Mail on Sunday Magazine

[lottiejenkins]

I found this article today..........I thought it was very moving,,,, what a decision that lady made... dont think i could do it though!
www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/you/article.html?in_article_id=522925&in_page_id=1908

this whole scenario book etc reminds of that article that appeared in the guardian magazine where this woman terminated a pregnancy for a child with down syndrome who also happened to have a heart defect. She wrote about her difficult decision and how hard it would have been on their other child had this one been born. I felt she was writing for people to say - yeh good on you - right decision to make her feel better about what she had done. I also wondered what sort of message she sent in regards to how her family viewed children with special needs and what message it sent to her older son.

Actually found the old thread and there is a reference in there to an article that appeared in the Guardian by JH called: "Why is there no one to help us? A desperate struggle to care for a severely brain-damaged baby" - interestingly she did not struggle for very long it appears.

article about mother terminating because of down syndrome

"Beatrice, who is the lively, challenging companion we hoped Immie would be."

This sums up Julia perfectly. She makes me feel sick.

In Julia's blog, there were a number of refernces to fortcoming events.
When her bravery will be on show.
Do we know when any of these actually are ?

Taliesintraction do you actually have any real life experience of caring for a disabled child?
what are your credentials for coming on the sn board and having a pop at us?

Some person wrote'Whilst people are prepared to commit themselves to a life of poverty, where their partners are very likely to abandon them, their relationships with their other children fail.

That is what many on here seem to be wearing like a badge of pride.

How is that promoting their child's best interests?

PipinJo, I think you might not have been serious in calling for a strike, but think it through. From personal experience, where people simply get their heads down, get on with it and suffer in silence they get nothing.

It is the parents who leave their children in the directors office or at the councillors surgery who get the services that help them deliver for their children.'

What a load of old tosh. Since when is dumping a child in care 'in the child's best interests'? Since when does money get in the way of love? Sure we don't have much but its hardly 'poverty' when compared to third world countries.
Sounds like you are advocating parents dumping disabled children on the state so that husbands and other children are catered for. Why would the NT ones be more important to the mother?
Children are hard work, even in this me me me society. Luckily for the tax-payer, most mums put love over an easy life.
The whole attitide of this woman us that disabled poeple are not as worthwhile and should be dumped on the state so that norms dont get affected. As a disabled person, with a disabled child I find this insulting and worrisome.
And bailing out when things get a tiddly bit tough isn't 'barevry'

Whilst people are prepared to commit themselves to a life of poverty, where their partners are very likely to abandon them, their relationships with their other children fail' said thingy.

See, the myth that life with a disabled child is so bleak its hardly worth living.
For your information, most siblings are enriched by family life and care deeply for their disabled family members. Sheesh

no-one has judged tania have they?

As for Julia, when you publish a book telling the story of how you drove all your child's belongings to the dump and abandoned her in hospital before you even knew what kind of care she would receive and then had another child who became the child you'd hope the abandoned one would be, and then hope to prophet from the experience then I'm sorry, but you lay yourself open to being judged.

I do not have any knowledge of caring for a profoundly disabled child. I do not have a child with special needs, and therefore perhaps it is inappropriate for me to be posting on this board (although no-one has told me to get lost yet ), but the fact is that just because someone has a disability does not make them any less of a person, or any less entitled to a loving family than any NT child.

And I don't see any of the people on this thread writing a book telling how wonderful they are for caring for their children.

Who are you anyway?Julia's agent? publicist? Beardy?

can we all not just report this troll to mn?

Talies:
"Perhaps it's not Julia who has an ongoing need for therapy, she has dealt with her issues. "
But she hasn't has she ? She 'seems to have no regret at all. Not once questioning, did I do the right thing.

If spending your entire childhood in the care of the state (who pay Tania for looking after Immie) is so wonderful then why didn't JH put her other daughters in care too? Oh, that's right. It's because it's only good enough for children with a disability, not NT children.

Perhaps I am a troll.

Interesting though that the approach is not to engage with or challenge views but to seek the thought Police and remove someone who does not openly agree with what we believe.

I would quickly point out that I am not Julia's friend mentor boyfriend or agent and I have never met the woman.

For that matter neither am I Tania or her agent or her boyfriend.

I am not sure That I want to tell anyone who i am or what i do.

There has already been enough implicit threat and open judgement on this thread.

All of you on here seem to have arrived at a situation that delivers for your children which makes in the right situation for you.

Julia has done likewise, her solution may well have been different to yours and indeed mine.

That does not make her wrong or give people the right to judge.

Unless of course you all know better than her what is right for her and most of all for Immi.

Perhaps I am in a slightly privilaged position, I have met the little imp that is Immi. I have seen the happy and settled and secure child that she is today.

Perhaps it is my focus on that that makes me wonder if those so keen to judge are in fact right.

I don't think anyone has said that Immie isn't being well cared for and loved by Tania etc. What most of us find annoying are:

1. JH writes a book about how brave she apparently was to leave her baby at the hospital - despite not knowing that someone like Tania would come along.

2. She puts herself in the same camp as parents who have spent years caring for their child and talks about her struggle during her baby's first year - despite being absent for more than half of that year.

3. She's making money out of this.

4. She's rolling out the usual myth that you need to be a saint or a martyr to look after a child with SN.

I could go on but won't.....

OK coppertop lets take this a line at a time.

1. Like, I suspect you, I have only read bits of this book. I do have some knowledge of this situation and am not convinced that Julia was unaware that there was a Tania out there when she left her child at the hospital.

2. She was being asked to do 120 percent of what she could do, she recognised this and did what it took to get her childs needs met. I am not at all sure she is placeing herself in the same camp as anyone.

3. Tania is a professional foster carer, does that make her in some way evil too. I am not sure for Julia this is about money, it might be about trying to trigger a wider debate.

4. I am not sure she is rolling out that myth (and I agree that saints and supermums are in very short supply) what she IS saying is she felt she, as an individual could not cope with the situation she found herself in. Many of you on here have the strengths to deliver but she could not. It does not give any one the right to judge or make you better or her worse.

Lets not forget the situation had triggered behavioural problems in her other child, the best interests of the children are what we are concerned about isn't it??

By 2shoes on Mon 10-Mar-08 09:26:16
Taliesintraction do you actually have any real life experience of caring for a disabled child?
what are your credentials for coming on the sn board and having a pop at us

as far as I am aware/ no one has said anthing but good about Tania..why would they?

How can anyone berate the fact that this child now has the best life?

The family knew they couldn't cope and the british system worked at it's best. There may have been no Tania lined up but our foster carers are fantastic people

This family were in a bad place, they did what they thought was the best thing. That is what we all do as parents, yes?

I can remember the day vividly I was told my daughter's brain was badly damaged and I went through every feeling JH went through. I sat and cried and cried and my mum, sisters and brother said, we will do this together, we will be here for you. Did JH have that I wonder?

It isn't a 'normal' reaction but it was their reaction. No one is hurt (other than maybe JH herself) Immie has an extended family that love her dearlyand she is an exceptional little girl. Just because the majority of people don't do this, I don't see where this vitriol comes from.

is it just me that finds it odd that this person is posting on the sn thread and not the one in the news topic??

x post not you minortyreport

And why report and shout troll when one person says things different? Are we not allowed to have a different opinion to the majority???

If the other child had behavourial problems, I am sure she could have been fostered out fairly quickly - in case the future Beatrice was affected too. I don't feel that I have judged Julia and I wouldn't seek to do that. All I or anyone has done really is to comment on the unusual way that she told her story in which she appears as a sort of heroine who tells her story in vain self seeking manner - but no doubt that will turn out to be due to negligence on the part of the literary agent or the publishers, or Woman's Hour or someone else surely....

minorityrules (sorry got your name wrong just now)
I agreee with some of what you are saying. about being in a bad place. i have know people to go through that. but then surely short term foster care is there for that.