DS with ASD starting school Sept 2018 - I am feeling overwhelmed

[Hurricane74]

Hi

My son has a diagnosis of ASD and is due to start school next Sept. We are in discussion with the LA about an EHCP and have a Joint Assessment Meeting for early December. I had hoped he would go to a mainstream school and see how it goes, with the option of a school with an autism unit or a SS is things don’t work out. But now am feeling very doubtful a mainstream school could meet his needs. We had a report from the LA yesterday based on observations of him at preschool and it makes such sobering reading. It puts his developmental age at 8-20 months for most areas (he is 40 months) and his understanding and listening skills at 0-11 months. (His moving and handling skills are almost age appropriate). His main issues are social anxiety, sensory issues around noise and his lack of understanding and speech. Has anyone experience of a child with similar issues managing in a mainstream setting? If so, what kind of provision did you ask for and receive? Thanks for reading.

Argh, first school visit soon. I’m so nervous. Particularly as the structured playgroup this morning did not go well. Wish me lots of luck!

Good luck Open!

Good luck, I'm sure it will go well!

It was this afternoon and went very well, thankfully. 10 of the new children visited while the existing class was there (there are four from his nursery). He interacted with several of the children, played and explored. He didn’t sit for story time at the end but he pottered around near to them and was definitely listening. He went and sat down when the teacher put a number song on the interactive white board - of course he would for the tv

He wouldn’t have really needed me there except that he ran out of the classroom and down the corridor a few times and I had to chase him and bring him back. One of my biggest concerns is that he’ll find a way out of the building unnoticed. He’s always looking for an exit. I’m not sure what will happen next week. He definitely needs someone to watch him at all times. I will email the teacher in a few days if I don’t hear from her.

That’s good Open.

I had to remind my boys school that he needed 1:1 for the visits without me.

I hope you’re all having a good weekend.

Ds having an off day today. My friend brought her ds round to play (same age) and ds hit him, ran off with his toy and said he didn’t want him to come round again. So that was fun . I think he’s tired - awake at 5am the last 2 days - but it’s no excuse.

We have our second school visit tomorrow. I’m staying for this one but they have a 1:1 for him for the last visit the following week. Our EHCP planning meeting is Tuesday. He only has two more weeks of nursery left!

liv I just read the story about your ds and his key ring at nursery. So lovely!

Thanks Open. Ds is making huge progress at the moment with his speech and communication. I'm really hoping it will continue in the run up to school.

Sorry your ds had a bad play date. Some days can just be like that, particularly in this wether and if he's not sleeping.
It's good that the school visits are going so well. I need to get onto our school as they were supposed to be organising some more days for ds to come in...

That’s fantastic liv, it must really help with his frustration - and yours!

Talking to dh last night I think there were some issues with my friend’s ds not wanting ds to play with the Lego he had brought with him and was playing with in the garden. He said afterwards that only his nursery friends could play with it. I can understand ds’s frustration even though I don’t condone the hitting.

We have the structured playgroup this morning. Last week ds spent most of the session playing and messing around with another boy. They are very similar in the sessions but this was the first week they’d really communicated with each other. It was lovely to see but not what they were there to do! Also they were quite naughty at times. The other child taught ds how to open the fire door in the room (with a push down bar) so he learnt a new skill 🙄. I expect more of the same this week...

Ah the old fire door trick! I hope it goes ok this morning!

Hi all, hope you had good weekends! Sorry about the playdate Open. That sounds tough though I'm sure all kids have bad playdates at this age and it doesn't sound like the other boy was behaving perfectly either! When we go to friends houses DD often wants to take a toy and I say "fine but XX might want to share the toy and you will have to let them have a go with it" (all except her favourite soft toy - that one is just hers and she doesn't have to share). Sometimes she decides not to take the toy out as a result, but other times she's OK to take it and share, as long as she knows that expectation beforehand.

She has had a really good weekend despite the heat (though DS, 1, is struggling a bit - naps and eating have both gone a bit haywire for him). We are having a bit of tension between her school and our nanny which is stressful. It's all a bit "he said she said" on various incidents which could be interpreted as just differences of approach or quite worrying. Whoever is right it's not a great situation to be in. Trying to get to the bottom of it without burning any bridges. Gaarrgghhh!!

Oh, I meant to also ask.

DD had a fire drill at pre-school last week. Apparently she coped OK at the time but when they got back into the room afterwards she curled up in a ball on the floor and was inconsolable crying. It never occurred to me to talk to her about fire alarms so she had no idea what was happening poor love.

Have any of you had discussions with school about how to handle fire drills? I think I've read about some schools telling ASD kids when they are coming, so it's at least less of a shock. Obviously I want her to be able to deal with a real one though... but maybe if she at least knew "there'll be one this week" then it might be less overwhelming. What do you think?

Sorry you're having trouble with your nanny/school interaction Light. It's always hard to know what really going on when you're hearing it second hand. Hope you get it sorted.

Could you do a social story about the fire drills? Then at least she'll be more prepared about what to do/where to go. Do you think it was he noise or the idea of the transition that was difficult? If it was the noise particularly maybe they could give your dd noise cancelling headphones before it happens if it's a drill. To be honest it's not something I have thought about at all, but definitely will now!

Also I forgot to ask.

Is anyone using shape coding or colourful semantics with their Dcs? I did a course a while ago where they talked about colourful semantics but my salt recommended shape coding. Essentially one method uses colour and the other uses shapes to help visual minded children to build sentences.

I really don't know where to start! Particularly as my knowledge of English grammar has always been shaky at best!

Light that sounds stressful re school/nanny. Re the fire alarm I know my son's school is writing an individual plan for him.

At our last appointment we had with our paediatrician the alarm was being tested whilst we were in the waiting room. Whilst in the appointment I was talking to her about his sensitivity to unexpected, loud noises - she asked how he had handled the fire alarm. I had to be truthful - he just calmly asked what the noise was. So unpredictable!

I had emailed school to ask if they had decided who my son's main 1:1 would be in September and if he could meet them before the end of term. They have just replied and said that the TA is recuperating from an operation but has offered to come in next Friday afternoon to meet my boy. I have said that would be great but I don't want to hinder her recovery and shall we wait and see how she is next week. I really think it would help my boy and I would like to talk to her re tolieting but I'm feeling guilty about summoning someone from their sick bed!

Light I’m sorry about the issues with your school and nanny, it must be very frustrating to hear everything 2nd hand and not be sure of the real problem. Hopefully it will resolve itself soon.

I absolutely agree with your approach on sharing toys at play dates. I tell ds that if he takes an item into someone’s house then he may have to share and sometimes he does take it in and sometimes he doesn’t. I also think it’s a good approach to tell them to put away any favourite toys that they don’t want to share if someone comes to the house. Everything else is fair game. Ds is pretty good at sharing at the moment having gone through horrid phases where he wasn’t.

Your poor dd with the fire drill. I would probably ask them to schedule a couple and give her a warning those times so she knows what to expect. Ear defenders and social stories are good suggestions from liv. Hopefully that will get her used to it and it won’t be such a shock.

liv I’ve never heard of either of those things but I’m intrigued... I’ll investigate. Sorry I can’t help.

dimples I hope your ds can meet his 1:1 before the end of term. Hopefully her op wasn’t too serious? Surely they wouldn’t have mentioned it if it was. Failing that, can he meet her next term? Most of the reception kids start after the main start date so maybe you can go for a visit then?

We had our planning meeting today. The EHCP is still not guaranteed but she said it was highly likely to be approved and she also said that she thought 1:1 would be appropriate given safety concerns (he’s a runner!). This is good news - fingers crossed! We went through all the specialist recommendations and came up with quite a long list of targets.

The reception teacher attended and she seems very good. She said that he will not receive 1:1 support from only one individual but that it will be covered by a couple of individuals so that he does not get too attached to one person, so they can manage breaks etc. and so that he can also build a relationship with her as well as them.

In theory I agree with what she says but I’m unsure how this will work in practice, for instance how they will tag-team who is watching him to make sure he doesn’t disappear from the classroom. Obviously I will ask her how she envisages this working but I’m keen to hear if anyone else has experience with this approach or any thoughts? I’m sure this wouldn’t happen but I don’t want ds’s funding to essentially fund an extra TA for the whole class. I asked dh how we would know if this was the case and he said that he probably wouldn’t be meeting his targets.

Open I have exactly the opposite problem! My son's EHCP states that he shouldn't just have one 1:1 as he could become too dependent but school seems to have decided on one and I know that she just spent three years with the same child as he went through infants. I guess I'm just going to see how it goes ...Do you think with your son that it might be more like one does ams and one pms?

Unfortunately at the school all children including Reception go FT from the same date so it is really next week or nothing to meet the TA.

Oh, that’s a pain liv. Then don’t feel too bad about her meeting him next week. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been suggested if she’s not really up to it.

From what the teacher said I don’t think it will be an am/pm split. I need to discuss it with her. Hopefully she has the experience to know what works and will be open to a new approach if it doesn’t seem to be?
Gah, so hard to know what’s right when you have no experience to draw from. His 1:1 has worked well at nursery but school is different I feel; less rough and tumble and physical play than at nursery for instance. Also it’s a transition year between nursery and year 1 which will be very different again.

Hope you manage to meet the 1:1 dimples.

The school ds is going has a similar system with 1:1s Open. For my ds I think having more than one person is a good thing as he gets overly attached to particular people and then won't engage with others. Having said that I think we'll just have to see how it goes then if it's a disaster we can always call an emergency review of the EHCP and try and tighten the provision up a bit.

Sounds like we are in the same boat then liv, we can compare notes and progress with the approach!

Ds has his last visit to school tomorrow morning, 2.5 hours without me there. I’m sure he’ll be fine but I’m really nervous about him running off.

I think we should receive our draft EHCP early next week, assuming it’s been approved. Our 20 week deadline is 1st August and they have to allow 15 days for us to review it.

I hope school visits and end of term stuff is going well for everyone.

I'm sure he will be fine Open. It's great they have got so many visits in. Great that the EHCP is moving on too.

I went to a talk on Friday about transitioning SEN children to school. It was very interesting. Put on by our early years Autism team. It reminded me to get the senco to give us a transition book and organise the transition meeting, which will happen at the beginning of next term.

I got the 'starting school' book by Janet and Allan Ahlburg today. Thinking of maybe getting a couple more so I can hopefully prep ds a bit for September!

By the way light both my kids are obsessed with the colour monster book. Good recommendation.

Hello all,

As always, it’s been ages from me. I’m so sorry and I hope you and little ones are all well.

We’ve had a lot going on, but the main reason I haven’t been around is that I’m pregnant. It’s probably therefore not the best time to have decided on the out of borough school, miles away, for my DS, but decided we have (tonight actually, after weeks and weeks of agonising).

I’m feeling a bit at sea, as we have had a very difficult road to get to this much wanted pregnancy. I’m having a big wobble (hence the time!) as we are trying to plan for the school that we think is best for DS, and we think this one is it, but I can’t help wondering if we are embarking upon a totally crazy plan given our situation now (god willing everything goes ok). I guess we can only do our best. Anyway, enough of this stream of consciousness, I will try and catch up! Sorry again. As my post probably shows, I have been a bit all over the place!

EHCP still not finalised here and nursery finishes this week!
Hugs to all xx

Congratulations seeking!

Wow you have so much going on! I'm sure you've picked the right school and I think younger babies just have a way of slotting in with what is already going on. Frustrating that the EHCP is still dragging on.
I hope you're feeling ok.