Please or to access all these features

SN chat

Join our Disability forum for advice and guidance from other Mumsnetters.

The Goose & Carrot Pub

45 replies

RedRegular · 20/04/2026 23:52

A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

OP posts:
Lougle · 21/04/2026 00:06

Thank you! I hope the Switch marathon is not too painful.

Lougle · 21/04/2026 00:21

DH has been offered a demotion due to restructure. It's not a small drop in wage, but his current salary would be protected for 2 years. His current role is being replaced by a role that seems identical in all but name.He has to decide whether to take it by Friday. The new role contains two extra duties. He hasn't been given details of the working hours.

If he doesn't accept, they will have a hearing to decide if his role is redundant or if they have made an offer of suitable alternative employment.

RedRegular · 21/04/2026 01:09

@Lougle constructive dismissal by demotion can happen unlawfully. What does your DH want? If he doesn’t want to take the lower grade, ultimately lower paid job would he prefer to leave?

OP posts:
RedRegular · 21/04/2026 01:13

@Lougle outrageous to want a response by Friday. What a shock for you both.

OP posts:
Lougle · 21/04/2026 07:04

He wants to leave. It's part of a wider restructure. The school has massively overspent so Country have had to take over the finances. They justified the reduction in salary by saying that one element of the role is taken away, but it isn't. He's being expected to accept the new role without confirmation of the hours he'd be working, but it has been implied that there would be a move to a split shift. His hours have been changed 6 times in 3 years to suit other people anyway, so there's no confidence that anything they agreed would stay the same.

OneInEight · 21/04/2026 09:07

What a worry @Lougle . Although it worked out Ok for dh when he got made redundant at 47 in that he did get a new job relatively quickly the uncertainty was difficult. Will he get a redundancy package? My df, back in Thatcher days, used his to open up a bookshop and never looked back. Mind you he had nothing like your responsibilities so could afford the gamble.

drspouse The issue with GCSE options might be the lack of specialist teachers particularly in science. ds1's school tried to do this with him because the Biology teacher (sole science teacher at that time) was not confident to teach Chemistry and Physics. Can't say I entirely blame her coming from that background myself. Anyway we dug our heels in and he did end up being allowed to do all three sciences (luckily they got an excellent science teacher for his final year who managed to cover the syllabus for all three in a year). He ended up doing a degree in Physics so glad we were stroppy with school at GCSE options time. What are your ds's interests? ds2 found Biology emotive (particularly reproduction) which led to some interesting answers. Chemistry and Physics were less controversial for him so he did these as individual subjects rather than the double science. Its also whether he is better at writing (Biology better choice) or maths ( lots of maths in Physics).

@RedRegular ds2 is a master at procrastination too. All Easter has been spent him agonizing over not doing his dissertation write up. I can't believe he has only just over a month left and then it will be a new agony of trying to get a job. This phase has just gone far too fast.

FrostySunRun · 21/04/2026 09:50

Thanks @RedRegular I dropped off the last one and yes DD would get a masters in procrastination / avoidance if she could.

Hope you can get the school place & options sorted @drspouse

@Lougle not the stress you needed in either of your lives at present I hope a clearer path for DH will result if redundancy does happen.

Not much to report here just going on juggling spoons of energy supporting DDs. But DD1 now has her first car she paid half and we covered the other half so good to get her more independent. DD2 absolutely smashed her NEA result for module 2 now just got to get her in the exam room in June to complete the final part. In theory she’s got enough marks to pass Level1 with distinction due to 90% on NEA and only needs 25% in exam to get the L2 part. Getting her to actually sit the exam will be huge uphill anxiety pressure.

RedRegular · 21/04/2026 12:37

@FrostySunRun congratulations to DD2 for the fantastic results! We are in a similar position where DD only needs the minimum number in her final assignments, it’s just the getting there mentally. Do you think DD2 will get into the exam? Is it one of those you won’t know until the day?

@Lougle such a worrying time. We have also had good outcomes from redundancies/restructures, but the uncertainty is horrid to go through.

@OneInEight wow doesn't time fly! Good luck to DS on his final leg of education. Big 🍷 for you and those years of support.

2am finish last night <sigh>. Did make me laugh with some responses to Spanish questions: Q: Do you take the train to work? DD’s answer: Not since the incident <cackling>

OP posts:
FrostySunRun · 21/04/2026 18:28

Well done @RedRegular ypur DD has come such long way this year. I hope she can complete this part of her OU module and keep building her studies.
We have been to visit the exam
centre and had a lovely lady show us around and discussed all her access arrangements. The fact that no one knows her there I think could be an advantage as she’s not so concerned about “letting anyone down” but the big but is that she will have to go in the doors on her own with her ID. She’s mute with most people that are strangers still just nods shrugs or gestures for things. Hopefully we’ve lucked out with a quieter session as there are no big subjects on at same time from what I can work out and it’s only one paper she has to sit. Unfortunately I think her period is due to start that day… so very unlucky sadly as it’s when normal anxiety peaks so I can but hope she can get through it. We’ve also got a treat planned the week after to do something she really wants to do which is also a good distraction too.

FrostySunRun · 21/04/2026 18:45

Have you been watching the Japan by train program on bbc2 @RedRegular it’s been interesting seeing different sides of Japan. Also really enjoying Race across world too.

scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 21/04/2026 20:34

@RedRegular thanks for the thread. I hope you get to bed a bit earlier tonight.

@Lougle sorry DH is being treated so poorly.

@FrostySunRun well done to DD on the results so far. Fingers crossed she makes it into the exam.

@OneInEight good luck to DS2 with the last few weeks.

DS3 and I stopped for ice-cream on the way home from a hospital appointment today. I had a lovely mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Lougle · 21/04/2026 21:38

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream I'm so glad that MN fills in usernames for us! You win the award for longest username. A Mint choc chip ice-cream sounds lovely.

@FrostySunRun I'll have to see if DD1 will watch that. She likes Japan.

I hope the exam situation works out. Could you ask for further reasonable adjustments such as forward notice of any questions she may be asked, so she could have answers printed and ready to show. What about someone to come to the doors and escort her in, so that you hand her over? DD2 and DD3 took their driving theory tests and although there were no official RAs that would help them, I popped in beforehand and they arranged that they didn't have to arrive 15 minutes early, so they could just turn up at test time, I could stand beside them for the ID check, then they were escorted straight into the test room, and I could wait outside the test centre and they let me know when they were done.

@RedRegular I love it when they know they're being funny.

Well I've had a pretty awful day. Highlights include an expensive item arriving that was actually a much cheaper item, so I had to go to town to resolve it. DD1 getting very upset that I was doing things for other people and not just her. Me getting really cross with her and shouting at her. Then it turned out that she was right about one of the things she was complaining about.

Anyway, I managed to convince her to come to the beach with DD3, me and DH for sea glass hunting. So that was nice.

Tulipsandmagnolia · 21/04/2026 22:00

Thanks for new thread @RedRegular

Lougle · 21/04/2026 23:38

Ok... I need breadcrumb clues for names, people. I'm going to take at least 3 weeks to work you all out. I'm Lougle and my breadcrumb clue is that I'm always Lougle.

RedRegular · 21/04/2026 23:47

@FrostySunRun we love Michael and watch all of his train journeys. He has a wonderful way of communicating and seems to delight in everything. I am way behind on RtW only watched 1 so far, I liked the brother & sister most, wasn’t keen on the SIL who ‘brings the fun’. Will be interesting to see how it all pans out. Good luck for exam it sounds like you are doing all the right things and DD2 is well prepared but boy is it a worry until it’s done.

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream I’ve taken your name as a sign to order ice cream.

@Lougle hope the beach helped everyone.

an earlier finish tonight. On we go.

OP posts:
Tulipsandmagnolia · 21/04/2026 23:48

🐿️

RedRegular · 21/04/2026 23:49

@Lougle haha! No laughing reaction. You have me.

OP posts:
Lougle · 21/04/2026 23:56

See... You're a faithful lot. You know I'm rubbish at this stuff. Sometimes I get it but it only takes something like the last thread where two of you choose similar names, then I really have to concentrate.

drspouse · 22/04/2026 10:24

I've also had to ask for yet more clarification as they say they are offering Digital Skills and E-sports as separate subjects but it doesn't appear like that on the options grid, and we don't want him spending a whole option on gaming, but he needs digital skills.

His strengths are very much in Maths and NOT in writing. His interests are in space, planets, rocks, volcanoes, and fast vehicles though he is also interested in animals especially if they are deadly. We could potentially ask his current Maths tutor to increase his hours and cover the Physics and Chemistry sections as that is his own specialty, but I don't know if that would be enough to do the double award.

I am a bit despairing with his English to be honest. He has definite SALT needs and is supposed to be having SALT at school and because all his writing at school has been by hand (his preference due to inflexibility because he never learned to type) he performs very very poorly. His spoken language is often a bit poorly constructed too. He can write stories but they end up being very repetitive, and he can write facts but again they are incredibly poorly structured.
At school all his English lessons seem to be reading (he rushes through and doesn't retain information) and watching videos. He is just now learning touch typing at home and also we believe at school but it brings me out in a cold sweat to think about having to ask every day what they have done in English and remind them every week he's supposed to be practicing typing and on track for GCSE and actually chuffing doing some learning and not end of term Year 2 relaxation all the time. He needs more intensive speech and language and English Language academic input, and the input he gets would be relaxed for a primary school child, let alone a child who's supposed to be doing exams in 2 years' time.

He has an English tutor too but she is not that reliable and also we feel doesn't do much with him. What he probably needs is a combination SALT and English Language tutor but I don't know if such a thing exists. An English Language tutor won't pick up on his difficulties as well as a SALT, or know how to fix things like sentence structure and word finding, but a SALT won't be up to date with GCSE (or even frankly Entry Level) syllabi and how to teach them.

I think I said I didn't get any further with the school that wasn't full, they said they'd get the SENCO to call me back but they haven't, and they also suggested we ask for changes to B at the moment (can the LEA insist that old information about behaviour is in there when it isn't current?). I'm going to email the LEA and ask if we can re-edit section B as that isn't going to add any more curriculum. It's things like "can be reactive" which is really not current, at most he's rude occasionally. I had a look at section B last night and there's so much repetition, whole phrases and sentences just pasted in twice, plus lots from 4 years ago when the current school was saying they were struggling to meet need.

Of course if the current school wants to keep him because he's easy to deal with and they can just babysit him, they have no incentive to say he is no longer aggressive.

drspouse · 22/04/2026 10:29

Lougle · 21/04/2026 23:38

Ok... I need breadcrumb clues for names, people. I'm going to take at least 3 weeks to work you all out. I'm Lougle and my breadcrumb clue is that I'm always Lougle.

Same here! I know there's been a Red before but she's also had other usernames and that throws me.
I take the approach of having a variety of usernames elsewhere on the board and sticking to chat threads and this thread with this name.

scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 22/04/2026 12:53

In the past, I didn’t change my name so frequently. Then someone stalked my posts and upset DD2 with them. I am much more careful now and NC far more frequently. I always try to leave a clue in the first post though.

@drspouse it is possible for training for staff to be included in the EHCP. We have training for staff. One example of this is the English tutor has training from the SALT. It includes various things, including things like use of language and narrative work.

It sounds like you need an English tutor who has more SEN experience.

Alternatively, you could look for a dyslexia specialist tutor who can also teach GCSE. Even if DS doesn’t have dyslexia, their experience may be helpful.

RedRegular · 22/04/2026 13:15

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream @drspouse we have a training system in place for DD’s tutors. It has been hugely beneficial (expensive and I nearly didn’t do it but so glad I have).

OP posts:
scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 22/04/2026 13:20

@RedRegular training from other professionals and the whole team liaising with each other is an essential, but often overlooked, part of education for DC with SEN, IMO. It can be the difference between something working or not.

RedRegular · 22/04/2026 13:27

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream could not agree more. It is the gateway. The connector.

OP posts:
BlueandWhitePorcelain · 22/04/2026 14:14

Lougle · 21/04/2026 23:56

See... You're a faithful lot. You know I'm rubbish at this stuff. Sometimes I get it but it only takes something like the last thread where two of you choose similar names, then I really have to concentrate.

Yes, I am not sure who is who now?