Primary school Auties: into 2020! - thread 4

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

It's just the constant supervision he needs. It's so relentless.

My house is a total shit hole, ds is screaming all day, I can't take my eyes off him to even put a load of washing in never mind pegging it out.

He's waking at 5 and not going to sleep until 10 ish by that time I don't have the energy to get anything done and so the cycle each day continues.

All he's done is eat Easter eggs he won't even eat any normal food, I've not even got the energy to parent I'm utterly zapped (!)

Something needed to give.

Feel awful sending him in. I struggle to cope with him I fully admit that, but I also don't want him to catch anything by going in obviously!

But this situation isn't doing either of us any favours. My mental health is shot to shit and his sensory behaviour is through the roof, his stimming is also. His behaviour has took an even bigger nose dive. He is bored out of his head, poor attention span so anything we do doesn't get any longer than 2 seconds attention, can't take him out anywhere so just stuck in the house counting the seconds down and each one feels like a week.

He won't go on the iPad or watch tv at all, he just wants to run up the stairs and jump down them and then repeat. I've got 13 steps on my stairs and he jumped 11 of them the other day he pulled the stair gate off for easy access it's his new game!

I've taken him in the car driving around in circles just to pass the time away and I know I can't continue this for maybe months on end.

X

Hello danni.

I’m glad ds is going back to school tomorrow and I’m sorry that you are finding it so hard . I guess his behaviour has ramped up because he is unsettled with the change in routine - stating the obvious, not much help to you though.

Have you thought about looking into respite care for when this quarantine period is over?

I hope having some time back at school helps. Is he going to be going in daily?

Crossed post danni. It sounds very difficult. Such a long day to be in your own with it all and not have your mum to help either. Please don’t feel guilty. If he catches it he’s very unlikely to be poorly.

That sounds so rough Danni. I'm sure getting him back into routine is a good idea, don't feel bad. He needs a lot of support: it's too much for one person. This way you can get back on top of your house and get some respite and look after your own MH a bit.

Day one of home school here. The main person who needs to up their game is me! The school has set quite a lot and I am terrible at not completing stuff. I'm hoping in time I can work out what is actually realistic and a good mix of stuff, rather than trying to do everything offered (which by definition is going to be too much for at least 90% of the children, and probably for 100% of the children on Day 1 back and out of school, when everybody is finding their feet).

Not helped by the school not updating any of the work until yesterday evening (and quite a lot of it at 5am today!) Hopefully it will get easier through the week, as most of it is up now, and I have a better idea what to expect and that I need to adjust my expectations a bit.

School have just text me and said not to feel bad sending him in everyone who's working in school at the minute understands why he needs to go and she said they all take there hats off to me for managing with him. She is also getting someone from autism outreach support to give me a ring and arrange to have a chat about things and see how they can help. A behavioural therapist goes into school to train the teachers and she is going to try get him to meet me.

Also they have bought ds some ice lollies for school as it's going to be warm this week and she also mentioned his 1-1 is excited to see him tomorrow.

Really greatful they are being so nice x

Open she asked how many days I wanted him in and I said 7 hahaha.

We agreed for the full 5 days 9-3pm and I can take him out any day I wish.

We decided the 5 because it would confuse ds doing every other day or only mornings etc.

danni that’s really nice. I hope you can relax a bit and take some time for yourself. It’s amazing how different they have been recently compared to last year.

Light hopefully the school will get organised. Is this your first proper week of home learning?

Ds has refused to work today. I was lucky to get him to do some reading and that’s it. He’s been very stubborn all day

I emailed the teacher about differentiated English homework because the class homework is just too hard. He needs to be working on the foundation skills, it’s pointless me doing it for him and trying to talk him through it when he’s not listening. It makes me wonder about the work they try and get him to do at school.

Danni I'm so glad that school is being supportive and that you have a plan in place.

According to the revised support plan I received about 3 weeks ago I will be sent differentiated for DS - but no sign of it yet. Partly I'm glad as it means that I can just work at our place. Until this week the Year 1 teachers had just put loads of resources on the website - this week they have a day by day plan. We are already miles behind!

It is open! And going much better today. OH and I are taking turns to do short sections where we've already decided/agreed the content, and then stopping for a break (whether finished or not).

The school is still sending stuff through today, but now in the form of daily packages of stuff to print out, so that will work much better for next week if we can get it in advance. It's also now all structured as a base activity and then "extensions", so I'll be much happier ignoring the extensions, and I think we can get through most of the base stuff. It seems to be English/writing where she needs a lot of time to do even the base. For maths she can whizz through the base and then the extensions are useful. So I can appreciate they need to send it all out, because there will be some kids who fly through the English and struggle with the maths - but it's a bit overwhelming as the parent!

Anyway, only Tuesday and I feel like we're getting there (though have a "day off" work and both kids tomorrow, so may feel differently by the end of the day!!)

Right, need to get some very productive work-work done before lunch now... Good luck everyone. Hope the kids are starting to settle into term a bit (but if not, it's not for ever.... so we'll just do the best we can)

I got some antidepressants prescribed after a telephone interview with gp.

Sertraline or whatever they are called I'm just going to collect from chemist now!

Hope every one is ok x

danni that’s good news, I hope they help. I hope you have enjoyed your time alone today and haven’t spent it feeling guilty.

Light I’m glad things have gone well today and that you can get into a routine with dp.

No school work done here yet. Sigh.
Ds’ routine of choice is play followed by more play 😬

The teacher has emailed back and they are going to provide some more basic English tasks for ds. Now if only I could get him to do them...

I hope you’re getting more done than us dimples

Open I had to nip to hospital this morning to pick ds melatonin up and piedro boots (been needing to go for 3 weeks but knew I couldn't stand in a queue for the busy pharmacy at the hospital to collect with ds in tow you usually have to wait 20 minutes + which wouldn't be possible with ds and Dh has not had a day off in the week at all to help me) then I popped to Tesco for some food as again struggle to get anything with ds he won't sit in trolley no matter how much I force him in and he runs off hitting all the customers opening stuff off the shelf and I usually end up walking around Tesco crying etc i usually go on a night when Dh is home but by time it's that late I just cannot be arsed to go.

Phoned gp had telephone consult, picked my prescription up, came home and tidied my house, did 2 loads of washing and drying then picked ds up.

More done today than the whole of this last week.

Not feeling guilty about sending him now, he's had a good day, confused by only 4 children in and having to be in reception unit but he's been with his 1-1 outside all day he's drawn me some pictures done some laminating in the school office which he loves and they are working on some of his ehcp targets and he's come out of school in a fairly good mood.

Going to start my medication in the morning & download a meditation app tonight and do some tomorrow hopefully when ds is at school.

Turning all hippy

@danni0509 I’m so pleased you feel you have made the right decision about school; it’s a weight off in that realisation, isn’t it? 💐

All, I wonder if I can pick your brains about EHCPs? I’m still writing DD’s and I’m on the last bit: the Outcomes and Provision bit. I might be overthinking this but it seems to me that I’m expected to state targets and how they will be achieved. I haven’t a clue how to word this bit. Do I just bulletpoint what I think she needs to achieve? Could any of you give me a couple of examples from your own experience? I’ll try to include a picture below of the section and what I’ve put in there so far. Feels incorrect to me!?!
If the SENCO wasn’t currently furloughed I’d ask her!! 😧

Furry is this the request for assessment?

@Open. Yes, that’s the one.

Furry I did not have to fill in anything like that for request to assess - I guess just keep focused on the legal test. You only have to prove that your child has SN and an EHCP may be needed. I don't think that it's reasonable to identify outcomes and support needed. I just had to fill in 'My Story' which included my aspirations for DS and what works for him and what doesn't. It may be worth contacting SENDIASS?

Open if DS wanted to play all day I wouldn't mind so much but he just wants to watch YouTubers or go on the iPad, doesn't want to go outside or play! He probably did about an hour's work today so that was quite good. I also managed to persuade him to play with me in the garden for ten mind. I had a lovely message from his class teacher telling me not to worry.

@dimples76 thanks for the advice; I’ll give them a ring in the morning.

Furry I’ll look out our submission a bit later but I don’t think we completed anything like this. It wouldn’t be appropriate to do it before the assessment has clarified what the needs are. For us the outcomes and provisions were taken from SALT and EP reports with input from us and the reception teacher (this was ahead of him starting school). This was done at the planning meeting after the assessment by EP had taken place.

dimples ds would watch YouTube all day too given the chance. During the school day though he’s not allowed to watch until he’s done his school work. He’s remarkably stubborn even so - thankfully we have BT whole home so I can cut off the Wi-Fi link to his iPad. He only went outside for about 20 minutes even though it was a gorgeous day. He did his work at 3:15 in the end. We still have to bribe him with a toy for a weeks work. I was hoping we’d be able to get out of that habit but it seems not. At the moment he’s playing with Lego a lot which is good for his FMS and creativity.

danni that sounds like a very productive day, it must have been very therapeutic in itself. I’m glad ds enjoyed his time at school. It’s so sweet that they let him do laminating 😊

Hope the new baby is settling in well dimples.

Great that you're managing to get some of the work done light.

Definitely contact SENDIASS furry. They'll know more about applications in your area. Like the others I only wrote a brief thing about ds. All the outcomes etc came from the nursery and supporting reports. Like dimples says at this point you are just trying to prove SEN and that your child might need an EHCP to support.

Danni you have made completely the right choice! I'm glad ds had a good day at school. I hope the anti depressants help!

Open super impressed by everything you are managing to do!

We're all ok here. We got ds some more magformers and he is building ever bigger and more complicated 'creatures'.
It's slightly weird that he doesn't officially have a school at the moment. His old school still have him on the books even though officially he's moved to the new school.

I’m a bit concerned about what ‘social distancing’ in schools might mean for ds when they finally go back. No way he could socially distance from any 1:1 and may not follow the rules with other pupils or adults. I’m worried it may mean he won’t be able to attend.

I'm not sure, but I think that might breach the disability discrimination act @openupmyeagereyes. After all, it would effectively mean he wasn't getting an equal education to his peers because of his disability. I think they'd have to find a 1:1 who was prepared to work at close quarters, maybe with PPE depending on the circumstances....

Light I’m sure technically that’s correct but in reality I think it’s quite tricky. They would likely need at least 3 TA’s (am, lunch, pm) based on the current system and the school may have liability issues so not allow it? I really don’t know but I guess we’ll have to cross that bridge if we get there.

Hard to see it working in reception year at all, nor nurseries and special schools so I guess there will need to be many considerations for the guidelines when they are agreed.

Ds is at school at the minute and they realise social distancing can't happen. She has to be in touching distance of him to stop the things he does.

He climbs all over her and she has to take him to the toilet / get him dressed / undressed, sit beside him when he's doing work etc. Nothing's changed with that and she brings him out holding his hand so I wouldn't worry open.

It would be impossible to socially distance ds! He's been playing with children outside yesterday and the games she explained I don't think the kids will have been 2m apart

I took some cakes and biscuits in I bought from Tesco for the teachers yesterday. They seem really chuffed! Least I can do for saving me from a nervous breakdown