Making hay while the sun shines and always adoring Beatrice.

[cupofteaplease]

I have chosen the thread title this time, because current circumstances means the sun isn't always shining for Beatrice at the moment. Indeed, she is currently in hospital in a fair amount of discomfort. However, when the sun does shine, and we have bright and clear days, we pack in as much as we can.

When we brought Beatrice home from SCBU, we had the consultant's words ringing in our ears, 'Take her home and make some memories.' I feel confident and proud that we have made a treasure trove of memories, however long Beatrice's life may be. She continues to be surrounded by so much love and adoration from her family and I feel this love has helped her to thrive.

During the difficult days, such as these, we pray hard for peace and calm, and for a quick resolution so we can take our darling girl home and make even more precious memories with our beautiful Beatrice.

As with all other threads, same rules apply , read if you want to, post if you can, but above all, please spare some positive thoughts or prayers for Beatrice.

Cup - you are allowed to be normal, feel low & shit because you have had a shit year, apart from Beatrice of course :)
You have your beautiful daughters & are a wonderful mum to all of them but you are human NOT superhuman.
Birthdays are a difficult time when things arent as we planned.
Dont be hard on yourself, if you would like Bea to have a party then take up the kind offers of your MN friends & let them do it for you.
If you feel you would like just a small celebration at home then thats fine too, but whatever you decide its OK.
& if at the end of the day you want to sit in the corner & cry & rock then thats fine too (been there on occasions).
But you will pick yourself up & carry on being the wonderful mum that you are because that is what you do. xx

Well I've tried to keep busy today- met a friend and her children at soft play, then I went into work all afternoon to prepare my classroom. This evening we all went to a local pub for dinner.

But then I came home and looked on Facebook, and surprise surprise, more baby photos to torment me. I keep thinking about my anti depressants. In my lowest moments, I know they aren't working, so I idly wonder how many I would have to take to feel 'better'. If I had the whole packet, would it be enough to escape from my head for a while? To blank everything out? Sleep doesn't offer me the escape I need from my subconscious- my dreams are so vivid and scary. I don't want to hurt myself, and I'd NEVER leave my children, I just want to float away from being me for a day or two. Does that make any sense?

Completely .

Is there anything we can do?

Anyway, I don't care whose baby photos they are. I have seen Bea's photo and she is scrumptious.

Thank you JustFabulous, but there's nothing to be done, there really isn't. I've put some new pictures of all of my girls on my profile here. They aren't cute newborns, but they are mine all the same.

oh cup :(

can you get yourself to the docs to see about increasing your dose?

Your new pictures are lovely - you have three gorgeous daughters.

I'm on twice the licensed dose apparently, so they want to cut it in half- they won't give me anything else.

love the pictures, all three are beautiful

Thats awful that they can't offer you anything else, I think surely they must see you need councilling as mentioned yesterday if the ADs aren't helping...

sorry I can't be of help

Wow, your girls are all so beautiful, Cup. They have the most gorgeous eyes.

Do you think the anti depressants help at all? Have you talked to your gp about whether they are the right ones. I suppose the thing is that, all ads can do is help deal with the feelings that are completely natural in the circumstances - you can't get rid of those feelings, but maybe the ads help you get on with day to day life with them.

cup you need to talk to your gp again about how you are feeling and how the ads are helping/not helping. Also, as someone upthread said, you are human , not superhuman. You have a lot on your plate, juggling everything, even your recent holiday was not a break for you. Can you get extra regular overnight respite for Beatrice so you can get some decent sleep? I have someone who comes to my house and watches over my son throughout the night so I can get some rest. Would you consider this? It has made the world of difference to me. Beatrice should meet the criteria for NHS continuing care and the NHS should fund it. Phone your social worker tomorrow to arrange it.

Also cup can you tell someone in RL how you feel.

Sorry you are feeling low . You are amazing and continue to inspire me And my situation . Bea is so lucky to have you . I'm not sure whereabouts you are but I would happily try and arrange something for bea and I know there would be plenty of other offers to help .

OMG you are a family of stunners, gorgeous girls with an equally gorgeous Mum.
Go back to the docs, try a different counceller, took me yrs to find somebody that helped. Can the hospice put you in touch with anyone else?

Hello cup Gorgeous photos, as always. I think so many of us on MN have a very tender place in our hearts for the lovely Bea.

My dd is a bit "different" shall we say, and so I can identify a little with the heart-break you feel.

It's taken me years to come to terms with the situation and try to attempt to avoid the inevitable comparisons with other people's dds that churn round my head.

I try to celebrate dd's uniqueness and the fact that I believe God created her and values her intensely, and at the end of the day that is what matters the most. Not easy, but I feel more at peace about our lives and the limits we have to live within.

Can you get a GP referral for counselling do you think? Is there any way you can get some regular decent sleep in? Sleep deprivation is so debilitating (sorry to state the obvious).

(((Hugs aplenty)))

(PS I would love to contribute something towards a special treat for Bea and family if someone was organising suchlike.)

Ah cup, sorry to hear that you've been through the mill emotionally recently.

That mother who didn't invite Bea, what an appallingly shallow woman she is.

And your DH - is he supporting you properly? why is he working on Bea's 1st birthday, a day for absolute celebration and jubilation? :(

I'm another one who isn't at all surprised that you're beaten down by the emotional toll - it's been a tough 11m for you, my God it has. You've done so well to stand up to it.

I hope that you are able to accept help towards organising something for Bea's 1st birthday - bless you all, you deserve it!

I can't quite believe she's coming up to her 1st birthday - so very excited for you all! And your new photos are sooo gorgeous - Bea is really "growing into" her eyes now, isn't she? But all your girls have gorgeous big eyes. Utterly beautiful, all of them.

Remember that we're all here for you as well, lean on us whenever you need to..xxxxx

Ok, has one of you been praying for us?! I had a call this morning from a lady I did teacher training with. She volunteers with a family who take sick and disabled children on a respite stay to Lourdes. She said they have spare places for Bea, her sisters and I- fully paid for, with medical volunteers and 2 carers per child for a week.

OMG!!

But Bea doesnt have a,passport so we are waiting to hear if we can have an emergency appointment this week to get her one- flight leaves on Friday.

Please, lots of prayers and wishes that the Passport Agency can fit us in. We'll find out Monday...

Sorry, I mean she volunteers with a charity, not a family!

:)

That is wonderful! and just what the doctor ordered :) I hope you get that passport and that you and the girls have a fabulous break xxx

Cup that is amazing, lots of prayers that Bea gets a passport on time, what an amazing opportunity for you all

Have just been reading the updates with such a heavy heart for you Cup, adn then then the last post has made me smile.

I really hope the passport people allow you to get Bea's pasport, they simply must give her one!

What lovely news Cup I can't think of someone who deserves it more.

If needed I'm sure we could all send supporting emails to the passport office

Of course we have been praying for you. Give God the glory. Now prayers are being said for the provision of the passport.