2 people in the last week have asked me whether my ds has adhd!

[essbee]

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Tigermoth - would be interested to know what (if anything) happened to change your ds's behaviour. What was it attributed to in the first place (at the time it was happening)? Was he ever tested for behaviour disorders? How old is he now? I ask because my ds age 6 is the same and currently being tested for ADHD/ASD. Much of what you said about your own ds sounds very similar to my own.

Karen
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Karen, I honestly don't know. He just gradually slowed down a bit with age! he's nearly 11 by the way. We moved around the borough when he was younger and he went to two primaries before getting into his present school aged 7 years old. It's a small school, very dedicted teachers with high expectations of bahaviour - a more calming and disciplined environment than his previous schools. I am sure this helped him settle down, though it took until he was at the end of year 4 to see improvement.

He was never tested for behaviour disorders, though his nursery and reception teacher found him very active and were worried about him. He was on the school's SEN register by the end of year 1. He got taken off it when he changed schools at 7 yeas old but still often had to sit by himself in class as he was so easily distracted.

I don't know why ds was like this in the first place - true our home life when he as 3/4/5/was more stressful (I was working very long hours as well) but even when things were less stressful, and I was around more, his behaviour didn't magically improve for a good couple of years.

I think learning to read really helped him concentrate and be still. He has a pretty active mind but never actually liked toys much so wasn't motivated to sit and play quietly when he was younger. As soon as he could read he got into playing gameboy games, reading books, reading instructions he was more able to occupy himself happily.

HTH - good luck!

Tigermoth - I thought you said you were supposed to be working, not on here?

Essbeee - Hope you've had a lie-in today after your very late night with ds last night.

Thanks for that, Tigermoth. Our ds's don't sound so similar after all, now that you've explained. We've always had loads of structure, no upheavals of any kind (apart from my being ill, but he wouldn't have been aware of that till recently), and we have the sort of primary school (high standards, firm discipline) that you mentioned at your son's last school. Also been reading since age 3 so able to do everything that's required at school, but doesn't. All to no avail, unfortunately!

Thanks for your input though, very useful.

Kx

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essbee.

Don't know what else to say really. You do a great job of soldiering on!

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sorry you had such an awful day with DS. hope that between them CAHMS and the school get something sorted as a matter of urgency. I can appreciate that the last thing you feel up to is chasing the professionals to do what should be their job.

don't feel guilty about needing some space from DS. i hope that a bit of quiet time in his room will help him wind down and get to sleep soon. Also I don't think that you can 100% control whether or not DS does try to self-harm; the self-harm is a symptom of DS unhappiness, and a coping mechanism as he is unhappy- so I don't know if you can really get a complete stop to it anyway tbh until the professionals start to help you with some sort of diagnosis and concrete strategies for managing his behaviour and extra support at school/at home.

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there's no easy answers, other than just trying to keep sane in whatever way you can. can I help making any chasing phone calls/e-mails? as so many mums have posted on the SN board, getting help and getting into the system is far, far harder than it ought to be. I do wonder if the school is doing as much as they might - reason I say that is that they seemed very keen to come down on you like a ton of bricks for getting in late a few times, but don't seem to have made equivalent efforts with CAMHS.

essbee- hang in there. Sounds like you're doing a great job. DS1 has suddenly launched into full on destructive ADHD type behaviour so I know where you're at. After finding the kitchen flooded at 7pm I'd had enough and he went up to bed- we've started gating him in (2 travel barriers on top of each other) until he goes to sleep. It's exhausting. Will he sleep soon- I think ds1 has dropped off so I'm off for a glass of wine.

re self-harm/ I tnhink there does come a stage where you can't get in there and do much more. I watched ds1 whacking his head on the kitchen worktop yesterday and didn't have the energy to intervene. Not much help, but just wanted you to know you're not alone.

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but presumably the school got them in????

on another recent thread (I think on SN board) a poster suggested calling the out of hours social worker when you felt overwhelmed - as tho there isn't really anything immediate they can do, I think the idea was that they would get the picture as to how stressed you were, and that they should get their backsides into gear.

other thing I wondered is do you have a decent HV? )(well somebody out there must!!!)

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Oh dear, essbee and jimjams. Sounds really shite. But really shite. Wine definitely indicated.

Essbee- do you do the putting yourself in a calm serene place in your head thing? I think your mission (nearly but not quite) impossible, should you choose to accept it, is to respond consistently and calmly to everything your boy throws at you. If he comes down, put him back to bed with as little fuss and conversation as you can manage. Remind yourself over and over again that you are calm and loving and strong and you can do this.

Ooops. Forgot to change my name back!

Oh Essbee, poor you! I've been thinking about you all day wondering how your day is going. Am so sorry to hear it's been a bad one

I wish I had some advice to offer you, but I don't.

as I understand it, HV's can help with a lot of things to do with general "family welfare", so I would have thought that wouldn't be a problem - you could always say you were concerned about DDs welfare or something if you felt that a younger child would fit their priorities better. I really don't know if SS are likely to do anything without a firm diagnosis, unfortunately (as they don't necessarily seem to spontaneously do anything with a diagnosis). I don't have any direct experience - it would be helpful if someone with more direct experience and/or Scummy could give a bit of input on this.

ah Scummy, thought you would be a really useful person to post on here.

Is there any support out there that Essbee could get in the near future, from HV/SS/Homestart,anyone???

Essbee, I'm so sorry to read all of this, it must be a dreadful frustrating time for you. I really hope that you can get something sorted out quickly. At least the teacher is taking things seriously and trying to do something to help.

Sometimes self-harming is a way of coping with internal feelings, and if this is his only outlet for his feelings there's nothing at the moment that you can do until you can get the professional help you need.

I can't really offer any advice but just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you.