Great SEN phrases of all time

[MareeyaDolores]

I want a nice list of those statements that rattle around my head, and hopefully someone else will post a reminder of the hall-of-fame quotes I've forgotten. Will add the author and date if I know (and please correct me if need be, or if two people have hatched the same great idea)

#1
Don't waste valuable time assuming competent folk have it all under control. They probably don't.

#2
'You are your child's best and only advocate'

'Don't accuse me of not caring!'
(said with quivering lip and brimming eyes)
Head of a 'caring' department who had not only done fuck all but had then lied and threatened to save her own skin

Sickof had a great one the other day.
Head of a special school informing her that 'all we ask is that the staff love the children'

I imagine it she said it in breathy tones with clasped hands, and closed eyes, overcome by her infinite goodness.

Am assuming you want the chaff with the wheat Maryeea?

dealing with professionals is more a game of chess than all in wrestling.. don't know which one of you wise women said it, but it has stood me in good stead..

One of my faves, from the bad old days at an awful Teacch school was the advice on how to handle it when my boy hit, bit or headbutted me;

"Praise him when he's NOT hitting you"

Giving me visions of me chasing round after a bemused non-verbal boy for 14 hours a day , beaming and manically saying "ggod BOY, you're not hitting me at this moment"

I feel like a mushroom.

Kept in the dark and fed loads of s**t.

(I will be using 'detritus' instead though, so that they don't call me abusive)

Its a marathon, not a sprint

Read the books in asd etc, and apply what seems relevant to your child regardless of whether they have the dx

Log all contacts and promises re services

My own one, give it two weeks after a referral, and if you havent received an acknowledgement letter, make sure they have actually received the referral

Check out Ipsea webiste :)

My favourite when DS was going through a very bad swearing and hitting phase
" it's a huge developmental leap he's having,it's a positive he's learning how to be more street wise and blend in like the other boys"
As said by a clueless autism advisory teacher..soon changed her opinion when he punched her in the face.

Mareeya, I think #2 is one of Attila's .

This one's been said to me often, "you are the adult here", whenever I say I want to discuss something with ds.

And this "he's got to learn duty/empathy/fill in the blank". Have had this from mil numerous times, and a number of professionals. If only he could

he doesn't have dyslexia he has special educational needs,

he doesn't need a statement in a mainstream school,

if you take us to tribunal we will take away all your support (the reverse happened he is getting more attention.)

But he is making adequate progress...

Too bright to need a statement....

My fav 'Although you meet the criteria, you can't have anything because there are people worse off'.

But there is also 'YOu can't make ds' autism go away Starlight', and 'You just have to accept he is a visual learner' and also 'His 1:1 is far too busy to click a tally counter to count how many times he initiates social interaction'.

'Stop whinging and do it yourself then' - Moondog

I reported it. I say it now, but it was said to me a week after dx at the local NAS branch when I was pretty shellshocked,- by one of the organisers.

I think when I told her on arrival (coz had to fill in a form or something) I told her with a hushed, scared voice and miserable face and she replied almost aggressively 'Autism isn't the worst thing you know?' but it really was at that moment.

It really isn't now. I think despite how I felt at the time, it is really important that parents with a new dx are told this.

Agree with the moondog one "stop whinging and do it yourself then"
It's worked out pretty well for us, although it has made all the teachers and HT rather wary of me :)
I know far more about sen than they ever will and they know it.

Specialist teacher brought in to assess DS 6's literacy difficulties (he has phonological processing difficulties) "you might just have to accept that he's never going to be very good at it." followed by "As he is of high average intelligence he will be fine with in class differentiation and he will eventually just pick it up!" When I asked about his phonics assessments she replied "Oh I haven't checked them as that's what the speech therapist you pay for does with him!"

The first camhs worker that came to visit dd (then age 11) after referral said my daughter was lovely and engaging and had no difficulties and she was sure she would thrive at secondary (this was in the summer hold before starting).

Within 18 months she was dxd ASD, sensory processing difficulties, auditory processing difficulties, mild dyslexia, ADHD traits, demand avoidance, significant impairment of motor skills, hyper mobility and low tone. Had a full low incidence needs statement and was moved to special school!

Oh yes 'You're doing so well'

Luv, you don't know the 'alf of it!

Oh, another stupid one from ds' school when I expressed concern that they weren't concentrating much on academics.

'Don't worry, your ds is the type that will probably just teach himself'

"He'll get there in the end" (said to me by many professionals)

"You don't want to label him too soon"

"Boys do talk later" (said of my DS at 3; hand-flapping, no shared attention, no social instinct, carrying a coat hsnger round, lining toys up, autism in the family, not a single word and zero communication efforts either)

"ABA is cruel because it tries to change the little quirky things that make DS his own sweet little self"

Here are the "little quirky things" that they told me I was cruel to try and change when DS was 3:

• constant aggression if thwarted in any way from own agenda (incl biting like an animal and headbutting forwards and backwards)

• not toilet-trained ("leave it till he's older, dear")

• zero speech, or even attempts at communication (just shrieking or biting really, to get his needs met or express a negative)

• spending whole entire day on the following activities:

. Bouncing on the spot, hand flapping, shrieking "eeeeeeeeeee"
. Attempting to flood house by running taps 
. Lining up items and freaking out if disturbed      
. Throwing food around the room while eating
. Watching same DVD over and over again, especially end credits
. Twirling coat hangers in front of face
.  Eating or sucking everything, including mud

I would love to meet those same people who gave that advice, if my DS were now a man of 35 and doing those same things all day, because I'd left his "little quirks" alone as they recommended.

But of course those professionals never see the grown men. They're long gone after the cute kid phase!

Oh yes.

'You mustn't do ABA because he'll never be able to get a bus without somone tapping him on his shoulder' wtf?

And

'At this school, we believe in intrinsic motivation not extrinsic'

Fine. I hope you have a good evidence-based plan to teach this then.