed and enjoyed it.

[funkyfreks]

I think the horror stories make it worse for Mum's to be.
After all no-one likes a boring story like mine, went in hospital, gave birth everything was fine, everyone was healthy and we came home and lived happily ever after.

[cluckyhen]

Natural instinct took over with both of mine.

3 days labour with the first - no pain relief. The midwives were busy but were there when needed.

2nd time around I was already in hospital, it was that quick that I was given a length of time, it was scarier as my daughter was born in the bag and didn;t take a breath for the first 5 mins.

Was it what I expected - ye? DId it go to plan - no, my mum took over giving me no say and my husband unfortunately missed my daughter been born

[TiggersAngel7774]

i wish when midwives tell you to do things they explain why. Mine wanted me up and moving when i was 5 cm dilated she never explained it would help labour progress , we later found out my son wasnt coming straight down birth canal and contractions were sending him into my pelvis so no wonder i screamed i cant move every time she asked but i do wonder if i had got on my knees if things might of been difff

[chunkychocky]

Expect the unexpected. First time around I intended a nice natural water birth. 40 hours later after a back-to-back, arm-first, delivery and a failed epidural it didn't seem to really matter. However it left me thinking what was the point of writing a plan the second time around and that is when I had the nice natural water birth.

[strawberrisc]

Every single labour is completely different. In my experience, my water broke on Monday but I was told that I was not actually in labour. My labour did not start until the Wednesday evening and by the time I got to hospital it was too late for my longed-for epidural! I didn't have contractions, just one pain that came and stayed! Mum's must just know that there is no real pattern for a 'regular' labour and to just go with it.

[Flickabella]

The pain of labour was worse than I expected! I also didn't realise you had to push for so ,long!! I think nature just takes over and you have no choice but to push initially!!!! You do get tired thou and then that's where the midwives come to encourage you to keep going, you just want to give up. I think with hindsight I didn't realise how much you get left to it so probably should have had a few more coping strategies up my sleeve!

[BloomingOrBallooning]

I just let my body do what needed to be done. I was on labour ward due to raised bmi but the midwife dimmed the lights and stayed back unless she needed to check the baby's heart beat. My husband did a wonderful job opperating the boost button on the tens machine when i needed it. I spent as much time upright as I could to get assistance from gravity but felt i wanted to lie on my back for the birth.

I had no urges to push at all so the midwife asked me to try pushing when she felt i was ready and my 9lb 7oz ds emerged 15 mins later. Yes it hurt, but the pain was not overwhelming.

I'm just a little sad that due to my current expected twins remaining transverse I'll be in for a planned c-section this time.

[goose1964]

I was induced in all 3 of mine - it can be a long drawn out process - my 1st was 12 hrs from start to birth - my second one I was already in early labour but needed to be hurried on & my third took 3 days. Try not to scream duening second stage - put all your effort into pushing - push till you're purple!!

[Mummycherry2]

Seriously wise words from Pinter-don't be a hero!! So true, you've got to do whatever you've got to do to evict that baby.

I personally loved G&A (maybe a little too much) and would have loved it coupled with a G&T even more! Hehehe! I also loved the water birth and my biggest regret was coming out to be 'checked' which was actually have my waters artificially broken but a botched attempt which resulted in the worst pain that I've EVER felt!! If I could go back in time I would never have allowed this to happen and if I'm brave enough to have another I will do it my way unless there is a problem with the baby (which there wasn't by the way and if you can't tell I'm still really angry about it now!!!)

My advice for my best friend who gave birth a month ago now was that it wouldn't be nice but what it results in is miraculous and the most precious and perfect moment when you hold and smell your baby and know that he/she is yours. I was in a mad stupor and have forgotten most of my labour but that is the one thing I remember with absolute clarity.