Primary school auties: summer and the new academic year - thread 7

[openupmyeagereyes]

New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Can his play be structured so that he is learning? I still think 7 is so young, I also think a lot of boys are quite self directed.

I do know what you mean though. DSs OT said he doesn’t do stuff in school because he ‘doesn’t see the point of it’. I find it hard to fathom, DD just had a natural interest in learning, the teacher would introduce a topic and she would be genuinely enthused. The only enthusiasm I see in DS is really for types of sensory play. How you move them on from that God alone knows…..a lot of these play therapists/ so called experts we have paid thousands to over the years say you don’t try, you just ‘join’ them in what they want to do which is well and good but then DS never moves on/ forward from that…

Glad he’s back on the toast!!

Its often power and anxiety based needs for control. My DS finds doing something that isn't his idea hard so I drop hints and try to make him think it's his idea to read a particular book for example or do some maths. I often go with it and he is learning in his own way. If I say right were reading a book now, it doesn't go well, but if I say ooh have you had any good books lately, I'm just in the mood for reading etc then he'll often say oh mummy yes I know one...I think that's why he finds school hard though. They moaned that he tried to wee outside on the slide yesterday, turns out they didn't let him in at the end of break until he'd calmed down as he was kicking a bit etc, and he didn't want yo wee himself so he did what he thought was a logical thing and went to wee outside for his 'nature wee'. He wasn't being intentionally horrid but he just can't make the communication leap to say 'I need a wee let me in' when he's already heightened. I sort of would expect them to get that at a special school but I think he's perplexing even them, one minute climbing the walls and the next doing really complex maths! Ladies, I think we should all give ourselves a pat on the back for how brilliant we are with our unique and special little people!

Can his play be structured so that he is learning?

When they are little this is much easier but harder when they’re older and they just need to write or sit and do some maths. Last night I was trying to get ds to do some (differentiated) maths homework on number bonds. All I got was fussing that it was too hard before he’d even tried. I eventually said he only had to try two and once he’d done the first one he realised it wasn’t so hard but would only do two even so. If I’d tried to do the same thing with toys in a fun way he’d be equally resistant. He knows it’s still ‘work’.

Also, all he really wants to do at the moment is watch YouTube or play his video game. We try and be enthusiastic about it for his sake, and of course there are puzzle solving skills etc. But hard to hang any writing or maths off it.

Ds won’t read books anymore, he doesn’t want me to read him a story from a book either, he wants me to tell him a story. He gives me a topic and I have to work around it, it usually involves something naughty, so last night he wanted a story about a naughty cat and a box of wash powder 😂😂 so the story had to incorporate both of those things, he gets more random by the day!

If I ask ds to make a story up though he wouldn’t / can’t.

We have the made up naughty stories too, testing consequences ha! DS refuses to write at home at all. I refuse to push it as all I get back is moaning that his arms don't work followed by disregulated behaviour. Might try teaching him how to type instead...!

Magrat ds likes to draw, usually of pictures people would find quite disturbing lol!, things like stick people going down a slide and breaking a leg so we have a slide and random broken bones all over the page and words scrawled all over like ouch, bandage, nhs etc. His drawings are still very 3 year old ish but he loves to doodle, costs me a fortune in paper! x

Ds made me laugh yesterday, I took him for a drive in my car and I was at the traffic lights and he said mummy quick look there is a haunted house! I looked and it was just a normal run down house with a smashed window

Danni sounds like you have an amazing imagination!!!!!!!

All kids are different I suppose but I still find bribery they best. Sit down, 5 sums/ spellings or whatever and then you get x. X is kept in sight and I clearly mark off somewhere as he’s getting to 5 so he can visually see he’s getting there. Would this work??

So I guess for Open, 10 number bonds or whatever then you get the game??

carrie that's what we were trying to do and what we'd normally do though it doesn't always work. Time is a bit tight this week as we didn't get his homework until yesterday because he was off Thurs and Fri last week. I just wish it wasn't such a battle.

I've just got ds' report. Absolutely horrible, all red and nothing positive written at all, albeit there isn't space to write much. It's made me so sad that she can be so unsympathetic. Even with reading which is a strength she's written he 'would benefit from reading more' even though he reads every day and it's written in his reading diary. Plus he reads to his TA at school. It's an absolute disgrace but dh has made me wait until tomorrow to email her about it.

In maths she's put that he needs to be doing KS2 times tables up to 12 x 12 which is completely laughable when he's still working at a KS1 level. We have parents' evening this week. I so don't want to talk to her.

Open that’s a joke. That’s probably a big reason he doesn’t like going to school with her pushing him like that. 12 x 12 time tables is so over the top. Even for an ordinary year 3 child.

Honestly I wouldn’t be able to tell you some of the times tables without using my calculator or my fingers to count

It’s sensible to wait until tomorrow to reply to calm down first but i should take my own advice there because I never can.

Ds end of summer report from this school was 3 lines, i know they didn’t know him that well but it was such a waste.

Will it be long to wait to hear about the new school?

Do you ever think (because I do) that schools overplay problems/ expectations because they have an underlying desire to get you to move your child? As in, it’s all part of their strategy? Maybe I’m an old cynic and maybe you don’t think it’s that, Open, but as Magrat said a while ago once school knew she was moving her son they became awkward, I am sure DSs school want to say absolutely nothing positive now as that fuels the argument that they can meet DSs needs and/ or that he has a long term future there. Do they know you are looking elsewhere Open?

I had a PM with a poster on here (not one of the usual group on here), she PMd me when I was ranting a few months ago about DSs school and she said not to take the comments they say at face value as often there’s other intentions/ motives at play. I’ve a meeting to discuss this new school year this pm with my lovely lot and I bet a pound to a penny they will be DS bashing before I’ve got through their door. I’ll let you know.

What does stress me out no end though is when posters like Magrat and Danni say that even after a SS move they (the school) are still wittering/ not coming up with strategies/ moaning. I am absolutely killing myself to get DS out of there and if it’s frying pan to fire after all this I am seriously just buggering off somewhere with DS and a suitcase (will take phone tho so I can still chat to you guys…. 😁)

Well I didn't email the teacher but I did email the office to ask if the reports had been reviewed by anyone, as it's rather a different conversation if the head teacher ok'd it. The office manager took it upon herself to have a look at his report and knew exactly what the problem was without me having to say anything. She spoke to the head teacher and the Senco and phoned me to apologise and to agree wholeheartedly with me. Anyway, it's being revised and re-issued so at least that's done.

carrie I don't think so, though I'm sure it happens. The teacher is just inexperienced. The school does know we have applied elsewhere but I told them that I did not want them to act if he had already gone because he may not go anywhere and the head teacher, who was in the meeting, said that wouldn't happen.

Our experience with the school is generally good but inevitably there are going to be some better teachers than others. This teacher is newly qualified, albeit that she's worked as a TA and as the 1:1 to an autistic child. With that in mind you'd think she'd have more empathy. We've barely spoken with her so far to be honest.

danni I'm sorry you got a rubbish report too. They absolutely could have written more than that, it's unacceptable. Especially with fewer kids in the class! How has ds been on the new meds the last day or so?

I feel a bit emotionally drained today, it makes me feel so protective of him.

What does stress me out no end though is when posters like Magrat and Danni say that even after a SS move they (the school) are still wittering/ not coming up with strategies/ moaning

Yes, very disheartening.

I think the point is though that special school isn't a magic pill and my DS still has his anxiety and communication problems to deal with. The difference is mostly in how they support him. He is now more able to understand and work through his emotions. They support his understanding and help his regulation. But no it's not a sudden thing. Our DC are also quite stressed out by Ms and how they have possibly learned unhelpful coping strategies there so there's all that to work through too.

Magrat a good point. I'm glad ds is being supported better and that you can see progress.

Open has DS tried the 'Hit the Button' game? DS is doing well at number bonds to 10 having practiced on it. He does seem to be motivated to improve his score. That said, part of his homework is meant to be number bonds to 20 on it but that's too hard. I have asked for school to differentiate homework but they don't so either I do or we don't do it. I realised last week he was meant to:
Copy out and illustrate a poem
Lexia 3 x 10 mins
Number bonds to 20 on HtB
Adverbials exercise
Spellings
And reading!
We did daily reading, number bonds to 10 and spellings - even that feels a lot.

Sorry about the rubbish reports. That's totally bonkers re the times tables.

Sorry Magrat, I didn’t put that very well, what I meant was not so much that a SS would radically transform our children immediately, more that school would take in their stride (meaning not keep reporting back to parents) certain behaviours and would just accept that as part and parcel of SEN and apply strategies. Like, DSs school currently bemoans ‘he’s so hyper, what do we do, he won’t do this or that blah blah’ and that’s their feedback to me. I would hope that a SEN school would just think ok, yep, seen this before, no great drama or need to be ringing Mrs Bradshaw about it, we will try x, y, perhaps z and then just move forward with it all. All par for the course.

But I may be totally wrong!!!

They do have different strategies but open communication if you see what I mean.
Ps I definitely felt with his old school that we were totally stitched up so it does happen.

Translation… that they would just stop stressing me out like the current school is doing!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Opens school sounds lovely. We had a rubbish meeting as expected this pm with the senco. Sat there counting in my head the negatives waiting for a positive. In the end I jumped in, said ‘I’m sorry sounding like I’m defending DS but I feel someone has to. ‘They didn’t even say oh, please don’t feel like that… just carried on!!