Primary school auties step into Christmas and the New Year - thread 8

[openupmyeagereyes]

New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7 -
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Go for it Danni! It is totally unacceptable as you say.

I am about to put my final evidence in for the tribunal. Carrie I don't know how some people seem to be able to secure SALT, equine therapy, OT etc though the EHCP. I know 97% of parental appeals were successful last year so I just have to hope we. follow that trend. I am so weary but then I know I am probably going to gear up for another fight. I think that I am going to struggle to get DS's current school to say that they can't meet his needs but I am going to need them to say that and
/or have an Ed Psych say that he needs specialist aren't I. At AR in April school had said that DS would be seen by Ed Psych in Autumn term but that has not happened. DS was 4 and at preschool last time he saw an Ed Psych.

Thanks dimples good luck for sorting out your final evidence, are you tempted to stick a post it note to the bundle with TWATS written on? Haha!

I need to go to bed, dh is at work, ds has been asleep since 8.10pm, what have I been doing for the past 2 hours? Reading the send code of practise highlighting all and sundry ready for my comebacks when ds school start with me 🤣

I need a life! Night x

Oh dear Danni, I have been reading a systematic review of the effectiveness of sensory integration therapy. Rock n roll lifestyles we both have! Best of luck tomorrow, we're all rooting for you.

danni I thought that was the case but just checking. I was wondering what your next step was if school continues to be difficult but it sounds like you have a plan. Your ds absolutely deserves a ft education and if the school can’t cope as is, and there is no other suitable school nearby, then they need to stump up for additional support for him so that he has 1:1 or 2:1 and can attend longer. Good luck.

dimples good luck with the appeal. Hopefully they will cave and save you the bother.

We got into school for about 40 minutes at lunchtime, aiming for 9am today and tomorrow.

Best of luck today @danni0509. Hopefully this is the path towards either DS' current school stepping up or getting him into a better provision. One way or another he is a bright 8 year old boy and he deserves and is entitled to a full time education, regardless of his difficulties (obviously he would still be entitled if he was not bright but for me somehow it just makes it even more frustrating - that is probably horribly ableist of me but it is just such a squandering of your DS's talents).

How are things going with the meds? Have you kept going with the lower dose and is that doing better? Are you now having to wait until May until you can ask for the non-stimulant kind to see if that works better?

Thanks light I know exactly what you mean, it is a complete wasted talent, ds has had nearly 4 years in school (if I count reception, yr 1,2,3, even though we are only half way through yr3) he’s only done half of that if you think about it overall, when he’s been half time throughout, so he’s so far been robbed of nearly 2 years of his education against my will.

Regarding his medication, no I quickly went back to 10mg morning and 5mg lunch as normal, I didn’t want to keep messing around, so I just give him what he’s supposed to have, it will be at his next appointment in a few weeks i ask for alternatives x

open hope this morning has gone ok.

carrie have a nice break.

Didn’t hear from his school, not a peep! I have tried to phone the local authority twice so far and nobody is answering! I honestly can’t believe how unprofessional his school are. Time and time again they do this. Just blatantly ignore you. You would think sending an email like that they would respond?

danni I'm not surprised you haven't heard from them yet, they will be meeting to try and formulate a suitably weaselly response. Did you give them a deadline to come back to you before you do x? Might be worthwhile next time.

How has ds been on the 10 mg?

We went into school for an hour this morning. The teacher said he asked to leave a few times but was not upset so they managed to cajole him to stay a little longer. At the moment I drop him off at the classroom and then go and sit in reception until he comes out.

I went to get petrol earlier and there was a small queue. I'm not sure if this was just timing or if people are starting to get antsy because of the Russian situation. I got my Jan and Feb mileage allowance payments last week.

Oh, and when dh got home on Saturday I took myself off to our nearest garden centre and did some shopping. I felt a bit better after that.

Still not heard anything from ds school regarding the email I sent 48 hours ago….. How incredibly rude. (This has seriously wound me up, to the point I was nearly crying last night at the complete piss take of it all, just don’t know how you can blank a parent trying to do what’s best for their child!) not even an acknowledgment that it would be passed to the relevant person, just ignored. I wouldn’t be bothered if the email I sent was about a lost school jumper or lunchbox!!!

I found some more info out regarding swimming. I asked ds taxi driver to ask on my behalf this morning (not going to email when they are point blank refusing to reply to me) why ds has to come home 30 minutes early tomorrow because swimming has been cancelled and why had it been cancelled? And also to make a point of saying, if it’s cancelled in future, tell him yourself because they made me tell him and it caused loads of trouble at home for me on Monday night when I had to break it to him. Why should I have to tell him, after all it was THEM who cancelled it. Try book your training courses on a different day? It’s in ds’ ehcp he has to swim weekly, so for the sake of a training course they are breaching ds and god only knows how many more children’s ehcps!

So taxi passed the message on for me. His class teacher said to the taxi because we don’t have the staff for ds tomorrow afternoon, swimming has been cancelled because 3 of ds class team have to attend some specific training and who would usually have ds for swimming have to take the class instead….

I don’t think ds teacher realises what he’s saying.

He’s saying ds can’t have his hours increased on an email to me Monday morning because of the old chestnut ‘ds cant cope’ but then send him home 30 minutes early tomorrow because they don’t have the staff for him.

So it’s not about ds coping is it?! he could of happily stayed for his usual time in the class tomorrow with the girls who usually have him for swimming. But instead he has to come home because his support staff are needed elsewhere instead, ds the afterthought as usual.

Now do you understand why I’m so fuming that they blame ds all the time. It’s not about ds, never was with his old school and it isn’t with his new school.

I won’t have ds used as a cover up for the fact they are shit heads. And this is what I’m trying to stop.

I do apologise for all my ranting. Lol

So what I’m trying to say, (I go around the towns to make my point) Is, ds isn’t allowed to do a full day in school because they don’t have the staff for him. Not because he can’t cope with a full day as they use as their excuse.

In special school 1-1 isn’t the norm at all, so they are having to pull staff from other places for ds, and this is why he can’t stay all day because they don’t have the staff!

The exact point im forever trying to make!

No joy with the local authority yet, nobody answering the phone, but I have sent 2 emails. (Which have been flagged in my outbox)

I’m sick of people saying they haven’t received your email and pretending whatever problem doesn’t exist. My email sends me an automated email back if it’s not delivered though, so no one can say they aren’t receiving what I’m sending.

Last message, I promise.

Ds taxi driver has to use a driving app when she collects ds and drops him home now, it records her hours and speed and the drop off and collection times from ds school etc.

She said that should I need to ever prove anything regarding ds hours and school if they deny anything I have her word from the last year she’s been taking him and she can confirm regarding all the reduced hours, but if her words not enough, we now have the recorded information from the app

Random off the wall post here! In Isle of Wight a hotel, usually go self catering. How hard is one room? DD jumped on me last night to say at 2am DS was walking around. I had a fun rest of night on a sofa bed, no one really went back off! Otherwise all alright…. 🙄🙄🙄.

Ps how do your Dc all do in restaurants?? Do they like them do you take them? DS seems to start with a moan then settle down. Still trying to work out why the moan!!

Unfortunately I have a stinking cold! DH blaming my night time nose blowing for DSs waking I’m blaming his snoring!

Reading all your posts when I can!

No don’t do restaurants carrie McDonald’s drive thru only, reason I’m fat!

He wouldn’t sit down or sit still, wouldn’t eat his food, would be winding the next tables up, and at some point guaranteed he would have visited the kitchen 😂 etc, not worth the stress x

Kitchen!! Love it Danni! 🤣🤣🤣

I would go to semi formal family friendly restaurants but I'd go for lunch not dinner as impulse control tends to be better! Hope your cold gets better soon. One room sounds harsh!
I am out tonight exciting, going to my book club!!

Sorry @danni0509 also wanted to say wtaf about rudeness from the school. What a pain.

How frustrating Danni.

We went to Pizza Express yesterday to celebrate a successful trip to the dentists - I regretted it. DS is obsessed with the v steep stairs which lead to the toilets in the basement. He said he needed the toilet about 20 times. He didn't listen to me when I told him to stay at the table. In the end I gave up as I was totally ineffective and it was v quiet so he would not have been bothering anyone else. DS did visit the chef but he was invited

dimples you’ve made me hungry talking of pizza, sorry your trip out didn’t go to plan, but good news on the visit to the dentist.

I am reading a parenting book if anyone is interested. ‘The kazdin method’ I’m only one chapter in, but it seems good so far. It’s about parenting the defiant child. It had good reviews and not one I have read.

I bought it ‘used’ on Amazon for only £6. I have read so many parenting books over the years. Yet to find one to help me, so hopefully this is it! I can hope. Haha. Ds has just gone to sleep, dh is working again so going to read another hour of it. I’ll let you know if ds is behaving by the morning 🤣

Dimples and Carrie I'm impressed that you can take your kids to restaurants at all. No way ds would tolerate it.

Danni have you looked at the school complaints procedure. I would escalate it to the board of governors and then to the ombudsman if they are not responding. Unbelievably rude.

Open hope ds is still doing well at school.

Hope you had fun at book club magrat.

Finally got ds back in this week, although he's a bit unhappy about it! Most amazingly I took him to the dentist last week and he let her check/count his teeth, do a temporary filling and put that coating on his teeth to protect them. Me and the dentist were both astounded!

Very impressive liv!

carrie prior to covid, we would take ds to cafes sometimes but we'd only go to a restaurant if we were away on holiday, and always somewhere fairly casual. Ds won't eat anything they would serve so we always have to take food for him and sometimes he'll watch a screen while we're there.

We had another hour at school today, though he refused to go to forest school. It doesn't feel like we've made that much progress but trying to remind myself that:

1. he's going to school every day which is hopefully helping to reset that routine.
2. he's staying there for up to an hour without me, knowing that I'm in the building. Have to concentrate on the positive.

I think I forgot to mention that we watched The reason I jump a couple of weeks ago. I enjoyed it, though found that I was trying to work out which person was most like ds. The art that the first girl/woman(?) created was wonderful and very impressive how eloquently the guy communicated using the letter grid thing. At first glance people would most likely think that he had a learning disability. It just shows how wrong people can be.

And I finished listening to Circe Magrat. I enjoyed the second half of the book more than the first.