Primary school Auties: into 2020! - thread 4

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

That was kind of you danni. How are you feeling after a couple of days of respite? How long before the medication has an effect?

Well done Danni and I hope that you are feeling better soon.

I can't see social distancing really working for infant school children.

DD has settled in really well. She seems to be a pretty easy baby so far....I am totally smitten with her and DS is growing more attached to and confident with her day by day. He dared touch her this morning which was a first - he only hugs and kisses me, Granny, cousins etc get blown kisses if they're lucky! DS is understandably up and down. He slept with me last night and is swinging between clinginess and rejection of me. He told me that I was a loser yesterday!

Oh dear dimples!! I'm sure it's pretty natural though. It's a massive thing isn't it - and any child I think would take some time to sort their feelings out and work out their place in a new family structure. Sounds like he's doing very well generally!

Hope everybody else is doing OK too. We're all fine here. Not looking forward to the weather changing - have been enjoying the sunshine and DS being happy in the sandpit in the garden!

Light I agree, it's totally natural. This is a huge life change for the three of us which has happened during the strangest time we have all lived through. I'm jealous of the sand pit - I tried to order some sand the other day without success. We have been so incredibly lucky with the weather.

We had a pretty good day yesterday. I even got DS to wear his glasses - minor miracle. DS and I made ice lollies to help teething DD which was nice but the unanimous verdict on the result was 'disgusting'

dimples great that ds is getting attached to, and accepting dd and that you all have some time to bond together in these strange circumstances. I assume you have a few weeks (at least) off work? Up and down behaviour probably exacerbated by lockdown though? It must be very strange to little ones who don’t have the same perspective as us.

Light glad you’ve been enjoying the sunshine and sand pit. Ours never gets used along with most of the other garden equipment/toys. The most used thing is probably the slide and (at the moment) the trampoline. Hopefully the good weather will be back soon.

I hope everyone else is ok.

Things generally ok here. The iPad remains our biggest issue. Today he had a tantrum because I asked him to wait another half an hour before using it again. He shouted, hit and bit (clothes). None of it really hurts because I think it’s for attention rather than intended to really maim but that’s not the point. So now he has no YouTube until the morning. This sort of thing happens sometimes when he watches for too long. I really need to keep the periods shorter consistently.

On the plus side he’s been better about doing his school work and we’ve done about 50 minutes yesterday and today. No feedback from his teacher on any of it so far

@dimples76 it sounds like you are all settling in to your new family dynamic; I’m very happy for you
@LightTripper the sunshine has been a massive boost, hasn’t it! Hope it comes back soon!
@openupmyeagereyes sorry you aren’t getting feedback from the teacher for your lad’s hard work. It would make a difference, wouldn’t it.

Here all is calm; DD is in her element outside school. Her stims are her happy ones; lots of twirling and humming; hardly any bashy ones at all. I got her EHCP Parental Request for Assessment off last week, thanks all for your advice. I spoke to SENDIAS and the lady was awesome. I’ve joined the queue of anxious waits but I’m pretty happy with my Plan A and Plan B....all this juggling is tiring but seeing how happy she is now gives me extra oomph.
Hope everyone has a nice peaceful week...

Furry dd sounds very relaxed. What are you plan A and plan B?

Ds’ teacher emailed yesterday evening. He said ds seemed to be settling into home learning now, dh and I both laughed. Maybe he is but it’s unlikely. We’ll see

We had another, shorter, tantrum about the iPad before bedtime. Usually I’d give him a chance to earn it back by doing some spelling on Squeebles (which we haven’t used for a while but I input a new set of words) or reading but yesterday I didn’t give that option because I think the lesson probably isn’t learned then.

I’m really not sure what the correct approach is but we need to do something about this behaviour. I might see if I can find the emotion activity cards that the SALT on Coming home to autism talked about. Not that I think they will help in the heat of a moment like yesterday but they might at other times and therefore influence the trickier moments. I’m also going to write a short list of family rules, like no hitting, and put it on the wall downstairs to refer to regularly.

Furry it's lovely to read that your daughter is more relaxed.

Open the iPad is driving me mad too. Yesterday I decided to just let DS do what he wanted when we were not doing lessons/meals/walk. He spent over 7 hours on the iPad - only 40 mins of which were educational games and he also had the TV on for a couple of hours. Yikes! It was a v peaceful day here though!

No work done here today yet. Well except for some Jack and the Beanstalk story sequencing that I snuck in this morning, one of his differentiated tasks.

I really dislike days like this where I feel I’m nagging him all day. Why doesn’t he JUST DO IT AND GET IT OVER WITH? Dear God. He’s not even dressed, that’s a battle in itself these days as he just wants to stay in his PJs. His clothes are only joggers and a t-shirt 😬

Rant over.

I have discovered, quite late it has to be said, that I can look for differentiated material in Twinkl. The dc are (supposed to be) working on fractions but ds is not ready to move on to questions just using figures so I’ve printed off some more picture worksheets as I’ve used up the few in the work books I have at home.

I hope everyone is doing better than me.

Oh thanks for the tip on twinkl @openupmyeagereyes I didn't know that. The targets the school gave set for DS this term are very low in my opinion but I think it highlights how overwhelmed he gets at school etc. And that he thinks it's funny to do stuff wrong...so I'm consolidating the 'targets' and doing some of the year group work. But i can see how confused he must get at school as the activities are very chop and changey...i guess it keeps most kids interested through variety but i can imagine DS getting frustrated then being distracted and spinning etc. For example, we're learning number bonds, and the school stuff said a different way every day to practice them. We just chose one and stuck with it. What is the obsession with variety?! I reckon lots of NT kids would find that confusing as well. Anyway. He's coming along so much with us, he's just started to draw proper pictures and name them, and writing is finally starting. But I worry so much about the social side as he's missing so much interaction time. Our request for him to repeat reception is with the panel now apparently and we should find out next week. Ps I call it a win if I get DS to do 5 min phonics, 5 min writing, 5 min adult led maths and 5 min learning activity from school most days! It's also a great time to let them play and learn, cuddle them, do baking, learn about housework, think about what they care about etc. We're all doing fab jobs I'm sure!

Lottie possibly the variety of methods is because some children might find a particular method easier than another? It gives them more tools in their box but I agree It could confuse some of them.

Also, when you download something from Twinkl. If you click on the ‘more options’ box it sometimes gives an easier and harder version.

I have found it pretty depressing looking at some of the general year one materials and expectations for English. I guess I have done a better job than I thought at focusing on DS's strengths and achievements. Some of the school topics just seem bonkers for a 6 year old but perhaps my notion of what 6 year old are capable of is warped, e.g. Last week the children were asked to share their research about William Morris on the class dojo.

DS keeps waking at 5:15. He gets in to my bed and goes on the ipad whilst I doze. However, by the time we start doing school work he genuinely seems exhausted. I have told him that as from tomorrow if he gets out of bed before 6 (he has a gro clock) then we will do school work then....wondering what the morning will bring.

dimples ours have had to research artists amongst others. Lovely idea but ds is not interested. He did work every day last week, I think that’s the first full week since we started but I only attempt the things I think he’s capable of and supplement or replace at a more appropriate level if I can.

The iPad remains problematic here. It’s so hard when there is not the distraction of an activity away from home.

Sympathies on the early waking. Hopefully you’ll get a lie in tomorrow 🤞

Hello! Sorry I've been a bit absent. V busy at work last week. Hope everybody is doing OK!

So I stuck to my guns re waking early and doing school work. On Sunday night I was up with DD 1:30 - 2:30 and then DS got up determined to start the day at 4:30 and so we did with spellings! Last night DD slept through but DS was up again at 5 when again I told him he needed to rest or do school work and he opted for the latter! DD and DS are both asleep now. We have done all the work I was intending to do today apart from hand writing/finger gym stuff. It feels like it ought to be bedtime!

dimples spellings at 4:30

Good to get work out of the way but tedious early start. Ds was up at 4:30 the other day but mainly it’s been 5ish. Today we had a lie in until 5:30.

We did a good variety of work yesterday. None today yet 🙄

Light I hope you’re less busy this week.

Wow dimples you must be exhausted ... but on the other hand good to get it all done with early in the day! Does he have a bit of a nap or quiet time later with TV or does he end up exhausted?

DD has started reading in bed, which on one hand is really cute (especially when we get pronunciations of things she's only read ... maggot was the latest, which she made sound really glamorous and a bit French - "Oh Mum, I think I might have found a Magotte in the garden" "Oh yes, really, what's one of those?" "You know Mum, a baby fly!!" .... errrmmmm.... )

But main point is it does leave her exhausted in the morning, so school work has been a bit hit and miss this week. We've had to start going up 15 minutes after leaving her to make sure she's actually lying down and not buried in a book!

Work less busy too, which is nice after last week, though I'm about to walk into the office to pick up some papers I need to refer to. Will feel very weird I reckon (must be 5 or 6 weeks now since I was last in I think - the Monday before lockdown officially started?)

So very tired but some v effective learning between 5 and 6 today!

Light how lovely that DD is enjoying reading.

DS needs more sleep but I'm not sure what else to do. On our walk yesterday he was all over the place. Firstly stopping every minute to give me a hug and then on the way home screaming and shouting at me. He has become much better about talking about his feelings and when we got home he told me that he is worried that we're all going to die. My poor boy

Oh bless him. It's a difficult time.

Have you seen this e-book from OUP? Might be helpful (and free, so probably worth a try anyway!)

home.oxfordowl.co.uk/books/jon-burgerman-everybody-worries-free-ebook/

Light lovely dd is enjoying reading so much. I come from a family of girls who are all big readers (though lately mine has been mostly MN after a concerted effort last year and early this year). I’m hoping ds finds a love for it eventually too. He loves stories so fingers crossed.

Could you get her to bed slightly earlier then allow her 20 mins (or whatever) of reading before lights out?

dimples I’m sorry ds is so worried. I’m sure you have the right skills to deal with it though. School have sent us various links so I’ll see if there’s anything useful. Ds has been ok so far so we’ve had no need to use anything yet.

I’ve found the last few days quite tedious, nothing in the grand scheme of things I know. I’m finding myself wishing ds wanted to do some of the more typical kid things like baking, crafts, garden projects etc. It makes for quite a boring day when you can’t get out and about at all and some days he doesn’t even want to go out in the garden. I spend half my day trying to get him to do school work, his typical answers being: not yet, I’m just playing, not now... I know this is my problem, not his and normally it doesn’t bother me so much. I need to get a grip! Going to be more positive today.

Yesterday we didn’t do any school work until 6pm so kept it to basics. He actually did his best reading yet, I was very proud of him

Today has been better. No school work done but he did read a book with me, we alternate pages. He rediscovered the room on the broom video on the iPad so we’ve watched that, read it and re-enacted it using toys as props.

That sounds nice Open.

This morning was rough - I had a click and collect supermarket order to collect and DS refused to leave the house. We made it there on time in the end but it wasn't pretty and on reflection I could have handled the situation much better.

This afternoon however, I managed to get DS to spend half an hour in the garden - he is enjoying creating 'potions' by mixing different colour paints in water.

@LightTripper that's lovely tour DD likes to read but tricky at bedtime.
@dimples76 my DS is worried too so we just keep chatting. He's playing at being a delivery man lately to try and processes us getting more deliveries than usual! Mixing colours to make a potion sounds like something my DS would do too!
@openupmyeagereyes that sounds lovely to share a story. The moments of calm and focus are so nice, I think. DS has such big energy sometimes (very sensory hugs etc) and can find it hard to focus but sometimes we get the calm hyper focus, like today he decided to focus on a workbook and traced all the letters! He wasn't engaging with writing at all two weeks ago!
We're still trying to do a bit of school stuff most days and we have DS's set targets now, which help me to plan. His teacher dropped some extra stuff off yesterday as well, some wipeclean face templates where him and I can draw expressions on and talk about how different emotions could be shown through different expressions. He struggles to read facial cues etc so these might be helpful. He was v confused by his teacher being on our driveway though! Have a lovely bank holiday everyone.

dimples I’m glad you managed to get your click & collect. It must have been stressful. I hope you’re able to get baby formula without any issues. Potions sound fun, ds might like that.

Lottie great progress with ds on writing and school stuff. My ds finds it very strange when he sees people out of context.

We got some work done yesterday around 6pm again. This morning ds was in the garden for about an hour including a good length of time on his trampoline. This is a big improvement on the last few days.

Potions, and some other ideas, from the Five Minute Mum book.