Stupid things others say

[lisad123]

Had one of the mums at the school the other day tell me I should let dd2 sit in her SN buggy because it makes her look more disabled!

At SN soft play event tonight and a little boy was pinching other kids and telling them to shut up (he has autism). Another parent complained to his mum and told her she should warn other parents that his not normal!!

What horrible stupid things have people said to you?

Here we go...
"Have you tried a sticker chart?"
"Have you tried mixing veg into a sauce?" Mixing! a sauce! grrrr
"Well, he seems so nice" shouldn't he be?
"He needs a slap!"
"You need to not feed him, he'll eat when he's hungry!" wrong
"they're all the same aren't they"
"mine does that too"
CT to DS1 after first refusing to take a tissue from the box cos it was torn, CT hands him tissue. He refuses - it's torn!. CT "if you don't take it you don't need it". result = DS1 takes tissue cos he needs it but doesn't use it cos she's touched it!
HT "the only problem with him is he doesn't like writing, he's a normal boy"
HT re sensory - refusal to wear underwear etc... "It's a choice thing"
HT "you're too soft with him"

My DS has high functioning autism and ADHD, I was asked last week "if you knew when you were pregnant what you know now (about his special needs), would you have continued with the pregnancy?"

Yes ofcourse I bloody would!!

"He's just lazy/ can't be bothered" (ds has hypotonia)

"He doesn't speak because you are confusing him with 2 languages" (bilingual family)

"He looks so normal, there can't be anything wrong with him"

"Did you have a caesarian? That must have caused it" also "Did you give birth naturally? That must have caused it" so you can't win on that one.

"He's just a bit antisocial, that's why he doesn't make eye contact properly"

At a Northern redbrick university open day five years ago:

Engineering Lecturer almost laughing, "Well, let me tell you that lots of the students suddenly say that they are dyslexic after they fail the first year's exams!" (We'd asked how they help dyslexic students to keep up - DS1 diagnosed officially at 7).

He didn't apply there. Their loss!
(He got a First in his degree and Masters from Manchester University who were much more helpful and now has an actual job in the field of his degree).

pippop1 Happy it was a wonderful ending for you all :)

Thank you! I was really shocked at this attitude as presumably lecturers were supposed to be on their best (and most PC) behaviour during a Uni Open Day and, one hopes, reasonably intelligent.

Well done to you and your son Pippop

It's not a given that universities or colleges understand about disability. I had loads of help at uni (I am a carrier of FX which doesn't cause too many problems but loose ligaments which make writing difficult, hence the need of a lap top and notetaker etc in classes, plus my anxieties and inability to concentrate, going blank and really struggling to keep up, plus inability to sequence information) but a different story at college where i am now doing my teaching qual; I find it ironic that the tutor bangs on about EDR and disability etc and yet has been actually quite appalling to me re my struggles. It took a lot of doing to persuade the tutor that i was genuine! it was like i wasn't believed until i showed written researched evidence!!!

"that child needs a smack!"
"she's just like you were,but you wouldn't have dared do that"
"well,it's payback,isn't it,you were an awful child,now you've got an awful child"
"I threw your sister up the stairs for less than that!"

courtesy of my dear mother,directed at my 3yr old DD.
(as soon as she is in the company of strangers,she LOUDLY 'parents' and yells about how often she looks after DC and how much she dotes on them)

Me" I'm a bit worried that DS hasn't said a single word yet,not even dada"
HV " yes,well,you've got to speak to them...and wait for them to respond"
Me "yes,thanks for that,we do speak to him...DD was speaking in full sentences at 15 months,I know how to encourage speech..."
HV "that's very unusual...how funny BOTH your children are odd!"

Had another good one from dm the other day.
dm 'Well if you don't buy it he can't eat it and he will have to eat what you give him, wont he'
me 'well if I didn't buy it would just eat nothing'
dm 'Don't be so silly! He is like any other child, if he is hungry he will eat whatever you give him. And you do know you should have never have bought that sort of food in the first place then he couldn't have become so obsessed with it'
DM was talking about ds3's problem with beige food, in particular bread and sausage rolls. We had been out for the day and ds had eaten toast for breakfast, a banana, an apple and a burger king kids meal while we where out (burger king suggested by dm)

I've always thought how amazing it is that everyone else knows how to bring up other peoples kids.....

I also find it funny that older parents whose kids have grown remember their kids through rose tinted glasses cos they were such great parents (Obviously) and their kids would NEVER have behaved that way blah blah...

Ya know what guys, you got two ears; in one, out the other....

In reading this I've realised that a lot of parents of NT younger children do that 'yes my DC does that too' when I'm trying to explain about DS' (severe) autism.

In the past it has always made me shut up and question myself. Maybe I'm assigning too much to the autism and actually some of it is about being a 3 year old.

I guess they might be saying it to try and make me feel better. But it has the effect of making me feel like I'm making a fuss about nothing. I definitely do not bang on about DS and his issues, I generally keep quiet. No wonder I have started to avoid most people!

Schobe I know exactly what you mean (see earlier post about teenagers)

Another one I just luuuurve is when I try to explain how much my boys eat...Oh well, they're teenagers, mine are the same.
Ummm no they're not just teenagers, they eat enough for a small African nation every bloody day and they've been doing it since they were born actually!!!
Elder son eats about 3 times more than his father (his father, my ex, weighs about 14 stone and is 5'10" so not a little bloke) elder son is nearly 6' and weighs about 9.5 stone...he is as thin as a rake.
But apparently thats similar to all teenagers.
Nothing to do with they act that he never stops moving; flapping, jumping, bouncing (to the point where he's' broken 4 beds in 2.5 years!)
I wanna ask "Has your teenager also broken 4 beds in 2.5 years then?"
Gaaaaaaargh

Yes - in my uncharitable moments I wonder if they just can't bear us having the 'limelight' in terms of having to work the hardest. Is it the competitive tiredness thing?

Perhaps we should say, ok let's compare notes when they get to 25, maybe then you'll allow that things are a smidgeon tough for us. Unless your retirement villas abroad are a bit too draughty, sigh.

Schobe

Ohhhh Yessss. Like the ex MIL insisting her GS was soooo much worse than mine and I didn't know I was born compared to how hard his poor mother had it blah blah...except that now he's an adult in a relationship, couple of kids, his own place, good job etc...and his 'hyper activity' stopped as soon as the Ex SIL cut out certain foods!
My two; 24/7/52 help and supervision. Have been assessed at age 2 and 3 (they're 13 and nearly 15) and will need caring for all their lives, will most likely end up in res care when I'm gone unless my girls take them in...

Oh yeah sooooo similar
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

From my sister with a new baby: "When did you realise X was AS? / Is it genetic? When did you realise..? / When did you realise...?" (constantly, repeat till fade) Translation: I desperately hope my child does not turn out like yours

From in-laws: "Oh he'll make a friend eventually" - Me: "Unlikely, as his precise disability is making friends"

DM/MIL's do seem to have the monopoly on making silly comments don't they :)

My DM's best 2 were 'Well, we always knew he wasn't all there but you can't really call him special needs or disabled can you, he looks normal' and 'Your paranoid and seeing problems that aren't there, there's nothing wrong with him'

These pearl's of wisdom from a woman who we see maybe twice a year, so ofc, she must know best

One day I will actually turn around and say ' Yes DM, ofc, DS has a statement (provisional atm I know), SALT, social communication lessons and 1 to 1 in class because I'm paranoid, LEA'S really do just hand out all the funding for this as Mummy is 'seeing problems'

my SIL, letting ds2 use a wheelchair will make him look disabled you know.
OK i'll carry my 10yr old with CP & Autism then.

YY to 'boys are just lazy'
'he'll get there in his own time'
'but he looks so normal'

and a classic from my SIL,'there's nothing wrong with him, he can't talk because you're a single parent and you don't talk to him - he doesn't hear conversation around the house so he just hasn't learnt how to talk!'
Do these people honestly think that they are the only ones who ever talked to their children, the rest of us just glare at the poor things from the sofa???!

She obviously knows better than his paed, ed psych, SALT and the LEA who gave him his statement and classroom 1 to 1. She probably gets angry that the council are wasting her council tax on poor little children whose feckless parents cannot be arsed to converse with them. I did point out that I have read to him every single day since he was born (and before, in fact!) but I just got glared at..

Rant over!

Teacher: 'She won't LISTEN to us. Can you have a word with her this evening, and explain that her behaviour is not acceptable.' (to a hyperactive, reception age child) Oh! Ok! I never thought of that.

Random stranger observing a meltdown the other day: 'Children these days have just lost touch with reality. I blame the parents'

A member of staff in a centre for children with special needs, talking about an 8 year old child with classic autism: 'Well, he's just going to have to get used to it. The world doesn't revolve around him. He is going to have to do this in 6 months anyway so it might as well be now. (ie, there was an alternative to upsetting him) I mean, you've just toilet trained him and that must have changed his routine so you can't have much of a problem with changing things.'

My mum to my 5 yr old son after his blood tests, "it will give you something to tell your friends at school". Errr .... He doesn't talk at school mum, he doesn't have any friends, that's why he is having blood tests!

Lovely comment from family friend of dh when our son was diagnosed with autism "if your partner will insist he has something wrong with him you can get driving lessons " also our son doesn't have autism she knows a child who really has it

I have also had the "well all special needs children should be in special schools" said to me by DH's friends godawful patronising shite of a wife (she is still unaware thankfully that my son actually has learning difficulties and has had a statement since Y1).

Just f off will you. She was indeed most fortunate that arvo that I did not tip her wine or her meal over her stupid head. Can't fix stupid.

DS (13) just diagnosed yesterday with AS and after some of my mum (and her partners) comments i feel like shoving the diagnosis right up her nose , not quite the same as some here but,

in the midst of an awful meltdown a few weeks ago she said , on the phone , 'you need to stop letting him rule the roost' and 'send the little sod to his room' his room and rest of house was completely trashed , im covered in bruises and its not like he would even stay in his room!

i told her she just didnt understand and suggested she read up on AS and was told ' thats your problem you read about everything too much'

when the diagnosis was imminent she said she thought it best not to ever tell him .

oh and just now on the phone when telling her we have a diagnosis ' well at least no ones ill i suppose'

im bloody ill after 2 of the worst years of my life dealing with all this without support .