The Goose & Carrot Pub

[RedRegular]

A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain sorry your back has gone just before a lovely surprise. Hope DD2 completes her shenanigans quickly and peace is restored.

Hope you can still go to Greece and have a lovely birthday and holiday @BlueandWhitePorcelain

Still on sheds here but DH has made some decisions which is a world first. He has ruled out the sheds with flat roofs and gardens on them and asked me to get quotes for the posh ones with thatch, shingles or clay tiles and says he wants that company and not to get others. Awaiting quotes. Not sure what the financing arrangement is but he seemed happy with it being £15k or so so we will see how we split it between us.

@Tulipandmagnolia could Ds contribute? How exciting.

ds has flooded the bathroom and kitchen underneath…..he is beside himself and has decided (soft as butter dh) will kill him. We have been through terror and are moving into bolshy stomping. I think it will be very expensive. [sigh]

Sorry to hear that @Zeonlywayisup We had the same before other than our DS wasn't that bothered, he put towels down. Its difficult though some people suggested using insurance but in our case we are very difficult to get insurance as thatched and it was also a bit different to an accident. The bathroom floor repair plus kitchen repair plus repair of hole he made in living room wall was £1,600 but we also ended up with a whole new bathroom which was another £6,500 on top but we did need a new bathroom anyway, old one was probably 30 years old though hadn't been used much before we got the house. We paid for new bathroom and used PIP/UC for repairing the damage DS caused costs.

As we are appointee for PIP / UC its possible we could use some towards the shed but I need to discuss with DH and have a think about what would be fair. DSs PIP is also up for review from next month so we don't know how long he will have it for. We may pay it all ourselves but think we are unlikely to get it back on house sale. Its hard without being able to discuss with DS but DS would never spend any money ever if up to him, he used to ask me to refuse to pay £1 for the school charity days or any trip costing over £4. Christmas money he would take to about August and a lot of pushing to spend any ever and often would just ask for it saved.

Is the new shed going to be for ds’s sole use? If so you could just get him to contribute a named amount per month to cover heating it and the cost of building it over x years. If you are going to have floor space in it then split it.

Its mainly going to be for him but we will store lawnmower, garden and DIY tools and some chicken bedding in there. So he will have maybe 70%-80%. He also has a habit of chucking things he doesn't want out and extending his territory though he loves garden and DIY tools and silkies. I think it will be insulated and thatched so may not need heating (he chucks out heaters and has boiler off). But yes could do a monthly clawback as long as he has benefits and uses it. I am awaiting costs and will discuss with DH but research I am doing seems to suggest they don't add to property value. I find it more difficult though as its a fixed thing and no input from DS other than we know he loves sheds and hates spending money. But there's little else he wants, we use to pay for the cleaner as its largely cleaning after him, and take his fruit and toiletries out of it.

We have a fruit fund too. I think your ds can’t make a good plan for himself so you must do your best based on your best guess as to what will help. I fail to see how anyone could suggest he doesn’t get pip.

@Tulipandmagnolia i think £15k is a reasonable price. It might not add like for like value to the house but it might help the sale when the time comes as who wouldn’t fall in love with it.

@Zeonlywayisup oh no! Have you had your electrics secured?

He should be really safe on pip due to communication but its just he won't let anyone other than us near him but we have historic evidence.

I do try and do what I think best for DS but its difficult knowing for someone else especially with him being non-verbal. He does clearly really love the shed and I know from before he loves tiny houses. And he doesn't love floor to roof windows. So I am pretty happy on design. And he needs something robust. The only thing am not sure about is the roof but I am getting quotes for 3 roof types so we can see how much different roofs cost. The only one he could go on we ruled out as was flat and had like turf on top and I don't want to encourage him to go on a roof and I think with him that could easily end us as mud. Plus all the ones they showed us had the windows he disliked and looked modern and not in keeping. But we have 3 roof types now to choose from. Prettiest is the thatch, I know cedar shingles (red) are cheaper, not sure about clay tiles (also reddish). Will see difference in cost. DS absolutely loved our thatched cottage when we bought it, went round every room saying I love it, I love it and same with garden and didn't have that reaction to any other house. I never really asked him about thatch, well I told him once the age of our house and he was really shocked and said he thought it was a modern copy. DH isn't sure on thatch but loves thatch. We also need to check what fits in space, but they will come out and see that. Not sure how much different roofs stick out.

For the bathroom leak we found it very useful to use a dehumidifier. We got one for about £100 and they do help. It takes a week or so.

Thanks @RedRegular I think the prices they charge are reasonable - not had quote yet but places selling often put online you'll get your money back but surveyors seem to say not. Its a shaded area of the garden so not much else could do with that area and will be in proportion. It may help sell it. People do love gardens here. To get a good value on our house we really need the bedroom plan approved but first free talk they said no. Though at the moment the housing market is dire. We don't have a mortgage so its fine especially as will stay here a few years more at least, possibly will not move at all.

I think a solid well insulated garden room is very desirable but not worth doing unless you are staying for at least 5 years.

This is a thatch one being built and the cedar shingle roof one. I would imagine we will be here 5 years as DH works locally. The nearest hospital is also great. DD wants us to stay put and DS shows no sign of wanting to move. Inside has oak beams on the ceiling.

@Tulipandmagnolia both of those are lovely.

I'm pretty sure that the WLI tackle comfort eating as well @scoopofmintchocchipicecream . The issue, of course, is that if comfort eating is a coping mechanism for you, there needs to be a healthy replacement, otherwise you'll just be sad and stressed as you lose weight.

@Zeonlywayisup poor all of you! It sounds like a headache. Poor DS being so worried.

Today has been a day. Pinging from one place to the next. We went back to the GP today and he prescribed some meds to calm her tummy. She's been crying all day again. Hopefully she'll sleep through tonight.

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream I have a similar issue with eating to much though it’s less comfort and more to keep me awake. I also have to eat A LOT less than you should to lose weight. I have fairly severe pcos and that makes things a bit more stubborn. I used ChatGPT to create meal replacement shakes that maximised “fullness” and then used the whole do something for three weeks to break a habit idea. I have a weird pattern of shakes and meals that allows me to lose exactly 2lbs a week and have lost nearly 3 stone. I had some other health issues that were becoming unworkable. I still have a stone to go but I’m feeling good about it. What I would say is if you can make yourself do it the change in strain on joints is just amazing.

The head of psychology at DD1’s FE college (formerly the principal psychologist at a LA and he had worked in Tier 4 CAMHS) told me once, with regard to DD1 that everyone needs a purpose in life. If your DS’ purpose in life is messing about in a shed, then imo using his PIP for contributions to the cost of a shed, is perfectly justified!

Oh no, @Zeonlywayisup!

@Lougle I hope the new medication helps.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain sorry about your back.

Thanks Red, Lougle and Z, perhaps I need to revisit WLIs.

I should have been clear I don’t do WLIs. For me what worked was using maths and a bit of the manipulation I usually employ to get ds from 1 thing to another. You absolutely can do with or without just do what actually works.

Thanks @RedRegular and @BlueandWhitePorcelain

Did some gardening with DH for 3 hours today. The lawn has now grown roots into soil and DS is sticking to paths so that is working well. We put cut up pallet and rest of the turf in sacks, cleared some leaves and changed the silkies coop and cleared more of the side of the shed. Was quite warm out and the silkies came with us, the one silkie walked over my hand / gloves.

Completely forgot to discuss with DH about financing of the shed though may be better to discuss when we have quotes in. At least DH is very keen on one company and one shed now so its just roof to decide on if quotes are OK.

Hope your bath leak has not caused too much of a problem @Zeonlywayisup Our other bathroom leak (tap) we managed to sort very cheaply and the kitchen ceiling only needed dehumidifier and polyfiller and paint, the worktop a sand and varnish which I did and a plumber to fit new tap. We got refunded old tap and new tap was £100 cheaper so that repair was probably £30 or so. Just having pancakes.

Hope everyone has a good Bank Holiday weekend.

DD1 has been crying most of today. She woke us up at 3 am to say she was in pain and felt extremely sick. Then she was through 3 more times in the early hours.

However, I don't know if she knows what feeling sick means, because she kept saying it, but ate a full breakfast, a full lunch, etc. When I talked to her about it she said she thought she felt sick because she did get a bit of acid in her throat and her throat felt scratchy (it will do considering she's been crying for 3 days solidly), then said 'well my tummy hurts so that feels bad.'

We're all getting frustrated because she tells us every 5 minutes (literally) that she's in pain and feels sick. DH said that he worries her self-esteem will be crushed because we're all frustrated, and I agree, but it's so relentless. I took DD3 to the beach to get a little break, and DH said that while we were away, DD1 went to sleep. As soon as I returned, the 'take me to hospital' campaign restarted.

The mebeverine doesn't seem to be doing anything yet, but it can take 2 weeks to work, apparently.

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream the GP prescribed Metformin and said first line diet & exercise helps this medication work but that I would probably lose 1-2lb a month. I’m under the BMI for a GP GPL-1 prescription (just) but they said it would do me good to consider it and not to continue on the same trajectory until I meet the prescription criteria. I have only just started but feel a bit more precious about my health because I’m doing ‘a thing’ and have moved more for my own body rather than moving to look after someone. Ultimately only a calorie deficit will get my weight off and although things are so much better I don’t leave my house a lot so I’m hoping for food hugs to quieten down.

@Zeonlywayisup @FrostySunRun to have achieved weight loss is amazing with everything else to juggle.

@Lougle are you planning on making anything with the sea glass? Hope the meds kick in asap.

@RedRegular I love that description of food hugs.

DD3 had some silver smithing equipment for her birthday, so she's going to make jewellery. She's also going to do seaglass sun catchers by wrapping the glass in copper tape, then soldering the edges.

Dieting is just boring and uncomfortable (but massively improved for me by actually working). It’s only the first week that’s really awful. It sounds like you are in almost exactly the same situation as me @RedRegular health wise. The GP suggested WLI but I decided to try independently first. Turns out I can lose weight.

@Lougle sea glass sun catchers sound beautiful. Ds is weepy too (I think no college and meds change), he keeps telling me he’s “scared”, which is his old multi purpose word for frightened, cold, or unhappy. I do worry it also means feeling ill though. I feel the weight of so many people’s sadness’s and loneliness this week.