You know you have special needs child when......

[ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG]

(a thread like this was the first I ever encountered on MN and I cried with laughter and relief. So can we have another one? It's too long ago to be able to find and resurrect..)

You know you have an SN child when...

..everything in your house is getting higher and higher in order to keep it out of harm's way.. so high that even poor-little-short-DH can't reach some things...

.. your storage cupboards are fixed together with hair bobbles...

..you have a whole filing cabinet devoted to the your SN child's various reams of paperwork...

You can write an essay on the subject of your child's difficulties but can't quite remember your own name

Youd do three lots of washing a day (see other threads LOL)

You're best friends with the lady at the NAS, which is handy coz your best friends up and vanished....

But the friends who have stayed, you know are worth having and you are eternally grateful for them.

Yopu understand the TRUE nature of unconditional love

...you are woken up in the morning by the strong and unmistakable stench of poo that you know is not just in a dirty nappy...

..Your non-disabled children don't bother showing you letters that they bring home from school (and end up missing out on stuff) because they know you'll say "..I'll look at it later..." and then forget entirely..

[oh dear these were supposed to be mainly funny.. the last thread was.. not sad like these... ]

• you go round to your friend's house and absent-mindedly start lining her children's toy cars up in a perfectly straight line, because that's how they always are in your house.

• you spend two hours food shopping, as you have to check every label twice, and then double check certain items with customer services, just to ensure there is no gluten, casein, colourings or sweeteners.

• you spend a fortune going out for the day because the neighbour's son is having a birthday party, complete with balloons on the gate and bouncy castle in the front garden, and your DS hasn't been invited.

• you have a huge birthday party for your DS and invite everyone, because your children know it is mean to leave anyone out.

....you turn a blind eye to every 'bad' behaviour...a just focus on the odd few that really need sorting (much to the the family's disaproval!)[or poeple laugh at something your SN child does to a sibling...which really destroys all the work you've been doing to stop that behaviour]

........You are surrounded by the latest obsessive collection that your dear little one has....and you don't notice the clutter untill someone visits (which thank god is not very often)[currently mine are making hundreds of paper aeroplanes!]

.......You meet some fantastic people who live the life you live.

..You find yourself Makaton-signing instructions to best friend's BT child.. and because they are such close friends who are always there for you, they calmly sign the answer back...

..you panic at a cafe because you realise that you don't have your child's medication with you that he needs when he eats.. and then realise you don't hae that child with you..!

...Your SN child rarely gets invited to the parties of the children at his mainstream school, not becase he doesn't have friends but because they parents (one assumes) are scared of what it would entail...

(*NT not BT!)

When you say to mothers of an NT 1 year old - "Is she sitting up on her own yet?"

You ask for a drink in abar bu using Makaton. Sign 'thank you' at shop assistants and ask waiters 'where the toilet is' signing the word toilet.!

When you are amazed when your friends kids, some even younger than your own child, talk to you, actually have a conversation with you, with long words all joined together and everything!

(Humphrey, about the neighbour's party...)

You start to wonder if you have been featured on crimwatch you get stared at that often

You understand the true joy in little things when your three year old says his name for the first time (mine did yesterday)

You learn not to care if you upset people so long as you are doing the best for your own (OK I'm still trying toa chieve this one)

humprey-took the words out of my mouth!

.....when you go clothes shopping and you either buy several of the same item in various sizes...or you have to examine new items for 'pokey bits' or 'scratchy pictures'...which mean the item will be stuffed in a corner NEVER to be worn!!!

....people stare as they walk past your house (cos they can hear blood curdling screams)

....people assume you work somewhere with children 'like that'.....yes someone has actually asked me where i worked cos they had seen me working with 'those kids'

And I agree with the learning the true meaning of unconditional love.

(have to ditto the party thing- sam doesn't get invites any more either, and he realises too)

...you desperately wait for the day when you can calmly rise above the staring and ridicule some NT children in public places subject your child to... instead of wanting to murder them.. and then their parents...

..You only have one solitary person whose house you can visit because only this one soltitary person has a 'SN-child-proofed' their house (especially for you)..

..You can't remember a time when cooking dinner meant cooking one thing. These days it's dairy free this.. high fat that.. and low fat the other...

You phone everyone you know to tell them your 5 year old child recognised her name written down / said 4 words joined up / took 4 steps unaided and so on

....you actually have a few miutes wITHOUT your child...and you spend it fretting about what they are doing etc (and dreading how hyper they will be when they return)

.......you take 30 minutes preparing them to go out ... 10 minutes ranting about why they have to go out....20 minutes to just get everyone in the car...then another 10 to strap them in

.........you can only ever find 1 shoe....and the pair you do find are rejected as 'bad'

....you cannot find your child in his bed....but in a toybox - ofcourse...asleep!

..You pay for a birthday party at a soft play centre for your child.. and no-one at all from school turns up.. (thank God for the children of the ever-faithful-best-friends!)

..Your mobile phone contacts section is FULL of weird acronyms... SALT, ENT, PT...

..You have to phone Sky at least monthly and order another viewing card at a tenner a time.. because you child likes to eat them...

when you phone an ambulance because your baby is unconcious and then you have to deal with a) your 7 year old trying to steal calpol whilst you're otherwise occupied, b) your 7 year old trying to sniff the paramedics and climb into their laps and c) you can't leave in the ambulance until someone arrives to look after ds1 - and when granny does arrive he goes ballistic because granny takes him out for a walk as soon he arrives- she shouldn't be helping out with sick babies.

Oh the joys.

....people start conversations with..."i don't know how you cope"
or "You ARE good to let your children do THAT"

oh shiny happy that's sad about the birthday party.

We have the same thing with houses- one friend I can visit and not have to follow ds1 around. Alll other houses are difficult.

...yes JJ...reminds me...

...your husband manages to drill through the electric cable...causing powercut...and all your son can do is scream cos his t.v programme has been switched off without warning....no concern that dad is unconscious on kitchen floor.

..You can't drive anywhere with your SN child without someone else present, because he can escape from any restraint...

..You crave being able to sleep in the pitch dark again, but don't dare to because you need to be able to watch your child on and off all night on the black and white monitor that you have 2 inches from your face as you sleep..

..Your NT children are completely unphased by any kind of disability and go out of their way to engage with children in wheelchairs that they see in public places..

..You can't remember what it felt like to sleep ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT as this last happened so many years ago..

oh and that reminds me Mrs F - you leave a drill in the kitchen for 2 seconds to collect something from the other room, when you go back in your child has it next to their face (1cm away) full speed, waving the drill bit backwards and forwards in front of their eyes stimming.

..the bedroom carpet smells permanently of a weird and mixture of Shake n Vac.. and shit..

..You have a whole kitchen cupboard filled with medication.. and nothing else..

When you try not to cry in public when your child has not been given any role in the school concert, and has to sit next to a teacher and press the button on the tape recorder.

(Don't get me started on 'inclusion'! )

When you try not to cry in public when you move them to a better school, and they are given a role in the nativity play - and they perform it perfectly!

..when you try not cry in public, because for no reason at all, the enormity of it all, plus all the other everyday problems, have suddenly become too much and you just have no idea how will cope for one more minute...

..when you wonder how the hell you and the DH you love but have no time for stay to together.. and then wonder how long you will.. and how the hell you'd cope practically without him.. and furthermore how the hell you'd cope emotionally without him...