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The Goose & Carrot Pub

345 replies

RedRegular · 20/04/2026 23:52

A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

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BlueandWhitePorcelain · 29/04/2026 13:47

Elizabeth the First? The Late Queen? Helen Keller? Marie Curie? Victorian women writers like Jane Austen, the Brontes….

Lougle · 29/04/2026 14:12

RedRegular · 29/04/2026 13:25

No criteria. Mozart’s sister (the prodigy who taught Mozart but never got the spotlight as she was female and had to stay home) is the closest we have got but not quite right. Suggestions very welcome!

Lise Meitner (Physics): A pioneering physicist, Meitner co-led the research team that discovered nuclear fission. However, the 1944 Nobel Prize in Chemistry was awarded solely to her male collaborator, Otto Hahn. Meitner was nominated 19 times for the chemistry prize and 30 times for the physics prize, but never won.

Chien-Shiung Wu (Physics): Known as the "First Lady of Physics," Wu conducted the "Wu experiment," which disproved the law of conservation of parity. However, the 1957 Nobel Prize in Physics went to her male colleagues, Tsung-Dao Lee and Chen-Ning Yang, who provided the theoretical work, while Wu's experimental proof was ignored.

Rosalind Franklin (Chemistry/Medicine): Franklin's X-ray diffraction images of DNA, particularly "Photo 51," were critical to identifying the double-helix structure. Her work was used by James Watson and Francis Crick without her permission or knowledge to win the 1962 Nobel Prize. She was not included in the prize because she died in 1958, and the Nobel is not awarded posthumously.

Jocelyn Bell Burnell (Physics): As a graduate student in 1967, she discovered the first radio pulsars. The 1974 Nobel Prize for the discovery was awarded to her male supervisor, Antony Hewish, rather than her.
Vera Rubin (Physics): Her groundbreaking work in the 1970s provided the first strong evidence for the existence of dark matter. She was never recognized by the Nobel committee, despite widespread consensus that her work deserved the prize, and died in 2016.

Marietta Blau (Physics): She developed photographic emulsion techniques that made high-energy particle detection possible, transforming particle physics, but she was overlooked, and the prize went to others who built on her work.

Josephine Baker (1906–1975): While famous as a performer, she was also a member of the French Resistance during WWII, smuggling secrets to England using invisible ink on her sheet music, and was a prominent civil rights activist.

Annette Kellermann
The record-breaking Australian swimmer advocated for women to be able to wear a one-piece bathing suit instead of dresses with stockings — and she was arrested for it. She wore a bathing suit that left her arms bare and cut off at her mid-thigh in 1907, a look that got her arrested in Massachusetts for indecency. The popularity of her swimsuit at the time led her to launch her own swimwear line.

Roberta “Bobbi” Gibb, the first woman to run the Boston Marathon. She hid in the bushes at the starting line, then jumped in the race wearing Bermuda shorts and a sweatshirt over a swimsuit to hide that she was a woman. It didn’t take long for the crowds to figure it out — and everyone cheered her on. She finished in 3 hours, 21 minutes and 40 seconds.

RedRegular · 29/04/2026 15:12

Fantastic suggestions thank you all. I am well armed for tonight. Enjoyed the read too.

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scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 29/04/2026 20:58

@RedRegular I hope DD settles on an acceptable person without too much difficulty.

I have had a really unproductive day. I was supposed to be working on DSs’ appeals, but I have pulled my back again, so I have been lying flat most of the day and spent far too much time on MN. Caring really has wrecked my back.

RedRegular · 29/04/2026 21:05

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream DD is avoiding and being very charming with it. Caring has completely changed my body and mind. Your poor back, MN though the pain.

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RedRegular · 29/04/2026 21:09

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream I suspect your ‘unproductive day’ is still running higher than the average person’s day.

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Lougle · 29/04/2026 23:40

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream your poor back. It seems like you only get a few good weeks before it's in trouble again. Are there any other aids/adaptations that would help, or is it just the peril of jousting with an octopus?

DD1 was in pain again today. I find it so difficult to manage. Today I was reassuring her that she was ok and didn't need hospital, all the while thinking 'what if I've got this wrong and she has a bowel blockage/torsion?' The trouble is that she's an incredibly unreliable historian. She gets so anxious that she truly believes that what she says is true, even in the face of objective evidence. For example, she had been in extreme pain all day, despite the fact that I've been with her all day and she was fine, and 3 hours before, she was sitting in the car showroom, saying she was bored. She was crying out that she didn't want to die.

Then the poor dog is lying on the sofa, trying to sleep, because she has literally had her stomach cut open but is manning up and trazadone is good stuff.

Zeonlywayisup · 30/04/2026 00:20

I’ve had a weird day. College want to do the review in 20 days time. I’ve asked if they can explain what ds has been studying and what he has achieved since September and what he will be studying to the end of year. It seems they don’t know or are unwilling to share that information. I’ve asked if he has been suspended and when he will be back in college and they don’t answer that either but have said they are having meetings. My conclusion is he can’t continue there. It’s too crazy. These aren’t aggressive or hard questions they’re simply so I can assess what’s best for him. We had quite a good day otherwise. He’s tired from the meds (normal for us at this stage) but happy and fun to hang out with (so not too anxious/controlling). We try the parkour thing tomorrow which will be interesting. He ate steak chips and green beans this evening, and didn’t tell me it would be better as just chips. This is progress and every single bit went down. An apple and a penguin for post exercise snack this afternoon and I realised ALL of this is bedded in now. It’s not stressful or new. We also went to the supermarket and bought some plastic tubs together to put the endless Lego in. He carried them back to the car and I realised holding them was allowing him to walk without stimming (finger flicking). I need to think about how we can use that because we had a great chat as we went and he seemed better/more aware of the road/pavement.

I’m sorry about your back @scoopofmintchocchipicecream pain is so very draining. I really sympathise. Ds used to lean hard on my right arm to walk and damaged the shoulder joint at one point. It took years to recover because I kept re injuring it. Rest while you can. You do so much.

@Lougle poor DD tummy ache is ghastly. What about something like deep heat (I have no idea if that’s still a thing) or tiger balm? Sometimes you can sooth from the outside. She must feel so panicky when it starts incase it gets worse and goes on and on. Hang in there. I find I’ll children horrid. I think all mums do.

drspouse · 30/04/2026 07:29

RedRegular · 29/04/2026 13:16

We are buckled in for the last 4 weeks of OU. Deciding which historic figure to write about is more problematic than I would have guessed. Really tricky to find someone that aligns with DDs values as she is NOT giving air time to racists/criminals/communists/dictators etc historically it rules out a lot of people.

@Lougle glad all your people are working together to align reports.

Sticking to music, Hildegard of Bingen, Fanny Mendelssohn, Clara Schumann?

Lougle · 30/04/2026 07:33

@Zeonlywayisup has DS had a sensory OT assessment? The fact that he used to lean heavily on you and that he's better holding something makes me think that he has sensory needs for proprioceptive input. A study of 13 month old infants showed that they fell twice as much if they didn't hold something when walking. You could try giving him a weighted toy to hold, or a pebble? Some people find weighted jackets helpful (or a couple of heavy beanbags in the pockets.

Yes, the pain issue is fairly awful. She has been through twice in the night. The difficulty is that objectively, the nurse in me thinks that the pain isn't 'serious' because DD1 swings from hysterical screaming and yelling to saying 'I'm so tired, I think I should probably get some sleep.' My nursing experience tells me that people who are in severe pain can't sleep. However, pain is what the patient says it is, and I know that some people experience the same objective pain more strongly than others, and I can't see what benefit it would have to DD1 to spend her time sobbing and screaming for no result.

Similarly, I struggle with the fact that I have no idea whether she is giving objective reports of symptoms. Yesterday she claimed that she hadn't been able to poo, wee, or pass wind all day. Well, not passing urine in 12 hours is a red flag for acute kidney injury. No passing of wind is a red flag for bowel obstruction, whether by blockage, intussusception, or volvulus. However, we don't know if she actually hasn't done those things because when you ask her she gets muddled and starts to say 'well at least it feels like I haven't.'

Nothing seems to ease it. Pain killers, deep heat, heat patches, warmed wheat bags, warmed stomach wraps, Ice wraps, massage, she maintains it's all exactly the same. The only thing that helps is when she's utterly exhausted herself from all the crying and decides that she should try to sleep.

She says that she is really nauseous and feels like she could vomit, but then eats normally.

The only thing that was different yesterday was that she had gone to my parents house 1 mile away, and then decided that she needed to come home. DF can't drive right now (the saga of the expired driving licence that he definitely didn't get a reminder for he did and no other photo ID so postal renewal needed) and I had only just arrived home with post-op dog, so he walked her over, but her wheelchair was at home. I wonder if the walking has aggravated her hip/abdo muscles.

It's so distressing for her, but I also worry that one day I'll miss a serious illness because I'm so used to her saying she has all the symptoms that I don't believe her.

BlueandWhitePorcelain · 30/04/2026 08:08

@Lougle - I am sorry to hear about DD. I have missed all the history; but presumably DD has had a thorough investigation into her stomach problems?

DD2 had loss of appetite, nausea and vomiting for years. She used to be in the middle of serving a customer, and she had to rush out of the shop to vomit on the high street. Every afternoon I had to ask her, what she thought she could eat for dinner, because there was no point me cooking anything else - she especially couldn’t eat fatty food like lamb and duck. Multiple GPs said it was stress and anxiety over several years.

Her boyfriend, a doctor insisted on a referral to gastroenterology. She had adhesions on her bowel, caused by the endometriosis. The consultant said food couldn’t pass through her normally and it would cause all her symptoms. She had to go on a low fibre diet, and all the symptoms disappeared. We were all very annoyed with the GPs!

Lougle · 30/04/2026 08:25

She's had an ultrasound, CT, MRI and x-rays. She's in her room crying now. She doesn't know I can hear her.

FrostySunRun · 30/04/2026 09:22

Oh @Lougle thats so hard poor DD1 and you navigating it. I was reading the article on bbc this morning about a new assessment for endometriosis which has had success for spotting hidden indicators.

Sorry to hear @scoopofmintchocchipicecream the back is causing so much pain. I hope you can mobilise more over the weekend after the acute phase eases. It’s not easy managing when you have such high caring demands.

@Zeonlywayisup the college just sounds useless in meeting DS needs I really hope the AR makes some progress towards a better plan and support. Honestly if a home ed parent couldn’t demonstrate what the child had learnt in a year they would be under an enforcement back into education. It’s ridiculous they can’t give you some outcomes.

DD2 off to sit an exam today and anxiety levels are through the roof this morning. I’m so so hoping she can sit this ok as she’s aced all the pratice online versions.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 30/04/2026 09:39

lougle pain without a known cause is just so hard to manage, doubly so with DD's communication difficulties. No advice so just sending symphathy.

Sympathy to you to mintchocolateicecream. It is so frustrating to be out of action when there is so much to be done.

FrostySunRun good luck to DD2 with her exam. I hope she manages it and the anxiety ok.

Ze That college sounds utterly useless.

Physio we saw for DD was good. She identified immediately that Dd is hypermobile (something which had been dismissed before), was pretty sure about what was causing the new pain and had a good treatment plan. Dd also trusted her which, given her previous experience with some physios, was an excellent outcome.

Zeonlywayisup · 30/04/2026 10:30

@NoHaudinMaWheest that sounds like a really good fit. Isn’t it such a relief when someone gets it and actually helps.

@Lougle I think the crying when she thinks she’s unheard is very telling. The walking triggering the pain makes me wonder if it’s really hip pain? Does she have any core strength? What exercise can she take and how does she feel afterwards?

Zeonlywayisup · 30/04/2026 10:59

Email from college says it’s up to the professionals involved to provide the information for the review and that “We do not chase them on this, as we do not have the capacity with over 650+ EHCP students to co-ordinate.” So I’d guess that we aren’t getting any info in advance of the review.

Lougle · 30/04/2026 11:15

Zeonlywayisup · 30/04/2026 10:59

Email from college says it’s up to the professionals involved to provide the information for the review and that “We do not chase them on this, as we do not have the capacity with over 650+ EHCP students to co-ordinate.” So I’d guess that we aren’t getting any info in advance of the review.

That's not right. The LA holds responsibility for conducting an annual review and they must gather advice from the professionals. If they have delegated that to the college, the college has to do it. If the college can't conduct the review properly, they need to tell the LA. @scoopofmintchocchipicecream would know best but I think I'd be telling the LA that they need to gather the advice because the college won't, and it's their responsibility ultimately.

RedRegular · 30/04/2026 12:04

@FrostySunRun how did it go?

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Zeonlywayisup · 30/04/2026 12:23

How on earth can we review if there’s no feedback? If they don’t have new SALT and EP input does what we have count or can they just ignore it? Can I just ask for the eotac without this charade?

scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 30/04/2026 13:27

@FrostySunRun I hope the exam went well.

@NoHaudinMaWheest glad the physio went well, especially after the previous trauma.

@Zeonlywayisup I love hearing about your food successes. I second a sensory OT assessment.

Where a child attends a college, the college is responsible for obtaining the advice and information prior to the review. See Reg 20(4). Go back to the college to point this out. However, as Lougle said, the LA is ultimately responsible for the AR, so I would also contact them. If you have the professionals details, chase them directly yourself too.

You need the review. If for nothing else, for the appeal rights.

@Lougle I know it adds to your workload, but do you monitor various things about DD1? We keep track of things like sleep, mood/anxiety, dystonia, pain, toileting, cough, liquid/food intake, etc. It helps us to spot issues earlier, spot patterns, and it helps me to decide what is something that needs acting on and what isn’t so serious even if DS1 is acting like it is the end of the world. We also use the paediatric pain profile. Even though your DD1 is an adult, you might find it helpful.

Has DD1 ever had her blood sugar monitored and has anyone considered GORD?

Thanks all. I can move a little easier today. Lougle I’m not sure there is any more kit that would help. Unless anyone has a magic wand. If I could turn back time, I would take more care of my back. I can’t lift DS1 anymore, but all the lifting when he was younger has taken a toll. I really want an Innowalk for him, and it is part of our appeal, but that won’t help my back.

Zeonlywayisup · 30/04/2026 14:24

Thanks. What happens if no professional input is received?

scoopofmintchocchipicecream · 30/04/2026 14:27

That depends on what you want. You could say the meeting needs to be delayed while advice is sought and circulated as per the Regs. Or, knowing you will probably have to appeal anyway, you could say let’s go ahead anyway.

BlueandWhitePorcelain · 30/04/2026 14:32

Zeonlywayisup · 30/04/2026 12:23

How on earth can we review if there’s no feedback? If they don’t have new SALT and EP input does what we have count or can they just ignore it? Can I just ask for the eotac without this charade?

What kind of FE college is this? DD1’s college (admittedly a specialist residential) told me, they had to provide evidence of progress at the annual review, in order to get the LA to agree to funding the next year? In the case of students like DD1, who has a degenerative condition, the aim of her education was maintaining skills, rather than expecting progress. Their own SALT, OT, physio, medical, care, education and psychology departments produced reports, which weren’t great (compared to the independent reports I had over the years); but they did talk about what they had been doing with DD1. Unfortunately, DD1 wasn’t interested in doing independence skills on the house, as she told them she wasn’t a maid - but at least, it was documented they had tried. DD1’s social worker and her Connexions rep. always came to the annual review.

Yet DC’s college doesn’t seem to be able to evidence progress or explain why not? Why didn’t they hold an earlier review and ask for more provisions - two of DD1’s schools, and then different FE college all asked the LA for 1:1 support in class?

Zeonlywayisup · 30/04/2026 14:40

What would happen in between review and appeal? Ds presently is not in college at all. It’s now got to the stage where he’s been home for so long that I’m questioning whether it’s in his best interest to go back at all. I must focus on his experience and his self esteem because nobody else does. He has literally no resilience for this kind of rejection.

OT sounds like it might be a good idea. How could we find someone with the sort of expertise we need. He has had OT assessment before but long long ago (2015ish??). I’m assuming it would be private so I’d want to make it useful for us rather than a report to wave at people.

Zeonlywayisup · 30/04/2026 14:54

@BlueandWhitePorcelain I think they have the funding for 1:1, certainly it’s listed as delivered 1:1 by a trusted adult for most of the bits (iykwim). Truthfully I just don’t understand. It was originally a “college within a college” but now I think is only young adults with additional needs (especially in ds’s bit). It had beautiful purpose built connected bungalows with classrooms, catering kitchen, arts, furniture renovation, chill rooms, student run cafe, outside garden they maintained, onsite gym library etc etc. That’s all been sold off and now it’s one tower block, newly decorated but teeny lift for a lot of people who need it. It’s …. Odd. They don’t want people doing more than 3 years there and start at 16 so ds has outstayed his welcome. If I talk about what next they say we need to think about adult services. He’s got his EL2FSenglish , and EL3maths but they aren’t happy for him to go further. Instead he’s been doing times tables “only to 3x6” (he could do them all in early early primary not by rote, with proper understanding). It doesn’t matter if the set up carry’s him to greater independence but it isn’t it’s pushing him to inappropriate shouting when stressed and upset.