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Primary school Auties: into 2020! - thread 4

999 replies

LightTripper · 20/11/2019 10:44

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

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16
FurryCat1978 · 20/05/2020 18:25

Sorry your day was rough, @dimples76. I think you’re right to focus on your relationship and having fun... this unschooled time won’t last and if you fill it with happy times you’ll look back with fondness.

Ooof I wish my DD liked the wind as much as others. It’s one of those things that really riles her and will punch herself in the face and scream if it’s very blowy. Awful. 😞

dimples76 · 22/05/2020 07:27

Better day yesterday fingers crossed for today ...

I have been trying to speak to school re DS but not heard back yet.

DS now wants the paddling pool out all of the time. I'm so glad that he is spending less screen time but it's hard to get the bare minimum done in the house/meals prepared when I have to be outside to supervise most of the time.

openupmyeagereyes · 22/05/2020 14:01

Tricky dimples, hopefully the obsession will lessen a bit if the weather changes.

Ds will not be going back to school after the holiday. His school are really going to town with rules and distancing, which I think he would find tricky and we were only going to try and have him in for a half day. However they have also said they will prop doors open where possible to allow more air into the rooms and for him that is not safe because they also mean doors out to the playground.

We will see how things develop over the next few weeks and then discuss with them how school will be accessible for ds.

Ds came into our bed at 1:30 this morning so dh and I had a very disrupted night. He was then up at 4:50 Hmm

LightTripper · 22/05/2020 15:02

Oh God, that's bad open. DS is really bad at the moment too. He seemed to be getting on top of it for a bit, but keeps having nightmares. He was only in twice last night (and all after 6am so I shouldn't complain, but I had a big work deadline so was working until midnight and didn't drop off straight away). The night before it was 2am and 3am. Ugh. I am really rubbish without sleep.

Anyway, half term next week, so hopefully that will be good! It will be nice not trying to get DD to do schoolwork (particularly the writing - she doesn't mind the maths but really doesn't like writing unless it's on her pet topic).

She is quite keen on science and seems to want to do some sciencey things next week, so am going to try to think of some good things to do. I think quite a few of the museums have stuff on. I am working too, but I think I'll keep taking an hour or so off a day to do stuff with her (learning things she actually wants to learn with her is really fun. Trying to get her to write a poem in increments of a line a day .... less so).

Haven't heard any plans back from DD's school other than that they're going to try to do as much teaching as possible outside under gazebos, and (on the grapevine) there are less than 15 in her class that want to go back, so hopefully that means she gets to keep her teacher.

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LottieBalloo · 22/05/2020 15:16

Yep @openupmyeagereyes that's like DS's school, propping doors open and each set of 15 kids can only use specific set of loos etc. He deffo would not cope! Some days we do.more home learning than others but tbh he is finally writing now and knows number bonds to 10 so we're already ahead of his set targets. We got the deferral too so he can repeat reception in Sept at the same school all being well. And it takes the pressure off a bit! We're focusing on helping him with gross motor skills now and reading facial expressions with these lovely Thomas the tank engine expression cards the school sent over.

openupmyeagereyes · 22/05/2020 18:04

Lottie the HT’s are probably on the same calls with the same people from the LA!

Light of the two, waking in the night is definitely worse than early waking IMO. Unless the early start is from 1am...
Hopefully your ds settles down soon.

dimples76 · 22/05/2020 19:54

Oh I don't know how you manage to function with such interrupted sleep. I'm lucky that DS is v predictable and an early riser rather than waking in the night. For the past 3 months he has woken every day but wakes between 5:10 and 5:20 - I should just go to bed earlier but I enjoy my child free time too much!

I spoke to the HT today. DS is going to go back a week later than the other children. He will be with 5 other children, the teacher who is down to be his Year 2 teacher and his TA. I actually think that, that will suit him very well. They're planning to spend a lot of time outdoors. Fingers crossed!

openupmyeagereyes · 22/05/2020 20:36

That sounds great under the circumstances dimples. I wish we were being offered something like that.

LightTripper · 26/05/2020 18:01

You see I'm an amazing sleeper, so I cope OK with the night interruptions (I'm asleep again the second my head hits the pillow), but really struggle with early starts.

DS has improved a bit in frequency (only once a night) but for the last few nights it's been every night. Like you said dimples I just need to go to sleep earlier but I really like my adult time and alone time too! Still, smashed my phone last week and it went in for repairs today, so being without it for a couple of days should help Grin.

Back to school plan sounds good. Nice that he will get to get used to his Y2 teacher in a quite gentle way! I haven't heard anything from DD's school about their plans yet, though have heard on the grapevine that not too many want to go back, so hopefully she will get her own teacher.

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openupmyeagereyes · 26/05/2020 19:39

Ds has been waking around 4:30 for about the last week. Some days he’ll lie in bed chatting for a while, other days (like today) he’s straight up. My turn to get up today too Hmm

Only 50% of each year group going back at ds’ school Light.

It turns out that ds’s school will not be having external doors open except those that open onto the playground however since his TA support is being used to staff bubbles (2 adults per bubble) he can’t go back anyway. So basically ds’s EHCP funding is being used to support 8 of his classmates to return to school. HT knows I am not happy but she believes it will only be a short term issue as when they are told to take in more year groups they can no longer support bubbles. I’m not convinced it won’t continue like this until the end of term. If the R goes up then no further year groups will be returning.

LA have sent a questionnaire to parents of EHCP children asking our opinions on how needs can be best met at this time, so that’s something.

dimples76 · 26/05/2020 22:57

That's disappointing Open. I really don't see how they can bring back the other year groups unless they abandon social distancing and just go back to business as normal.

I wish I was a good sleeper Light! Last night DD woke at 2:30, I settled her quickly but then I struggled to get back to sleep. It felt like minutes later that DS came bounding in at 04:30.

I am really wondering how I will get DS to go back into school. He is constantly hugging me at the moment and I just can't picture him walking away - guess we'll just see. The SENCO who is also going to be his year 2 teacher is preparing lots of additional resources for DS but I'm not going to share them with him until the weekend before he returns in case the decision changes.

DS turns 7 next month - how can that be?! He has requested an Elsa dress with a long train. I am (rather reluctantly) going along with this but I realised today that he thinks when he puts the dress on he will be able to magic up snow and ice. I tried to manage his expectations but he clearly thought that I was talking nonsense 😂

openupmyeagereyes · 27/05/2020 08:20

Yes dimples, HT says once they have to bring in more classes it can only be business as usual. They don’t have the space or staff for anything else.

My friend’s Ds had an Elsa dress, he wore it to bits. Hopefully your ds won’t be too disappointed by the lack of magical powers!

LightTripper · 27/05/2020 10:51

Ahhh, DS loves DD's Elsa dress too! Actually she just grew out of it and got a new one for her birthday, so DS can now be Elsa full time if he wants (of course, now he can be he's lost interest a bit, but I suspect when the weather's less nice it will come back on the radar).

We got this one which lasted really well actually and has a long sparkly train (though it never needed more than a spot wash, so I have no idea if it would actually machine wash or not...)

If you do go for this one I'd go a size up (it's a bit of a beanpole dress, so won't work so well for a more robust shaped kid without a bit of alteration)

amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B016NMFKE4/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1]]

I think I read somewhere they are trying to get extra space from local authorities for autumn (community halls, sports facilities, etc.) but I don't really know how practical that is. And there will still be staffing constraints. I don't know why they are so anti-rota, as that would seem to me much more practical. 2 days in school for each half class (still with staggered breaks etc) and a day for deep clean/staff recovery/planning in the middle.

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dimples76 · 27/05/2020 14:23

That makes sense to me too.

My local authority has written to schools today to say as the R is higher here (NE) than other parts of England that they would not recommend re-opening in until 15th June. I think it helped me get through a bad patch thinking that DS was going back on 8th. Things seem to have settled a bit here - we're going on 2 walks a day now which seems much better for DS (and my!) emotional regulation.
Thanks for the advice re Elsa dress - better get it ordered

LightTripper · 28/05/2020 16:53

We've actually just heard from DD's school and they are going for a rota (more than half the class wanted to go back, so they needed to split into two groups). DD is going in on Thursday and Friday. Shortish days, and they'll be intense as there's none of the usual dance/PE/singing and only short morning and lunch breaks, so I suspect she'll be totally knackered. But she's excited about it, and she's got her own teacher and her bestie in the same group as her (also her bestie's other bestie, but I'll skim over that ... so far doesn't seem to have caused any problems so we'll just enjoy it while it lasts Grin).

I agree lots of time outdoors seems to really help DD (and DS). The longer they're out and the grubbier they get the more chilled out they are at bedtime!

What will happen with your schools in practice dimples: does that mean that they actually won't reopen until 15th, or do schools still have a choice whether to follow the national or local guidance?

I'm finding myself very anxious about covid generally again recently. I think I do OK when everything is stable (even when it's terrible, fully locked down, etc. etc.) but really struggle with adapting to new rules and working out what is sensible to do and not do when the rules change. Hmmm... can't think who that reminds me of?

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The4ks · 28/05/2020 19:34

Hello everyone, I've just found you. May I join in please?
Wee autistic 4 year old boy, supposed to be starting school in August but in Scotland so no idea when that will happen yet.
Just soooo worried about the transition as obviously haven't been able to 'break him in' as how this was meant to happen.

dimples76 · 28/05/2020 19:55

Welcome The4ks. That must be very stressful for you. Is there any scope for delaying his school start? I guess the part time start might help?

Light I think that all the schools (including DS's) are following LA advice so the provisional date for DS's return is now 22nd June. That is meant to be 4.5 days a week. Two days a week sounds good

openupmyeagereyes · 28/05/2020 21:00

Welcome The4ks.

It must be worrying but all the children will be in the same situation and I’m sure the school will factor this in. They generally ease into it in most schools with half days.

Is it a mainstream school? Do you have an EHCP or Scottish equivalent?

dimples good you’ve got some extra time to get used to the idea of school.

Light glad dd will be in a class with her teacher and friend.

I think it’s natural to be a bit nervous with the restrictions lifting. I shift between realising that we’ll most likely be fine (no known underlying conditions and relatively young) to worrying that we’ll be the exception. Mostly I try not to think about it for that reason

The4ks · 28/05/2020 21:58

Thank you.
No, no EHCP plan as yet, to be honest I'm a bit clueless on how things work.
It is a mainstream school but what they call a resource school so extra staff and facilities available.
It's a brand new school actually and has been wonderful so far.
He's back attending nursery 2 days a week to keep some routine but obviously can't do some of the things they wanted to do like show him the classrooms, meet his teacher etc.
Could possibly delay his start, nursery key worker has said if we're not happy to speak up.
I know others are in the same situation which does help a bit, it's just so horrible not knowing what's going to happen.

LightTripper · 29/05/2020 11:21

Hi @The4ks! Welcome to the thread.

It's such a worrying time to be doing anything new. If the school is good that's a fantastic start though - hopefully if you speak to them they might have some ideas - maybe he could visit on one of their inset days at the start of autumn term if they can't arrange something now, so he gets a bit of quiet time to get used to the environment before it's filled with children? Although goodness knows if we'll be in any better situation Covid-wise come September. Hopefully if they can get this track-and-trace sorted and keep working on testing and treatments we might be.

Hopefully they can take some pictures for him at least? E.g. here is a picture of your teacher, the gate, where you will eat lunch, the playground, the classroom, the toilets, etc. and they or you could do a little book or pack of pictures/cards for him to look at now and again? I've actually done a little sheet for DD of how things are going to be when she goes back next week, because she's going to be in a different classroom and going in through a different entrance, etc. so I think it just helps her to be prepared for that.

Honestly DD found the transition to Reception a bit tough even though she knew the building and people pretty well (her nursery used to go and use the playground once a week, and her nursery teacher randomly moved to Reception with her). She was fine once she was in each day, but a lot of tears at the gate for most of the first term (sorry! But she really was fine once she was in and always came home happy - it was just the transition that was hard). We did find things that worked for us in the end though (a little routine of hugs and waves and drawing a "hug button" on each others' hands).

They always surprise you don't they, either by finding something tough you thought would be OK, or sailing through something you thought would be tricky?!

Change is just hard, however well prepared you are for it. I think being patient and taking it gently once he actually starts is the most important thing. Preparation too soon might just make him anxious about it ahead of time, or might all be forgotten by the time he gets there!

With DD I never know how to get the balance right, because if we don't prepare her at all obviously that's not good and unfair on her - but sometimes (because of my own anxiety!) I think I over-prepare her and maybe make an issue out of things that would have been fine. It's so hard to judge!

Sorry, that wasn't very helpful was it? But anyway, we're here to listen and share worries and rants, as needed!

Yes @openupmyeagereyes I think a lot of my anxiety is both normal and irrational! We're probably a bit older than most parents here (40s) but in good health and no particular reason to worry for ourselves. Obviously we worry a lot about parents and older relatives or those with serious health conditions (and that probably is rational) but what can we do? They are all being fairly sensible.

I think actually a lot of what I find hard is the social stuff. Like when people invite you to do stuff that's on the edge of the rules/guidance, it feels like you're being really judgy if you say "no" (because there's this implied thing that they're in the wrong to even ask you), you know the risk is probably minimal/zero, but if you say "yes" you also know you won't enjoy it anyway and will obsess about it after. Gargh!! Hopefully I'll get over it once we're actually past next week, the new rules are in, kids are back in school/nursery for better or worse, and we can just gradually adjust to this new phase for however long it lasts.

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openupmyeagereyes · 29/05/2020 11:43

The4ks our autistic dc all had typical transitions to school and we still all worried about it, you will see that if you read back through the threads. It’s such a big change that I think it’s only natural. I do appreciate that the current situation means additional concerns though.

What is ds like? What things does he struggle with or enjoy? Is he verbal?

IME it is the staff that will have the biggest impact on how well it goes. We were incredibly lucky because the staff are very understanding, though we did specifically choose an out of catchment school for that reason. Hopefully that will be the case for you too. We did have an EHCP before he started.

Light we’re 40s too. I’m A+ blood group which seems to make me higher risk but I have been taking high strength vitamin d since end of October thanks to the change-one-thing thread. I’m hoping that will help. I also made sure dh and my parents are all taking vitamin d.

Ds still waking at 4:30! I took him for a walk this morning, it’s still fairly quiet in our village though we avoided the high street. He’s been very good going out which makes me feel guilty for not taking him for so long but really he doesn’t seem bothered either way and we have a decent sized garden.

openupmyeagereyes · 29/05/2020 11:47

We’ve been carrying on with around 40 mins of work a day. His reading seems to be really coming on which is lovely.

We rarely get to do it before 3:30 ish though Hmm

The4ks · 29/05/2020 12:24

Haha it is helpful, thank you. And you're totally right about change, its often the big things that he takes entirely in his stride and the little things bother him most!

This is his second year in school nursery. He already had to change from one school to this one due to his additional needs when he received his diagnosis. Couple of visits to the new school with us, then totally unphased by the change! Then about a month before covid happened another change from old school building into a totally new one, again unphased!

Hopefully I'm worrying about nothing!

And thanks for the picture card/photo idea, will definitely speak to the nursery and get them to help.

The4ks · 29/05/2020 12:34

Openupmyeagereyes he is classed as non verbal but does say some words and phases. Pity a lot of it is copied from TV shows ha! He does have regular appointments with SALT and his therapist usually comes to his nursery once a week to engage with him there.

The hardest part of lack of communication for me is not knowing how much he really understands iyswim? Sometimes I would love to get in his wee head!

He would definitely struggle with staying still for any length of time, he's a very active child, loves being outside and is a big climber!! Just worry how things would work for him in a classroom setting.

LightTripper · 29/05/2020 23:37

Have you seen the "Nurturing Neurodiversity" YouTube channel The4ks? Her son Dexter is about the same age as yours I think, and just starting to say a few words but he obviously really struggles with the coordination to make the sounds. He's getting there though! Anyway, I just think they seem like a nice family, it's a really positive channel, and they are obviously going through similar decisions about schools and stuff so it might have some useful stuff. She has a Facebook group too though seems to be mainly parents of younger children on there.

open I've just been trying to sit in the sun for Vitamin D (my desk gets morning sun, so I open the window fully and am hoping that's enough to get the benefit!), but maybe I should look into tablets too!

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