Can we talk about MNSN, and the community/support/chat etc?

[silverfrog]

This thread may not be a good idea. I am severely sleep deprived (ds has decided yet again that sleep is for the weak, and I have had about 4 hours sleep since Sunday), and had the morning from hell getting dd2 off on a school trip - change of routine, needed ot wear tracksuit not uniform, different drop off/pick up - you all know the score. If you all think it is a bad idea, please feel free to report and have it deleted.

Anyway.

Can we have a thread where we try to sort out some of the perceived isues with MNSN?

I keep seeing, on the main boards, posts saying that MNSN is not suportive. That some faces don't fit. That it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Fine. I get that not everybody is the same, and may not want the same things form this board as me, or other posters. But it isn't really said here, and so we don't reallt get right of reply.

It's a bit like talking about us behind our backs.

I know there have ben disagreements and differences over the years. I have been part of some of them, but on the whole I thought we muddled through quite well - expcially given that we are all under a reasonable amount of stress most of the time, and that we all face fairly different challenges on a daily basis.

So - what do people want form MNSN? Is there anything we (as a community) can do to welcome people who feel left out? Anythign we can do to help posters who lurk rather than post?

I am rather hoping htis might be a moving forward discussion, rather than a re-hash of any he said/she said grievances. BUt as I said earlier, maybe this is entirely misguided. Sorry if it is.

You're right notactually, it's impossible to avoid, because whenever people visit a forum, about anything, for an extended period they start to get to know each other and that familiarity will come across in their posts.

I think all we can do is be as welcoming as we can to everyone and hope that they will start to feel comfortable enough to join in.

I felt scared to join in for a good year or so before I actually took the plunge, but that was my problem, they weren't excluding me and when I finally did start joining in, no-one batted an eyelid and I wondered what I'd been so worried about.

oh shit, that was a bit long, usually one or two lines but maybe thats another of my problems.

I haven't been posting very long on here and I have always found people on MNSN very helpful.
I have some issues with privacy so tends to name change often but every time I have started a thread, I have had great support from people on here, people who have taken the time to explain and reassure me about things that 6 months on now feel completely obvious lol.

I also get lots of help from reading other people threads, not just the ASD ones because I find that learning about other SEN actually gives me a better perspective on things.

And most importantly, it was MNSN that opened my eyes to the SN world. From the time when the SN board was still on the active convos to more recently learning about ASD and realizing that all the worries we had with ds2 were not because he is bilingual but because of AS. So really it's thanks to MN that ds2 is now being assessed and that I have a better idea on how to support my son.
For that I don't think I can be thankful enough tbh.

Re 'discussions' between posters who clearly 'know' each other... I have never felt it was an issue. I have always thought that these were long standing posters who, because of time, have a better idea of what the other is facing. Which clearly helps to give advice. But very importantly, I actually really like these because it's usually there that I get the most important nuggets of information!

Devient - 6 kids, 4 with SN. You have it hard! I don't really know the back story, but just reckon you should post away and start afresh.

Hi Dev! All opinions welcome to me.

I like nearly everything about this board. The arguments can be a bit robust sometimes and that's not my written style. I do tend to bend over backwards to see both points of view, usually. I've said before, I find on forums I can be much more careful what I say, and how I say it. I tend to be much more concise in writing and less likely to stick my foot in it. In RL I'm less careful and suffer from verbal diarrhoea.

I try to answer threads or at least bump them if nobody has replied. I was always the one at toddler groups who would spend time chatting to the newbies. I can't always help with some issues, though, so leave them for more experienced posters. Some days I just want a chat with friends. I love a good HONK, iykwim!

It feels like a community, to me. But I've only been here 2 years so have no idea about 'the old days.' TBH, they are gone, no point harking back, make the best of here and now, I say.

I admit that I regularly name change due to paranoia about being watched and certain implied 'threats' so do need to be careful.

I have been around for quite a few years now and if it wasn't for this board I would not have managed to get the help I needed for my dc. My only regret is that I didn't discover it sooner as all the years without support have taken their toll tbh.
I do find it hard sometimes as regulars obviously don't know me as whatever my name is at the time so I'm happily chatting away and probably causing confusion. That's my own fault though - I can't have privacy and then expect the regulars to know who I am.
On the whole I feel it's a very supportive place.

"notactuallyme Tue 05-Mar-13 19:07:14
Another reason for feeling like the board isn't always welcoming haven is when you post on a fast moving thread and no-one acknowledges your post, and it ends up feeling like you are butting into a private conversation - the last few posts are like that on here - earlier there were lots of single posts, and now there's a couple of conversations going on. It's hard to respond to everyone, but it's hard to expand your 'group' of you don't? " I relate to this on lots of mn threads, not just SN.

I have had good support, good advice and even though I rarely post people here seem friendly and supportive. I think that there can be a beleaguered feeling on here, like we are all a bit shell shocked from rl struggles and sometimes stuff explodes but only as it does regularly on the rest of mn. (Full moon anyone?)

I feel like I am a long term lurker, been on mn since 2005, but mostly lurked on the sn boards since 2007, sometimes asking for advice, sometimes reading occasionally responding, trying to be supportive. Mostly I don't feel I have much advice to give - so many more experienced posters than me! I don't think I have ever felt unwelcome though and never feel ignored, at the most it might be I am overlooked, or I ramble/take too long to post and the thread has moved on too fast for me.

I've been around for well over four years now I think, and pretty much all I've ever seen are posters being incredibly supportive and helpful.

I honestly and truly cannot understand why anyone would feel unsupported here. Some threads get dozens of replies, some just get one or two, but 99% of the time every thread is answered by someone even if it's just a supportive virtual hug and "know how you're feeling" kind of post.

The board can seem dominated by ASD at times (certainly seemed like this a year or so ago). But that (presumably) is just the nature of things. Perhaps more dx are being made. Perhaps parents with dc with asd don't know where else to go (I know I didn't).

Tbh I have stepped back from the board a lot in recent months for fear of being somehow implicitly lumped in with the 'asd' lot (and even worse, the 'ABA lot' ).

The one thing I do feel is an unfair criticism though is that there is somehow a feeling of 'top trumps'. Hand on heard I have never seen that being said by anyone to anyone else. As so many people have said, 99% of posters here are nothing but supportive, genuine, caring people.

Only criticism I have is bloody NCers as I can't keep up, and am always looking for Ellen with her spreadsheet

I've lost the plot, bialy!

I'm back from my meeting and have caught up. Still digesting though...

OK. To be honest I feel a bit deflated. I'm not feeling too articulate. I'm failing to see how respondents to threads can be held accountable for offering advice when people say they need advice.

We all refer to our own experiences when we post, I'm sure. In my case I came on here with no expectation of DD1 being where she is now. She was just a 'bit behind' and they wanted to give her a 'bit of extra attention because she's so lovely' when I first posted.

Had I not had the advice of posters saying 'you can do this by yourself, and this is how...' I would never have got a special school place for her. The INCO was trying to fob me off with an 'IPA' rather than a statement, and by the time she started the statement process, it would have been too late for SS.

Had I not had the advice of people here, and a good friend in RL, urging me to consider my options, DD2 may still be at the school which was so wrong for her that she changed into a different girl before my eyes. She still has something going on, I'm sure of it, but whatever it is, the school she's at now is so much more suited to her.

It's my personality to want to do something to fix the problem I face. My natural mode is therefore going to be 'this is what you can do to sort that...'

Don't feel deflated, Lougle. I think there is a place for both the hugs and honks (apologies Hothead!) and straightforward advice. I am always amazed by how much you seem to know, at the start of the journey into the unknown that is having a child with sn, all the talk of statements and leas and ISPs etc etc is utterly overwhelming, because (in my case at least) you are often still in the, 'what the fuck is going on' stage. But having that straight talking advice is, IMO really important, and I think if it is not what you need at that time, the it is fine to say, 'that is all a bit overwhelming, I can't take that on board at the moment'.

The trouble with hiding threads, or has been for me in the past, is being accused of not taking advice, not caring etc cos you didn't come back to it. So again it's swings and roundabouts RE persons perception.

Just saying Hi, to Ellen and sick post afresh about what issues or which child lol

Indeed you do Lougle. All we can do is our best. We post with the best intentions because that is the sort of board this is.

I certainly don't sit in judgment on anyone's advice to me.

Some of this is about Internet manners I think.

For example, I started out lurking, just 'reading' people's posts as if I had found a particularly relevant newspaper. My own opinions didn't seem worth 'publishing' for busy people to waste time reading.

I then adopted a 'letter to the editor' mentality, and posted a couple of carefully prepared comments, not expecting any feedback but hoping someone might find them useful.

After a while, I began to use the board interactively, but in a restricted way: answering like an academic journal's online 'rapid response' facility, or asking for help, but like an ad in the newsagent window.

Eventually I realised it was like sign's pub analogy and began to chat, masking shyness with a 'take-me-as-you-find-me' approach, but I do occasionally get tipsy and i think i've accidentally offended people too.

The one thing I am really upset by is the thought of SN top trumps accusations and/or related bad feeling. Those posters with exceptionally challenging circumstances (eg devientenigma now, and Riven back in the day) are in my mind, the senior consultant professors of the board.

Not in a patronising what-a-saintly-SN-parent way. In the definitely been there, still got the t-shirt, probably wrote the book way.

which I agree with Maryz, but it still happens

Bring Back Riven..........do you remember all those threads?

she did nc a few times but still finds it difficult to post on mn.

I don't know, one of the things I like about it here, is that I don't think there are any senior statesman types. Everyone's circumstances are so different, that no one posters experiences are any less or more valid.