The Goose and Carrot Thread

[hibernatinghedgehog]

Everyone is welcome. The thread is deleted after 90 days.

Drspouse remembering DS and holding you all in my thoughts this evening and overnight.

Thank you, we are having a quiet evening with DD out trick or treating and a friend answering the door to children.
I'm intermittently feeling like I CANNOT do anything which is awkward when DD is needing something and DH is also having a go slow.
The first few days I couldn't seem to regulate my temperature.
People are being really kind. We set up a fundraiser and loads of people have donated and people are offering to send us Lego. I have tended to feel a bit isolated in previous years but everyone that's probably coming to the funeral (lots) is someone who's known him rather than just us. That possibly completely nonsense but anyway.

I'm looking at people's Halloween pictures on FB and getting very sad at pictures of two child families.
I have a lot of friends with an only child but I don't know how to do this. I don't just mean losing DS but the whole just one child thing as I didn't grow up like that either.

@drspouse - do you think grief counselling would help? You have had a lot of grief within a short time. Maybe it could help you to come to terms with a one child family eventually?

I am worried about DD1. Apparently her liver function blood tests are deranged. This isn’t the first one. Her consultant neurologist said, it was fatty liver disease; but the GP rang me up yesterday with the results of the ultrasound scan. It didn’t show fatty liver disease, although it did show gall stones! I am not happy, she is on five AEDs, two laxatives, iron, multivitamins and a high dose of vitamin B3. In my lay opinion, it’s too much!

Luckily, we are seeing the metabolic team next week. I don’t think it’s their department really, but I’ll see what they say.

The GP agreed to refer her to a liver and gallbladder consultant for a face to face conversation; but that could take months?

Drspouse are you managing to drink and eat at least a little?

It is hard when you are exhausted and overwhelmed but other DC need you and need some resemblance of structure/routine. Sometimes you just can’t be everything to everyone that needs you. And that’s OK. You shouldn’t feel awkward. Although I know that me saying that won’t change how you feel. You are doing your best in circumstances that no-one should have to walk. You can’t do any more than that. I know DD has spent time with some friends, but do you have other friends who DD can spend some time with?

Try not to think too far ahead. One moment at a time. Nothing will be the same. The dynamic will change, and there will always be a DS sized hole, but you will do this. Not in the sense that you will ‘get over your grief’ or ‘move on’ or forget, that will never happen, but in the sense you will get through today, then tomorrow then the day after and so on both in general and in terms of parenting DD and it won’t always feel this overwhelming.

From your posts here, DS was well loved by many.

IMO, it is too soon for counselling even if that is something you would want to do at some point.

@NightHeron I’m sorry DD1’s bloods aren’t good. Some AEDs can cause deranged LFTs or worsen deranged numbers, could that be playing a part?

Yes, she is on a new drug, cenobamate. It can affect liver function tests; and rarely severe liver injury. The European Medicine Agency (or something) has warned about this, suggesting regular liver function tests and stopping the drug, if it causes liver injury. I only found out about this yesterday, when I Googled it, after expressing my concerns to the GP.

Then, there’s the question of - when DD1 complains of tummy ache, as she has been recently, but which could be anywhere in the abdomen, does she mean the gallstones? Or, are they asymptomatic and something else is bothering her? She can call hunger “tummy ache”! We and the house have got to keep a diary to see if it’s before or after meals.

I’ve been thinking of you @drspouse and your family. Keep going, everything you describe is understandable and I hope you know just getting through the days is enough. I’m not at all surprised people are coming to the funeral, I’ve listened to your descriptions of ds over the years and he was a remarkable young man. I know we would all be with you if we could.

Thanks @hibernatinghedgehog for opening up.

@lougle can I pick your brain? IIRC you have been a governor at both primary and special school? If that’s right, can I ask you about any differences between the two, particularly if there was a difference in the time commitment?

Thanks @hibernatinghedgehog for the new thread.

I'm so sorry @drspouse and thinking of you all. I am glad people are being kind. It will be hard seeing other children who remind you of DS. I don't know if there's a way for you and DH to have time out from time to time somewhere adults only like a spa whilst someone else has DD. Obviously nothing will take the pain and loss away but having time to breathe and time where you can chat to your DH freely might help a tiny bit.

Got the garden and chickens coop done yesterday. Was hoping to get the PIP form off today and DH had one task to keep one letter safe but he lost it. However, I have at least done all the form and everything else and its printed and in an envelope waiting for DH to find this letter. We have until 5th and will send it next day by 1pm service but hopefully have plumbers and electricians in Mon and Tues and possibly Wednesday.

I went to a university subject reunion tonight for my former professors retirement and he remembered my name and recognised me, was amusing they had organised this dinner - drinks with the Master in his lodge and then a black tie dinner on Halloween without realising so there was this posh dinner and outside lots of students dressed up in Halloween outfits. Anyway it was no partners so DH came home and continued his all day search for very important letter and told me he hadn't found the letter but had found a similar letter. But there only is one letter so think it is it. So hopefully we can get it copied and posted very soon.

And the emergency UHT milk came in useful as whilst I was out DS drank all the other milk as he's hot chocolate crazy at the moment. It was hard to get non alcohol drinks there and normally I never drink so I definitely need this tea.

@drspouse of course you can't do this. What even is this? It would be wrong if you could do it. But you will. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Week by week. Month by month This is going to be a year of firsts. You'll go over those last few hours, time and time again, wondering if there was anything you could have done. There wasn't. You did everything. You had DS in hospital. You'd slept beside him. You were his Mum. Allow yourself to be a mess. It's allowed. It's right. We were privileged to know DS through you and even though we only knew him as 'Drspouse's DS', we watched him grow up through the years.

@hibernatinghedgehog yes, I've been a governor at both secondary and primary special schools, and infant and primary mainstream schools. Time commitment varies depending on your role and how deeply you're willing commit to it. The focus tends to be different in special school - much more focus on getting the whole environment right and constant changing from year to year to meet the needs of cohorts as they come through. Mainstream was much less detailed and steady. I much preferred special. I was also a parent governor in the primary special, so that gave a different perspective.

@NightHeron that's hard and worrying. I have similar issues with pain identification and DD1. She also says she feels sick, then that she feels hungry, so we've worked out that sick doesn't necessarily mean nauseous, but she can't tell us.

@ViolaCat I hope the letter appears. How lovely that your professor remembers you.

I've got stabbing chest pain. I've had a horrible virus since last Sunday which has knocked me for six, plus conjunctivitis. It's probably pericarditis or costochondritis, but I'm wondering if I should get it checked. I don't really want to because it would mean going to A&E. But it does go to my neck and shoulder, so I probably shouldn't be an idiot and get it checked. I'm feeling petulant.

@Lougle sorry you are feeling unwell. I hope you are now in or on your way to A&E. If you are not, you should be! Please go. Now.

Thank you. I was previously a governor at two primary MS. Now I have been approached about a special school. Not sure I have the energy or time. I said I will think about it.

Thanks for opening up the pub @hibernatinghedgehog.

Continuing to think about you @drspouse and your family. I hope the Lego flowers bring comfort along with your church community at this unbearable time.

@Lougle I hope you have had some rest all I can say is I hugely sympathise that DH & I have both had weeks of fighting whatever this horrid virus is and been really impacted by it. We still have snotty colds now lingering & this is wk4. I hope the pain eased or you were able to seek further medical help.

@Lougle just go. A stitch in time.

We have plumbers in all day today and I can hear them arriving outside. I’m REALLY not in the mood.

We are really hoping that DD2 avoids the virus / winter hugs that have got DH & I as she has two exam papers this week. When we booked these I didn’t really think about the increase chance of winter bugs about. It’s her strongest subject so I do so hope it goes well for her confidence in believing in herself. The next two papers the following weeks she’s struggling with but should scrape a pass as she’s hyper focused revising the last few weeks much to my surprise. After visiting the 6th form college she would like to try it’s really focused her determination.

All done. They think the viral illness has got a bacterial edge. So antibiotics and pain relief.

Glad you have antibiotics and hope they kick in quickly @Lougle

We have located the letter and scanned it and added it to PIP evidence so everything is ready in an envelope ready to post. DH said its great that's done, lovely to have nothing to do now. I then reminded him we have downstairs bathroom and a new summerhouse to do /old one to take down over the next week if everyone runs to schedule.

I am jealous of your plumbers @SunriseSunsetz We are desperately trying to get ours to come though if he does come tomorrow at 7.30am I'll probably argh this is early. Though its the electricians on Tues and maybe Wed who will cut off electrics they've said from 2 hours to 2 days that I am less keen on. Lovely boys but I like my heating. Though if plumber doesn't turn up again tomorrow we will have to push electrics back which will clash with shed.

@Lougle I’m glad you have been seen and have abx. I hope the pain has eased.

@Woolyhatson I’m sorry you and DH have also been unwell. Good luck to DD.

@ViolaCat it is you have found the letter and can get the form sent off.

DD1 was in a state earlier because Swashbuckle isn't available except series 7. She was bereft and couldn't understand why they wouldn't warn us that they were going to delete it. She's definitely getting my virus.

DD2 has also been in tears because the pain, nausea and low-grade temperature were back. Heart rate 130 at rest. She's panicking that she'll fail her course through non-attendance. But she's only a week post op and she's still very bruised, etc.

After being low and flat all week, DD3 was a bit better today. It turns out that she had not been taking her medication. Hopefully she'll skip the virus because she hates missing school.

Thanks @hibernatinghedgehog

Sorry about DD1 and DD2 @Lougle Glad DD3 was a bit better.

PIP form has been sent with everything in it to get there next day by 1pm special delivery, glad to have that off though the Post Office £2 envelope would not seal so had to use Sellotape.

Summerhouse has been confirmed as arriving on time so we will have old shed to take down end of this week.

In theory the plumber should be here now but he isn't yet but last night said would be here at 11am today though said around which may have been the key word in that sentence. Electricians in tomorrow and plumbing needs to be done first. Then we have the tiling and I will also give another coat of paint but think we may go for a colour - white looks great in the cupboard but looks quite sterile in the room though will see again when bath is in and maybe picture tiles. We already have pale blue in two rooms so not that. I like lavender grey but DH will probably veto as a girl colour but I think DS likes girl colours.

2 plumbers now here and DH has agreed to lavender grey after a bit of humming and arring.

Drspouse you all remain in my thoughts. Did DD go back to school today, or is she having longer off? No right answer, and you don’t have to answer at all if you don’t want to.

@Lougle I’m sorry DD1 has caught your virus and DD2 isn’t feeling great. I hope it doesn’t knock DD1 too much and that DD2 can be reassured about college.

@ViolaCat I’m glad the plumbers turned up, and you have agreed on the paint colour. I’m afraid I don’t buy into girl and boy colours.

Our dishwasher is broken.

@ViolaCat hooray for agreement on paint colours!

@hibernatinghedgehog oh no - fixable or do you need a new one?

Sorry your dishwasher is broken @hibernatinghedgehog Ours is also not functioning properly but must be worse for you with more people. Do you know what is wrong? Ours wasn't heating or rinsing - I have deep cleaned everything including all the filters with cif and put 2 cleaning things in and its much cleaner and better but still not right. Though the new parts cost I am not sure its worth it.

2 plumbers are working away though they were telling DH to have the taps at the end away from drain and the electrics at the end away from electrics which makes no sense to me so told them the other way round. I think its a bit more work for them but otherwise its more work for electricians and means electrics under bath which I don't want. Around 11am turned out to be 1.15pm. DS is cooperating well. Though I didn't realise they had water off, they told DH but he forgot to mention it.