Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

Do you ever have a weird moment where you look at your child and SEE the autism?

119 replies

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 14/05/2011 12:41

When normally you don't really notice?

Cos it was my eldest's review the other day. And he is now in secondary school and at his school (don't know if it is the same everywhere) they have the child in the review and begin to encourage the child to take control of the review.

And I was looking at him as he went through a statement he had prepared about things he finds difficult, and his eye contact was non-existant and he had one arm in the air, making a pincer type movement with his fingers.

And I looked at him and I thought wow, you really look autistic.

And I hope I am explaining myself well Blush

It was just a real jolt, you know?

Do you ever have it?

OP posts:
5inthebed · 14/05/2011 12:46

Totally know what you mean.

DS2 has certain"autistic" mannerisms which make m think that.

mum0fthree · 14/05/2011 12:47

DS does the pincer thing constantly but with both hands. He had a lot of facial tics and grimacing and this seems to have replaced them.

leiela · 14/05/2011 12:58

I've spent the last 12 months since his diagnosis telling myself he is very mild really. However having spent the last couple of weeks preparing YET more information to present at yet another appeal i've spend some time looking at my son from an objective point of few trying to work out what he will struggle with at senior school and how to explain that to a panel.

I have to admit i've noticed a hell of alot of traits and odd behaviour that i didn't realise he did before. I guess we just get used to it and stop paying attention but it's certainly woke me up to the reality of his condition and that i can't continue to pretend it's so mild it barely effects him.

The other day i watched my son, playing with the other kids, they where talking to him and he sort of stood their , head bent off to the side not making eye contact while he leg seemed to develop a nervous tick he couldn't seem to control. He was so awkward looking i thought he was going to topple over at any moment.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 14/05/2011 13:00

Yep the hand flapping, tip toe walking and the screeching with dd2. With dd1 it's the jumping and lack of eye contact with strangers. I'm so used to it sometimes hit me like a bolt :(

Jennylee · 14/05/2011 13:10

yes we didn't realise our 12 year old had it untill a few months ago and then we saw it all the time and it still hits me somedays, especially when I see him with others his age or he is really tired.

siblingrivalry · 14/05/2011 13:18

Yeah, dd was running in circles the other day, hand flapping and muttering to herself and there was no mistaking it!

LeninGrad · 14/05/2011 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeninGrad · 14/05/2011 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DietcokeGirl · 14/05/2011 14:20

Yes, much more noticeable now he hums when he runs! In fact, he is doing it now, a loop round the house - he is so fast as well! Phew, he out of breath so just taking a rest before the next round! Fortunately, he isn't doing it as much now he is on the omega 3!

Goblinchild · 14/05/2011 14:45

I notice the difference when he's at scouts with other 16 year olds and they are socialising and flitting through conversations and generally being ordinary. And he isn't.
But they know who he is and what he's like and they don't care that he's stilted and not as verbally dexterous as them, takes many things literally, or that he doesn't like rude jokes.

smugtandemfeeder · 14/05/2011 14:57

DH and I look at each other all the time and say that. And yet we still talk about how perhaps we are wrong....

DH took him swimming last week and our local GP was in the pool. DS put two rings on his hands, and repetitively moved his hands from side to side saying "boxing boxing boxing boxing boxing" for about 5 minutes. Then he ran between the main pool and the small pool touching the two gates seperating them for another ten minutes in a ritualistic way. Very Autistic.

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 14/05/2011 15:52

Not really, DS2 has always done things strangely before we had any inkling. He was DX at 3.6 and autism was mentioned by the paed at 3, so everything he does looks autistic to us. Poor eye contact, running with his arms whirling like windmills, jumping and flapping when excited, speaking in a high pitched voice, it's all normal for DS2.

pigletmania · 14/05/2011 16:50

Yes I do Hecarte there are some days where she behaves almost NT, but other days when she is not in her best moods, especially when you are in the park with NT children, and dd is putting her hands on her head, and hand flapping, and having meltdowns when told its time to go home. At dd MacDonalds party, found one of the girls of the same age she invited was trying to clam her down when she was having a meltdown, I was so Blush

pigletmania · 14/05/2011 16:51

All the other children her age were playing nicely and dd was having a mahoosive meltdown.

pigletmania · 14/05/2011 16:52

It was like a big slap in the face really

Becaroooo · 14/05/2011 18:51

All the time at the moment hec

I simply cannot believe its taken me this long to see it (ds1 nearly 8) Sad

He was pleased as punch yesterday becase he got a headteacher award for "hurlding" in PE...apparently the HT told him that its the first ever HT award she has given out for hurdling Smile

For example: (this is a bit TMI) he has just come into the front room after doing a poo and asked me to "check his bum is ok" i.e. not dirty (he gets very distressed if no one checks him)....we are used to it, but it is a bit odd.

Top Gear dvd is on - AGAIN - so he is currently "prancing" up and down the room on tip toe as usual.....

How did I not see it til now????

How????

How do I get him the help he needs? Sad

Goblinchild · 14/05/2011 18:59

Well, I suppose you have to be clear about what his needs actually are.
I didn't worry about the bits that were odd, or weird. I concentrated on skilling him and supporting him with the aspects that would deny him an education or a chance at a happy life.
So he didn't have friends for years, but he didn't care so I didn't worry.
But he did have violent meltdowns, so I worked on getting him help and support in school to enable him to access an education.
He is very Aspie at home, and that gives him the strength and calm to be out in the world and functioning as a Y11 pupil and a 16 year old boy.

Becaroooo · 14/05/2011 19:06

Thats part of the problem...I have spent the last few years (since he was 5) being told he "would catch up" and his problems were due to him being an "only child" and "summer baby" (he now has a younger brother aged 2.5)....I know he needs help with literacy, the school knows it but how do I actually get him the help?

He needs to be on School action plus at the least IMO (he has just been put on school action) but not sure what the criteria is to get put on that?

His appt with the comm paed is on 23rd....our GP referred him.

I dont know;
a) what to ask
b) how to atriculate all of ds1's issues
and
c) how they can help him

sigh. Sad

Goblinchild · 14/05/2011 19:11

Mine got his dx at 9, so I know what it's like to spend years of being confused and being told your child was possessed and psychotic.
To get him help, you have to be very specific with identifying what his particular needs are and what he needs as support. Which means studying him until you are an expert.

Mamaz0n · 14/05/2011 19:11

I remember the first time i "saw" the autism in DS.

It was at school sports day. he was 6.
He was in the silly race where you have to dress up as you go along. All the other children just knew what they had to do but DS just din't understand why he would want to put on a policemans helmet but a cowboys jacket.
it took ages to try and convince him it was how it should be.

Up until that point i had convinced myself that they were wrong, he was just a bit different, that he would grow out of it and catch up with his peers.

Becaroooo · 14/05/2011 19:26

mamazon You sound like me! My mantra was always "he'll do it when he's ready"

Sadly, I am having to accept that, actually, he wont. He may never do it.

Its heartbreaking.

I just dont have a clue what I am doing. Also, I cant help feeling this is somehow my fault....

My mum used to say I "coddled" him (?) He didnt sleep as a baby and so when he did nap I turned the phone off, shut the windows etc...the slightest sound would wake him Sad Therefore its my fault he cant cope with loud noises.

I never gave him processed baby food (jars, packets etc) as I wanted weaning to go well (bf and ff were both pretty much a disaster). It went very well and ds1 thrived and - finally! - gained weight. He is now a very fussy eater...well, he eats a variety of food but its quite a narrow range and quite bland. Thats my fault too, apparently, as my dnephews were only fed on jars of baby food and will now eat "anything".

Ds1 was tired on weds night...thats also my fault - he does too much out of school - he does beavers 1 x week (term time) and swimming x 1 per week ???? Is that too much???

I just dont know anymore.....

Ninxy · 14/05/2011 20:08

My DS has what I call autistic hair: erratically cut (has to be done in stages) and always always too long over the ears because nobody can get that near, ever.

I see lots of boys sporting a similar style at the centre for children with disabilities and they are often wearing Thomas the Tank items of clothing which are about three sizes too small because they are obviously so well-loved Smile

He does the thing with his hands too. My friend's little boy has the hands, hair, the sideways gaze, tiptoe walk, spinning and is a true fan of lining up and our useless Paed tried to get out of dx him when it would have been obvious to most of us on sight.

Triggles · 14/05/2011 20:11

Yep. We see it - regularly of course, but also big huge flashes of it here and there like a neon sign. We've discussed how in the world we could have overlooked it, but as parents I think you just hope you're being paranoid. He has this sad disjointed confused look, usually accompanied by eye/face tics, and crying or screeching unhappily. It's just so sad to see...

leiela · 14/05/2011 20:12

I remeber someone telling my DS the "where do you find a turtle with no legs" joke when he was about 6.

Of course the punch line is "exactly where you left it"

My Ds didnt think it was funny at all .. for about 4 days all i heard was.

That wasn't a very good joke, it wasn't funny of course the turtle was where you left it, it have no legs it couldn't walk ... mum don't you think that was a bad joke??

wendihouse22 · 14/05/2011 20:19

Guilt. Heartbreak. Confusion. There's a lot of sad "smiley" faces dotted throughout this thread.

I always knew my boy was different.....something wasn't right. He was an only child and friends just said "he'll grow out of it.... it's just a little quirk...." Ten years on, he is glaringly autistic. Alarmingly, he seems to be regressing more recently. He hand flaps (new), walks in circles (new) is very repetative in speech (more so than ever) and now has additional dx of OCD/Tourettes.

I am heartbroken. He asked me two nights ago..."when I grown up, will I have kids?" and I said, "who knows? Some people do, some don't". He burst into tears. Just at the thought that he wouldn't have a family and kids of his own. What can I say.....I cannot imagine that he will survive secondary school or have a girlfriend never mind kids. I think he'll be living with me when he's 35, actually.

I used to think the autism was "doable". It was high functioning and all I had to do was teach this bright little boy how to "be". How to act normal. Now, I'd do anything JUST to have the autism without all the other stuff.