Can we talk about MNSN, and the community/support/chat etc?

[silverfrog]

This thread may not be a good idea. I am severely sleep deprived (ds has decided yet again that sleep is for the weak, and I have had about 4 hours sleep since Sunday), and had the morning from hell getting dd2 off on a school trip - change of routine, needed ot wear tracksuit not uniform, different drop off/pick up - you all know the score. If you all think it is a bad idea, please feel free to report and have it deleted.

Anyway.

Can we have a thread where we try to sort out some of the perceived isues with MNSN?

I keep seeing, on the main boards, posts saying that MNSN is not suportive. That some faces don't fit. That it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Fine. I get that not everybody is the same, and may not want the same things form this board as me, or other posters. But it isn't really said here, and so we don't reallt get right of reply.

It's a bit like talking about us behind our backs.

I know there have ben disagreements and differences over the years. I have been part of some of them, but on the whole I thought we muddled through quite well - expcially given that we are all under a reasonable amount of stress most of the time, and that we all face fairly different challenges on a daily basis.

So - what do people want form MNSN? Is there anything we (as a community) can do to welcome people who feel left out? Anythign we can do to help posters who lurk rather than post?

I am rather hoping htis might be a moving forward discussion, rather than a re-hash of any he said/she said grievances. BUt as I said earlier, maybe this is entirely misguided. Sorry if it is.

I'm another who doesn't post a huge amount but I pop in and out when I need advice - and when I do pop in I try to offer help and support if I can.

HOWEVER, I do find it difficult at times because the board is very ASD heavy, and I have absolutely no experience with ASD. DD has cerebral palsy and has wobbly legs... Not much help when people are asking about ABA or something similar...

I have found some excellent advice out there when I've needed it, although I've also found some of the posters offering that excellent advice offering it in a very blunt way which has made me panic a bit... I guess it's time constraints, etc. But being told 'Don't do x, y or z because the LA is going to do this which means you won't get a statement - go to tribunal instead' was difficult when in fact, I did do x, y and z as requested by the LA, it all worked out and we got a bloody brilliant statement at the end of it. Maybe we were lucky, but possibly if it had been more phrased as 'A number of people have been told something similar by their LA and have found that doing this is a better way to approach it' I might not have had sleepless nights panicking about what to do.

However, when I have come on wanting to rant, people have listened and sympathised. When I have come on wanting advice, people have offered advice. When I have come on and offered advice or support, people seem grateful to me.

I agree with the PP who said something along the lines of 'just because we all have children with SN, doesn't mean we are all similar.' I had a lot of 'friends' on my FB who had premature babies around the same time as DD was born. We've recently realised that having a prem baby doesn't mean you're actually going to like somebody. I've defriended a number of people because our paths would never have crossed if DD had hung around inside for 13 weeks more...

Oh yes, Maryz. One teacher told me DS couldn't have AS because he didn't flap.

i fucking hate the Holland gubbins, but love a honk - see, no rabbits here

Well, if you are who I think you are ER then you haven't held back yourself when you thought I'd posted out of line.

I have 'become' robust here. I have needed the board so very VERY badly that I had no choice.

Ah but some people like Holland!

Another reason for feeling like the board isn't always welcoming haven is when you post on a fast moving thread and no-one acknowledges your post, and it ends up feeling like you are butting into a private conversation - the last few posts are like that on here - earlier there were lots of single posts, and now there's a couple of conversations going on. It's hard to respond to everyone, but it's hard to expand your 'group' of you don't?
I try not to offer too much advice on here - I feel quite differently to what sometimes feels like the party line of 'evil LA' - maybe that is offputting to new posters? Who knows?
When I first posted on MN it was becuase ds4 (pre birth) had been found to have some pretty scary indicators. It was fab to talk anonymously about it all.

I hate Holland and Honking for the record.

Maryz, the explanation of honking.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1103768-Lessons-from-Geese

tbh, I don't feel the LA I live in is evil, though I think they are wrong in some of their policies.

The LA I came from most certainly IS evil though. The evil people in power use a SATAN recruitment assessment for their staff, I'm sure of it.

Sorry, not, is it me talking to Maryz that is muddling for you?
I tend to think of the less serious threads on here as an evening down the pub, and I've just lent over the table to have a word with my mate.

star

Star have PMed you - i've never crossed swords with anyone here, am not knowledegable enough

Forgive me. is only 7:15 and I have had 3 glasses of wine.

It's because I had a hard meeting with the school, that had a very promising outcome, that erm, all fell apart at the implementation stage and I opened a bottle, and dh very sensibly keeps topping me up.

notactuallyme, interesting you should say that. I was tempted to post a jokey post along the lines of but felt it might be taken the wrong way and as it really would have just been a joke I didn't want to upset the applecart.

I'm not offended by going unnoticed on a fast-moving thread, but it can feel frustrating sometimes and I can see how it might upset others.

In my case I tend to think I haven't really got anything that earth-shattering to say, so people probably just read, nod or shake their head and move on. It doesn't really matter to me, I've said my piece - take it or leave it - but could be quite upsetting for people who are trying to get their point across and no-one seems to be listening.

Again though, it's the same on most forums, especially when threads are in full flow and you are as verbose as me, so that the thread has moved on by the time you've pressed post.

Fwiw, I do like the honking, precisely because it is a way to offer support on those threads where the OP is clearly not looking for practical advice, but does need to know that there's someone listening - and caring.

Me too, I post and it's a case of like it or lump it - even if I'm several pages behind the thread!

Hahaha

I do think that sometimes it feels quite hurtful when you post, having thought about it, and it gets missed. And if you tried a cple of times, you might give up. Neb The mates down the pub thing - yup, we all need those.

But, sometimes, you see a title, join in, and then realise that veeryone is chatting amongst themselves.

I don't know, I think it might be impossible to avoid that, and if you did, you would lose the support we give through familiarity.