You know you have special needs child when......

[ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG]

(a thread like this was the first I ever encountered on MN and I cried with laughter and relief. So can we have another one? It's too long ago to be able to find and resurrect..)

You know you have an SN child when...

..everything in your house is getting higher and higher in order to keep it out of harm's way.. so high that even poor-little-short-DH can't reach some things...

.. your storage cupboards are fixed together with hair bobbles...

..you have a whole filing cabinet devoted to the your SN child's various reams of paperwork...

your db invites you for christmas. says it will be a squash and dd would have to sleep in your bed. you roll around the floor laughing at the very idea of her sleeping.(staying at home where she can sleep in her bed)

you find yourself looking at new fashions and thinking "now would i be able to run down the road wearing that if DS gets out"

all your "freinds" are actually just words on a screen

you get a sense of extreme guilt at the sound of a child telling his mummy that a boy hit him at school today....then an overwhelming releif when he says it was "Johnny" not DS

The woman at SN LEA knows who you are just from your voice on the phone.

the SENCO knows where your going to do youe christmas shopping and exactly how long you will be.

you get rather excited about the sight of your child eating a carrot

ROFL at some of these!

MrsF - I could've typed exactly the same post about the toilet and wee. I've learned never to venture into the toilet in the dark with bare feet. (The room with the toilet in it, just in case anyone takes it too literally).

Which reminds me of another one:

...You spend time carefully phrasing everything so that it can't be wrongly interpreted by your literal-minded children - only to realise that the woman in the shop thinks that you are a mad woman because you've just taken a good two minutes to phrase the question asking if they have any more bread in the back of the shop.

...when you go clothes-shopping for your children you buy at least three of everything in case it becomes the new favourite item of clothing and you don't want to add to those 3 loads of washing that are already being done each day.

...you realise that your 7mth-old baby spends less time crying than your 6yr-old does.

...people with only NT children think you are mad because you are excited about the fact that your baby cries when left unattended.

Your electricity bills are sky high becasue he just has to leave the TV on when we go out.

never ending guilt about not being able to take your NT toddler to toddler group because you can never be too far from teh school or be unreachable.

when the Optician greets you at the door with a "hello Miss XX did you want to get the green or the grey pair renewed??" pretty much every other week

you stick a gaffa tape marker on teh kitchen floor o that you know precisly how far open the fridge door must be in order for him to get his lunchbox out (trust me it saves a hepa of time)

The staff at your son's school all know his younger brother by name - despite the fact that he's not due to start there for another year.

You know exactly how to kill all the monsters in your child's Gameboy game even though you've never played it in your life.

You know the names of every Transformer and what they change into even though you haven't seen the cartoons in almost 20 years.

You are absolutely thrilled when your 3yr-old son asks for a pink wig so that he can look like Stephanie from Lazytown because it means he must finally showing signs of understanding imaginative play.

(batty the glasses one, me too they just put there hand out for the glasses now)

Oh yes, the 'comfortable shoes' one, that's me!

Um, how about, you know that if you take your ds's shoes off they will be rapidly followed by his socks, pants and trousers. Yet he will wear them quite happily if he has his shoes on.

Or, when the man comes to read the meter you don't realise until he has left that the sight of your naked-from-the-waist-down almost-seven year old wandering casually past might have seemed a bit strange!

when you have to rush the meter man in and out whislt holding a "shush" finger to your lips and holdig the front room door closed in fear that your DS will spot him and come rushing out and get freaked by a stranger in his house.

Oooh yes! And the first thing visitors say when they see you again for the first time in a year is "My god! is wearing clothes!"

pmsl at the half naked child.....SOOOO know that feeling

You can walk round an entire toy shop without being nagged to buy stuff.

You don't get put on the spot in the school playground because your child asks if so-and-so can come home to tea tonight pleeeeese.

Well there are some advantages!

When your christmas tree spends the festive season in a play pen for its own protection
when you have all the doors renewed and have to explain to all the builders why you want all locking doors and the handles a foot higher than usual
when you loathe and despise the carpet the previous occupants left you - but don't for a moment consider changing it
when every shopping trip not punctuated by screaming is punctuated by kind strangers running after you with shoes or socks
when every ornament you own lives in boxes in the loft, and you don't bother labeling them because you'll never get them out again.
when your holy grail is a garment that will stop DD1 from self-harming in the night. At the age of 2 1/2.
when a new doctor asks you to "run through the medical history first" and the appointment is over before you have finished.
when a routine doctor's letter is waaay shorter than the cc: list (over 1 side of A4 atm and counting....)
when someone asks your GP what doses of meds your child is on.... and she phones you up to ask you.
when your parents don't know what to buy DD2 for Christmas that DD1 can't break
when you catch yourself diagnosing other people's children in supermarkets
when your daughter licks the crotch of strangers and it doesn't occur to you that it's odd till you see their expression.

And much nodding here (in no particular order) on: makaton (sooooooo true!), glasses, acronyms, food shopping, cooking multiple dinners, things moving higher up the house, sleeping with the monitor, chew toys, spouted beakers, filing cabinets (I'm developing a room), cupboards full of meds & the boringness of toy shops.

Thanks for this thread SHP, it rocks!

coppertop - I really empathise with your comment about finally showing signs of understanding imaginative play.

When people ask your 6yr-old what he would like for Christmas and he just looks at them blankly.

You feel like buying a playpen just so that you can put yourself in it and leave the little b*ggers to get on with it.

HCC

You have tiny teeth marks in extension leads from ds biting them.
Everyone comments on how cold your son must be as if you havent bought him a hat and gloves. Maybe its because hes autistic and hates them you want to scream but dont.
Theres always toys on the floor in your house as your child gets more enjoyment from throwing everything on the ground rather than play with it.
You usually look like you need a good nights sleep!

when you walk into someones house and see their teeny tiny medicine cabinet with calpol, paracetamol and plasters in it. picking up a perscription for your child takes a 45min wait for the pharmacy to dispense it only for them to tell you they cant get one item, so you are coping for now with an alternative till you can get back to the specialist to get a different med on perscription as the gp is next to useless.

when your child tells you that they cant have xxxx as it has colourings in it.

when you dont sleep properly for years in case you hear the click of the bedroom door then then click of the kicthen gate opening signalling trouble.

when you can fill in a dla form whilst watching eastenders.

When your child's 5 year old brother uses words like 'interact', 'gluten-free' and 'sensory'.

When all your jumpers have 'bobbled' because the PECS book has stuck to them (yes, I know he's supposed to carry it...)

When you answer to your child calling 'Sarah!' even though it's not your name but one of the Fun Song Factory presenters and you're just delighted that he is calling you anything.

When your child can say, with perfect enunciation, 'truely
scrumptious', but not his own name.

Coppertop, my friend used to have a nice big wooden playpen that she would sit in to read the paper without being jumped on! (by her ds that is, I don't think it would have kept her dh out ).

... when your family comes to you for a diagnosis before going to their GP

... when visitors get freaked out as you lock the door behind them to prevent your child from escaping

... when you board up a bedroom window in an attempt to keep them in bed at dawn in the summer.

... when you become an expert at negotiating the minefield of plates and dishes which your child likes to spin on the kitchen floor

... when you don't bat an eyelid at your child screaming when the lift door open but half the other occupants have heart failure!

... when you only get to watch TV after 9pm as the rest of the time it's on Price-Drop or the Tweenies

... when your child plays a strange game of stop-start tennis with all sorts of objects (including a huuuuge therapy ball! ) over the garden fence

... when you have to constantly apologise to people when you're out who think their luck might be in when they feel your child stroking their thigh/bum!

... when santa still brings baby toys, 13 years later.

... when you have to buy two garden parasols - one for the table and one for your child to spin!

being able to buy christmas presents for your dc's whilst they stand buy your side....and not having to hide them at home...

Coppertop...the lazytown wig reminds me of my dilema when ds3 wanted to wear the fairy costume to school...and used to put it on and sit in the front room window...at age 6.....ALL because my well meaning inlaws had offered the costume as a way of 'getting it out of his system....and he wouldn't actually wear it...its just a phase...."

(p.s...well it was just a phase....but only cos totally against my usual 'go with the flow style parenting'...i actually suffered weeks of 'where's the fairy costume?'...after i 'lost it' in the wheelie bin....cos he DID NOT get it out of his system....and he did wear it...in the garden....in full view...i DID NOT let him waer it to schhol...i had to make him a green 'pixie' costume...with fairy wings...)

still i totally agree what you say about the 'imaginative play'....co even though we know the extent of their imagination/roleplay....like the boy at the autism club this week who was 'Charlie and Lola' all rolled into one...he knew every programme , word for word....and played out the episodes to the letter...trying in his own way to get others to join in...

Oh God, once again (as last time) I am alternately crying and laughing with relief and empathy at this thread.. does anyone else feel the same???

Batty.. oh crikey yes.. the whole SN LEA (or AEN of whatever they call themselves) know my voice and say 'Hello Mrs 'Shiny'' before I have identified myself! And a poor woman called Sarah, who is allocated to deal with school transport matters relating to DS2 always talks to me in a high voice of nervous forced jolity since she once, years ago, got the wrath of months of frustration when DS had been failed in everywhich way resulting in a whole half term of missed pre-school...

..And yes, the opticians jump to their feet upon my arrival and take out not only the most recently fixed pair of his specs but also an enormous pack of 'spare parts' that they now keep. I am in there weekly.. no exaggeration. Even they were speechless last w/end when I took in a pair of glasses broken into no less than 5 pieces!!

TeeJaye... yes.. all my family and friends come to me for diagnoses. It always scares me a bit and I pack them off to their GPs.. but nine times out of ten I am right..

Misdee.. yes DLA forms.. I can fill them out in extreme detail in exactly the right kind of descriptive language without pausing or even concentrating. Everyone comes to me with a first claim..

R3dh3d.. we are leading parallel lives clearly.. none of my ornaments have been seen in 4 years now.. and yes I can recite DS2's medical history and birthnotes in one long monotone lasting approximately ten minutes without stopping for breath while the requesting doctors hastily improvises some kind of home-made short hand in order to keep up because I can/won't pause! And yes the doctors/pharmacists are always phoning me to double-check doses.. especially of his rolling 3-day cycle of thyroxine (100 mcg/100mxg/75mcg!)

And here a few others..

...when you can fold, sort and select clean laundry in the bedroom shared by your DSs, completely in the dark, because the lightbulb has been long since removed to prevent DS2 swtiching it on and off all night..

..when you only vaguely notice, after some minutes, the stess on the face of the waitress in Pizza Hut as she attempts to take your order because of the fact that her face is almost on level with the table because DS has grabbed her top and yanked her down to his level.. and has her in a death grip.. and won't let go. And you calmly say without looking up from the menu 'I'm-terribly-sorry-DS-please-don't-grab'..

..When finding an age 6 sized pair of dungarees in Adams is cause for celebration.. and you and DH actually have a beer that night to genuinely celebrate the fact!

..when a lovely Mumsnetter named JimJams sends you some (some jimjams!.. specifically all-in-ones!) and you almost cry with relief because DS has just broken the zip on one of the only pairs you had left.. and you don't get paid for another fortnight.. and you cannot put him to bed in anything 2-piece because of the risk of aforementioned Terrible Poo Scenarios..

..when an Early Morning Poo Scenario, against all odds and attempts at prevention does occur
and as you stand at the dog gate at the bedroom door surverying the gruesome carnage and reeling at the stink, you notice the delicate "finger painting" on the chest of drawers and your sanity is so long gone that you find yourself thinking 'that's quite creative.. he's made some lovely shapes there...'

..when your 14 year old NT DS1 merely sighs and gathers up the broken pieces of his new DVD.. doesn't say and word and just looks devastated.. (but not as devastated as you feel on his behalf because pretty much all his possessions from their bedroom are now broken because although DS1 can't walk, he can climb anything..

..When you feel impressed and proud of DS1's appropriate use of the expletive 'GOD-DAMN-IT!' and then belatedly remember to admonish DS1 for saying it so often (and therefore teaching DS2 it) everytime DS2 arrives on top of DS1, having climbed into his bunk bed. (Very dangerous scenario.. and all but impossible as all rungs removed from DS1's ladder.. he 'pole vaults' into bed'.. but DS2 and discovered a way to climb up the other end using the window sill and hurls himself (all 3 and a half stone of him) onto the sleeping face of poor DS1..)

..when you are proud of yourself for keeping a pleasant smile on your face when your sister-in-law happily tells you that your neice has taken her first steps at 10 months old..

..when you get through a whole day without crying...

..When you dread looking in the school bag to find out what the one-to-one has written in the home/school book... and then it's something nice.. and you cry.. and then you tell DH..and he cries.. and you spend half an hour writting an 'essay' back to the poor one-to-one expressing your relief and gratitide..

..when you are definite in the knowledge that if you had been given £1 every time a doctor has questioned you about your medical training (you have none!) after chatting to you about matters relating to your DSs.. you would be a helluva lot better off!

.......when the paed calls you to ask you about what dose of medication works best ...as she has another family that are 'like' ours...and then asks me for book recommendations etc

I know exactly what you mean, Shiny. Some of these are hysterically funny because they souns so familiar but at the same time it's also

PMSL at the dh-proof playpen!

MrsF - I remember your posts about ds3 and the costume. It's so hard isn't it?

...when your 6yr-old wets himself twice in the space of an hour and you just think, "Oh well. Something else to put on the DLA form."

You wait an hour and a half for social services to turn up for an assessment of your dd's needs. Oh well, what's 1.5hrs compared to the 18 months you've waited on the flipping waiting list? Grrrrr. Guess what chonky's up to this morning