Can we talk about MNSN, and the community/support/chat etc?

[silverfrog]

This thread may not be a good idea. I am severely sleep deprived (ds has decided yet again that sleep is for the weak, and I have had about 4 hours sleep since Sunday), and had the morning from hell getting dd2 off on a school trip - change of routine, needed ot wear tracksuit not uniform, different drop off/pick up - you all know the score. If you all think it is a bad idea, please feel free to report and have it deleted.

Anyway.

Can we have a thread where we try to sort out some of the perceived isues with MNSN?

I keep seeing, on the main boards, posts saying that MNSN is not suportive. That some faces don't fit. That it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Fine. I get that not everybody is the same, and may not want the same things form this board as me, or other posters. But it isn't really said here, and so we don't reallt get right of reply.

It's a bit like talking about us behind our backs.

I know there have ben disagreements and differences over the years. I have been part of some of them, but on the whole I thought we muddled through quite well - expcially given that we are all under a reasonable amount of stress most of the time, and that we all face fairly different challenges on a daily basis.

So - what do people want form MNSN? Is there anything we (as a community) can do to welcome people who feel left out? Anythign we can do to help posters who lurk rather than post?

I am rather hoping htis might be a moving forward discussion, rather than a re-hash of any he said/she said grievances. BUt as I said earlier, maybe this is entirely misguided. Sorry if it is.

fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/202/d/0/i_need_a_hug_logo_by_thenamesshade-d418agv.png

Or SHUT UP!
osnatology.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/i-need-a-hug-random-24982385-500-275.jpg

i wouldn't call it patronising, not by a long chalk

how many people post here on SN because they can't talk about the issues in RL?

this section is far more honest than the rest of MN - there is no point in changing minor details for fear of outing yourself for a start, that would make asking for advice pointless

I've been thinking about this thread all day, weirdly!
I am a long term ish mumsnetter, several name changes and come on to the sn board every so often. I think that there are some who are a kind of loose 'group' (ie we recognise each other's names, and prob a bit of back story) and that can be quite daunting in itself for a new poster.
In terms of myself, i am sometimes thrilled the board exists, and at other times it feels quite exclusive. There are some threads you just can't join, i feel, as there is a certain direction and if you go against it, you are made to feel a bit wrong.
Another thing, weirdly enough on this thread (ironic) is the comment that some posters are clearly sen professionals - does that mean we can't also be treated as parents of sen kids?
I don't know. Maybe it's just like real life!

I don't always take it on the chin. Sometimes I sulk. Sometimes I disappear for a while. Sometimes I stay and row for a while before disappearing and sulking. It really depends.

Well it wouldn't be intended as patronising, but stepping back a little, I thought about how I might feel if I posted on a new forum explaining the situation with one of my dcs and the first response I got was 'have some '. The answer is, I'm not sure. It would depend on my mood and my reason for posting and my reason might not always be immediately clear to others, depending on how well worded my OP was. As sign said, words on a page can be easily misinterpreted because there is no tone or emphasis to go on.

So, because of this I might err on the side of caution when someone first posts and offer some practical advice first. Whereas if it was someone I've already had a few conversations with, I might offer the /cake/chocolate because I would be better able to judge whether or not that was what they needed.

For that reason, I think the idea of an AAARRRGGG! thread is a really good one.

I'm not an SEN professional, but I am a teacher. I tend to post about how to phrase arguments so that the school has no wiggle room when it comes to meeting needs, or to suggest ways that MS education can be made accessible when the child has a specific issue that the teacher isn't accommodating.
So nobbling from the inside rather than posting from a position of authority. Know your enemy and all that.

"1. Look up section 9 of the Sencop and tell them you want a new IeP pronto

1. I found one section of the Sencop really useful, would it be an idea to read up on it and then use the wording to suggest a revision of the IeP?"

I rarely see people quoting the SEN CoP without explanation. I would never suggest someone just reads up a section, because it has key words.

Sorry, sickof, that was a stupid response. I know it was just an example.

I do feel that there are a lot of posters who put a lot of time and effort into helping others and are being criticised for not spending even more time and effort making it completely fluffy bunny, though.

lougle you seem to be arguing specifics when this is meant to be a general discussion?

it's nigh-on impossible to use a totally hypothetical question to illustrate a point because the examples have to emulate the reality

what someone used as an example doesn't need to be thrashed out, can we not talk about the principle of it all?

if that was aimed at me lougle believe me, i ain't all about the fluffy bunnies

no-one is criticising anything, are they?

Lougle - it was probably a bad example but wot you don't see is both kids screaming "muUuuuum" so I am literally racing to post and then drive dd to guitar lesson. And I don't get offended by robust plain speaking as I am very very old and very thick-skinned, but newbies are needing more tact

Yes, certainly, Esther.

I feel as an individual, that posters who give their time and effort when posting informative and factual replies to threads, are being criticised for not spending yet more time and effort in making sure the tone of the information is also conveyed with an appropriate level of wine/tea/tissues/sympathy.

I think it would be useful if posters feel that they would like to avoid such advice, that they would be able to indicate it.

I agree that sometimes posters just want to rant and don't actually feel that they are in a position to take the steps that may resolve their present difficulty.

I've got to run - Governor's meeting at DD1's school. I'll catch up when I get back.

It seems as if you are saying that a poster may come here looking for tea and sympathy and be alarmed by posters who offer useful advice instead, Esther.
But there are also posters who come here at the end of their tether and completely lost in the mists with no idea of what direction to take.
So someone with a light and a map is more use to them than a cuddle.
This board is pretty good at offering both, but telepathy is tricky at the best of times, let alone when people are communicating through writing. So if a poster feels overwhelmed, they need to say so, and the focus of support will change.
But for many, MNSN has enabled them to accessthe experiences and skills of others that has made their path clearer.

'Star i've not witnessed that really, where regulars have rounded on you, but it's that behaviour that can be seen as cliquey too.'

Not sure I understand your point. Is it that something hasn't happened unless you see it?

And, how exactly would you like me to be rounded on that you'd find acceptable?

People usually come here when they have had enough of caring carrots and are looking for someone to DO something, ime.

Esther I sympathise if you wanted a cyber hug but got a legal lesson.

But people post from the very best of intentions and they spend alot of time trying to help so it is best to make that clear.

Also, sometimes people are right even though it might not be what you want to hear.

I posted on here about 5 years ago when my son left his first primary school. The head had suggested he had 'sensory issues'. I was appalled and annoyed. People on the education board pointed me this way and I thought they were crazy. I din't like what I was being told. But everything people have suggested has proved to be right.

In his second school ,I tried to work with school even though they obviously didn't want to support my son. People here suggested I go for a statement. Nonsense I thought - how confrontational. They were right.

Even with a statement, the issues continued. Posters here said, this school doesn't care and you can't make them. Nonsense I thought so I wasted a year of my life before moving my son again.

Now I am not saying this is the same as your situation and I haven't read your posts but sometimes people are right even though you might not see it because they have seen it time and time again.

That might be worth thinking about.

I missed that latest terminology.
Like, OMG am I a Caring Carrot?

Blimey Inappropriately I never saw your 'story' like that, but I guess you're right.

Equally, people here have told me in quite forthright terms what I needed to do which I promptly ignored. Many times.

In fact I didn't even know half of the things they advised were possible. But they were right.

I have problems still. The meeting we just had was so promising but I've seen the output today which was a very disappointing watered-down version of what we'd agreed but my god, compared to the problems I have had it isn't a bit thing (Doesn't stop the tears or draining of wine, and impatience with the kids but all in the life of a SN parent eh?)

i missed a couple of words out Star 'sort' and 'of' - apols

i don't want anyone rounded on! - i've personally done something for you in the past, under a different NN

maryz you have it taped.

now i was responding to the OP, where silver was asking if we could talk about some of the perceived issues wrt to the SN section

i love this section, the information is top quality, people are amazing, but we are all different, as different as our DCs, and if anyone feels criticised by my clumsy wording, then i'm sorry - that was never my intention.

good grief, would i have laid myself open for such a flaming if it were

And before that becomes a theme in its own right, everyone has the right to honk and to ask for honks, and others have the right to hide honking threads.
In the same way that many of us detest the Holland text and a few find it a sweet and fluffy comfort.