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Original poster

Stupid things others say

128 replies

lisad123 · 11/02/2012 23:30

Had one of the mums at the school the other day tell me I should let dd2 sit in her SN buggy because it makes her look more disabled! Shock

At SN soft play event tonight and a little boy was pinching other kids and telling them to shut up (he has autism). Another parent complained to his mum and told her she should warn other parents that his not normal!!

What horrible stupid things have people said to you?

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 12/02/2012 15:13

'they all get there in the end'

'boys are just lazy'

'gosh, dd was talking in sentences at 14 months old, but then i talk to her all the time, i'm sure people think i'm mad' (no but i think you are an insensitive cow - said at a toddler group when i explained that ds doesn't babble)

'but ds isn't actually disabled is he? I mean there is nothing actually wrong with him?' - well except for developmental delays, problems with his muscles, difficulties with swallowing, and episodes of choking on his own saliva, and recurring chest infections - otherwise he's fine! - this was said by friend who was wondering why ds is having mri, blood tests and genetic testing, as if i didn't feel shit enough about him having to go through these things.

aaaaah, this is very cathartic - i will be back later!

willowthecat · 12/02/2012 15:39

Hazey - I had that 'everyone thought I was mad talking to my baby Hmm from the minute he was born' quite a few times. It's got to be the most annoying and most stupid comment ever. What are we supposed to say 'Gosh all the baby books say you must never ever ever talk within ten miles of a baby.'

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission · 12/02/2012 16:05

one of the first things said to me by the continence nurse, well of course if you don't toilet train her now you will be putting her at high risk of being a target for a paedophile, they choose to work with children like that you know. She might have said something useful after that but I really wasn't listening any more.

old lady the supermarket on seeing dd3's glasses when she was a baby, well at least it's not a physical deformity.

younger lady in the supermarket on seeing hearing aids, you want to get her one of those cochler implant things. Yes because a cochlear implant is suitable for all deaf children Hmm

ANiceCupofTeaandASitDown · 12/02/2012 16:09

From my own DM : well she can't be autistic, she's so affectionate. (about dd who is 4 and just about to go to a special unit for potentially autistic kids)
And another classic from DM : oh well whatever happens she's a lovely kid. Yes thank you mother I know that.
Countless people who say "she'll get there in her own time" or "my dc didn't talk until they wre 6 and they're fine now".
Grrrr. Just grrrr.

jandymaccomesback · 12/02/2012 16:12

DS' tutor at college "He's 16 and he can't even run properly".
"I ask them to do 20 pressups and he stands at the back doing his own thing"
Me: that's because he's got Aspergers.
Tutor:Well I can't know about every disability going can I?
You can when he's one of 16 in the class and has support and an assessment to prove it.

Ineedalife · 12/02/2012 16:19

Am chuckling at the ones where a proff has suggested talking to your childGrin.

Dd3's old HT/SENCO suggested I stop talking to Dd3 about school because I was making her school phobia worse. WTF.

hazeyjane · 12/02/2012 18:03

ok some more have popped into my head,

'yes you can tell there is something wrong just by looking at him' - said by new hv when i told her about ds.

'ooh he's just about to fall asleep' - ok i know this one isn't stupid, and people are just being friendly, but i honestly hear it 3 or 4 times a day from strangers looking at ds (he has droopy eyelids and bags under his eyes, and gets tired very easily, so does look sleepy) it always makes me sad that this is the first thing they see, rather than his beautiful blue eyes, gorgeous blonde hair or lovely smile.

'i expect he just wants his sister's to do everything for him' = of course, if only the paeds had thought of that!

nenevomito · 12/02/2012 18:04

What are you doing with that dummy in your mouth - No, its chewelery to stop him eating the fucking furniture.

"friend" looking at some literature about Autism - "You can tell just by the photos that they're not normal can't you"

Fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck ooooooff!

nenevomito · 12/02/2012 18:05

"He just needs telling!"

That was another favourite as DS was having a complete meltdown.

Fuck me! All of those paed appointments, all of the stress, the tantrums the struggle and he just needed "telling"!

Oh the humanity!

Original poster
lisad123 · 12/02/2012 18:37

My fav was in dx meeting for dd2. I had said about her waking at 3-5am every morning. I explained she went to bed ok ish about 7-8pm.
The wonderful suggestion from 4 professionals was .....
Put her to bed later!! Yep wonderful advice so I never get a break Hmm

OP posts:
sazale · 12/02/2012 18:39

Dd (then aged 5) used to pick food off the floor (even outside) to eat. I referred her as I was worried about it and her obsessiveness with food. The consultant said that it must be learnt behaviour!! I might be fat but I don't pick food up off the floor!!!

CAMHS recently offered theraplay because even though normally for younger kids than DD (she's 13 now) they said that coz she's emotionally around age 6 should still be suitable. They then offered me a support group for teens with behaviour issues which included her mixing with other teens and talking about how she felt etc with a group of other teens! She doesn't even understand emotions let alone want to sit in a group (worst nightmare) to discuss them!

CAMHS in another effort to try to show that they're supporting us (after we complained about lack of support and it was decided that they should be doing more) arranged a meeting with the behaviour expert to help us with the 20 or so meltdowns a day. This is the woman who only 12 months earlier said DD would be fine at comp and needed no support (on verge of statementing and special school now). I gave her an example of when she refused to walk the way I needed her to go (had to collect DS from school) and that after leaving her there for 2 mins (school across road fortunately) did i really need to have asked her to come home?! She said that instead of saying to her that she needed to come in the house on my return I could have just left her in the street to see what happened! My DP replied that this is a child with no road sense, no sense of danger and believes every word that people say to her and that they would have been pointing the finger at us if anything had happened to her!

Humanities teacher said she doesn't have ASD etc and is just an attention seeker who behaves like an 8 year old! When she's pulling her hair and eating paper she just ignores her and tells the rest of the class to do the same!!

cornykabana · 12/02/2012 18:57

lisad that's exactly what my GP said - don't put him to bed until he's tired. That would be never then. Hmm

PurplePidjin · 12/02/2012 19:02

SIL now likes me to be at family do's with her after one particular incident.

Distant relative asks "Is Dn supposed to be

Me, in deadpan voice with Hmm face "She has autism. Would you prefer her to be chewing on the furniture?"

SIL and I had exchanged rolled eyes first, I didn't just stomp in Grin

i'm also getting good at doing the explanation/discussion part for her - people seem to think that SIL has hours at her disposal to chat at length while DN can be left unsupervised. I'm practising whipping them into a fury at the DLA cuts so SIL can get on with the unenviable task or keeping her daughter happy in a strange and disturbing environment Wink

bigbluebus · 12/02/2012 19:10

DD born with rare chromosone disorder DX at 3 days old. At 10 days old, paediatrician called to maternity ward to discharge her. Barged into special flat reserved for families where ther have been problems (ie birth defect or neonatal death) and took one look at DD and said "it is a girl or a boy"? Thought pink cot card and wrist band was a bit of a giveaway!! Shock look of midwife standing behind him. Quickly followed by "I think we should get this baby checked for a chromosone disorder" - already done & diagnosed a week earlier!!

Few months later at home was explaining to Health Visitor that Physio had been to visit DD weekly. "What does the physio do?" she asked. I demonstrate exercise that physio has been doing to try and get DD to roll over. "But surely she will just roll over when she's ready" says HV!! (DD has unusually developed brain, poor muscle tone, registered blind and moderate hearing loss). She is 17 now and still can't roll over in spite of physio's best efforts!!!

unpa1dcar3r · 12/02/2012 19:17

MY Social worker recently:
"please could you write me a letter to DLA giving me permission to see the boys forms. I need to see what you spend their DLA on"
"Um...No"
"Are you refusing?"
Um...I am saying No because it's none of your business and the forms won't tell you what it's spent on anyway"
"Well, I'm concerned about what you're spending it on"
"Really? why?"
"Because you said you spend the care component on things like bedding and clothing and it's not really for that"
"Ok I won't spend it on that anymore then. Much better to allow my incontinent son to lay in a pissy bed and perhaps they can run round naked when they chew their clothes off"

Gaaaaaargh Angry

Ineedalife · 12/02/2012 19:32

Shock @ unpa1d.

Riddo · 12/02/2012 19:36

Not nearly as bad as the above but people keep buying my very dyslexic ds (he is 12, reading age 7) books. He can't read them... it drives me mad. He has to be grateful for someting he can't access which makes him feel inadequate. aahh.

Riddo · 12/02/2012 19:39

AND when told he has a reading age of 7 "My dc could read Harry Potter at 7". Yes that's because she has two parents with phd's ie: she does not represent AVERAGE reading age. I get really angry sometimes and find it really hard not to say somehting rude.

PurplePidjin · 12/02/2012 19:46

Riddo, that's what I try and deflect from SIL. Is there a relative or friend who could do the same for you? Worth asking, I inky speak up because SIL said it was irritating otherwise I wouldn't interfere Smile

PurplePidjin · 12/02/2012 19:46

inky? Ffs OnLy!!

Ineedalife · 12/02/2012 19:53

I get really sick of hearing "lots of children do that" or "oh yes my dc does that" on the odd occasion when i try to explain some of my Dd3's difficulties to people.

Ineedalife · 12/02/2012 19:55

Except when i am on here or at the support group of courseSmile.

cornykabana · 12/02/2012 20:03

wow unpaid Shock

Riddo · 12/02/2012 20:33

PurplePidjin Thank you Smile.

It's a hazard of living in a university city. People just don't get it. They're all worrying about their dc's not being in the top set!

MummyPocPoc · 12/02/2012 20:34

Does anyone here ever complain about these people? Especially people like unpaidcarer's SW? I've had bother from my HV, and sit and ask myself why I haven't reported here before now.

People commonly complain about not being able to get a GP appointment, blaming it all on receptionists (who are the cause of this apparently Hmm) and I am just wondering why these people get away with it all...