Talk to MNHQ about the practicalities of labour – £50 voucher prize draw

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (which we’re VERY excited about we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

You can read every book under the sun, attend every class going, but nothing every quite matches up to experiencing labour for yourself. That’s why we’d be interested to hear from Mumsnetters who have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt (after getting meconium on it, obviously)

Following on from another thread we ran, we’d like to ask you about the practicalities of labour.
How did it compare with what you expected? Did you feel you knew how to push during labour? Did your natural instict take over, or did your natural instinct have to be coaxed out by a midwife?

As they say, hind sight is 20/20 - so is there anything you wish you would have known in advance which would have helped you know how to deal with the practicalities of being in labour?

We know that everyone’s birthing experience is different, but we would love to hear your story to uncover what the different misconceptions and struggles are around labour.

Everyone who shares their thoughts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks,

MNHQ

I had no plan as such, I just briefed DH and my mum on the definite no's. consultant had said no stirrups as I have hip problem etc.

It meant they dealt with it when stirrups arrived after a prolonged pushing period and I could just get on with it.

I was on my back, I knew I shouldn't be so tried to get into other positions but just couldn't physically do it. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to hold myself up.

Gas and air just made me throw up. I was so disappointed!

Actually - does anyone know - if G&A made me throw up the first time, will it be the same next time as well? Or is it worth trying it again?

Worth trying again poofus because I loved has and air first time round and this time it made me sick as a dog!! Give it a shot, if it's making you feel ill then stop and a few deep breaths of normal air and the feeling should pass, before you have time to start being sick!

You go into labour and you think you know what to expect but nothing can prepare you for what actually goes on.

With both labours I shocked the midwives by how dilated I was when I arrived at hospital, clearly not all women react in the same way so just because someone can have a conversation with you shouldn't be the only basis for you saying "now I'm sure I'm going to be sending you home but we'll have a little look", thanks for that I nearly gave birth walking down the corridor to delivery suite.

The pain was as I imagined and yet both times were completely different, I think the first labour was more painful but thinking back could it have been the fear of the unknown heightening them. With labour number two I literally didn't have a minute to think before she was there in my arms.

Until it happens you don't know how you will react under pressure, I remember in my second labour everything just started happening, one minute I'm seven centimetres and walking down to delivery the next Ive felt her head drop down, I'm on a bed being told we can't feel baby moving or hear a heart beat (they didn't tell me at the time but afterwards that the cord was also around babies neck) we need her out, you need an episiotomy there isn't time for the anaesthetic to kick in, are we still ok to go ahead. I remember the conviction with which I said the words "cut me now", in that second I didn't care what they had to do to me I wanted my baby girl out and safe.

As for the pushing both times, the first much stronger, I had absolutely no control over my stomach muscles, one minute it was a contraction the next you could actually see it happening they were moving across and down and literally trying to force the baby out, it was the oddest feeling I've ever had in my life.

I have to admit that after my second labour the stitching up was more painful than the labour itself, the midwife was schlepping me around like a piece a meat and quite honestly I wanted to slap her. You think here I am just done this amazing thing were all ok and your going at me like you would stuff a Christmas Turkey. An although she could see I was in pain she kept saying in a rather angry tone put you bottom down as I flinched in pain, nice.

My birth plan couldn't have been more different than how my labour actually turned out. I was quite stubborn about what I wanted but if I could go back in time I would advise myself to just go with the flow. Not sure I will do a birth plan next time x

I don't suppose it was what I'd expected the first time. I'm not sure you can ever really prepare for labour if you've never experienced it before.

I'm quite a confident and instinctive person, however I found it very difficult to follow my natural instincts during labour and relied very heavily on the support of the midwifes. This was probably driven by fear and the feeling of loss of control. I have had 5 DC and although with each labour I have been more able to 'finely tune' my ideal experience, when it's come to the crunch, I've not been able to achieve this.

My first labour was far easier than I had expected. There was no "urge to push" as such, there was only pushing. I didn't have to do anything, it all just happened. I was able to manage the pain with breathing and the birthing pool. It wasn't idyllic, quite - I vomited a few times, and was making quite a noise - but it was certainly not hard work for me. I wish I'd known how easy it was going to be - I'd have been a lot less worried!

Interesting question about instinct taking over or being brought out by a midwife - one of the most helpful things my midwife said was to try not to scream in a high-pitched, upwards sort of way, but to groan in a low-pitched, focusing downwards sort of way. (She demonstrated, which doubtless made more sense than my description!) I don't think that this would have been instinctive, but I think it really helped.

I didn't expect to be so exhausted by the end of it all, I very nearly didn't manage it on my own, after syntocinon, and an epidural, neither of which I wanted I still wasn't dilated enough after 24 hours, they broke my waters, and I went from 2 to 10cm dilated in an hour! This was despite my waters already having broken the night before!

I wish I'd known to insist I was properly examined after the first waters broke. I was desperate to avoid forceps or ventouse, and managed to give birth on my own just as they were brandishing the tray of instruments!

practicalities of labour: ds1 was heralded by a wee, ds2 was heralded by a poo. Now if that isn't too much information I don't know what would be

when i had my first child 15 years ago, i read every book on labour, i went to antenatal classes and spoke to friends for their feedback but i found that nothing i learned before birth actually helped. I had a long labour went in wed night and she was born friday lunch, I was very distressed by long labour and then i had no energy to push her, the monitor showed she was in distress and i was surrounded by nurses and technitions ready to prep me for emergency section, they first tried a forceps and succeeded, i was just relieved that she was out, never once thought about what i had intended.
2nd time i was induced and that was my worst labour. i just went with my natural instinct.

3rd time was the best and quick, and 4th time was long again, but i did not bother with a birth plan because i dont believe it actually helps, just go with your natural instinct.

Labour was a lot more painful than I expected, and longer. One thing I wish someone had told me was the sensation of when you need to push. They kept saying when you feel pressure down there you will be ready to push. I didn't understand this. If someone had said' You are going to feel like you need a giant poo' I think I would have grasped it a lot sooner. Lol

I don't really know if my natural instincts took over, I was in too much pain. Lol

I didn't find the classes particularly useful, and didn't really have time to prepare a plan. 7 weeks early, I felt a trickle an wasn't sure if I was weeing or not! I went to hospital anyway and they kept me as a precaution and it was late, about 2am. I started getting bad pains, all in my back and throughout the night I was checked and told I wasn't in labour. At 8.25 I felt the urge to push, instinct kicked in and the nurses were shocked to find me fully dilated. 10 minutes later, with the midwives holding my hand, as it all happened so quickly, my little boy was here! The midwives were amazing and so supportive as they encouraged me and talked me through, as no one else had time to get there.

With my first labour I knew instinctively when to push although the midwife did guide me with her hands as to where exactly to push and this was really helpful. With my second labour I was told when to push as I had had a spinal block. The midwives told me I did really well - although of course I don't know! I found it much easier when the midwife was right next to me pushing me on, a bit like exercising with a personal trainer when you can't slack with them watching over you.

I didn't do a birth plan because I really didn't want to face up to the "what if this happens" questions. I spoke to the midwives and told them I would be guided by them and luckily all of ny midwives were fabulous. Labour was a lot longer than I thought. I had thought I would be moving about but my brain went into sleepy mode and I didn't remember anything until after the birth.

I used 'gas and air' with each of my 4 births and loved it but it did make me a little spaced out. From no 2 onwards I needed to tell the midwife that she would need to tell me everything twice because I would be in my own little world.

Trust yourself and make yourself heard! Some people have text book labours, some don't.

DC1 in hospital: "you're barely in labour, you're not coping, you have to have meptid (I'd refused pethidene and hadn't wanted anything), your baby isn't ready to make a move anytime soon" at 4:30am so I hgve in because they panicked me and there was no way I was going to cope with another ten hours at least of what I was going through. Baby born at 8.46am, almost in ward because they didn't listen when I said I was pushing. Husband made them listen when I started pooing...

DC2 (planned home birth): v experienced, v nice midwife at 7pm examined me after a day of contractions and gave me a sweep, patted my knee and said "barely 2cm dilated and you've had one already so that's just normal, we won't be seeing you again until the morning at the earliest". Called them back at 10pm, was told on phone that I only thought I wanted to push because baby was back to back but they'd come to reassure me. Midwife arrives 10:20, sends hubby back down to blow up pool because we have lots of time, I literally scream at her to get him back up NOW, she tries to calm me down and reassures me I am not in labour and wants me to lie down do she can examine me, in the end, she vaguely gets near me, feels head, puts monitor on my bump and says "baby distressed, we need to get it out" so I push, baby born 10:39pm, shell shocked so not breathing so two ambulances turn up by which time she's fine and screaming and I'm stark bollock naked introducing her to four ambulance crew.... Told you I was in labour, love!!!

DC3 (planned home birth): Had unexplained bleed after ~6 hours of contractions so, very sensibly and responsibly, go in to be examined. Examined by midwife and obstetrician at 5:30am, "not in labour, no contractions showing on monitor (no f'ing clue what they thought I was groaning about then), keep you in for 24hrs, then you can go home". Hubby and I swear I am in labour, this is DC3, we have done it twice before, this is what happens, they say "no". Hubby looks at me, at clock and says "8:30am?", I say "8am". Staff look at us like we're crazy. They try to transfer me to observation ward. I refuse and get in bath (splattered with someone else's blood up side and up loo but never mind...) and DC3 born in bath at 7.19am. I was NOT mature and once I'd checked sex, fingers and toes was heard to say "you will tell that obstetrician man that I was right, won't you? He said I wasn't anywhere close to labour less than two hours ago!!" to the midwife.

For DC4, we will be very very very forceful. I do it my way (3 out of 3 back to back, they turn the wrong way in labour apparently because they're the right way round beforehand). It's the only time I think I'd like to be on OBEM, just to show that sometimes, they have no clue and Mums are right!

To be fair, once the midwives realise I am right and they are wrong, most have been great and their advice (drop your shoulders!) and reassurance is bang on. I just wish they'd realise I was right earlier on!!!

First baby, spontaneous labour but very early. Six cm dilated with just a bit of backache when I turned up at hospital, no idea I was in labour! But emergency c section due being only 34 weeks.

Second baby overdue. Hypnobirthed in a birthing pool. Back to back. Far more painful. Gas and air in last 30 minutes.

With hindsight- I would not use essential oils in labour. Intensified everything immediately regretted using them instantly.

My labours were all very quick - including the first one. My waters broke, but my labour had not started, however, I went to the hospital, but I was very glad I did, because within 2 hours the pain started, and then my daughter was born in another hour ! It was all too quick to have anything but gas and air. Although the pain was intense, my intention from the beginning was to try as far as possible to do it naturally, and when I couldn't bear it any more, and asked for some more pain relief, the midwife said I was too far gone to be given any. I think people should try to go with a calm, relaxed and positive attitude as far as possible.

I wished I had spent last time banging on about birth plans, labour and all that goes with it and more time focusing upon actually being a parent and the practicalities of that. Ante natal classes (a lot of them) are so orientated to pregnancy and delivery to the degree that parents are left absolutely ill prepared for the next fifty or so years of having children.

Priorities need changing. Maybe we'd have better post natal care and less PND if we were more prepared and better looked after then.

I can't say either of my births went either how I expected or wanted. DD was an emergency c-section which probably saved her life and maybe mine, but left me feeling very low. I was always happy she was safe, but it was a frightening end to a difficult pregnancy.

My second birth had to be monitored because of the way the first one went. I thought I was going to object to feeling restricted but actually it didn't bother me in the end. I didn't even thin about it. I handled the pain well until, at one point the baby's heart was slowing and it looked like another c-section. I was administered pethedine to either help me sleep or speed up labour. Probably this was a sensible measure but it seemed to mean that I lost all control of the pain and ended up having an epidural. I somewhat regret that, but I dod get to VBAC, which I am very happy about.

So, neither the perfect birth from a film, but I am happy enough with what happened and how I was treated and I am satisfied that medical staff did what they felt to be necessary medically.

I thought I was prepared for labour, I knew it was going to hurt and I was pretty easy going about what ever was going to happen. In reality, I was totally unprepared!

I went into labour on my due date first of all - the only day I wasn't actually expecting to give birth because statistically it's so uncommon! I woke with bleeding so called the hospital and they wanted me to go in. By time I arrived an hour later I couldn't walk or talk with the pain, but assumed I was early on and I just wasn't coping, as it was only an hour into things.

I felt this urge to poo, which I knew in my head meant the baby was coming, but I just didn't know what to do with that feeling. I was in total shock that things were happening so quickly - it felt utterly surreal.

They quickly realised that ds was struggling and stuck. I had an episiotomy and keloid forceps with no pain relief at all (they wouldn't even let me try the gas and air as they said it would distract me!) I remember screaming, and thinking, god I wouldn't normally say boo to a goose, this is crazy that I just don't care. It was like it was happening to someone else!

Ds was born within 4 hours of me waking up and having blood in my pants when I went to the loo. It was nothing like the first labour I expected and it totally threw me - it meant I doubted what was happening at every stage of the proceedings.

I didn't know I was allowed to push until I thought I really must ask the midwife and she said 'of course, whenever you feel you need to!' I had needed to push for about 10 minutes. On TV they are always being told not to push yet so I didn't realise that I was allowed!

I went +11days so got induced. wish that I'd read more about inductions and what to expect.
Sytocin drip for 14 hours was hard work. I was sick before the pushing bit began...then my body took over and I was so strong... back to back, face first, plus an arm...3rd degree tear and an episiotomy. just joyful though. until they didn't get all of my placenta and I needed 2 further ops...

the joy of labour is the unexpected. it's unplannable, and you react to the madness! be open minded. be ready for anything.
after that I had 2 cs - just as hard in different ways.. it's not the easy option

interesting Mignonette I completely agree. although I loathe HV

Labour one

Two weeks overdue. Fine and what I expected ( very painful but within realms of manageable) until I had the syntocinin drip. After this confined to bed, very very painful contraction for a long period of time. Eventually had an epidural which was very effective for pain relief, allowed me to rest a bit, recover from the 48 hours of labour aid already had!! Felt well cared for.

Still had some sensation in my lower half, but had no urge to push, pushed ineffectivelt for about an hour until a senior midwife came along and suggested the midwives get me into a rather undignified but more effective labouring position. DS born soon after. Felt great after!!

Labour two

4 days overdue. Went into labour naturally. Progressed much quicker. Had to have IV antibiotics due to group B strep which I found anxiety provoking. Nearly dint get the two doses due to the unit being so busy.

Only pain relief was g and a. Laboured well with minimal awareness of what was going on around me. Hot a bit panicky during transition due to the I case in pain, demanded an epidural but told by the time they got the anaesthetist to me I would have delivered.

Suddenly felt DS descend down the birth canal, very strange and unexpected as had not felt this at all with Ds one. Very primal. Body pushing with no conscious effort from myself!! Told the midwives, asked to get on bed by which time he was nearly out all by himself!!

Felt quite angry after this birth due to the pain and to my shame refused to hold Ds for a while. Couldn't stand up straight for four days after birth due to total loss of strength in my back and stomach muscles, maybe due to sudden and huge unconscious effort of the pushing reflex??

Struggled more straight after birth of after DS 2 as couldn't physically manage him well on the on ward, found it really hard to lift him etc. staff on postnatal trying their best but completely overrun, d/c by the next afternoon. Didn't feel ready to leave hospital bleeding heavily and feeling really week. Not blaming the staff tho as not enough beds or staff and both DS and myself were essentially healthy.

Also the policy of the Pn ward had changed by birth of DS 2 and my Mum was not allowed to come up and help me have a bath, as she did for Ds1. A bit of a bummer as no staff to help me do this!!