Primary school auties: summer and the new academic year - thread 7

[openupmyeagereyes]

New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Carrie when ds's class went to the panto (he was still in mainstream). I contacted the theatre to find out how they could help if ds couldn't manage sitting through the performance. They put together 'an escape route' for ds and reserved him a table in their cafe so he could have a quiet place to sit.

Like open said if it's possible for you to be around it might help. Dh ended up going with ds.

The school don't sound like they are trying very hard.

School aren’t. Those are good ideas, that’s a possibility I will check dates!! Thank you x

I contacted the theatre to find out how they could help if ds couldn't manage sitting through the performance. They put together 'an escape route' for ds and reserved him a table in their cafe so he could have a quiet place to sit.

That’s fab liv, good thinking of you and very accommodating of the theatre.

I agree, the school should be finding a way to include him.

Carrie I think your ds school are being deliberately difficult because they want to oust him ASAP. Arseholes for it but to be honest what exactly is he getting from going? other than being babysat (ds was always just babysat, he still is really!) schools are renowned for lying / exaggerating to get a child out quicker (they never needed to exaggerate for ds) but maybe he isn’t as bad as they say since you say he copes with noise fine and it’s no issue with you, they know exactly what they need to say / emphasise on to force a move and to say that about ds creating in the class is playing along the line of ds is disrupting the other children’s education. It’s usually the kids who need too much support that they try do this to. They can’t be arsed to put the effort in. They say they don’t have the money but I don’t always believe that because ds always had adequate funding.

I don’t believe its only me who has had this same experience with schools acting shady. I read about it often, and my sister in law is a teacher and she tells me stuff about her current school and her previous school!

Ds is poorly, his escort had a cold at the beginning of the week and ds was croaky this morning and being exceptionally viscous I gave him calpol and he went to school, they emailed me at half 11 to say he’d been coughing and crying and had been sick from coughing, I got him home at normal time and he’s got man flu.

The taxi made me laugh… aww ds why doesn’t mummy take you up to bed for a few hours, I said are you kidding!! I can’t even get him to bed at bedtime

Carrie Ds did a trip in year 1 to a national park, it was 40 minutes on a coach, he had 2-1 support and the head of pastoral went in her car and had a car seat to bring ds back with his support staff if needed. They took a box of toys in her car too and ds sat on the grass with a pirate ship for the duration. That was old school and they were awful with him usually for excluding him!

He doesn’t do any trips at this school because of covid, (they are massive covid police) but they’ve already mentioned as and when it restarts he’ll have 2-1 support.

@carriebradshawwithlessshoes definitely sounds like school aren't trying. Your poor DS, I agree with what @danni0509 said, DS' old school did exactly this. We take DS to the panto every year as a family instead and we've started going to autism friendly performances. We have a charity type group locally who organise these events but most theatres advertise such performances independently too.

Carrie that does sound rather defeatist of school re the panto. Hopefully the others' ideas would work.

DS is addicted to his ipad. I am not restricting it other than none after 7pm. If we're in the house he wants to be on it constantly. I am trying to think of positive alternative activities, our main game is having a race blowing a feather each across the room. The only problem is that DS does not want to stop that either and truth be told I get bored.

Sounds like my dh with his phone frankly!

He doesn’t seem to see the irony of telling ds his time on the TV is up whilst his own eyes are glued to his iPhone.

They are very defeatist. You are all right, they just see him as a hassle. He’s not been to a panto before danni and I kind of think, well he may like it, esp if it’s a nice class thing. If I say don’t take him, am I perpetrating him missing out? If he’s not given these chances in a school environment am I just bending to what school want and becoming partly responsible for him being differentiated from the class? I may just be around, it’s our nearest town, I could just hang around and go get him if needs be.

I wish I could get him ON an iPad!! Would you all say your DCs fine motor skills are pretty good? DSs are terrible, no way could he work the precision of buttons on a tablet. Tbh he doesn’t really isolate his index finger, everything is a flat hand palm type swipe. He’s actually very precise with a fork or cutlery but anything involving that motion of isolating an index finger he would have no idea. And then it’s chicken and egg because the less he does it the less it encourages that type of movement.

I’m feeling very fed up about him at the moment… we feel to have been stuck at this development stage (speech, attention, motor skills) for years and I just can’t see how to move it all forward. Laughably I thought school would be the answer, what a joke!

carrie ds’ FMS are good in some respects and not others. He is good with the iPad, Lego and can use his Switch controllers, that sort of thing but writing is very difficult for him. But he doesn’t try unless pushed, has never drawn or coloured. Like you say, chicken and egg.

Have you seen an OT?

Well he has drawn but it’s rare.

We have Open, I find her input very chicken and egg too. Because DS blatantly doesn’t want to, say, do a jigsaw or hold a pen she says it’s an activity he doesn’t see the point of/ has no interest in and so let’s it go and doesn’t push him. I do wonder, though, if he found the skill easier if he would then do it more. All I see happening is DS remains unable to do what other kids are doing… writing, iPad play etc. OT won’t actually get him to do anything or help him to do anything unless he looks like he wants to. So to use a silly example, if he was really trying to put a jigsaw piece together but he was struggling and really wanting to do it, she would work on that skill with him. But if she gave him a jigsaw and he just threw it in the air and walked off she would not pursue it… but then he doesn’t learn that skill unless of his own accord he suddenly wants to do the jigsaw, or write, or play on the iPad. Which he doesn’t.

Is that the right approach?? Who knows!

It also means that whereas I always thought aha! Pay an OT shed loads and they will get your child dressing, toileting, writing, riding a bike etc that has proven to be absolute bollocks because she won’t even venture on any of that with him if he shows no personal interest. But that is it right that he just stays stagnant because ‘he doesn’t want to??’

Similar to open, ds is good with his iPad, play station controller, but writing is poor, he can’t do buttons, zips, dress himself, can’t use cutlery other than a spoon. He does draw but pictures look very young nothing like expected for a year 3 child, he still draws stick people and loads of squiggles / lines and all his letters are in capitals and each one is 10 foot tall, lol bless him. He can’t colour in not whatsoever. He does have fine poor motor both schools have said the same.

I hope danni OT is better for DS but she remains the one therapist (along with salt) that I honestly don’t know what I’ve paid her for over the years ….!!

carrie does she get him to do activities that strengthen the fine motor muscles, like using jumbo tweezers, push scissors, that sort of thing?

Our OT used to do a mix of gross and fine motor work with him, sensory motor activities. Gross motor skills, particularly core, arm and shoulder are important for fine motor skills too.

I think that quite a lot of it is motivation. DS is good on the ipad and not bad at typing on the laptop. He has always had almost zero interest in mark making. He scribbles rather than draws - I don't think he has ever even tried to draw or paint something meant to represent something. His hand writing looks like a weak Reception child at best.
He eats with his hands, He can manage cutlery but he is sensory seeking. Spreading butter on toast though is beyond him. He can mostly dress himself but is v reluctant to do so and it looks exhausting so I do it a lot for him.
He has actually been assessed by 3 OTs this year, they said motor skills at about 4 year old level (he is 8). We're starting work with one of them next week (funded by Adoption Support Fund) but the focus is really sensory rather than skills and I'm currently battling to get the OT recommendations incorporated in the EHCP.

The out of sync child has fun has lots of games for fine motor development (and lots of other areas).

The trick, I suppose, is to work on the muscles by doing other activities that your child will do, like play dough, picking up things with tweezers, that sort of thing.

Dimples, we use a hairdryer with the feathers 🤣 it’s great fun! Ds loves that game x

Well we haven't been told officially but I have just received an email out of the blue with welcome and transition information for the new school. I'm feeling so many different emotions right now.

Fab news open ❤️

Well in the long term it will be x

Amazing @openupmyeagereyes!!

Brilliant news open!

That's great Open but I totally understand the mixed emotions