The Goose & Carrot Pub

[RedRegular]

A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

In comparison A levels were really hard going for DD1 but she “only had 8 exams” it was so much easier to prep for. She was keen to do A levels but I actually think she would have coped better with a BTEC course as she was really good at consistent coursework but struggled to replicate that level under exam pressure. She’s definitely ND but refuses to look into any kind of diagnosis or support for it at the moment. I’m assuming if she doesn’t have a formal diagnosis she wouldn’t be eligible for help from DSA at University level? Having a 2-yr gap year is doing her loads of good as she’s working and just finding her feet as an adult. I’m really glad we encouraged her to pause on the next steps of education as emotionally she just wasn’t ready. Luckily her sport gives her a lot of structure to her life which she’s realising she needs for her mental health as much as physical.

Good luck to DD3 @Lougle too

DD and I think not working will be good for DH or at least better than being the one really stressed person left trying to do 3 people jobs. And will be lovely to have him to do things with. DS I don't think will care either way. Infact he might be annoyed that DH is around more.😂DH and I and DD are all quite happy since start of 2024 and things have gone well. Its just DS but we are working on basis he'll be like this forever now and if he ever improves it'll be a bonus.

Had to rearrange the thatched shed company visit as DH has a redundancy meeting at work at time they were due to come though already has all the details and decided he's volunteering. Moved it back to later in the week. I do wonder if DH wants redundancy but feels some shame about it as he's saying not to tell some people though I had already told DD and he was shocked she was happy enough about it. I think she just thinks he doesn't need the money and he will be less stressed. Which is my thinking too.

DH and I have just been gardening for 4 hours, well I have been gardening for 4 hours and DH seemed to be on phone when I looked over. I got all the concrete base around the shed cleared and all around the shed cleared and tidied up half the garden. Let the silkies out.

Good luck with all the exams - DD had 33 when she did GCSEs though is fairly self-sufficient but was during my chemo so that was fun. Not sure if DS will ever take anything. Just getting a Chinese. I'ld quite like to learn more about carpentry myself and hope I can persuade the boys but I am getting luke warm from DH and la-la-la I'm not listening from DS but he does do some woodwork and loves tools. He took a bath whilst we gardened. He hasn't brought any mud in since we laid new lawn and paths and he is sticking to paths. Small miracles. Noticed he had opened the curtains in the living room a large 8kgs cat size amount, we have neighbours moving in and cat is fascinated. He is like a nosey villager.

DSA criteria are here, don't need a diagnosis.

www.gov.uk/disabled-students-allowance-dsa

Wide awake in the middle of the night. So annoying really as I will be shattered tomorrow but at least I can think peacefully without interruption. I have been batch cooking and mowing the lawn all day. Normally I find that all quite peaceful but it was SO messy everything took an age. I’m behind on this weeks admin as extra meetings and calls all over my useful hours. Ds is looking a little better but he’s so tired he’s barely leaving his room.

@Zeonlywayisup I've been awake a lot in the night, too. We could have been sipping hot chocolate together, pondering the madness of our lives. Missed opportunity. I hate it when my diary is clear, then I get to the end of the day and wonder how it was filled by calls and emails.

Back in November, DD3's friend bought her a ticket to see Matilda for her birthday and suggested that DD2 and I join them. It means the girls have me there for confidence, and if I drive the friend doesn't have to worry about getting a dedicated blue badge space because she can transfer into her wheelchair while we're half way out of a space. It's also great because we can skip the main queue and use the accessible entrance, and the wheelchair section is right at the back of the theatre, which is better for DDs.

DD3 was in a terrible mood before we left. She was really low and said that it was a 'birthday burden, not a birthday treat' because she didn't have it in her to be peppy because she was so depressed. I gently said that she was going to need to pull it together for a couple of hours and she muttered that it was the exact reason she didn't want to go. In the end, she managed to pull it together and she had a nice time. She was in a much better mood when we got home.

DD2 was a joy to watch, though. She had her headphones on, of course, but she was enthusiastically clapping the cast, and clapping along when the audience started to clap to the music. She has even expressed an interest in doing some sort of 'ensemble stuff' as she calls it.

DD1 had a really productive session with the psychologist on Friday. I had emailed her to update about pain, so she did a session on 'things that can be big or small' and worked subtly from worries to pain and types of pain and how they can make us worry that something bad is happening but they often are just annoying and take time to get better. In the end, DD1 decided that Friday was a good day to try a sleepover, and she managed to stay the night, which she hasn't done since probably September. It meant that we could take the other girls to see the devil wears prada 2 (it pains me, but it would be wrong to capitalise the title because they've chosen not to on the title screen. You've been warned. I gasped). We had DD1's blessing because she hates the cinema. We went to an old independent cinema and there were about 20 people in the whole room, and none other than us on our row, so it was great.

No, you don’t. We had this with DD2’s university, because we had an ex psy report, saying she didn’t understand what she read. There was no name for it. The university refused her DSA. My education solicitor wrote them a letter for me for free.

As it so happened she got a diagnosis of ADHD, after an assessment by the NHS, so the problem disappeared!

Thanks for the DSA links & advice. We’ve been so focused on DD2 needs that I fear DD1 slipped under the radar and now she’s out of formal education I can see how much she struggles with things but is an A class masker with a lot of situational mutism which was her way of coping in a really tough secondary school experience. If she had gone to university this year she would have completely emotionally broke, I’m so relived we steered her heavily not too. However her main friend is going this Sept and that’s what’s triggering her now I think.

So pleased @lougle DDs had a lovely trip to the theatre and cinema. It’s so hard though when the pre-event anxiety consumes them beforehand. DD2 really does suck any anticipatory joy out of things I know she can’t help it but it’s very hard to manage at times. We avoided doing stuff for so long I can see more light with her now that we actually have tickets to see a show in June after her exam. I’m really hoping she / we can enjoy it.

Good luck to your DDs @FrostySunRun and @Lougle.

@FrostySunRun, for DSA, even if you don’t have a diagnosis, medical evidence is required. For SpLDs, you require a diagnostic assessment report (even if it doesn’t diagnose a specific condition). For other disabilities, it can be medical evidence in the form of a letter/report from a HCP or by completing their Disability Evidence Form, even if there isn’t a formal diagnosis. It isn’t universities who decide who is eligible for DSA. It is the SLC. DSA is far easier to navigate and more proactive than the EHCP process, but they have become stricter over the last few years.

Well done DD3. The build up can be anxiety provoking even if it is something enjoyable. Overall, that sounds like a really successful couple of days.

Knossos today! It was hot - 29 degrees C! Yesterday, we saw 20 plus Griffin vultures in the mountains - DH was so excited, he left his rucksack in the mountain lay-by! Luckily, we realised half way out of the mountains, and had to drive back. Better than getting back to the hotel, then realising! It was still there - there’s always junk lying around in Greece ime!

@BlueandWhitePorcelain at least you were only half way out!

DD2 didn't go to school today because her tummy hurt (I think anxiety) and she feels like she's not doing anything worthwhile.
I spent a while phoning different providers. One is the equivalent to our big college in another county. They seem to have a similar set up to the smaller college in our area. I think it's going to be too big again.

There is an independent 16-25 about 45 minutes away, but their OFSTED was RI in January 2025 and now they've made 'reasonable progress' towards improvement. No animal care, they don't do tours unless the LA consult and they think they can meet need....not sure about it.

The LA are very quiet considering it's May and we have nothing for September.

I was pondering the discourse around parents claiming for SEN and raking in the money today. For those of you who get Carers Allowance, what are you doing to earn your £86 this week? It's 8.55 and I've sent 3 emails and taken one phonecall this morning, then I've got the doctors for DD1 later. I think I'm hitting my productivity target, but what a luxury to have £12.50 for the day.

My DH doesn't get it because he's retired, but he's taken DS to school and will spend the day listening to podcasts sorting out DS games that have been upended because we are having the ceiling replaced in our dining room so the dining room is in the play room.

Glad you are having a nice holiday @BlueandWhitePorcelain

Hope the ceiling replacement goes OK @drspouse

@Lougle Hope you can find something for DD2.

DH has just gone to work for the redundancy meeting. He seems to be fine with the voluntary now and not worried about money (I am a bit concerned incase benefits get hit for DS and also I am younger but think we should be fine). I can start taking my pension at 55 in a couple of years. DH is older and nearly 60 so could take his now.

Heard from DD that she is likely to be spending the summer in Oxford but says she can come back for a week or two if DH and I want a break though no dates yet and that will likely go right up to the wire but lovely of her to do that.

Wow the amount of exams going on has made me take a breath. Good luck everyone.

Photos of Greece look fabulous.

We are hurtling towards the final assignments deadline and everything else is neglected and piling up. Piles of stuff in the house starting to look like little villages dotted about. I did manage to start running again which felt good.

on paper I’m doing things like running but no time to shower afterwards or going for a walk but no time to go back and get an umbrella. The hour slots for me are there but gone if I don’t go quickly and just bundle through. Still it’s a big up tick for me personally and who knows it might evolve to being a put together person with earbuds, water, correct shoes etc.

I wouldn’t get it anyway, because I am over state pension age!

Well done @RedRegular . I hope you can get some longer slots.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain lovely photograph.

@RedRegular well done with the running.

@lougle I think DD2 will find that specialist post 16 placement too overwhelming.

For my CA so far today I have:
Sent 2 emails (OK these were written overnight but scheduled to send this morning).
Put a wash on with DS1’s bedding I had changed overnight.
Sorted morning medications/physio stuff before DSs woke so they were ready.
DS1 woke before his morning carers arrived so I washed him, dressed him and brushed his teeth.
Let carers in who cajoled DS1 through more medication, treatments, physio and gave him his morning feed.
Made sure DS2&3 were washed and dressed.
Made sure DS2&3 took their morning medications and did physio.
Made breakfast.
Took DS2 to school. Made a detour on the way home to drop DD2 at the train station.
Sterilised equipment.
Taken in a medication delivery from the community pharmacy, a medication delivery from the homecare service and feed delivery.
Taken a phone call from a consultant.
Text a specialist nurse.
Read and replied to an email from DS1&3’s specialist teacher who co-ordinates their EOTAS/EOTIS packages.
Listened to the lowdown from DS3 about his morning exam. DS3 is someone who likes to dissect papers in great detail. I’m not sure that is particularly helpful.
Been ignored by DS2 when I messaged him after his exam.
Worked on some paperwork for DS1’s appeal.

I meant to give an update on our plans/where we are with DS school - if we don't get the place at the indie specialist (that is a new secondary site of a primary school that took itself off the Section 41 list so we don't know if it is on that list, but we suspect not) we will be appealing for the RP in the mainstream school but with provision saying in a lower year, if we do get the place we will be appealing for all the provision that's missing.
We heard back from one of the specialist teachers that she has a place in Sept so we will be going for that. Yet to determine if she normally meets at your home or at her office but both current and potential new school are in the same direction as her office so picking DS up at either school and taking him there after school would not be hard.

In a shocking turn of events, in the 2 days between us messaging DD school about her diagnosis and difficulties and us not having yet replied to their offer to get an EP, they have found an EP! She is in a different LEA now and so either they have lots of EPs that want to go to rural schools or else - you wouldn't credit it, would you - our local LEA and DS current school CBA to pay for an EP so told us "there are no EPs".
We were actually about to say "leave it for now because she's supposed to see a Clin psych through PAS" but we didn't realise it would be so quick, and PAS work at the speed of a snail so they won't be at the same time.
Quick question - if DD school suggest an EHCP - would that be with our residence LEA or her school LEA (please please say the latter!).

That sounds like progress, @drspouse . Unfortunately, it's home LA that holds responsibility for EHCPs, even if the child/yp receives education in a different LA.

Boo! Ultimately I think it's DD school that are extra proactive (and no doubt aware of the funding that would come with an EHCP, though she already gets PP+ of course, but they'd probably hate to lose her) and nothing to do with the school LEA.

The view from the taverna beside the sea at lunch today:

DH interviewed for the job role at the school which said they had been inundated with applications today. They've offered him the post. He had 3 other schools that were interested in him applying, and he's already applied to one of them, but he's going to withdraw his application once he has the formal offer.

Glad you are enjoying the holiday @BlueandWhitePorcelain love seeing holiday photos.

Congratulations to your DH @Lougle

My DH looks very likely headed to VR as they have stopped projects he is on but he seems quite happy to take early retirement and at least has been there over 20 years.