Stupid things others say

[lisad123]

Had one of the mums at the school the other day tell me I should let dd2 sit in her SN buggy because it makes her look more disabled!

At SN soft play event tonight and a little boy was pinching other kids and telling them to shut up (he has autism). Another parent complained to his mum and told her she should warn other parents that his not normal!!

What horrible stupid things have people said to you?

Wow there are some corkers on here - sometimes it's hard to know whether to be or at the things people say!

Someone I know said to me when dd was a baby - 'you are brave taking on a baby like that (dd has CP) I would just have had an abortion' - that really hurt me at the time but I guess people have no idea really..

Yes I complain, including when someone is being dim and judgemental about a child I teach in review meetings. I also encourage parents to realise that it is not acceptable and to challenge some of the particularly outrageous comments.
Some do, some don't. Many seem to take heart from my frothing though.

As far as tackling bad practice... I made sure all the other profeesionals involved with ds were very clear re the comments by the HT, (I think the phrase 'he will go there over my dead body' to the education officer was a clincher! I also did say I would not see one member of the team who did our ADOS again, I will not go into the apallingness of his practice... but as a professional as well as a parent I was ! Told his team this guy was not welcome in my home again...
Used to to sign my emails to the (lovely) parent partnership worker as 'scary mum'.

I can't possibly be the only person happy to do this, at least on a social level (medical and school stuff I leave to SIL - she then tells me and, if asked, I make suggestions) and tbh it's the least I can do to help.

She had to bring it up first, but now I know to keep an eye so I can jump in if needed

Bullies target those perceived to be weak - the carer of a disabled person is significantly less likely to have the energy to make a fuss therefore these people get away with theit shitty attitudes for longer than in any other area

Yes mummy I did complain about the paediatrician - I was actually asked to by another doctor - the paeds contract was up for review - it was not renewed!
With the Health Visitor, I just set about trying to educate her by introducing her to all the visiting professionals who crossed my doorstep (and there were a lot of them in the early days). The HV was not aware that most of them existed let alone what their roles were - so I arranged for her to be at my house on my 'appointment' morning so she could meet them (I insisted everyone came on a Thursday morning in one hour slots otherwise I never would have got out of the house)

Whilst waiting for speech therapy for my dd then aged 3, after she'd been signed off and I'd pushed for a re referral as things weren't improving,

Nursery teacher: you do realise you DO need to do something about her speech, I mean she will be starting school in September, you do want her to go to a mainstream school don't you (informed her dd had a place at school nursery is attached to) well there you are then if you don't do something they won't be able to understand her and she won't learn anything, you must get this sorted etc etc. funnily enough dd3s name isn't down for that nursery. Fortunately the teachers in school are amazing and work with her and are full of loveliness!

And yep I've complained, the ht is under no illusion as to why dd3 isn't on the nurseries waiting list. Didn't like doing it but this behaviour went on for nearly a year, constant sniping in front of dd and during a particularly vulnerable period for all of us which they knew.

I get really sick of hearing "lots of children do that"

Grrr I Need a life Yes yes and yes...i hear this all the time too.

"Oh they're just typical teenagers"
No they are freaking not! I bloody wish they were...

Yes physically they might be nearly 6' tall, and eldest with a tash and pubes but that's where the similarity between them and other lads of the same age stops!

Most teenagers don't throw themselves on the floor, kicking and screaming hysterically, in Asda because they can't cope with the noise, people, chaos, lighting...
No lots of children don't freaking do that do they...
Gaaaaargh

Mummy
At present my solicitor is on the point of court action against my SS dept in general for 'acting illegally'...
Regarding the doctors, yes I have written letters of complaint and so successfully that they have introduced an initiative into the Welsh GP service (Betsycadwalader) to highlight needs of carers re taking disabled children to surgeries. This is what my letter of reply informed me. I don't know if its been effective, just that nowadays when i ring the surgery I get treated quite deferentially!!!!

I take very little lying down regarding my boys and have a bit of a rep as being a scary Mary!!!!
But it doesn't seem to stop people being stupid. It's only when they realise they won't get away with it that they stop...

Like PurplePidgeon says, carers are vulnerable...they're tired, isolated, lack autonomy, feel vilified, ignored and spend so much time caring that all else goes to pot.

And of course people will always be ignorant of disability sadly. Can you imagine the outcry of horror if these things were said due to race or sex??????
E.g. "Oh I know he's black but he looks quite normal really"

Or, and to my eternal shame this came out of the mouth of my Grandmother "I was talking to this lovely chap at church earlier and you'll never guess.. He's one of those Gays. You'd never know it to talk to him..."

She's 91 or I'd have throttled her by now

LMAO Purple....

MY brother was telling me about his holiday, one of those where the staff do everything bar wipe your backside for you...he was talking about the people with him and said "there were two men together but even though they were gay, they were quite nice actually...didn't flaunt being homosexual in your face or anything"...
But my bro does have some LD himself and is very very religious (thinks homosexuality is a mortal sin etc)

Loving some of the comments on here!

MIL usually does it for me. DD has GDD.

'she'll grow out of it'
'she'll suprise you one day'
'she seems bright to me' maybe beacuse MIL is the thickest person i know
'will the speech therapist teach her to talk' (when totally non verbal)
'what will she get at a special school that she doesn't get at her current MS school'
'she doesn't look like a special needs child'
'she'll catch up'
'i went to great lengths to talk to about santa and she just walked off' nowt to do with DD's SEN more likely fact MIL is as boring as hell
'its all the assessments in school - if they didn't have them they wouldn't know their was a problem' (yr 2 can't even write or read her own name)

And her favourite obessession:

'What caused it' 'was she starved of oxygen at birth' (asked every time I see her) 'was it beacuse you were stressed when you were pregnant' 'was it because you were sick when you were pregnant'

...and the fact that she doesn't understand its genetics could be a cause speaks volumes.....

I have lots of examples of stupidity.
Have to say first, DS2 (12.6) has ADHD, ODD, social and communication issues, I am currently trying to get someone to look at AS. DS3 (5.7) ASD, SLD he has a development level of 2.6 yrs.
Just before Christmas I got a letter from ds2's Maths teacher telling me he had put ds on report, it said ds must meet 2 targets in order to come off report, his 2 targets where, 1, to sit still and pay attention in class at all times 2, not to talk in class and is not to call out an answer in class. When I called to tell him that if this letter was correct then ds would be on report until left school his reply was 'well surely when he takes his tablets then he is back to normal!' Like he just woke up one day and had ADHD and his meds are miracle pills.
Last year DH took dds2 to sign up for this years football season at a club he has been going to since he was in reception, he handed his forms into the woman in the club house who read over them, she looked at dh and said 'ADHD, is that what cows have?'

My mum is the best, or worst depending on how you look at it. A few things she has said are;

'If you don't buy it he can't have it and he WILL eat what you give him. If he starts crying you will just have to tell it's tough you can't have it, he will understand if you just tell him straight' regards ds's restricted diet, at the time ds was none verbal, violent and had no understanding!

'Well he is always as good as gold for me, you just need to be more strict with him' re ds2 and his adhd!

DS1 has AS, mums words of wisdom where 'If you tidy he bedroom everyday for him he wont have a problem' Of course, why didn't I think of that!

and for her finale when out shopping, I was looking at clothes for ds to see if I could find any nice jeans to fit over his nappy. She turned to me and said 'make sure you get something smart, you must make sure he looks nice now he is getting older. He wont look as odd then!' I promptly picked up a top with animal from the muppets on and walked to the till.
She is lovely with the boys but she is totally clueless.

ohhhh one or two come to mind............

school......"perhaps our job is to just contain him then"
school......."the children were happy with ds today and I told him so as I always point out when the children dislike him"

family....."well at least he is a happy little THING"

playground mother......."all special needs........people should be in special schools as they shouldnt be allowed to mix with our children incase our children pick up nasty habbits from them"

teacher "tell your mum its about time she cut your hair" DS but it hurts me and I like to hide behind it. teacher "well you look silly and the children are laughing at you"

Whilst in tesco my ds had a total meltdown, after 45mins calming him down this woman piped up and said" if you cant control them, dont have them" I politely pointed out my ds has mental health problems, she then looked at me and said "maybe you should make him a big badge that says hes mental because he looks normal that way people will know" I looked at her and told her maybe she should have a badge that says even though im old and should know better i dont oh and im a bitch. Put her back in her box.

ht told me it was ok for other pupils to urinate on ds food as my ds wouldn't understand as he has asd. she also said my ds reacted badly to them urinating on his food as ds didn't get jokes....... parents evening we went to the woodwork teacher to see how ds was getting on.....he said wtf you come to see me for? all i can say is he's either bone idol or he's just thick.....i replied he has sn and he should of known this after teaching him for 3 yrs, he said as i said he's a thick kid and i don't have time for them....

'She's just taking it all in' No she isnt, she's two, shes at the developmental level of a 9 month old, she is NOT taking it all in, something is bloody well not being taken in here. It makes me want to scream.

Also the totally obvious suggestions from people who should know better:
'I talked to mine all the time' 'Do you play with her?' ' Make sure you read together' 'We went to music classes a lot'

Yes your child is developing normally because of your amazing parenting and not because that just happens to be what NT children do. And I have never done any of these perfectly ordinary parenting activities with my child so that's why shes so behind. Stupid me, now I get it.
Grr Like I dont spend enough time wondering if I did something wrong...

I know people want to be kind and usually want to help but please please just ask me first about what we are doing and what we have tried before wading in with bloody obvious 'helpful' suggestions. Its so insulting.

When my family do this, after all the stuff I tell them about, all the testing, all the thinking, I just want to curl up and cry for a week

Please tell me you moved schools davidsotherhalf I'm furious just reading that

i did make a complaint about the nurse in scbu who said that if he and his girlfriend had a baby as premature as some of the babies in scbu they would switch off the life support, because they wouldn't want to have a baby with all the problems that prem babies have (ds wasn't prem, so maybe he felt safe saying it to me, but i couldn't believe he was saying it at all, let alone to someone whose baby was lying there with on a ventilator being tube fed).

davidsotherhalf what did you do?

davidsotherhalf - Sounds like a real treat of a school! Appalling!

keepingup - Do you have trouble getting trousers to fit over his nappy? I have this problem with my DS who is very broad and also wears nappies, and this week went on a mission to find some suitable jeans in a big size with a soft waist band and succeeded! Got some from BHS and some from debenhams. It's fine if you aren't fussed about him wearing jeans or not (I know my DS couldn't give a hoot as long as he's comfy), but in case you did want some I thought I'd share. I was so so sick of seeing him in the same trousers I needed a change. When I find trousers he likes I buy them, and get the next two ages up as well so they'll be reay and waiting, all samey for when he needs 'new' trousers.

Oh thanks boredandrestless. DS lives in tracksuit bottoms even at school because of the nappy problem. I do the "next size up" thing too Will look at the weekend!

I have to join in though it's not strictly SEN.. Cousin (29) has schizoaffective disorder. The family have severe denial about how seriously this impacts upon him. He won't eat any food that has been touched by human hands other than his own, so is eating seedballs that he has grown and lettuce. He wears a monk's robe and has 30 minutes silence in every hour where he does a variety of "rituals" involving washing/prostrating/incanting etc. He only speaks during even hours e.g. 2, 4, 6, 8. He hoards food and believes the world is going to end this year and that bank cards have mind control chips in them and trac your movements. He started to refuse school at 14 and has no qualifications and has never worked.

Grandmother: "Well his problem is that he needs to go out and get a job"
Aunt: "Well his real problem is that he gets too much dole that allows him indulge this nonsense"
Uncle: "My sister just never disciplined him well enough. He needs not to be let away with this carry on. If he were mine, he'd have had a good thrashing as soon as this malarkey started and that would have been the end of it"
Aunt2: "He's a grown man carryng on like a child, it makes me sick the government pay him to be able to live like this"
Aunt3 (his mother): "Well, at least he's been eight months off the medication. And he's doing SO well!"

On a more positive side DD Down Syndrome MS school, I had 'phone call to say she had told dinnerlady to "fuck off( other students had the wit to say it behind dinnerlady's back) and I was warned she could be expelled-strict talking to. Following week annual review and I mentioned the swearing HT looked somewht surprised and said if we expect her to pick up the good things we must also expect the bad things too.
PS She is now such a prissy knickers

bored my mum has came around a bit an the last 12 months or so and she now makes his trousers (she is a dress maker), thing is not only does he wear nappies but he is massive and over weight. He is 5 but his trousers are: leg length age 8, waist age 10, and gusset age 14 so as you can imagine nothing will fit. He does wear asda track bottoms, but my mum makes him school pants, jeans and she had made him cords and a lovely pair of check cotton pants at Christmas.