Talk to MNHQ about the practicalities of labour – £50 voucher prize draw

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (which we’re VERY excited about we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

You can read every book under the sun, attend every class going, but nothing every quite matches up to experiencing labour for yourself. That’s why we’d be interested to hear from Mumsnetters who have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt (after getting meconium on it, obviously)

Following on from another thread we ran, we’d like to ask you about the practicalities of labour.
How did it compare with what you expected? Did you feel you knew how to push during labour? Did your natural instict take over, or did your natural instinct have to be coaxed out by a midwife?

As they say, hind sight is 20/20 - so is there anything you wish you would have known in advance which would have helped you know how to deal with the practicalities of being in labour?

We know that everyone’s birthing experience is different, but we would love to hear your story to uncover what the different misconceptions and struggles are around labour.

Everyone who shares their thoughts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks,

MNHQ

[AnythingNotEverything]

Both times there was an awful lot more blood than either of us was expecting. We're not too squeamish, but I can see why you hear stories of people fainting.

[WowOoo]

It was kind of what I expected. All I am sure of in retrospect is that midwives are bloody brilliant and they helped me so very much.

I did feel I wanted to do some things (like squatting) instinctively and when I did the midwives were there to help me.

I liked the phrase 'every contraction is a step closer to meeting your baby'. Helped me through the pain.

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

I was very lucky yo have a quick and easy first birth, in a birthing pool with no need for pain relief and no intervention - I totally trusted and followed my onstincts

[RugBugs]

If you're in a mlu you will only see a midwife every couple of hours.
I saw mine once when labouring with DD1, I managed to deliver whilst she was on her coffee break so she missed it.
Take any suggestions your mw makes seriously. I had a very experienced mw for DD2 and her input made such a difference.
Swigging cherry coke straight after is not a good idea.

[cruikshank]

Agree that you should be prepared to be left alone to just get on with it. I was flat on my back and on a monitor due to being deemed 'high risk' but even with that, for most of the time, the mw just wasn't there. I had prior to that had the idea that I wanted to do it on my own, but having seen how infrequently they come to see you I would say that you definitely need to have a birthing partner. And also, crucially, that you need to have a birthing partner who can stand up for you, because when you're in labour you might not be able to speak for yourself so easily. I'm not saying this to alarm anybody, but just do be aware that how you are normally will probably not apply.

Also, if you do find that you get on with gas and air, then ask for it while they stitch you up, if you need stitching. And have lots of painkillers handy for post-birth.

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

Oops! Totally followed my instincts, the urge to push was overwhelming and I did it in a completely primal way - I wasn't really present, just like an animal.

So I was shocked that the second time around I had prolonged rupture of membranes at 37 weeks and had to face my worst nightmare - induction by drip as my body just wasn't cooperating this time.

I was so afraid of the induction, of not having that natural and instinctive experience, that I sobbed and sobbed in the hospital - where I didn't want to be, the birth pool was all set up at home for me for the birth I was meant to have.

But, amazingly, the experience of induction was not what I feared it would be. I hated that it was forced, that I couldn't really trust my labour as the midwife dialled my contractions up on the drip but she was caring and supportive and made me feel like I was in control. The pain was worse than my first birth but not unbearable. This time I needed gas,and air which was good at first but quickly made me nauseous. By that time it was time to push, which terrified me and I held back. Once I gave in to it and the baby started to come, the pain lessened and it felt like an enormous effort but not an insurmountable challenge. The sun was rising outside and as the baby's head was born, the light streamed in through the window. I'll always remember that. Once the head was out, he slipped out on the next push like a little fish.

I was shocked afterwards by how it hadn't gone to plan, I had to vomit and didn't want to hold the baby immediately but I quickly felt better.

In both labours, I couldn't bear to be on my back. I had to be on all fours or kneeling. Nothing on earth could have got me to lie down whilst pushing. I also needed my husband the whole time - I can't imagine having to do it without his support.

The sense of a achievement afterwards was incredible!

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

Oh, and in an mlu I had the midwife with me all the way through (only had a 5hr labour) - she only left for a ten minute break once.

[StampyIsMyBoyfriend]

My natural instinct took over, my body just pushed - like doing a poo tbh!

It was better than I expected, I actually enjoyed it.

Gas & air is wonderful, I used it with yoga breaths, big long breath in, big long breath out.

[LegoCaltrops]

I had a bit of a bladder infection when I went into labour. Contractions not nice on a sore bladder!

Had a 29 hour labour, tried G&A, (made me feel drunk, dizzy & sick) pethidine (good but wore off after a couple of hours) & epidural (didn't work equally on both sides). Vomited several times, didn't realise that would happen! I wanted a water birth, but due to erratic blood pressure it quickly became obvious that wasn't going to happen. Ended stuck on the bed on my back, couldn't feel when to push due to the epidural.

DD wouldn't breathe for ages when she came out. I don't remember & no one told me for a few days. I don't remember much of anything for the next few hours. I feel really guilty about that.

Apparently it's not policy, at least in my local hospital, to check the placenta, it would have been helpful if they had. I might have avoided a massive PPH & spending the next day on a transfusion.

I will definitely try a TENS next time.

[ScienceRocks]

I read books and attended antenatal classes, and certainly the latter didn't cover induction, which happened to me both times. I felt I knew all the facts about pain relief options etc, but I was not prepared for:

• how short staffed it would be
• how little I would be communicated with and how abrupt and uncaring the midwives would be (I was shouted at, refused gas and air, left alone for hours, refused a glass of water and so on)
• how incredibly painful it would be
• the absolute lack of choice I would be offered.

I had two terrible labour experiences. Both were inductions, both were back to back, both had unnecessarily long second stages, both ended up as ventouse deliveries. Thankfully, only one necessitated surgery afterwards, but even that had to be re-operated on a year later. For me, it was the nhs at it's very worst - so much worse than I had ever imagined - and as I say that as someone who works in the nhs and regularly defends it to the hilt.

Never. Again.

[ScienceRocks]

Oh, and I found examinations incredibly painful, but the midwives thought I was just making a fuss and just told me that it was going to get much worse and it get on with it

[geekaMaxima]

I was surprised that natural instinct did take over, and had a very strong urge to push right when I needed to.

What I wish I had known in advance:

• that labour pains can concentrate in your back even for babies in the regular head-down, back-out position

• that, for some births, contractions NEVER become regular and, though they become closer together, can be all over the place in timing right until baby pops out. Irregular contractions do not always mean early stages of labour

[MadMonkeys]

I found labour about a million times more painful than I could possibly have imagined. Turns out I am one of those people who goes into themselves at these times. I remember with DD2 I had been in the zone on a birth ball, moaning quietly to myself for what turns out to have been hours - the mw asked me to get on the bed to examine me and I was genuinely surprised to find the lights were on and there were other people in the room when I opened my eyes.

I knew exactly when and how to push - took the mw by surprise both times.

[WarmHugs]

With my first, I was very frightened, and was led by my midwife. I kept saying I couldn't do it, I really didn't think I could push hard enough. A more senior midwife came to check on me, and told me to man up. "You WILL push this baby out, stop being ridiculous". It worked though.

With my second, I really benefitted from experience. I had a home water birth, so the midwives had to rely on me wanting to push etc, as they didn't examine me once in the water. They completely believed in me, and it was a much more positive experience!

[madamweasel]

I was surprised that contractions were not as bad as I'd expected, that I waited at home for 6 hours in the early stages whilst they got more frequent until we decided to go to hospital. When I got there I was 9cm and the mw was surprised that I wasn't complaining more about the pain.

DS was stuck and ended up needed forceps.

Recovery from stitches was horrific due to infection, took weeks to heal and ended up with needing corrective surgery when DS was 3 months.

Went to NCT classes, read the books (including mumsnet guide to pregnancy and babies) and no one mentioned how difficult physically recovering from birth could be. I was shell shocked. I expected to be back to normal in days, it took me months!!!

Oh, and no sex for months either doesn't make you feel better emotionally either

[petalsandstars]

I was not prepared for how much it hurt (contractions and pushing the head out- had a tear) and it would have been helpful to be explicitly told that it's the same muscles for pushing as it is when you poo. As I was half holding back as I didn't realise that that was the baby - not a bowel movement.

Labouring naturally was more relaxing in a pool and I could manage the contractions- I didn't realise when I was ready to push though- zoned out almost, but no-one warned me that induced labours can be faster and more intense - I felt very out of control the second time and not aware of what was going on.

[JeanetteDanielsBenziger]

I had geared myself up for complete horror. Read heaps of birth stories and watched countless videos, basically scared myself stupid.

I read advice to do perinael massage and drink raspberry leaf tea towards the end. I feel that both of these helped, had a fast 2nd stage and no tearing whatsoever.

I was very lucky I think, was already around 7cm dilated when arrived at the hospital at 4.10pm and gave birth at 4.53pm. Pain was nowhere near as bad as I expected, but maybe that is because I had built it up to be this horrendous ordeal iyswim. I would say my natural instinct was coached by the midwife and doctor present, my instinct was to just do big breaths whereas they advised short breaths. (Didn't go to any classes so maybe I should have known that)

My 2nd birth was exactly the same so I knew what I was doing, which was just as well really as we were pretty much abandoned until 10/20 mins before I had him.

[DrankSangriaInThePark]

Was convinced the pain wouldn't be as bad as everyone says and I would sail through by panting and sniffing lavender oil.....it was far worse than I imagined until I had the epidural (the greatest ever invention imo) after that I just did what the doctors told me and actively enjoyed the painless last bit. My advice to anyone would be not to go on suffering just to say you gave birth with no intervention but in agony.....just ask for the drugs. Who cares as long as the baby gets out!

[GingerRodgers]

Everything I wanted to happen went out of the window after I'd been in labour for three days! I was beyond exhausted and so overwhelmed by the pain. I honestly hadn't known it would be that bad. I do wonder if I'd have coped more and been more in control if I'd not been as tired? Obviously I'll never know.
It has left me very worried about the imminent Birth of dc2. I really would like things to go differently this time.

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

I didn't know that I was in labour! I'd been induced and told to expect some prostin pains so I assumed that was what I was having!

I got to 9cms before the MW examined me and put me right! I loved the gas and air too much - I was sprawled in the bed like a drunken lush until the MW confiscated it! Once I was told to stop being so noisy and push into my bottom I was fine. Think I'd seen too many films with noisy women screaming throughout their labours! I had an internal tear with him (cord was around his neck and MW had to unwind it while he was still inside me) so ended up in theatre afterwards to be stitched up. I would advocate having someone with you when the procedure is being explained and consent taken as I honestly cannot remember any of that. Definitely ask for PR analgesia while the spinal anaesthetic is still working - it's amazingly effective.

I did a lot of the early stages of labour with ds2 in softplay with ds1 with my TENS machine on. It suddenly ramped up a level so we made a swift exit, booted ds1 out at FIL's and made it to hospital 5 minutes before ds2 arrived. The MW didn't get much chance to have any input with him, she was hoping for a quiet last hour of her shift I think!

[Bert2e]

Gas and Air is fabulous - especially with full yoga breaths as Stampy said! I could also have done with DH being more assertive both times to get the MW to understand what I wanted but I think he was too shell shocked. Second time was much better than the first - if I'd have known I'd have had a home birth :-)

[NK5BM3]

I had a planned c section with dc1 as had placenta Praevia 4. It was great, very calm and all done and dusted in an hour. Of course the pain was horrendous but no experience of labour at all.

Dc2 was a vbac and I wish the mw read my notes and listened to me even though I kept saying id never labored before and didn't know how to and btw I have a c section scar as well. Dc2 came after 5 days in labour/pre labour/whatever and had ventouse and landed in Scbu having swallowed some meconium on her way out. 8pound10 baby from a 5ft3 size 8 mum with very narrow pelvis (I have size 3 feet). Oh and no female in my family line has given birth naturally.... (So v proud...).

[Blondieminx]

I was amazed at how primal it all was, I am really not the earth mother type but it was like my body just knew what to do. Was quite taken aback by the need to push tbh!

NCT teacher said to go in once you felt like you needed stronger drugs, I got to 8cm at home then went in. Gas and air was wonderful! I laboured mostly on my hands and knees. Had lovely student midwife in with us. It was all very chilled till (i) delivery of the placenta & (ii) I blacked out in the shower post birth and had to spent 24 hours on the ward while my BP thought about coming up from my boots!

[MakeTeaNotWar]

Instinct did kick in in the sense that I wanted to move around, an uncontrollable urge to push. I was surprised by after pains after my second was born. I wish people spoke more about how fast first labours can be, they're not all 36 hour marathons