Primary school auties thread 9 - spring / summer 2022.

[danni0509]

Thread 9.

Links to previous threads below.

For the parents / carers of children with additional needs, most of us have asd / adhd children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

It is sad but it's great he can explain the problem at least - it gives you a solid start. I wonder if they can split the class up more? But I guess at heart the point is always that they need enough staff to make everyone feel safe, and maybe they simply don't have it?

Light it’s not just his class, there are challenging children in every classroom and I have seen them kicking off in various places and being restrained/escorted inside or to a different room etc. as has ds. That’s why I’m not sure what the school can do. We will be pushing for more support for him but ultimately I’m not sure it’s the right setting. The question is how different other SS’s will be, and no doubt fighting for a place.

I did point out to ds (as I have before) that it’s the same behaviour he exhibited yesterday, but to him, of course, that’s different to other people doing it around him.

Wow, you sound busy Light. I took a load of stuff to the tip yesterday and it felt great. I have also arranged to drop loads of toys and books at a charity store tomorrow. I'm loving my decluttered dining room, kitchen next ..

Open as Light says it's great that your DS can articulate what's wrong but I guess that doesn't get you any closer to a solution. I was thinking of what you were saying about him not recognising that his behaviour can be like his classmates. My DS is like that with loud noises. He gets v upset by other people/things making loud noises but is constantly making them himself - whistles, bell-ringing, screaming etc. When I try to talk to him about DD and I struggling with these noises he looks completely baffled.

Hope that your hols are going well and that it's not too hot Danni.

It was DS's first day back at school after chicken pox and also a school trip. A slightly rocky start to the day as DS said I should be coming on the trip- I went on the last one and if was a nightmare. He seemed to accept after a while that I had to work. It was my first time of being alone in 10 days - utter bliss!

dimples I think it helps that he has articulated it, especially if we consider a move. Otherwise it’s just us parents making assumptions for the LA.

I just want to say again that I don’t blame the other children, many of them are dealing with trauma from their previous school experiences or other sources. Some it’s just part of their presentation. I absolutely get that. Some of the kids don’t seem to be affected by it but I know there are a significant number that are, ds is not the only one. Also, though ds can exhibit the same behaviour it’s not his norm and it’s not happened often at school over the years. Possibly that’s the case for some of the others, but with some kids it’s very frequent.

It’s so tricky. Naively, I had not anticipated this sort of problem, I was so happy to hear he had been accepted.

Light don’t put too much pressure on yourself, take a bit of downtime too.

dimples I’m glad you finally got some time to yourself.

Open I never thought that you were being critical of the other children. Did you say that you have a meeting with school soon?

We finished Stranger Things last night. It was fab! 🙌

dimples we have AR next week.

Forgot to say well done dimples! I'm so pleased for you and ds!

Open I loved stranger things too. I hope the AR is helpful. It's great that ds could articulate what's going on. So difficult though. Do you have any schools with an autism hub? Maybe the balance between SS and mainstream would suit him better?

Wow busy week light! Can't believe how soon it is until end of term!

liv there’s only one primary in the county with one and it’s 26 miles away. Even if he could cope I don’t know how feasible it is given how behind he is. There are more secondary options but all massive schools and I can’t see him coping.

Yes that seems a bit unfeasible open.

The whole ‘is he better at a SS or MS school’ is a minefield and not that simple really. I think SS will differ (to some degree) but you probably need to drill down into their make up to find that out. Is it an ASD specific school Open I can’t remember? I don’t think I posted on here when your DS was in MS. Why would he not go in then if the behaviours of children around him were ‘typical’?. If I am being completely honest, there is a massive chunk of our life that is very typical with DS and DS blends into that well… where we holiday, where and what we eat, being around other people generally and so on. Even things like cinema and panto showings I would just take him to the usual performance… he may not sit still (or he may), but he isn’t affected by that environment to the extent some children are. Whilst I moan about things like him running off or kicking the back of the seat on a plane we do not experience the extreme behaviours that some children present with and I would have fought tooth and nail for DS to remain for all of those reasons in a school with typically presenting children. BUT I think our position is very different from everyone’s on here in that he does have an extreme specific communication difficulty where his needs cannot be met in a MS school and like open has rightly said, it’s really hard to keep and develop a non verbal child with no established communication method in MS. I agree with that. Had our situation been though more of a grey area I probably would have really tried to find him the ‘right’ MS school (not this but another.)

that said, posters like Liv and Susan speak so positively about the development and progress their Dc have made in the right SS, it’s encouraging to read.

I hope you find the right setting Open for him, even if it’s not here.

danni I hope you are reading from a lounger with a large mocktail in hand 🤣

Cross posts but Open we certainly found some in between options. One unit in York which was affiliated with MS, split half into children with asd and the other half with specific Sal issues. Also the unit we looked at where children spent some time out of MS but was affiliated with MS so they spent time between the 2. I think these places are called different things in different parts of the country (Resourced Units?) but there are a lot around as ‘half way houses.’

carrie I don't think a ms school would suit ds' needs. He needs somewhere more relaxed and less rigidly focussed on academics, at least for now. What he needs is a nurturing SS that understands ASD but has a calmer mix of pupils. His current school is 100% ASD, it sounded ideal but it isn't turning out to be ubfortunately.

That's interesting Open. I can see what you mean. My most local special school takes ASD pupils but is mostly for moderate/severe learning disabilities - it seemed such a calm environment and very quiet compared to DS's mainstream school. Whereas a predominantly ASD school I visited didn't have the same calm feeling as there were quite a lot of noisy characters/children having meltdowns. It's so tricky isn't it. I need to try and book in a couple more visits.

I just got DS's end of year report. He got achieving age related expectations for computing (I wonder why?! My little ipad addict) working towards for PE and RE (I think that the latter must be a mistake and PE seems v generous) and below key stage for everything else. No surprises there.

That is interesting dimples, I wonder if it’s a more general issue then rather than just the fact our school is new and kids have been struggling a while etc.

One if the general special schools localish to us, says it’s for ‘complex special needs pupils’. Does autism fall under that as a matter of course? That’s not how I would classify ds but maybe I’m deluded. If that’s not suitable then where is there other than ms?

I know end of year reports can be hard to read but it adds weight to your request for a new school at least.

A resourced unit Open with a specialism in Asd?

I know not geographically where you are but Google ERP Haxby Road York as an illustration.

carrie I said upthread that there is only one in our county and it is 26 miles away. There are several secondary schools but only one primary.

One ERP? Ah I see! Yes that’s a stretch. I agree about what you say re complex Sen etc. I’ve just had a look at ours, it says a ‘wide range of Sen … including … asd, complex needs etc.’ so not just that. ‘Wide range’ .

The other SS says a range of needs from moderate learning difficulties….to profound and multiple learning disabilities.

I think we need to discuss with school and see what they propose to support him. We also need to start looking into an alternative provision. I do worry about moving him again and getting it wrong.

Open I guess that you need to see what school suggest at annual review and take it from there. I guess the thing is that for most of us there won't be a perfect school within a reasonable journey from home. Your DS's current school sounded ideal but obviously you couldn't get a full impression of it because it wasn't up and running. I think complex can include ASD. The special school I mentioned had a lot of children in wheelchairs and a lot who didn't really do any formal learning. But then also classes for ASD and children who could engage in more academic subjects.
My county sounds like yours there are quite a few primaries with enhanced provision but actually I don't think that there are any secondaries. I don't think my DS would cope in a big secondary though - he seems far too vulnerable.

Good news today though is that his lovely TA is staying with him in Yr4 - phew, one worry to cross off the list

dimples that’s great about the TA but I guess you’re still hoping to move him?

We’ve had a slightly better end of the week. Wednesdays are always good because they go swimming, though they won’t be next term. I have chatted with his teacher and the head and hopefully we can agree support for him at the AR. He’s had a good amount of teacher & TA time this week I think.

We have had a couple of play dates that have gone well, which is a relief because previously they were not and it seemed like he was losing confidence. Last night we went to the summer Fayre at his old school and we were there about an hour. He saw his TA’s and some of his classmates (none of whom have been in touch). I wasn’t sure about going but in the end I thought he might enjoy it and there are only two opportunities a year to do so. We have to drive past the school to go to most places (including his new school) so it’s never completely out of mind because of this.

He’s been a PITA this morning though. Awake since about 3:40.