You know you have special needs child when......

[ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG]

(a thread like this was the first I ever encountered on MN and I cried with laughter and relief. So can we have another one? It's too long ago to be able to find and resurrect..)

You know you have an SN child when...

..everything in your house is getting higher and higher in order to keep it out of harm's way.. so high that even poor-little-short-DH can't reach some things...

.. your storage cupboards are fixed together with hair bobbles...

..you have a whole filing cabinet devoted to the your SN child's various reams of paperwork...

Your Dh is permanently on a awarning because of the amount of emergency leave he takes (did anyone see that disability discrimnation MIGHT be extended to aprents and carers at EU level?)

Your child rejects the Gap clothes he has in favour of nasty supermarket tattered options that feel soft but look tramp like

You regards a trip to the post office as a day trip, and are more than happy to return home afte the stress of the five minute walk

You lay in bed with heart pains / and or other severe illness rather than call GP, as you know you cannot go into hospiatl because DH is away and nobody else will take the kids for you

(Peachy @ heart pains!! Is this you??)

...you have so many individual symptoms of stress that you need a pen and paper to list them.. and you can't remember what it felt like when you stomach didn't feel as if it was in a vice all the time... (but this is probably just me and my undiagnosed mentalness..! )

you lift your friends child into the car .....when they are 6 and can walk

LOL2 Shooooooos

...your back is completely fucked from lifting and carrying a large child who is only going to get bigger and heavier... and you are not in your mid thirties yet..[would be somewhat worrying if you had time to think about it]

..your bedroom has great 'Leaning Tower of Pisa' sculptures all around it constructed entirely of packets of child size Libero nappies..

(Shiny- yes, turned out to be a bad chest infection- not seeming to respond to ab's either, mind- so not as bad as could have been with my family history)

you cut the crusts off your mums bread....

you open your husbands bag of crisps for him....

....you give any child that visits a drink in a spouted beaker...and the mum looks horrified as their darling 'can drink from an open cup'

...you realise as you sit on the loo that you have sat your arse on wee from the child who can't lift the seat before he wees....and your feet are in the wee of the one who cannot coordinate the wee into the loo!(and you spend about 20 mins cleaning up)
(and you are the only mum you know who deliberately leaves the toilet seat up in readiness...and follow every use of the loo by the boys with a 'quick clean up'

....you never take your kids out during halfterm...and even taking them to a playscheme is such hard work that you start to wonder if it's worth it...when all you get is 3 hours break...then you guiltily remember that it's not respite care!!!!

.....you get told by social services that you don't meet their criteria...

Hmmmmm...all gone quiet...me reckons i've turned your stomachs with my talk of feet in wee!!!!

maybe i should start a new thread along the lines of "You know when you have a specail needs child when you ask visitors if they can smell...."

Wee!!!!!

pmsl about the nappies

your on first name terms with the chemist.

you find that you and dh spend a lot of time time talking about bowell movements.........in fact they rule your life

Oh it's poo in our house Mrs F.. and I don't ask.. I know they can smell it. Actually that's the reason we're not asking anyone round at present..

You have to count each and every pea on your asperger's DS plate because he only likes odd numbers. Same with any other food. He hates having an even number of stuff on his plate, or in his life.

Same DS melts down during bath time because the number of bubbles in the tub look like they could be an "even number of bubbles"

You have to listen over over and over again to a detailed description of everything Link does to save Zelda. Everyday.

You have to hear over and over and over again in detailed description how to beat Super Mario and save the princess. Everyday.

Ds decides that now he only wants to wear one shoe because 2 is an even number. Two hour tantrum getting ready for school because you can't talk him into wearing shoes on both feet.

But I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Message withdrawn

...you deliberately buy things which you plan to leave around as alternative 'chewing toys'...so they leave the remotes,phone,wires OUT of their mouths!

...you have to replace other's property that yours has chewed

....you hold your breath at 3.15 when they come out of school....and yet again greeted by a child who has chewed his collars...and pokes pencils through his shirt(but you don't care cos you know whilst ding this he was concentrating/listening/not disturbing others)

......yourway becomes normal...and you find yourself staring at what others do!!!(like what someone said about having conversations with a 6yr old! I find i now almost get tonguetied when someone speaks to me if i am shopping ...as i am so used to my life of silence! My boys are very verbal...but only about pokemon...or computers etc....so smallalk is a thing of the past!)

...you become an unofficial advisor and supporter to other parents at school whose children are not fortunate enough to be getting the support your own child is getting for whatever reasons. This is particularly so with myself. The numbers of parents who have never heard of IPSEA for instance or have been misled....

...you become desensitised to the crap trotted out by insensitive people (DS's reception teacher here particularly springs to mind - she once said to me, "oh I can see traces of Aspergers syndrome in your son").

...you become very good at spotting lies

...you know what SALT, SENCO, OT and CDC actually stand for

I sympathise with Humphreycushion and the non invite to the party - these people are truly not worth any of your time. This happened to me once; my DS was the only one out of his class who did not get an invite. To say I felt upset is an understatement particularly when all of these were handed out by said child to all his classmates whilst waiting to go into class.

Did I ever invite this particular child to my son's party subsequently- not on your life!!!!!.

Mrs F - Kingsmill make crustless bread now. A godsend in this house!!.

What is IPSEA???

Independent Panel for Specialist Educational Advice aka IPSEA. This is their website:-

www.ipsea.org.uk

Ive been through all this .My son is 18 and has really injured me and my daughter on occasions. Im not bothered about the nappies,but I do worry about his chronic and persistent constipation.
Ive had all the stares as he attacks me on the street and he looks normal,so we are just a side show.Sometimes I think if he was profoundly hadicapped it would be easier,I could get on with things,I dont mean that really,I just get so low and he has caused so much destruction on every level.

you go round and shut all the doors at friends house before you get the chance to then sit and watch your child like a hawk......

ditto makaton in all sorts of occasions

you peak in acronyms that only you know DSQ, DSAQ, FECS, SLP, PT, OT and so on.

oops that should be speak in acronyms.

you realise at bedtime that the melatonin pot you thought was full...is EMPTY and you have NONE in the house!!!!

So....just sent ds2 up...an hour late...hoping that he falls asleep out of habit.....and ds1 (age 12) currently fiddling with magnetic darts on a compass (making teh compass needle spin!!!) will have to stay up till 11 before he shows any tiredness...

yawn!!! i am tired though!

..You get invited to a New Eve's Eve party ("bring the kids.. and somne sleeping bags!").. for the first time within living memory (since having kids) and you know you can't go because DS can't/won't sleep anywhere but his own (lowered) bed.. there will be no dog gates to restrain him and there might be a poo crisis...