Do you think we parents of "Special Needs" children are more likely to be smokers?

[adamadamum]

Please, no self rightious (SP) posts, we all know the stresses. It must be nice for you non smokers to not have this addiction, but please be sensitive! I used to smoke a little before having my DD (managed to cut down to a couple a day whilst PG) but the stress of all the extra problems and worries makes giving up low on my list of priorities!

I don't smoke in front of the kids, rarely even have one in the daytime, but when they are in bed I use it as part of my unwinding process I suppose. Plus at any really stressful times I feel much worse if I can't sneak away for one, feel immediately calmer afterwards. The stress is just too much to think about giving up but I sometimes feel like I must be considered a terrible, selfish, dirty person because of it. I am one of the people you will see at night outside the hospital, stressed, fag in hand, then waiting for ages to be let in again!

And can anyone send me a few virtual ciggies please? I have run out and have had a very, very stressful day, have even lost my Nicorrette Inhalator thing somewhere (Yes of course it's out of the kids reach but I have a lot of hiding places...!) Thanks xx

sorry... a self rightious one here.
Kick that horrible horrible habit. Oh how I hate cigarrette smell. Apparently patches work wonders.
I really cannot believe you smoked while pregnant. That is a real no no for me.
Sorry... I wish I could have kept quiet. I am alreading regreting I posted.

I would never advocate smoking, its a nasty habit and the health implications are huge, however, I don't think adamadmum should be hard on herself when life is hard enough already.

She clearly knows its wrong and wants to quit which I hope she manages to do, but right now she is in a difficult place and if it helps her as a short term measure I think she should go easy on herself.

Why are some people SO nasty on this board?

None of us are perfect. Before critising adamadamum? Do you know what its like to be her? Have you ever shouted at your children? Or lost your temper with your children? Are there some days when you fail to make sure that your children have five vegetables a day? Do you have a beautiful immaculate house? In an ideal world adamadamum would not smoke, but smoking isn't the worst thing in the world.

This board should be about supporting each other not being bitchy.

I am not a proper special needs mum. My son only has a mild/ moderate hearing loss. He is neurologically typical and doing really well with his hearing aids.

My son used to have orthopedic problems which made it hard for him to learn to walk and we had to do physio for 18 months when he was younger.

I used to take a fairly high dose of anti depressants to cope with the stress. Now that my son doesn't need physio anymore and his speech is developing, I don't need the anti depressants anymore.

adamadamum, I won't give you any virtual ciggies but you can have a virtual hug and some virtual chocolates.

i wouldnt mind a fag right now tbh

ds2 is facing surgery to try and get him walking, botox didnt work enough

I know I know, I should have kept my mouth shut. I am really sorry. I have never smoked and therefore don't have a clue how difficult it is to give up.
Nobody is perfect adamadamum, certainly not me. So please just ignore me.

Chocolate and a well deserved early night!!( I wish) Thats what I turn to when I can! I have never smoked (asthmatic family) so am not tempted by cigarettes, but chocolate feels so sinful!

I drink too much- and that is related to the stress. After a day of being screamed at I reach for that bottle.
But really I am ultra interested in your comment about netmums having a secret SN section (big rucus when that was suggested here! )

I dont smoke but i have a sympathetic view towards smokers. I dont know many parents of sn children but i would guess most of them smoked before they had children anyway. As for smoking bans i think there shouls be some bars and places that are smoking to allow for people who smoke. Im not for an all out ban. Smoking is an addiction and so can drinking and gambling as well and they`re not banned.

I have no idea what consitutes special needs. What criteria does netmums use?

The word special needs covers everything from having a serious disablity to be a little bit slow to learn at school. How would you distingish between mums who 'think their kids have special needs' and those who really do?

Personally I prefer specific bullitin boards on sites dedicated to that particular need. Admitally that is impractical if you have no diagnosis. For me the period of having no diagnosis was the hardest and when I needed that happy pills.

I am just relieved that my son is doing well with his hearing aids. His gross motor skills are developing nicely now and his speech is understandable. However this would not have been possible without the help of our excellent child development centre.

The early intervention he had means that he has a positive life.

I think there are values in both approaches. I have used/sitll do use sometimes autism specific boards, but my life with ds1 is nothing like that of a mother caring for a child with high functioning autism, so it depends on the mix of people (ditto support groups etc). I actually find the coffee mornings at ds1's school the best source of support now - it's an SLD/PMLD school- so the disabilities it caters for encompasses an enormous range, but the daily challenges/level of care needed/prognosis (in terms of lifetime care) are similar. What I really like about it is that people continue to attend even after their children have left the school so I learn all about adulthood/available services etc. TBH apart from friends and counselling (which is coming to an end) it's the only place I would go for support now. Online support was very helpful in the early days though.

I was just laughing at the netmums thing because the very idea caused meltdown on here (mumsonline- can I mention them? has a similar setup I believe).

What I meant to say was for that reason I like the mumsent mix- as my situation has more in common with several people on here with non-autistic children (but with learning difficulties) than with many people with autistic children (and no learning difficulties).

So I smoked in pregnancy! Why don't you shoot me! Two f**ng cigarrettes a day, not twenty fgs. And cigarettes, not crack cocain or anything. I had an unbelievably stressful time in my pregnancy, lost my job, found out my boyfriend was not the man I thought he was.

I don't know if I will bother use mumsnet anymore. I am very depressed and this does not help. I think I may just stick with Netmums. I have never been on Netmums and found myself in tears, even more depressed than before I logged on.

adamadamum- don't worry I drink like a fish. Dh complains about having given up smoking (15 years ago) and how he wishes he still smoked! It is the stress!

adamadamum so sorry you are so down at the moment, I agree that this may not be the place for you at the present time. You sound like you do need some support in RL and I think you should take a break from mn if it is not helping you.

Maybe you should see your GP if things are that bad, we are only fleeting words here. Wish you well, hope to see you around.

Its really good that other mums on here don't feel they need to smoke to help them through the day but unfortunately not everyone feels the same way.

I am not in adamadamum's head so I have no idea what she is going through and don't feel that I have any right to judge her.

Sending you hugs adamadmum.

Adamadamum please dont be put off mumsnet. the thing about it being a public forum is everyone is entitled to their opinion but the downside is sometimes people get offended. You did well cutting down to 2 cigaretttes a day while pregnant. I know of people not even trying to cut down so dont think of leaving mumsnet over a single comment. After a while on here you will get used to different opinions.

===% and ===% ===% for later! Best I could manage! Hope it makes you smile.

Amandamum calm down. You asked a question as your thread title; it was bound to get answered.

I wish you every success in your quest to give up smoking. You can do it!

Message withdrawn

well as somebody with a bit of an overeating habit, I sympathise completely. I don't smoke, but know some fab mothers who do smoke. Some people do have strong views about smoking - but try not to take them too personally. And good luck with the treatment for depression etc - maybe when you are in a better place with that you will feel like quitting.

Adamadum - I agree with Esbee that now probably isn't the best time for you to be thinking about giving up smoking. Do whatever you need to do to get you through this. xx

I don't smoke but it just never really appealed to me tbh. I'm more likely to turn to chocolate.

Hey adamadamum, not one of us is perfect (although I'm pretty damn close ). I turn to the vino when I've had a bad day, not to mention using the office as a place to escape to

Don't give up on MN, this board is excellent for support.