Mail on Sunday Magazine

[lottiejenkins]

I found this article today..........I thought it was very moving,,,, what a decision that lady made... dont think i could do it though!
www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/you/article.html?in_article_id=522925&in_page_id=1908

so we have yurt as cagney, mamazon as lacey, and I'll be erm the sandwich lady?

"taliesintraction - completely off topic, but intrigued by your username - are you into welsh trains/vehicles?"

i would say thats a decent description...

hehehehe...

I'll see how long it takes you to work that one out..wales..special needs threads..lone parent threads...jam-SAM-bam....

yurt1

You may be able to pick me up on syntax, I don't really mind.

Ask yourself if I would have fostered two DC for 15 years if that were my attitude or thought.

Come on now, it isn't hard !!

jonkat

God knows what you think. You have some warped idea that us parents feel that way about our children.

Which I find incredibly disturbing.

If books like JH's reinforce some idea that feeling that way is normal then that's terrifying.

you know what us disgusting disabled poeple say.....big fat raspberry at ya.
Bet you're all shuddering in revulsion now.

I've re-read that post again and just cannot see the quote in it.

But anyway- if it isn't a quote - then what are you saying? The same as our radical social worker friend Talies that really we're all secretly yearning to give up our disabled children and wipe them out of our life?

What a weird fucked up view of parenthood. And disability.

No Taliesintraction is not from Doncaster and no he is not a social worker.

Yes he does live in a wild part of Wales on top of a mountain, in the house where his mother was born.

What more shall I say,

He is 6' 1 51 years young, a biker, runs his own buisiness and balances that with parenting and sharing the care of his 4 children.

That is only a partial picture but enough to feast your preconceptions and prejudices on I am sure...

Off to shudder in revulsion (aparently) but definately to get more coffee....

I have just sat here this morning reading through this thread with increasing incredulity.

All parents of SN children have, at some point felt revolted by them? Bollocks.

I have 2 daughters (1 SN, 1 NT). They have both, at times, delighted, exhausted and exasperated me. Both of them. Neither has ever revolted me.

I have never secretly hankered to give away my SN child. I am not jealous of those who have reached the decision to have their child cared for outside the home.

I have wanted to run away from it all in the past, but even in my despair at that point, I knew that deep down, running away would not solve anything, because I would take dd1 with me!

It is the rest of the world I want to run away from, not dd1. It's the people who continually ask me if I prefer dd2 because she is NT. Or the people who ask me "is she always like this?" (asked when dd1 was sitting on my knee, nibbling a biscuit at a toddler group - her crime? she was quiet and well behaved, and unable to join in with the other children playing. She was seen as too clingy. she was 2 fgs).

I want to run away form the people who always ask "but when will she be able to do XXX?"

But, crucially, I want to take dd1 away form it all too. I want ot take her away form being judged, and seen as not good enough.

I want to take her away from people like JH, who, it appears, will always see her as not worth celebrating, and not worth any time or effort, because she cannot react as a "normal" person would.

My view? She can react. She has feelings (I may not always understand them, but htey are there). She has likes and dislikes. She is a child, and it is my job as her parent to work out a way to help her achieve whatever she is capable of. Just as I will help dd2 achieve whatever she is capable of. The only difference is that they are capable of different things.

Talies is a non-social worker who posts on radical social worker sites about his antipathy towards residential care. WRT children with social problems rather than disabled kids though.

So I'm not sure that loving families who are not at a point of breakdown are all that familiar to him.

That might explain some of the tone of the posts and the disbelief that wow we actually enjoy our lives.

I would just like to clarify my last para. My view is not just that she can react etc (pesky SN child interfering with my htought process )

My view is that dd1 is a very happy, joyous child with a great sense of humour and the ability to tease as well as a sense of fun. She is a loving little soul, and I just cannot ever imagine feeling revulsion toward her. It just is not possible.

By Taliesintraction on Mon 10-Mar-08 21:21:34
2 shoes.

If you say that you as a parent have never been taken to the end of your patience by your children then you really are an angel, or prone to telling porkies

I don't think you are very clever. comming into the sn topic purely to shitstir is not clever..just very childish.

Agreed 2shoes. Especially when he's a 50 year old man.

Hey FioFio,

What gives you the right to decide my view of reality is "warped".

What is your qualification to mount such a personal attack.

That in my view is not support, though of course you may be able to justify that as well.

Or is it a case of "All SN parents are equal but some are more equal than others"

Well put silverfrog, it's not the child you ever want to run away from it's the whole screwed up system and a society which views some children as more valuable than others.

BUT and it's a big nut, slagging off the likes of JH who seems to have arrived at a situation that works for her family, based on a set of biases and preconceptions that are as pervasive and frankly odious as those that write off children is not the answer in my humble view.

He really is a hairy handed 4X4 and old truck driver.

why are these "concerned " twosome not posting on the other thread. why here?

You think the 'solution' worked for JH? IN her own words the family needed a year of therapy to get over the abandonment. Elinor too. She needed a counsellor to 'escort my family out of Hell'.

Doesn't sound like it was some sort of easy solution to me. Not for anyone.

And she thinks everyone with their disabled kids are unhappier than her. Deluded.

Taliesintraction
what gives you the right to question fio?
What is your qualification to mount such a personal attack.

Yurt you are mis quoting me.

Anyone who says I am anti residential care per se has simply chosen not to understand what I said, or misrepresented my views to you.

Maybe I should post again in Welsh or French?

Or maybe you won't let facts impede your prejudices.

but what is so awful and biased about suggesting the default assumption is that parents look after their children, unless there are very strong reasons otherwise? why should a child being disabled automatically reverse that assumption?

I think one of them is under another name 2shoes (or there's another foster carer if not).

I hope to god that our friend talies just posts on soocial worker sites for the hell of it, because if he is one then I dread to think what warped view of family life he is carrying around with him.

There is another thread? Where?

Talies- I don't really care what you think about residential care. I find it odd that you have such a warped view of family life with a disabled child. I find it odd that you seem to find it offensive when parents cope adequately (and are even indecent enough to enjoy their life with their child).

The most prejudiced people here are you and jonkat who appear to believe that parents are incapable of loving their disabled children. I'm not sure if that's more predjudiced towards the parents or those with disabilities.

oh FFS get a grip on life people, there are SN families all over the world going through a daily hell, then there are the ones who enjoy it. Dont we all have bad days?? dont our kids have bad days??

the term SN is not one i like as it implies the child or the family has to be treated differently. These kids are who they are. end of. Taliesin and jonkat are entitld to any view they damn well choose to have, i would trust the judegement of one them and thier family well beyond any social worker.
Yes my child has special needs, no i dont enjoy my childs endless screeching and tantrums, no i dont enjoy him breaking my nose almost weekly, no i dont want anti depressants and yes, i have imagined life with out my child. so what?? that is my life and my decision. I dont blame annonymous posters on an internet forum or attack them verbally just because they have a differnet view.

I personally feel alot of the posters on Mumsnet are are in cloud cuckoo land with thier £300 buggies and nannies and playdates...do i get called a "hairy handed 4x4 and an old truck driver" now too????