The Goose & Carrot Pub

[RedRegular]

A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

@Lougle @Tulipandmagnolia good news

DD submitted one of her final assignments for this year. One to go!

I said my running is every Monday and Wednesday and she said that’s too much for me as I will miss you. DD said she could go walking with me more instead. Separation is hard for us both as if I do something I know DD is not out and about doing something of her own.

@RedRegular congrats on getting the assignment in.

Stay strong. I think you've said it's an hour each time? Tell your DD that you need that 2 hours so that you can be the best you can be for her the other 166 hours of the week. Even if you were allowed to sleep at night, which I know you aren't, it's less than 2% of the week that you have carved out for you.

I agree @RedRegular. Increasing boundaries comes from parents as well. (That's basically been our entire approach).

Thank you both. Boundaries/enabling/separation has always been my weakest skill. It’s basic parenting I need to get better at.

I recommend this book to everyone (I should get commission). It's the main manual - though I'll definitely be looking at the schools manual when it comes out and I see they now have one for ARFID.
The beauty of it is that you don't ask the children to do anything - you just create the space for them to expand their horizons, or not, when they are ready.

I don’t get carers because I work when ds sleeps or half work when he is occupied. But if I did today the£12.50 would cover, this morning getting ds dressed/ready, parking away from his activity to practice our now impressive 100m walk and 3 road crossings, supervising the lesson perched on a stool so upsets can be calmed and helping him pay with cash I prep, walking back, Home, prepping and supporting a stretch lunch (red pepper! Eaten but apparently not nice). Supporting packing bag for afternoon activity and snack, 40min drive, sit on mats for an hour to be nearby, 40 mins back, milk and rest set up as he looked pale, collect food for now familiar steak and chips, then medication. In an hour I will do bed and then count all the meds because I think we were given the wrong size pills yesterday. Should be done by 9 or 10. In between paid for some activities tried to prep for EHC on Monday.

my life is not exciting

@RedRegular its hard to do things for yourself. I doubt your parenting is poor at all. You aren’t doing the same job as 99% of parents so the same things don’t work. Dd CAN manage two hours a week. She’s shown you she can. She doesn’t like it, but that is something different. If she really genuinely is struggling to get through the hour I suggest you create (together) a list of times chores, eg hoovering the ground floor 14 mins, emptying and wiping out the fridge 25mins, or ironing 3 shirts 15 mins. Time them so she can learn them and create a list to carry her through till you get back. You can both do this.

I wish I could use all the emojis. You hero. Maybe not exciting, but so valuable, and definitely worth the £12.50 you don't get.

DD1 was granted EOTAS in September 2025, including Mindjam and Blockjam. I was told there was a waiting list. Fair enough. 7 months later, in April, I was emailed to say she was at the top of the waiting list. Great. Today, I had a phonecall asking for 'more detail' about DD1 because the safeguarding team have concerns about their suitability. After our chat, the lady said she was going to take it back to the safeguarding team, but she thinks they will be withdrawing their non service because providing online counselling/mentoring could be more harmful than helpful.

Join the club.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain I am loving the photographs.

@Lougle that is good news about DH’s job offer. Do you think online would work for DD1? If so, what is in F of the EHCP? Providers shouldn’t be named in F, so it shouldn’t say Mindjam.

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream they haven't amended the EHCP to reflect any provision. It still reads as if she's at college. She's been out of college since March 2025. They said they needed to wait 'for panel' to discuss EOTAS, then in September 2025, they simply emailed me to say that she was allowed EOTAS, which comprised Ngaged for 10 hours per week (which has ceased because they couldn't meet need/DD1 couldn't cope), 2 hours per week of Mindjam, and 10 hours total of Blockjam. As a result, I said I'd take it to appeal, so they've done a reassessment, but that process has taken a long time and reports are only just being submitted now.

I don't think she would be able to cope with online long-term. I think, like everything else, she would engage the first week, then disengage.

@Lougle what dd1 needs is someone to recognise she can engage for a couple of weeks and then retreats and actually build that into the schedule. All they need to do is rotate activities and coaches so she is in “new and receptive” state, then build longer stretches between the changes. For ds 6wks and then a break just about works.

Who thinks we should do geese and goslings race across the world? It would be glorious. Though I suspect we would all gossip far too much at the checkpoint and have to request a reasonable adjustment little extra day or two.

ITA with pp - you are not doing basic parenting like most people!

For those with Motabilty leases, Smart Drive is being paused.

Oh that's interesting! DDs haven't been sent their devices yet, but would have been impacted.

I think it is probably in light of the JR that has been launched.

We hadn’t received it for DS2’s car yet either. DS1 has an open policy and DS3’s only has me and DH on the insurance, so they didn’t fall into the DriveSmart group.

I assume DD1’s car has an open policy as we are both drivers on it, but so are the care staff where she lives.

I love the line that they know many customers value Smart Drive, so if they want to stay on the scheme, they can contact them and tell them.

I wonder if they've employed extra staff to man that hotline?

@BlueandWhitePorcelain whoever is the leaseholder should be able to tell you if it is an open policy. Open policies don’t have named drivers like normal policies do. Anyone who has a full UK or EU licence, no at-fault claims in the last 3 years, no motoring convictions in the last 5 years and, where relevant, is over 25 can drive the vehicle.

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream Thanks. I will have to enquire about it next week. I think I am the leaseholder, as her appointee. There’s about 25 care staff, working on her house.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain yes, if you are appointee, you are the leaseholder.

It is worth knowing if DD’s house has a driving log or similar. If they don't, I would request they start one. Because you, as the policyholder, would be the one who receives notification of things like fines. If that happens, it helps to be able to complete the form to say you weren’t driving but X was. Similarly, as the policyholder, you are the one who is responsible for the excess if there is ever a time that needs paying.

I had a second run powered by honks!

@Zeonlywayisup the 100m walk with 3 roads and steak dinner is wonderful.

stuck in the avoidance cycle again. Do we still get £12.50 if we support the same thing for 12 hours and still don’t get the thing done?

Congratulations. Yes, we get the £12.50 and a pat on the back that our charge is still alive and unharmed.

A new care agency phoned this afternoon. They want to come and see us to assess. I should be pleased but I'm dreading it. It sounds just like the last one. I'll try to have an open mind.

DD2 couldn't go to school today. DD3 went in for her exam. She seems ok.

Great to get running done and assignment in @RedRegular

Had the man round about the thatched garden summerhouse and he was helpful and will provide drawings and a quote. We also can have it 1 foot or 2 foot deeper than we thought.

DH has applied for VR and turns out he will get paid 2 months more than we thought and holiday pay extra so its about a years pay in total when accounting for tax differences. Goes through mid June.

@Tulipandmagnolia go for the extra 2 ft especially as DH has had some good financial news. Great retirement package.

@Lougle well done DD3 for sitting it.