Primary School Auties 10: Summer and beyond 2022

[LightTripper]

Thread 10.

Ooops, sorry, filled up the last thread without noticing - here we are at THREAD 10!! (How did that happen?)

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022

Just over 3 hours until I put my out of office on until January. I am super excited! I should be panicking (and working over my annual leave) as I am meant to be submitting my thesis in 2023 ...but I am going to deal with that next year.

Hope that those who are poorly bounce back soon. DS is on pretty good form. However, he came home yesterday with some really nasty scratches on his face and when I asked about them he started screaming the house down. I felt really worried about what had happened- it turns out that a thorny plant had pinged back in his face

I am so grateful for DN's recovery. I can't believe that we nearly lost him. Thinking about that and also getting ready for our first Christmas without my Gran has made me rather teary. Whenever DS sees me crying he always smiles in a way that I find discomforting - do any of yours do that?

No but it worries me that DS doesn’t react at all, it’s like it’s no different to him if I’m happy or upset, I’m not sure he really understands it? He does understand my cross face (appears regularly) as he looks sheepish but that’s it.

all ok here. DD finishes shortly, DS normal time. I must be crazy as I’ve offered to host Xmas this year for 10. I keep looking at our dining table which seats 6. DS won’t sit still for 5 seconds. SIL and husband don’t ‘do’ kids, they do ‘do’ very expensive alcohol and quiet, adult conversation about high end world matters. MIL is obsessed with her poor health (in her head) and talks incessantly about it. DMs pet hate is people who moan about health.

what can go wrong?!

Hope those who are poorly feel better soon and everyone else is plodding on…

Dimples I’m impressed I can hardly write my shopping list these days never mind a thesis! Sounds tricky… 😬😬😬

Oh and MIL rang me the other day to talk in confidence about how her and FIL are not ‘getting on’ any more.

Aaaaasaaasargh 😬😬

That sounds like a minefield Carrie! About the genetic tests, if the money was there I would probably do it. Particularly as you said it doesn't seem that autism runs in the family. I would want to know even if there was nothing in particular that could be done about it. But that's just me, I love to know as much as I can.

We're also hosting but will be much more low key with just dh's family. It will be the first time in four years we'll have family on Christmas Day so I'm actually looking forward to it.

Dimples the thesis sounds like hard work. I've just handed in my last two assignments of the year. Can't wait to finish this course!
Ds does react to my moods, but often they result in him being more needy and having more meltdowns. I think he's overly empathetic rather than under empathetic.
I'm so glad you nephew is doing better, such a relief!

Sorry to everyone who is sick. I've had a stinky cold this last week but it seems to be clearing up now.

Both kids are home, really can't believe it's the Christmas holidays. I predict several cinema trips in our near future

Uno sorry you’ve all been poorly again, a rough few weeks for you.

carrie good luck to you hosting that lot. Mel Robbins had a good podcast recently about not being able to change other people. I also heard a good quote last week about us setting ourselves up for disappointment when we expect things from people, or relationships, that they cannot give us. Hopefully that sort of mindset (and booze) will help you get through it unscathed.

liv congratulations on handing in assignments. Great you and dimples are now officially on Christmas holidays! Ds finishes on Tuesday.

dimples happy your dn is ok too.

Ds is very affected by my emotions. He doesn’t like me being upset with him and having an angry or annoyed face or voice.

I think "inappropriate" facial expressions is an autism thing isn't it? I definitely have an awful tendency to laugh if something really awful happens and I can see it in DD too. Sometimes I see a sly smile and I know it could be taken completely the wrong way but I also know that isn't what she's expressing by it at all - it tends to happen in situations where she thinks she could be in trouble and she's kind of bracing for stress.

I think nervous laughter is a thing even in NT people - and don't monkeys/apes grin as a warning, rather than a friendly gesture? So I think it might be a more general human thing too that NT people socialise themselves out of more quickly/successfully....

@LightTripper thats interesting. I’ve said before that the laughing when I’m telling him off or when he knows he’s done something he shouldn’t drives me insane. DD used to be genuinely mortified. DS just smiles/ laughs.

Yes, absolutely. Ds smiles at inappropriate times sometimes and I don’t think it’s because he finds it funny. Nervous laughter is a NT thing too, I agree.

I’m not having much success in getting ds ready for school!

He’s currently making up star wars Christmas songs to the tune of deck the halls…

That’s a late finish Open! Thought they all finished last Fri? Though would happily be sending mine if I could! Working today, DD at mums, awaiting family member to look after DS…

Carrie last day tomorrow here.

Working tmrw too. I’m envious that would have helped me no end! Good luck with getting out of the house!

Hi all, a bit behind, catching up. @carriebradshawwithlessshoes know what you mean re the genetic testing. Different situation because it's covered under insurance here, but tbh I was slightly unsure whether or not to go ahead with it. We decided to (waiting on results probably a few more months) because of the slight chance of finding any serious conditions that we wouldn't otherwise know about. Also at first I felt it's mostly for their research than for us (why they push it) but then I figure I'm kinda ok with that, the more research the better. I also felt a bit strange that it might feel a bit like finger pointing into whether there's a link with my / DH's gene pool (we wouldnt react that way, but for example I can see my mum being that way), so we decided to keep it all to ourselves for now and consider if we want to share with family or not.

Things still rough here. Last night two almost back to back meltdowns and a string of 1-5 being awake. Also have noticed when she's trying to regulate she's really picking her fingernails a lot atm? I went to cut them and noticed that they are a terrible mess, cuticles too. I have tried giving her a fidget toy instead but she goes back to the nails. I guess there are worse things but it's a bit grim. On a not quite related note (and sorry if TMI) she tends to touch her front bottom more than we'd like - more often when she's in the bath / getting changed but she tries to do it more than that too. No sign of infection / thrush or anything, I think she does it for comfort. I worry that trying to stop it is the wrong thing but equally it doesnt feel great. Did anyone else have a period of this with DC?

Was icy cold here this weekend so we decided to give DD an early Xmas present of a mini indoor trampoline. She loves it, which we already knew from her trying other ones at daycare and at her granny's. But I wonder if she can overuse it - e.g. last night whether the meltdowns were linked to it (could also be linked to not getting much fresh air yesterday and way too much screentime)

Happy holidays all of you finishing up - I'm working up to Friday but only 2 days in the office this week. Feels like the wind down period. Boss has been clear he wants my 2 weeks off after that to be properly "off" which is nice, and feels needed too.

Are they doing a genetic micro array Ahna or something more detailed (genome?).

Sorry things are still rough. Re the touching, DS is always playing with his willy but I think it’s a boy thing, there used to be lots of office laughter about it with people and their sons long before I had kids. DD didn’t do it but I do remember in our nct group a few of the girls doing it and there generally being smiles and not too much concern. One child was apparently always humping her fluffy toys, parents (both senior medics) used to laugh about it. Appreciate that’s not in the context of meltdowns and obv it’s different if it’s in public etc but I don’t think it’s unique to your DD from my recollections!

And yes, probably here used for regulation like with the nail picking.

Sorry to hear that things are so tough Ahna. DS constantly plays with his penis- our rule is that he can only do that in his bedroom by himself, he frequently 'forgets' the rule but if ask 'are you alone?' he stops right away. He chews his fingers and pulls his hair out. I do find it hard to see him damaging his body. I mostly redirect and try to keep on top of the sensory needs but now after school when he is exhausted he just wants to lie on the sofa pulling his hair, chewing his fingers and watching YouTube videos of projector screens that retract into the ceiling.

dimples the first time I read your post I thought it said on projector screens, now I see it says of projector screens

Ahna ds went through a phase of this when he was 4 and I did the same as dimples, told him repeatedly that it was for private time only. He doesn’t do it now, thankfully, but it can be an ongoing thing for some kids and really difficult to deal with if they have more severe learning disabilities.

Ds did go in for a while yesterday. Last day today but with a Christmas family morning so should be fun. Some of the local schools don’t break up until tomorrow which feels really late.

Hi all, how's everyone doing? DS first day of holidays today. Already he's deleted some of my word doc I was making about our holiday (trying to help apparently, also inserted the word poo randomly throughout) and then eaten most of the cheese in the fridge while i was answering the door to the postman, but all fine aside from that! Just trying to think what to do all day! We've played loads of board games, decorated the tree, played on the switch, done an Xmas activity book, and now he's settled on his kindle in his Xmas pjs. We have very little food left now and shopping not coming till Saturday and DH not finishing till Friday. Its been a grotty rainy day here too all day today. Might start doing a little present every day from tomorrow just so we have something new to do. Might pop out tomorrow for lunch somewhere or something. Seeing santa on Fri then getting all food in on Sat. Going away for a few days just in UK on 29th to break the time up a bit.
Finally done the tree. Chose to use our old plastic one this year as we have a kitten and also trying to be environmentally friendly, but I do miss a real tree. Hope everyone else is OK and the excitement isn't reaching fever pitch yet!

We are going to the library tomorrow and OH's work has a Christmas party for children. Then we're going to my folks for Christmas, so just having a different garden and playground to visit will probably be entertainment enough (all a bit dependent on getting our car back in time but they think they've fixed it today so fingers crossed can get it back tomorrow and all good to go.... I have no idea why we always have car issues at Christmas - it's the only time of year we really rely on it rather than having it as a "nice to have"! And I suppose that's my answer... this is the time of year we focus on the car and notice if things are going wrong)

Uno that sounds like a fun, Christmas holidays day! Impressed at ds eating all the cheese, are we talking cheddar or more ambitious ones like brie?

Light I hope your car is ready in time. The party sounds fun.

We are off to see Santa tomorrow. Tonight we went out for our second after dinner walk to see Christmas lights in the village. We started doing it last year and it’s such fun. We take a slightly different route each time. First day of the holidays and ds said, the Christmas holidays are fun but I miss my friends 😆

I’m having a Baileys, waiting for dh to come down so we can watch Gremlins.

Urgh really tricky bedtime. Told DS off for not keeping water in the bath, which upset him so he did it more so I said no trip to McDonald's tomorrow...cue tears etc. Then throwing stuff, trying to wind me up. DH talked to him, saying how much I care and why its kind to be kind, but he was cross with me. So I came back up, cuddled, said OK go McDonald's and yes santa still coming and all fine etc, then DS said he thought I hated him when I was cross so he thought he'd upset me because I didn't like him. So we chatted about how even when I'm cross, I still love him. I have said this so many times over the past few years but he is still so sensitive about criticism. It all comes back to his awful experience in mainstream school, they're the ones I actually hate for what they put him through.
Still, onwards. Its been a funny day. Tomorrow, we are going out for lunch then seeing the tree. And I am morphing into the easy going parent! I always forget that being strict with DS just has the opposite effect. And for now. I have a brand new series of Emily in Paris to watch!

What a busy day Uno! Fingers crossed re the car Light. Your walk sounds lovely Open.

We went to an activity farm yesterday which was a Christmas present from my stepmother. DS loves the play equipment there but you walk through the Christmas activities and animals to get there. DD and his cousins were excited to feed the animals and do the Christmas stuff but he just wanted to go on the big slide. DS started screaming in the middle of the Elf workshop but managed to snap out of it pretty quick and a good day was had by all. Today I saw my brother and family for the first time in 5 years,my sister's (autistic) kids were v confused by our reunion- why is Dimples crying? That is the longest hug I have ever seen etc - DS solemnly advised them that I am 'just emotional and like hugs'. Which is a pretty accurate description of me! I asked DS if I could have a hug this evening and he said maybe on Christmas day.

Enjoy your Baileys Open. I am watching Die Hard