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Original poster

Do you ever have a weird moment where you look at your child and SEE the autism?

119 replies

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 14/05/2011 12:41

When normally you don't really notice?

Cos it was my eldest's review the other day. And he is now in secondary school and at his school (don't know if it is the same everywhere) they have the child in the review and begin to encourage the child to take control of the review.

And I was looking at him as he went through a statement he had prepared about things he finds difficult, and his eye contact was non-existant and he had one arm in the air, making a pincer type movement with his fingers.

And I looked at him and I thought wow, you really look autistic.

And I hope I am explaining myself well Blush

It was just a real jolt, you know?

Do you ever have it?

OP posts:
happymole · 15/05/2011 08:36

Hecate I get totally what you are saying. I laugh all the time in private about dd's quirks. I make the stories of what she get's up to funny when I'm recounting them. What the hell else should I do? Crumple into a ball because I'm fucking terrified about the future.

I have to laugh because that is how I deal.

Fanjo I'm really sorry that you are upset and hurt. I tend to group parents of asd children together and assume (wrongly) that they have the same coping techniques.

asdx2 · 15/05/2011 08:36

I know he can still talk I have heard him on the odd occasion in his room speaking. I used to think he was choosing not to speak the professionals seem to think he just finds it too hard to speak and so doesn't. All I know is that I sometimes think he wants to speak but can't (when it would be quicker for him to get what he wants and you can see he's trying to) and other times I think he could speak but doesn't (because he doesn't try to form words then)
He communicates through email, notes and with his eyes(he's always eye pointed and he has the most expressive eyes Smile) so maybe there is no need for him to do what he finds difficult when he has other easier methods for him.

Original poster
HecateQueenOfTheNight · 15/05/2011 08:38

Fanjo - are they going to replace your meds with a different type? If you need ADs, they can't just take them away from you, surely? what do they have in place to support you? Are you going to be ok?

Yes, TC, I struggle with reading body language etc too.

And I think it's fairly obvious now that I struggle to think that anyone may not see something the way I do Blush

It can be a challenge, to say the least!

OP posts:
happymole · 15/05/2011 08:39

Opps X-posted

Smile and (un)mumsnetty [[[hug]]] at fanjo

Goblinchild · 15/05/2011 08:39

Hecate, I'm the same. Laugh whilst you face the storms and ride them. Because if I look down, I'm stuffed. Wipeout.
But we all have our ways of coping, and they are all different. And sometimes nothing works.

Becaroooo · 15/05/2011 08:40

I totally get where hec is coming from as I too deal with things with rather black humour. Always have.

I also see why fanjo got upset because of her circumstances.

TC I wish I could stop blaming myself Sad I keep having this recurring nightmare where we are at the comm paed appt and he turns to me and says..."well, this is obviously all your fault!!" PILs are in complete denial.... MIL: "He's just the same as dh" Er, no. Dh didnt have problems reading and writing, didnt have such huge anxiety, didnt have what I now know are stims etc etc. sigh. My parents are supportive but mystified. Think they think I am just so desperate for help for ds1 that I am clutching at straws.

I hate this Sad and I know the appt on 23rd is only the beginning......

Becaroooo · 15/05/2011 08:41

asdx2 Yes, I can understand that completely. Life is hard enough for him I guess so he tries to make things as easy as poss for himself?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/05/2011 08:42

Hecate, not sure..I haven't spoken toGP, just weaned myself as the side effects were so awful. Not sure I want to take anything else but don't want to cry at drop of hat..hmmmm

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/05/2011 08:42
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/05/2011 08:43

Hecate, I also have counselling, i'll be ok I think

Becaroooo · 15/05/2011 08:45

fanjo took 3 goes for me to get meds that suited me xxxxx

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/05/2011 08:46

Getting a sleep sometimes would help too!

Becaroooo · 15/05/2011 08:47

Grin Yes!

(what I would give for 4 hours uninterupted sleep!!)

Original poster
HecateQueenOfTheNight · 15/05/2011 08:48

you are doing this yourself - your gp hasn't done this? so your gp doesn't know you are taking yourself off them and there's nothing else in place for you?

Fanjo, I really think that's not a good idea for you. That worries me. If you are just coming off them and there's nothing else for you, what happens if you plunge right down? This is really something that should be done under gp direction and with them right there to help you.

I'm worried about how you'll manage.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 15/05/2011 08:48
Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 15/05/2011 08:51

I get the whole laughing through it and making a joke about the ASD traits that we are seeing more and more. If I take the time to process it, it is not good. ie yesterday lying on my back on the physio table, he said to me "when was the last time that you did something just for you?" Well, I'm not sure that he expected the tears........:(

Original poster
HecateQueenOfTheNight · 15/05/2011 08:51

I have to go now, I have to go into town and get coffee filters. 14 miles for bloody coffee filter papers.

I'm sorry for putting the boot in when you're feeling so low, fanjo.

group hug is fab idea. Grin

I am sorry to those who are out and out hurt by my stupid jokes.

And I'm also sorry to see the undercurrent of pain in those who, like me, laugh and joke inappropriately at it all. Cos it does hurt. You laugh because if you didn't, you'd cry and you'd never stop.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/05/2011 08:52

I knw Hecate, I will go and see her. I just felt fine, had been on them for ages and have had them before so knew how to wean off.

Also had no time to get to GPs. But definitely won't let myself plunge down , couldnt handle feeling as low as I was again.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/05/2011 08:53

Anyway don't feel bad, maybe I need to learn from you and laugh more.

TotalChaos · 15/05/2011 08:57

yes absolutely identify with the laugh or cry with a lot of this stuff.

Hec - we can pick some up for you on the way, no worries, if you tell me what you want

Goblin - since it's group hug time Wink can I just say that I really enjoy reading about your boy, and hope that's how mine turns out, in particular I am heartened to see how he has high moral standards and a physical presence that deters bullies.

Goblinchild · 15/05/2011 09:01

Thanks TC, I watched him being attacked by a much smaller(10yo) boy on Saturday who was trying to knock him over, and squeaking loudly. My boy was laughing at his attempts in a relaxed mode. Two years ago, they'd have needed a bucket to collect the bits. And a mop.
He's being a bugger about GCSE revision though. He's doing the bits he likes.

anonandlikeit · 15/05/2011 09:35

last week i was out with ds2 (thats rare in itself) when we ended up next to a very short man, i'm guessing with some form of Dwarfism (sorry if this is the wrong term)

My ds2 suddenly found it hysterically funny, & screeched Mum, he's a man that looks like a boy. followed by more screeching laughter.

All i could do was apoligise to the man, who smiled at ds2 & tried to talk to him at which point ds2 put his blanket back over his head & curled up in his w/chair.

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 15/05/2011 10:38

I really enjoy threads like these, that are mainly sharing experiences and thinking out loud (or in writing, rather) because they are a light change from people's battles with LAs and their terrible realisation that their worries about their DC are probably founded. Those threads are the important ones, of course, but Friday chat and 'you can tell you have a child with SN' etc are also important. It's the best way to get a sense of community.

I have always coped with humour and a big false smile to get through the tough times. People think I'm coping really well, but it's just my coping strategy. DS2 can be really funny, as well. Who says DC with ASD don't have a sense of humour?

I think the longer you have had to come to terms with your DC's differences the more likely you are to be able to laugh about it. It does get better with time, and sometimes worse, when new problems come up. The differences to NT do seem to get bigger, which is hard, and when they start to recognise their own differences. So humour helps get you through the day and it's lovely to laugh with people on here who are laughing with you, not at you. Grin

Ninxy · 15/05/2011 10:44

I'm sorry too Fanjo and I'm very glad Hecate was here to explain as she perfectly articulates what I was thinking too. Also, as I have said, the problem we were trying to lighten up with our comments lies in it being speech but not communication. You think there's been all this progress but well, no, not really. The bloody ASD is so evident even in that.

It was never lovely silence, it was screams of frustration and having to guess everything. Hardly ever getting it right which in turn made me feel like a terrible parent.

Really hope you're feeling better this morning and apologies again.

leiela · 15/05/2011 10:49

Fanjo Sorry you where upset i think the thing here is that we all have children in similar boats the exact issues are not the same but we all worry and are terrified what the future with hold for our children.

The exact symptom's might be different but the fear and uncertainty is the same and we all deal with it in different ways for some of us we joke and laugh about the odd things our kids do or say because honestly if we didn't laugh about it we would cry.

Personally i sware i have done enough crying over my son to fill a swimming pool a hundred times over.