Primary school auties: summer and the new academic year - thread 7

[openupmyeagereyes]

New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

dimples we haven’t tried hit the button but I’ve bought the app so we’ll give it a go, thanks. The differentiated homework this week was the right level I think. We haven’t got to it all because he was off on Friday when it’s sent home. On his report she said he needs to write out his spellings in his book. That won’t happen because he hates writing so we’ll use Squeebles, though admittedly we haven’t been. Spelling is the least of my worries really.

carrie I’m sorry the meeting was as rubbish as you expected. You’re right, someone needs to defend your ds. He’s just a little boy fgs.

The school is good but we have had our moments for sure. Despite the report being reissued the original has completely soured my view of his teacher. It’s made me realise that we need to find him somewhere more suited to him. I don’t know when we’ll hear from the new school.

Open we use Squeebles too. I don't worry about the spellings either - we practice them a couple of times a week and my aim is for DS to be able to recognise the words.

We have our assessment with the neuro-developmental practitioner today so I'll be interested to see what their findings are.

I hope it goes well dimples, let us know.

I thanked the office manager this morning and she said that it uncovered others that were all red too so I think she will be re-doing a few. Yes, she's a NQ teacher but surely they teach them reports in their training? The damage is done of course but hopefully next year's kids will fare better.

Dh and I have been mulling over the school situation. I really do think that Covid has has a big influence on where we are now. My hopes for when he started at a mainstream school were that he'd largely be in the classroom with a TA supporting him where necessary. What has happened is that he spends a large part of his time outside the classroom being 'taught' by a TA rather than a teacher. I am very grateful for his TA's and they have all been lovely but they are not teachers. It's more acceptable, I suppose, when they are younger and doing lots of phonics and easier activities but as they get older it seems less and less appropriate. I just can't see things changing based on where we are now as there is quite a wide gap between what the teacher is teaching the class and what he's learning.

I think the realisation is that if he doesn't get into this school (and I know we can appeal) then we need to continue to be looking elsewhere. I hoped this would work but it just isn't.

Good luck for your ds’ appointment today dimples.

Ds class have done some activities this week during the afternoon with outside agencies visiting school to do the activities with the children, think sports coaches visiting for pe and an staff from an art gallery to make poppies with the class etc, but of course ds gets kicked out at 12 so he’s not taken part in any of it. I’ve just watched the assembly of ds class and seen it all.

Also they link up to the other classes and one of the younger classes teachers said we have 3 new students with us this term, say hello, well this assembly was at 2pm and the new children were all still at school so proof in the pudding it’s just ds being sent home.

He started in may!!

I’m sorry danni it must be hard for you and very frustrating

Hope the appointment went well dimples.

It's so tricky to know what's right open. I hope you hear about the new school soon.

Danni it must be so frustrating to see him still be excluded from things.

We're ok here. Still banging on about Christmas. Quite looking forward to having a break from the school routine over half term although I know the break brings it's own problems!

Sorry you had a rubbish meeting Carrie. It sucks they c any find anything positive to say about such a young child!

Make me feel better

how much screen time do your dc have? too much isn’t an answer btw 😂 I’m looking for hours / minutes!

It’s the only thing ds wants to do, play his iPad / play the PlayStation. It’s the only thing that keeps him still so he’s having it more than I would like.

Trying to limit it to 30 minutes before school once he’s had breakfast / dressed. 30 minutes after school once he’s had his dinner. Then 1 hour after tea before he goes for his shower / ready for bed.

Weekends is another story…..

It helps me out massively because I sit him on sofa with iPad and can do washing / tidying whilst keeping an eye at the same time. If he wasn’t on his iPad none of those things can get done.

Ha ha danni, mine has more than that so you can feel better!

Mostly as a result of lockdown and extended time out of school and not being able to go anywhere, he didn't used to have this much. Again, he wants it all the time so it's often a battle.

Honestly @danni0509 I don't limit it and I find he goes through phases of wanting his kindle more or less. Its a way for him to regulate. He gets obsessed with games but then so do it so we often do them together and I read a book when it's his turn, so I make it into a shared activity. He often wants one TV prog on the kindle and another on the TV, he says his brain likes it, and apparently this is quite common with nd kids. I used to always want the radio on when I was going homework but often got told no as a kid, when I was at uni I wrote all my essays with music on in the background! So to answer your q, on a typical day, DS will have his kindle from when he wakes up (usually 6 ish but lately 7.30!) and comes into our bedroom with it until he gets ready for school at 8.30. Then he might want it when he gets back about 3.30, and I always put the TV on as he likes the gameshows on itv, then he might want the kindle or we are doing a big jigsaw at the moment too, then dinner rolls round then I try to hide it about 6 ish so he doesn't take it up to bed with him, although I failed last night ha! Weekends, I try to have the TV on less, but DH is terrible for just switching it on as background noise. DS will play outside for ages on a non rainy day. DS does have screentime but he needs it to regulate and if I make it into a battle, with his pda, its just not worth it!!

He’s not really interested in tv, he never has been.

The amount he’s been on his iPad im suprised he doesn’t have square eyes! He sits with the wire in on charge sometimes because he’s drained it, I fully charge in on a night. He quite often shouts mum plug me in this is why I’m trying to limit it a bit, he’s been having much more than those times I mentioned above.

Thanks, yes you’ve made me feel better!

I often say to Dh what else has he got to do, he’s not interested in playing with toys for any longer than 10 mins and he doesn’t have any play dates / visits to grandparents houses, he’s awake 15/16 hours a day, sometimes longer, it’s a LOT of time to fill with a child that doesn’t want to do anything but play games or cause destruction.

He breaks up after today.

The sensory OT went into school yesterday morning and observed ds for half hour and spoke to the staff who work with him, I didn’t know that, but the head emailed me last night to say the OT wants to have a chat with me after half term before she gives school some strategies and was it ok to pass my number on.

Do you think that’s just so the OT can better understand what he’s like at home also?

danni it won't be anything to worry about. They will just want to speak to you in general, to find out what he's like at home, some history and maybe what you want to prioritise, though that may be more driven by school. Hopefully it will be beneficial

We don't let ds have his iPad in the morning before school as he finds it too difficult to transition away from it. He has the TV on though.
Weekends/holidays/evenings we don't limit it at all. As magrat says it's an easy way for him to regulate himself. We don't let him take his iPad to his room though or he's never sleep!

It will be good to see what strategies the OT can put in place danni.

Must admit I find DS just so confusing… and school inconsistent and so on. I totally understand that some nd children are very noise sensitive, don’t like lots of busyness etc. DS isn’t like this, fine in busy restaurants, shops etc etc. Yes school said this week he spends no time in the classroom because as soon as all the noise sparks up he just ‘shrieks’ and has a tantrum and has to be taken out. So why is that??? He’s seemingly spending no time in class, learning nothing. He is doing zero academic stuff there so it seems. From what I can make out it’s childcare, no more than that, despite what I know he’s capable of.

What puzzles me (a bit in the same vein as something mumofsend said about her daughter) is that I HAD thought the whole sitting thing was something he had got better with (before all recent school discussions this summer). Do you ever think your DC are getting worse??? I have a Salt report from nursery when DS was only about 2.5 and she wrote he was sitting listening to the story on the carpet and was more engaged than any other child there. I then found a headteachers award for him from feb of this year which is for ‘sitting independently and maintaining focus.’

Then they paint these tales of doom. Either he’s regressing or they were just spinning a yarn when they made those really positive comments. I find myself thinking I’d rather they didn’t say them in the first place than say them, we all celebrate, then they say something different later. Or are our children just inherently inconsistent?? Or just mine?!

Ha ha, some of the most intelligent people I know do 2 things at once. The barristers I work with often have on classical music whilst writing complex opinions and then discussing on the phone. Clearly I’m a bit thick as I’m often thinking as they are talking to me please can you turn that bloody music off I can’t concentrate!! 🤣🤣🤣

Carrie I think sensory processing can be quite inconsistent. With ds how sensitive he is depends on how high his anxiety is generally. Also different types of sounds can be an issue. Some things ds finds completely overwhelming and others (which irritate me) he doesn't mind at all.

In terms of sitting Ds has got better but I'm not sure he would be ok if he was still in mainstream. He needs the right kind of engaging activity.

Same with us @livpotter. DS' focus v much depends on his calmness levels, time of day or week etc, and the activity. I think it's helpful not to see it as a line of getting etter at sitting but rather think about other types of ways that your DS might learn. E.g. DS loves counting so we count his trampoline bounces, do treasure hunts with tines tables as clues etc. New school really focus on life skills and emotional regulation. Sitting still really isn't the massive deal that Ms teachers make out I don't think as long as, when properly supported with a sensory diet etc, they can sit for small chunks. Lots of famous people have adhd and can't sit still etc! Just seen some photos from DS' school Halloween party and he's in them!! I'm so amazed and happy right now although I imagine he probably got quite hyper by the end of the afternoon! He's there with some others, all dressed up and struggling to stand still for the pic! Moments like that alone remind me why I fought so hard for the school place.

carrie I agree with liv, there are so many variables. Think of it like a graphic equaliser. The different levels are not static but influenced by so many things - tiredness, hunger, development, anxiety etc. and progress is not always linear. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back.

I think there are studies that show listening to classical music can help concentration. I try and play classic fm or classical on Amazon music when I remember. I love it anyway.

Crossed post with Magrat.

Yes, lots of kids are able to listen better when they’re active. I think it has to be the right kind of activity, the sort that lets the brain still listen/work.

Magrat times table clues for hunts are a great idea! Going to have to steal that. So wonderful about your ds and the Halloween party!

Open I love classical music but find it too distracting to work to.
To be fair I find any noise when I'm trying to concentrate a bit much. I recently bought myself some in ear noise reducing ear plugs and they are wonderful!

It just makes me sad though as he’s suddenly the odd one out. School are taking all the kids to the panto in December. I paid for DD snd DS to go. Senco rang me 20 mins ago and basically said they didn’t want to take DS as he won’t sit for that long. I said he may. She said doubtful based on his performance in class! And if he doesn’t all his one to one can do is walk the city streets with him til the others come out…

Not sure what to respond really. I said I’d talk to DH. If he does go somewhere else this is the depressing shit I want to avoid…

carrie up to you of course and depends on your availability and work commitments. What I would do is go along and be nearby just incase he needs to be taken home. Then he gets the chance to attend, even if only for a while. Or even go with the class as a volunteer if you can. I’ve done that with class trips as I’m worried about his safety outside of school. Then if you need to take him home you can.