Aspergers in a 4 yr old - advice please! Any books?

[FlameNFurter]

I still don't know if it is AS or just "Flamechick", or just being a 4 yr old, but I have no idea how to handle her any more

Our main issue at the moment is how to behave at other people's houses.

She clams up with the adults. Today for example - we were at Psychomum's house. She has known her since birth, spent sooooooooooooo much time with her that she is like family, completely at home there.

She started a yoghurt and didn't want any more. It is not my house so it is not down to me to say yay or nay so she was told to ask Psycho.

She clammed up, glared, refused to move from my leg.

We got over it with some grunting eventually.

She then tried to hug me with a chocolatey face and I asked her to go and wipe it - at home she would just do it, but no, she rooted to the spot, refused to look at anyone, to take the wipe and wipe her face.

We then got to the stage that we always get to - the time to say thank you for having her and say goodbye.

She clams, glares, whispers it if pushed hard enough.

She will say goodbye to anyone else, but Psycho she seems to have gotten herself into the routine that she grunts and glares and hides.

I have no idea if this is anything to do with AS or if it is just age/her.

We have tried explaining that this is what people do etc, but she just won't do it/doesn't get it.

I am drained by it. I have no idea how to handle the situation any more.

Will link Psycho to thread so that she can say how it is from her POV.

partypiece thankyou.

flame will be sooooo pleased with all the links.

I did take the cruel comment in the way you meant it.....it made me feel bad tho that that is how it feels to her IYGWIM.....

will go look at the links myself.....if nothing else then if flame gets down I can have ways of boosting her into the right responses for B....and heres hoping that the referall comes thro soon too!

Thank you so much for all of this - I'm going to sit and read all the links when DS sleeps later.

Peachy, we definitely need to try and do this meet up

I think what Psycho meant with the treating her differently is this whole thing of where I think she has AS, but I am never completely convinced (I worry that I may be seeing traits where there are none to explain her and make my life clearer iyswim) - if she isn't and is just generally acting up and we give her different rules... does that make sense?

In my heart I believe that she does have aspergers, albeit mild. I have seen the difference in her when we treat her as if she does (when we started the 10 min warnings before going home life got soooo much easier - before that it was forcibly carrying her to the car, both of us sobbing).

I was laying in bed last night thinking about getting her to look in the right direction, but not necessarily at the person's eyes etc, and then I came down and read your posts PartyPiece - it is nice to know I was thinking along the right lines.

I didn't reply to any of this yesterday evening, mainly because I kept crying - You are all being so nice, and Psycho is being so loving.

Hi Flame,

Im so sorry you are going through all this, (i remember it all so well). My DD (5) has AS i cannot really add to the already excellant advice you have been given. But i just wanted to send you some virtual (((hugs))) because i know what your going through . I actually found what your going through now much harder to cope with than the actual DX IYKWIM. Its the not knowing that was really hard for me. The thing is with AS it is often a case of now you see it and now you dont. My DD is almost NT at home its when she is taken out of her comfort zone that she is very Aspie.

You need to stop thinking that your some how to blame for your DDs problems. Your obviously a fantastic Mum who cares and loves her DCs very much, you wouldnt be here asking for advice if you didnt.

Hang on in there you will get there in the end.

It is the now you see it, now you don't side of things that makes me doubt myself! It helps a lot knowing that a child with an actual dx does it too.

We had a few tears this morning over the lack of Christmas decorations, but she had 12 days preparation for it so it wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been.

Thank you for the hugs They are much appreciated

Psycho ds1 and ds2 just got dyslexia dx's as well (ds2 isn't asd), I have a friend that attends BIBIC (I grew up next door practically) for BIBIC and finds them great, theya re fab with DS1's as, helped him long before and Paeds were interested in his issues.

Flame , don't worry about feeling abd. I had a very long cry yesterday because it still all gets to me at times, whenever a new report or whatever arrives. It's normal to feel that way and youa re lucky to have Psycho.

peachy......looked at the BIBIC website, and it even has a section for auditory processing disorder, which they are certain DD2 also has! It is not yet confirmed as the SLT people keep cancelling our Apps with them, so I still have not been seen....

not has she been seen by the ENT people, which we also need apparently.

she also has eye issues......she is long sighted anyway and in glasses, but when we went to see the optomotrist he said that her eye muscles aren't developing properly.

they have all metioned to me that they think her probs may be related to the fact that she was orn 'flat'....her cord was around her neck and she needed rescucitating (scary time). luckily, in all other ways she is entirely NT, but it has caused issues with her learning.

DS2 we fear is like it because I had a nasty car accident when I was 28wks pregnant with him and we almost lost him (I hit the steering wheel and broke ribs, he went into distress). they managed to halt labour and he finally came at 36wks, but we do think it has had a knock on effect.

tis all stressful tho, parenting, whatever type of child. tis just some are more challenging in different ways. at least life is never boring!!!

ooooh....and preening at the praise....

Definitely call BIBIC- basically they give you a call which allows you to chat and work out if its for you and if they can help you. Then you book for usually 2 days in Somerset (they can offer accomodation) and you spend the first day having an assessment where really they just chat and play games- all very child friendly stuff, you get a named therapist plus they can access SALT etc. Day 2 is more of the same, plus they give you a personal program to do at home which is designed not for the DX, but the individual child (I am v enthusiastic about BIBIC because as wella s using them for both boys, I actually ahd links when I was working in bridgwater pre-ds3).

Actually ds3 has his reassessment next week, do you want me to get you an info apck? CAT me your addy and I can pop in the post to you on our return.

Flame just booked 2nd August a week in New Forest so maybe a chance to meet up then?

peachy.....thankyou and YES PLEASE

flame will send you my addy if that is ok....still not got CAT facilities.

sounds interesting.....not least because it is all in one, and also it gets me the 1-1 time with whichever child I take (or do they take you on with both at once??).

flame here now for coffee......asking for a pack for herself too please.

flames muttering about me being a thread thief

I've got loads of stuff on social stories if you'd like a copy pyscho or Flame. You can email me on my usual email address that i think Flame has or at [email protected].

Peachy I had hoped i would be able to meet up with you if you came down again this year but we'll almost certainly be away ourselves that week.

We're nearer you the week before I think Dusty? (having a bit of a touring summer LOL- hoping that if we go out only once then ds1 will ahev to adapt only once, iyswim).

Will get those packs Psycho and Flame. they can take one or two kids at a time- we do one at a time, for the same reason- the one- one time.

Have emailed you both

I spoke to my mum this afternoon, and she says that my sister was the same - usually only with people she was close to and was very comfortable with. She says she also remembers explaining to people (in a sort of apology explanation kind of way) that this was just how her daughter was right now and there was nothing mum could do to change it.

hi dustystar ~ do you mind if I have a copy of social stories too please?

I've not recieved an email from you Flame - would you like the social stories stuff?

Blossom: I've not got the stuff on my computer but i can post a copy to you if you want. Email me at the address I gave below.

Argh - bloody internet must have crashed again as I sent it!

I'll email you again

yes please dusty. I will send you the postage costs. Thanks

I've not had an email from you yet blossom. I'm more than happy to send the stuff to you though Email me on [email protected]