Thread 12. Autism and any other additional needs.

[danni0509]

Thread 12.

For parents / carers of disabled children, autism, adhd, and all other related neurological conditions. Most of us have children in primary school. But everybody welcome!

Chatting about anything and everything related to SN!

Just typing quick as ds needs to get ready for bed. I’ll link the previous threads later.

x

[dimples76]

Thanks for starting a new thread Danni

DS has not normally been aggressive towards strangers so this is a troubling new development. His behaviour towards DD and his younger cousins is terrible at the moment. Can't believe that he is going to be 10 next month. I think him looking older is partly why there seems to be more judgment (although DS is still off the bottom of the centile charts and generally wears age 7 clothing). But also because there do seem to be a lot of judgmental, ignorant people out there. I will have to try going out earlier like you Danni

I know that I was over reacting on Saturday but seeing how he was with DD in the pool I could literally imagine him murdering someone one day.

We went to a nature reserve that I had never been to before today despite it being only 15 mins drive from home. It was lovely and we had it to ourselves. My Mum noticed that DS just seems to decide that he needs to go from A to B and then watch out anyone or anything in his way. He kept shoving DD and his cousins if they got in 'his way'.

[AutumnNymph]

Can I join too? DD 11 is diagnosed ASD and under Cahms care for emotional dysregukation, ODD, anxiety, depression and anger.

The outbursts are very scary and we have had to call the ambulance and get to brr A&E.

Perfectly masked at school and blowing apart at home. She is on medication and things have improved but it's still very tough when she has one of her outbursts.

Here for solidarity and the occasional rant. This long weekend has been particularly tough. I will be ringing her CAHMS psychiatrist tomorrow when they open.

[AutumnNymph]

I should add DD is high functioning and is year 6 in mainstream school. I am guessing that half term (any change is tough) and the upcoming move to secondary school is impacting mood.

[dimples76]

Welcome Autumnnymph. That sounds hard. What type of secondary school is it? Has your DD already been for visits? My autistic niece and nephew are in year 6 and the combination of SATS and new school visits have really made things tough

[danni0509]

Dimples Yes I can genuinely imagine ds doing a crime like that. He tells me he’s going to and when he says it I don’t think he’s joking.

He says he’s going to kill me and his dad and describes how he’s going to do it. Really disturbing. I just don’t let him have access to any tools he could use. My knives are inside my wardrobe, well hidden behind my gym bag! He couldn’t get to them, I have to speak in code to dh, can you bring me the thing down that I use for the thing and he goes up and slyly gets me a knife. Then slys it back up when it’s been washed.

Dh was out for a run and I couldn’t leave ds the other night alone downstairs (how ridiculous, can’t be left for a moment, especially not at the minute whilst he’s acting such an arse) and I needed a knife from my wardrobe but couldn’t take him up or he would see so I peeled my spuds with a butter knife 🤣🤣🤣 what a way to live

When I read posts on here like my autistic child is so gentle and sensitive and wouldn’t hurt a fly, I think lucky you, my ds literally rips their wings off for the fun of it.

I do wonder why he does the things he does. And I really wish he wouldn’t.

[danni0509]

Hi @AutumnNymph x

[danni0509]

As promised. Links to previous threads.

Thread 11
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4711291-primary-school-auties-11-2023-is-here

Thread 10
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

Thread 9
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022

Thread 8
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

Thread 7
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 6
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6

Thread 5
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?page=36&reply=104240251

Thread 4
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 3
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 2
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 1
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

[AutumnNymph]

@danni0509

Hi @AutumnNymph x

Hi 👋

[openupmyeagereyes]

danni thank you for the new thread 🙌 Sorry you’re having to defend ds so much, it’s so unfair.

dimples sorry swimming was so stressful. With ds swimming at school will you be able to take dd alone?

AutumnNymph welcome. Sounds like ds has a lot going on at the moment, it all sounds difficult for you.

Yes, 6 is late for ds, both dh and I were awake before him though

[AutumnNymph]

My DD is in a private school that goes up to 6th form so she is to continue there as the school is fab with supporting us and her. We also didn't want to put the pressure of 11 plus on her.

@danni0509 we are in the same boat with DD threatening to kill us or herself. Her anger honestly scares and chills me sometimes. Likewise knives and most other objects she could use are hidden away. She can be absolutely lovely and caring until the rage strikes, then it's just survival mode for us.

[AutumnNymph]

Ughh sorry I mean in reply to @dimples76 . My brain is a mush

[carriebradshawwithlessshoes]

Reading, just marking for later. Thanks Danni x

[Ahna65]

Hi all thanks for new thread

@dimples76 swimming sounds awful, sad to hear. As ever I think you’re a super woman doing it alone and swimming is a tough one at the best of times with 2 to watch. Hope you don’t feel too crap about it all and that things go better tomorrow.

4 nights on the trot of awful sleep here. Have had a migraine for 3 days, always worse when tired.

a new (and unwelcome!) development is DD taking her nappy off - she’s doing it sometimes in bed and then seeing or pooing, or she did it twice just around the house then pooed and started to smear it around. DH was out and I was with DD2 so took me a minute to see and then had so much clearing up to do. I don’t think it’s any sign of potty training readiness bc she just seems so far off, but will ask her school what they think. I think she just likes the feeling. I struggled not to lose my temper and then felt bad of course.

[dimples76]

Reading some of your posts I think that I probably need to be more careful with knife storage. They are up high but DS gets into everything. That said he only tends to use things which are immediately to hand, eg yesterday when playing in the sandpit he told me that he would throw sand in my eyes and he did.

Ahna very difficult to keep calm in situations like that. Sorry about the bad sleeping.

[openupmyeagereyes]

Ahna smearing is a sensory thing as far as I know. It’s very common though not always talked about. I have a friend whose dd does it. Is there an OT at school who can advise? I hope this doesn’t become an ongoing thing for you, it must be so grim. Do you think the poor sleep caused the migraine.

dimples do you think with ds that he wants to get somewhere ’first’ which is why the others get pushed aside? Are post adoption support able to arrange therapy with someone else now the other provider has closed?

[Ahna65]

Yes I will definitely ask the OT at school. Indeed I’m so hoping it’s not a phase…

yes migraines are usually triggered by sleep and/or hormones with me. Not a lot I can do other than let them pass.

@dimples76 how does DD respond when DS is aggressive? Upset I assume, maybe a stupid question from me. Does she try to retaliate?

[livpotter]

Thanks for the new thread danni.

Hi autumnymph.

Dimples that sounds incredibly difficult and like you handled it really well.

Ahna sorry about the smearing, it was a phase here for a while, super unpleasant to deal with. Can you make her clothes more difficult to get out of, like putting on baby grows backwards etc?

Open amazing for the 'lie-in' hope it continues!

We're ok here. On half term. Ds's transformers obsession is strong at the moment. Currently watching endless videos of transformer toys being transformed on YouTube interspersed with constant questions about when they will be bought for him!
I am going to take ds to see the new little mermaid movie at some point this week.

[dimples76]

Open yes, DS always wants to be 'the leader'. I am still unclear on how the adoption therapists concluded that he didn't have control issues. I need to chase up the social worker.

Ahna DD always cries when DS goes for her, she never fights back - she is a lot smaller. Today after a lovely outing DS was skipping through a station and DS ran behind her and pushed her over. When she stopped crying she just kept asking why DS pushed her. I said I honestly don't know why did you push her DS? He just shrugged.

Our day out was mostly good though. I made several suggestions about where we could go - beach, park, adventure forest etc but they both wanted to go to my wor! So instead we watched the 3d printers (I will admit to finding them mesmerising) tested lots of projector screens, pretended to be judges in the mock courtroom, pretended to be lecturers with the hand held mics. Who knew it could be such fun?! Only problem is that they want to go again tomorrow- I have pointed out that I actually have to work at work tomorrow!

[Jaberwockky]

Hope I’m okay to jump in - I’ve been lurking for a few months. I have DS who’s currently in reception. He was in an accident around 18 months ago. It’s all quite vague in terms of diagnosis still, he’s lost most of his speech, low functioning ASD type presentation, suspected learning difficulties as a result of his head injury. He has an EHCP and is going to a specialist school in September. Still finding it all a bit overwhelming if I’m honest.

@Ahna65 smearing is something we’ve had (though seem to be in an off period for this at the moment) and agree it’s just stressful and shit for everyone involved. DS took to taking his nappy off and dragging his bum across the carpet. We were advised to try our hardest to not react, clean it up quietly and I guess the term would be ‘not engage’ in discussion about it. It seems to have stopped but that may have had nothing to do with it at all, I agree it’s likely a sensory thing. No solutions but I can recommend an excellent carpet cleaner 😩

[openupmyeagereyes]

dimples that sounds like a lovely day at work with the dc. I hope you got some work done today.

Jaberwockky I’m so sorry about your ds’ accident. I’m not surprised you are overwhelmed. Welcome to the thread.

We’ve had a quiet day at home. Ds spent some time drawing this afternoon which was lovely.

[Ahna65]

@Jaberwockky welcome to the thread and so sorry to hear of the accident and indeed the difficulties you’re having now. That sounds really heavy.

thanks for the smearing advice - yes I’ve been thinking to pack away any rugs I’m fond of and get some super cheap alternatives!!

if there’s a few new people maybe quick intros are helpful?

I have 2 DDs, DD1 turns 4 soon and recently got her diagnosis of ASD level 2-3. She’s in SEN pre school and she’s mostly non verbal. We went through a regression around 18-20 months.

we are based in NL so sometimes the systems are a bit different from UK.

[dimples76]

Jabberwocky that does sound very difficult. It is hard living with so much uncertainty but good that you have secured specialist provision.

DS is poorly which makes him a lot easier to be around, poor love. Think that he's feeling a bit better today - he has just had supernoodles for breakfast.

I am a lone parent of two through adoption. I have DS9 and DD3. DS was 'diagnosed' with global developmental delay as a baby. Still waiting for CAMHS assessment for ASD/ADHD/Learning disabilities (2.5 years on the waiting list). I am trying to move DS from mainstream with full time 1:1 to special school. DD does not have any obvious SEN but I think that she is hypermobile and she has quite extreme emotional reactions. She starts school in September.

[Jaberwockky]

Thank you all for the warm welcome - please don’t apologise, it’s just one of those things in life. DS seems happy and that’s all that matters to me, regardless of what his future holds. A lot of my anxiety stems from really daft things, like making friends, coping on transport etc. the friends thing was helped a bit today though, we bumped into one of his classmates in the park and I was astounded how well … accepting she was of him and his needs. She bought him over some sticks and played with him on the slides for a bit, chatting away to him. It’s very much regressed to parallel play or not noticing others are there, but it was nice to know other kids aren’t excluding him. She even told me he has a girlfriend 😂

I have DS (5) DS (7 months) and temporary custody of DN (1 year old).

@Ahna65 the flat woven rugs from ikea have been fantastic for us - I’ll try to find the ones we bought - they protect the floor and you can pop them in the washing machine.

Hope everyone’s been able to enjoy the sunshine.

[carriebradshawwithlessshoes]

Hello to everyone, especially the new posters! I have DD 10 who is neurotypical and DS 7 who has a diagnosis of adhd and severe speech dyspraxia. He’s non verbal and moved to a SS last Sep.

Just back from hols which went really well on this occasion! I’m so envious of those of you who are coastal. Both DD and DS just love the beach and sea (in wet suits), I can almost see DS changing before my eyes when we are there. The amazing weather helped of course. We were in a cottage in the back of beyond with a playground opposite but only us there so the kids had it to themselves every day. It meant that I could sit back and watch them and not worry DS was going to charge into another child or just take their drink/ crisps off them. It occurred to me half way through the holiday just how much better he was listening and following instructions and so on. Still some upsets some days for no obvious reason (which I then find hard to fathom and therefore be able to do anything about). But overall good despite a killer 7 hour drive back up north today.