Primary school auties : spring 2021 and beyond - thread 6

[danni0509]

Hi. New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Everyone welcome x

Mum of send, what fuckers the school are. Sooner she’s out the better.

Ds school won’t do anything to help me out either. I had to go to my aunties funeral in January, anyway it was when he was still part time and they would not keep him 30 minutes longer even though he should’ve been attending all day years ago! Really pissed me off and I said something. I am such a Leary bastard 😂

Had to literally go to the funeral, leave the funeral EARLY and race back to school. I was fuming! I took ds back after to where my cousin was just to apologise as I felt so bad I had to leave like that.

And to your other problem, at the end of the day if your la can’t find your dd a place in your own area then they HAVE to pay to place her out of borough! What choice do they have.

Ds school is 61k per year but that cost does include his transport & passenger assistant for the back. No idea how much the taxi and pa is of that figure but that’s the full figure per year as his ehcp caseworker told me that. Wouldn’t of cost anything like that if they could of placed him local!

I hope you get something sorted ASAP. It’s stressful, it made me feel ill last September - January whilst I was ringing everyday / viewing schools / being constantly told no places / waiting for answers etc. x

Open I’m pleased ds is making progress it sounds like he’s doing great, especially with his reading which he’s speeding through those levels now! bless him x

@openupmyeagereyes I told preschool I would need to rearrange and why and they complained to my two's caseworker. Magically got a u-turn and an offer to prepare her. I feel like I should be grateful but arrggh.

So pleased parents evening went well!

@danni0509 I suspect the LA have quite a valid argument she couldn't cope with the travel out of LA, it is well documented the current 5 minute journey is a significant issue.

I feel sick with it all

Last virtual celebration assembly I had to endure today. Don’t know why I bother to log on to tapestry when I get my Wednesday email to tell me i have a notification.

No mention of ds leaving, no awards again but plenty handed out in his class, ds the forgotten child once again! The biggest insult was at the end the headteacher welcomed a little boy whose just joined the school into one of reception classes, she said his teachers are really impressed with him and he has made lots of friends and settled in and got pupil of the week, but no mention of ds leaving after 3 years 😭 I showed Dh and he never comments he tells me to stop winding myself up and even he said are they for fucking real.

So now I’ll not log in again, good riddance!

2 days to go.

He’s having a leaving party Friday with, get this..... his 1-1’s! they don’t want to unsettle him with the other children in case he gets too overwhelmed. (Because he’s not used to the other children being around him that’s why!)

One of his 1-1’s asked me if she could keep in touch with him, it’s the 1-1 I always liked from reception, year 1 and who he got back again in yr 2 after they took her away. The one who usually texts me.

She asked if she could come to the park with us or the beach in the summer for a picnic, ds would love that so I said no problem.

She said she asked the head first and the head said as ds is no longer on the school roll as long as I’m ok with it then the head is fine with it.

She’s bought him a leaving present and she was welling up today talking to me. They haven’t all been bad with him.

@Mumofsend ds very nearly crashed my car 2 years ago 🙈 that’s actually written into in his ehcp and they made no reference to him travelling out of the borough. He has to go in a taxi for 30 mins there and same back.

Do you walk her now? Or do you drive? X

That's great Open

MumofSend sorry that things are so stressful. I hope that you find a suitable space soon. Do you think that it's worth trying the school with the unit you mentioned before.

Danni that is so shitty about the funeral.

DS had endocrinology appointment today (about his growth). He has fallen below 0.4 centile for height again. The consultant was lovely - even humoured my musings re hair pulling and potential hormonal link. I told her he was on waiting list for ASD assessment and she said 'not ADHD???' as he boinged around the room ...Any way she said that she thought he needed an MOT so he is having more blood tests. He was so good when they took his blood, I was so proud. Will get test results back in a few weeks, I really hope that they don't reveal any more health probs. Just wish life was easier for DS

Hi Everyone sorry I've been reading along but been super distracted so haven't posted.

Good luck on ds's last day Danni!! You must be so relieved!

I hope you get some good news soon mumofsend. It's so hard when there's so little suitable provision for our kids.

Well done to your ds on the blood tests dimples.

Hope everyone else is alright.

We're ok. I think everyone's feeling a bit tired after 4 straight weeks back at school. Ds was up at 3.30am this morning. The new puppy is settling in well but is pretty tiring!

Are we celebrating yet danni?

I am definitely ready for a drink. How are you feeling Danni?

God yes, a drink. Why has this week been long? Nothing bad has even happened but I'm tired.

Hi. Thanks for checking in.

It was really sad today actually.

The head came to see me this morning when I dropped ds off and the senco sent me a nice email.

At home time I picked ds up and his 2 ta’s and class teacher came out, they had bought him so many presents it was unreal, each teacher in his class and who know him in yr2 had bought a gift bag and filled it with his favourite things. He had 5 bags of presents! Lots of sensory toys and fiddley things and bubbles, chalks, sweets, a new drinks bottle for his new school, they had bought him a kite and a wind spinner for the garden too.

The care taker who ds run raggid for 3 years fixing things he’d broken lol! He even bought him something and said he will miss being called to climb the roof to retrieve ds toys and balls 🤣.

The two ta’s walked me back to my car with the bags and they both cried, then it set me off. They both kissed and cuddled ds and they were genuinely upset he was leaving.

He got a hand made card from his class and each child wrote ds a message and drew him a picture, then the staff did him one too. All the teachers wrote a little message of something they remember about ds, it was really nice and personal. His reception teacher and year 1 teacher wrote messages too.

He finally got an award, it was a pupil recognition award for making excellent progress with his reading and they’ve done him a special celebration assembly that will he posted next week. His ta said it was lovely and all the children clap him and he gets really excited etc.

God I’m crying again!

Driving home ds was fine, then he started saying I love you mummy, like loads of times in a row and I thought he doesn’t usually do that then he started crying and said he was sad he will never see miss xxxxx and miss xxxxx again ( his 2 ta’s. ) He hasn’t been bothered at all when I’ve been talking to him about leaving which has been for months now, it’s just after we got in the car, it’s weird because ds doesn’t usually understand emotions or show them the only time he crys is when he can’t get his own way / tantrums. He doesn’t ever and I mean ever express anything.

We got home and have had a few more tears and he’s getting stressed trying to put his school jumper in the bin etc but I’m sure he’ll settle bless him 😢

God feel so awful, but it’s the best thing for him I know I’ve made the best choice for him just feel so sad for him x

Thanks for all your support x

Oh danni that's Set me off too, how lovely that they made it such a special occasion for him! Shame they couldn't have put more effort in to the rest of his time there. You've definitely made the right decision to move him.

Everyone definitely deserves a drink this evening, longest week yet!

danni that brought tears to my eyes. I do feel some of it is rather hypocritical though given how he’s been treated. Still, lovely they made a fuss of him. Have you told him that he will still be able to see the TA who wants to keep in touch?

Is his first morning there on Monday? I’m so excited for you both.

Thank you x

I agree about it being a shame he couldn’t of been more included whilst he was there, that’s not solely the reason he’s moving obviously but it made my decision to move him easier knowing he was always in a room on his own isolated away & not being included.

The children all wrote messages saying they will miss him & good luck but one child wrote ‘I hope you get everything you need at your new school’ and another wrote ‘I hope you can make friends’ I took photos & sent those 2 to my mum, she rang and said it’s like even the children realise and that’s exactly what I thought too! What grown up words for 7 year olds to write.

I told ds he can still go to the park with miss xxxx and he asked when so I said the summer holidays and he asked me how many days until the summer. His 1-1’s were always so lovely to him.

He’s been fine for the past hour no more tears although he keeps forgetting then suddenly remembering.

He starts Monday morning open, he’s doing 8.50-12.30 for 2 weeks with me taking him and picking him up (I’m going twiddling my thumbs out in the sticks looking for coffee shops for 3 hours) then after that 2 weeks it’s half term then he goes back after half term full time with his taxi transport.

His new class teacher said they fully expect him to be unsettled & act up & incontinence did a review last week & when I mentioned him starting at his SS she said don’t he suprised if you take a few steps back with the toileting it’s common and we hear it quite a lot.

I’m really interested to see when I will see a change in him from specialist support, I’m not expecting miracles, not instantly anyway, but liv do you mind me asking how long with ds until you could see a positive change in him? X

What an emotional time for you both. I would have cried too. It's hard to see them suffer even though you know it's the right thing. Best of luck for Monday.

I found out today that DS will have a different TA when he moves to the junior building in September after 3 years with his beloved 1:1 - I'm already anxious and emotional about that so I can only imagine how you must feel Danni

I hope they can put in a good transition plan for your ds dimples.

Danni it's hard to say because of covid etc. Getting ds to go into school easily was almost immediate even with transport. Although now since it's been so stop start it's been more challenging.
Since he's been in consistently for the last four weeks I'm getting great reports back (although he refuses to show me lots at home!). His speech has come along massively and he's generally more able to explain his emotions apparently he read a whole book independently last week.
It will be interesting to see what happens after a full year of being in class every day.

Hi everyone, sorry for dropping off the thread! @danni0509 what lovely things for the school to do in the end and what a mix of emotions for you all. You are doing the right thing, it's just we second guess any changes we make, but long term it will give him a truly inclusive school experience. That's what we want from special placement too. Found out this week that the one we want has a space from Sept so, despite LA saying he was fine in mainstream, they've done a u turn and said he can go to this other school in Sept. So pleased bit also don't know why they've had to make the last 6 months (and beyond that if we go back to the ehcna process etc) so stressful!
I'm so pleased about the decision and can see DS thriving in the environment, but I'm already worried about breaking apart the world that DS has already created at his current school. Oof its so hard!
@Mumofsend sorry the options look so rubbish.
@livpotter and @openupmyeagereyes nice to read your updates.
DS is finally allowed to bring reading books home and is on the red band but is getting bored of them. We read lots anyway but he is very wedded the idea of reading each school book 3 times for some reason, even if he doesn't like them!
Have a good weekend everyone!

So ds has not made it into school this morning. Refused the bus. Managed to get him in the car. Even with four people we couldn't get him into the school building. It's all gone to pot today ugh!

Oh no liv, did he say why? What’s happened since?

Not sure what happened but I think he had a headache. He's got a wobbly tooth so maybe it was something to do with that. We've not done anything just had a quite day at home. Really hoping we can get him in tomorrow, I don't want this to become a routine!

Oh liv! I had trouble but the opposite way round. Hope ds is ok tomorrow. Has he spoke about why? Not sure if he can articulate well enough yet? not sure ds could. Hope things go smoother tomorrow for you! What a stress you don’t need x

I’m not sure what to make of ds first day. I took him this morning as planned he was perfect going in, grabbed his teachers hand and lead the way even though he didn’t know where he was going! Separated no issues (never does to be fair, he would happily go down the path hand in hand with Fred west!)

Picked him up at 12.30 the office spoke to me through the intercom and said class having an issue getting ds out, won’t be long. So 15 minutes pass someone comes with his bags and says ds is struggling with transitioning, im assuming they mean leaving whatever he’s doing to come out to me. She said he had been testing boundaries all morning and they had to put a plan in place for tomorrow morning. But things had gone ok.

Finally got ds out 25 minutes late and he was pushing his teacher saying I’m going to knock you over so his teacher was like ds I’m too heavy you can try but you won’t knock me down. I said ds what did I warn you! Anyway he ran off down the path and wouldn’t do as his teacher said, climbing the railings etc so his teacher said come in, so I grabbed ds and his class teacher said will ring you at the end of the day. Then ds laid down on the floor and I couldn’t get him into the car took me ages to get him back to the car and driving.

So I’m sat waiting now for his teachers call, I’ve got my second Covid jab soon aswell so i hope he rings soon!

I asked ds if he had lunch with the other children he said no I had it with my teacher and I told him to not sit near me and to stand at the door and look away from me 😂

I’m guessing they’ve already figured he’s a control freak!

Well I suppose the fact he didn't want to leave was a positive! Sorry it was tough getting him home.
I hope your second Covid jab goes well, I'm having mine on Saturday! It will be nice to be fully vaccinated.

Ds is obviously quite bothered by his tooth. He asked if the puppy could get it out for him earlier?! All his other teeth have just seemed to fall out without wobbling.

Got a massive bribe for tomorrow which will hopefully get him on the bus. I can't have him at home all week.

Oh dear. Ds has had to have 1-1 this morning and needs it going forwards, his teacher said obviously this is taking support away from the other 9 in his class and 1-1 in a special school is not usual.

He gave me a list of things ds did today 🙈😭 he said about him starting adhd meds and him having severe adhd etc.

Ds was one side of the class causing trouble then straight to the other side causing trouble by the sounds of it.

He said ds is overwhelmingly controlling and demanding & he is very anxious.

He said he’s learnt so much about ds today and it’s going to be hard work on the class and class team to get ds settled in.

The head teacher has said on the 7th June ds can’t go full time and will need to do 9.30-2pm his transport starts that day and the contract has already been sorted by my LA so I don’t even know if that can be changed. I can’t get hold of transport they are closed now. I can’t keep taking him and collecting him though that’s for sure!

He said that ds managed 10 minutes in the classroom and that was it, he didn’t want the other children in the same room as him.

Just hope it gets better as we feel really really deflated x

Hope ur bribe works with ds, I’ve told ds if he comes out of school tomorrow like a good boy then I’ll be waiting for him with an innocent smoothie x