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Original poster

Not borrowing trouble ahead of time, just enjoying each day with Beatrice.

1004 replies

cupofteaplease · 21/02/2012 22:31

Thanks to Thumbwitch for inspiring the title of this new thread. Smile

I will do my very best to minimise my worrying about the future as none of us know what it holds. For now, it's all about celebrating Beatrice's life today, every day.

As always, please feel free to follow us on our journey, and thank you in advance for the wonderful advice I am bound to receive from fellow parents, of SN children or otherwise.

Here's to a positive, uneventful thread!

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 21/05/2012 15:27

Oh, Cup, I really don't know what to say, so will just send a big hug to you.

bigbluebus · 21/05/2012 15:35

Poor little Bea, and poor Cup.
Cup don't be hard on yourself. I still find myself thinking of how things might have been - 17 years on! It is human nature.
Hoping and praying that Bea makes a speedy recovery and you get out in the sunshine soon.

ThisWeekonFancyPuffin · 21/05/2012 15:51

I keep trying to write this, but can't get what I want to say across IYSWIM

I'll settle for this;

Cup there is nothing wrong with you, you come across as one of the most kindest loving people I have seen on here. Wanting the very best for your child even if the reality is different, is never wrong. It's not fair what you have to go through. To the beautiful Bea however, being surrounded by such love means that she is in her own sunny meadow with you every day.

I hope that comes across how I mean it, I'm loath to try and 'comfort you' as I can't imagine for a minute what you are going though. But your eloquent writings always touch my heart. Please, please be kind to yourself.

Hebiegebies · 21/05/2012 15:58

Hugs and prayers and what the others have said about you being ok, better than ok just as you are.

Milliways · 21/05/2012 16:04

You have all come so far, and it is natural to dream like that.

What others have said is true - Bea knows she is loved, and I pray she remains comfortable so that you too can get some rest.

((More hugs))

pannetone · 21/05/2012 16:45

Everything is right about you Cup - which means your hopes for that sunlit meadow, your dreams about what might have been and the fiercely protective love you have for your one-in-a-million Bea.

Sending you love and prayers xx

5inthebed · 21/05/2012 18:07

Dearest Cup, there is nothing wrong with you! You have done nothing but love Bea, fight for her to be treated like any other child. No wonder you are drained.

Thoughts are with you all x

youarekidding · 21/05/2012 18:25

cup Sad There is nothing wrong with you. Everyone makes plans for the future, imagines how things will be and when they don't turn out that way it's natural to grieve for them. You love Beatrice and that much is clear but you are allowed to feel this way.

I am so sorry to hear she's back in HDU. I hope she makes a speedy recovery. And I hope they provide you with some comforts this time to make your stay as comfortable as possible.

In my prayers as always x

stressheaderic · 21/05/2012 18:27

Just like with your other children, you (and us, through your words) have watched Bea grow from a tiny baby to a person, with her own tastes and comforts, likes and dislikes. You know her. You know her moods, and desires and strengths and fears. And with that deep love comes a deeper worry about what the future may hold.

I have your earlier threads bookmarked and to go back and read about what she has gone through, yet where she is now, is pretty humbling. She is such a special girl, she really is.

Love and strength to you all. xx

JustFab · 21/05/2012 18:41

Still thinking of you all.

Northernlurker · 21/05/2012 19:28

I'm sorry Friday was tough and today has been harder. There is nothing wrong with you. We all dream for ourselves and our children. Loving Bea so much doesn't mean that you didn't lose something in September. You did, an innocence that dreams could be uncomplicated? But every day since then Cup - your posts have resonated with what you gained that day. When Bea was born you were told she would die. Since the day of her birth she has lived. She's lived and grown and given the world so much. It's not easy though, for you or her and don't ever feel bad for feeling that. Your life with Beatrice is complicated and you are under a huge strain. I think it's time for another dedicated prayer thread and I have a theme in mind Smile
Back in a bit.........

Northernlurker · 21/05/2012 19:45

Lifting up my hands in prayer for Beatrice. Smile

fuckarama · 21/05/2012 19:47

Thinking of you all xxx

bumpybecky · 21/05/2012 19:49

((((Cup, Bea and all the Teaset))))

slacklucy · 21/05/2012 20:08

Cup thinking of you & of course your beautiful Bea.
You are a wonderful Mum with all the normal hopes & dreams for your gorgeous girls.
Dreams & the roller coaster of emotions is normal, be kind to yourself, allow yourself to imagine you all in a sunny place.
Take care xx

JessCartandahorse · 21/05/2012 20:11

((more hugs)) for cup and Bea

It sounds pretty normal to want to escape into a fantasy world where there is no suffering, just to get a bit of mental/emotional respite from contending with the endless medical issues.

You are a total inspiration to me - and to so many others, I'm sure. Your strength is amazing and you are allowed a wobble, so please don't get down on yourself.

I hope you are taking good care of yourself and getting time to relax when possible (difficult perhaps, I know, but important.)

Have joined your prayer thread Northern Smile

KateUnrulyBush · 21/05/2012 20:14

Sending love Cup. X

Ps You're lovely. And a truly amazing mum. Please don't doubt yourself x

DameHermione · 21/05/2012 20:17

Thinking of you, Bea and your beautiful family in that meadow.

MNP · 21/05/2012 20:20

Sending prayers of healing to Bea and strength to you Cup.

PorkyandBess · 21/05/2012 23:58

I hope she surprises you once more.

Another one offering up a prayer for you and all your family.

pearlgirl · 22/05/2012 00:31

Also praying for you tonight.

madwomanintheattic · 22/05/2012 00:52

Sending you hugs and strength.

It was only six or seven years down the line that I stopped dreaming like that. Totally normal. X

JustFab · 22/05/2012 07:57

Morning Cup and Beatrice.

How are you this morning?

Original poster
cupofteaplease · 22/05/2012 08:29

Thank you for all your lovely messages. You are helping me to accept that little blips in my attitude are perhaps understandable. I just hate getting down, when I truly do see Beatrice's life as a gift. I'd hate for her to go and then look back with regret that I wasted time complaining about the things I couldn't change. Incompetence in the NHS, yes, I feel I can moan about that when times get tough because those things should be avoidable. But imagining a different Beatrice running around, well that's a waste of precious time when I'd be better to stop, and look at the gift God gave me. After all, Beatrice has brought so much to my life, and the lives of her family. I can't explain the pride I feel when I see the empathy her older sisters have displayed time and time again. Beatrice taught them that. That's a gift that I hope will stay with them when Beatrice is, so sadly, just a memory.

Anyway, she's in .75 o2, Sats mid 90s but heartrate up. She doesn't look very happy today. She had to be suctioned a few times in the night as she's so congested. Fingers crossed she picks up over the course of the day.

Thank you Northernlurker for the beautiful prayer thread, you have such kind words.

OP posts:
annalovesmrbates · 22/05/2012 09:07

Beatrice is lucky to have you as her mummy. Thinking of you all.

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