AIBU to think teacher should have consulted about this?

[Rinoachicken]

Don’t know the full story yet, will be speaking to school in the morning.

DS1 age 9 has just started year 5. He has ASD, always been well supported by the school. Last year discussed with the SENCO about some additional ‘social skills’ work for him as he really struggled last year with this aspect. He found the classroom too loud at times and this was managed by him wearing ear defenders at times or being allowed to work in the library.

He has come home today and told me all excitedly that he now sits at a table alone in the corner of the classroom and this is his permanent seat for the rest of the year. He loves it because he can concentrate better and doesn’t have to hear others chatting etc.

But I am concerned that this will only make it harder for him socially. It ‘others’ him and sets him apart from his classmates, who have up til now been mostly accepting of his quirks, just part of him. He will miss out on the class conversations of his friends (I know they aren’t there to chat but you know what I mean). He will also not be able to practice some of the coping skills the school we’re planning on helping him with this year, as he’ll be alone and not exposed to anything outside of his own personal bubble. His tolerance for others and ability to problem solve will not be able to be challenged and built upon. How is this helping him to grow and develop and be prepared for secondary school and beyond?

AIBU to think that such a major policy change for him should have been discussed with me BEFORE being put in place?

@SofiaAmes - had similar experiences myself 🤬

If your child is happy then I wouldn’t worry at all. Does he distract other children & effect their learning in any way? That could be another reason why the teacher moved him.
It’s the schools job to educate in a secure environment where each child is able to achieve. I would thank the teacher rather than question why you were not informed. Be grateful. If you’re worried about social interaction, sort that outside of school.

Does your ds have an ehcp and if so is this included in it?

I can't see the problem if he is happy? Surely it's better than wearing ear defenders or going to the library?
Perhaps try to instigate some things outside of school - could he join cubs or something like that?

As a teacher, you don't know her background. She may have extensive ASD training/awareness/experience. And in 8 days, she may well have chatted to your son a few times, or his previous teacher, and found a solution that works

Regarding outside activities, we have found beavers/cubs/scouts incredible for our ASD son. Honestly, he still prefers to work alone in the classroom, and his socialising is on his terms only, and not what I would class as socialising (but like a pp cahms told us if he is happy, then it's OK, and he's happy) but Scouting has really made a huge huge difference to him.

He doesn’t have an EHCP, but when I spoke with the SENCO last year we talked about trying to get one in place before he goes to secondary

I have tried to get him interested in cubs, but he doesn’t want to. He is now in a cub pack that’s run at his school in school time (Friday afternoons) but that doesn’t really help with the socialisation thing!

I would love to have had this for my ASD son and would have jumped at it if the school had offered it. He has always struggled with group activities and was much happier and learnt better when in quiet and on his own. I think it's great the school has offered this.
Socialising can be stressful for ASD kids and requires a lot of thought and concentration - he doesn't need that when he is trying to learn. He will have plenty of time to practise social skills at lunchtime and at other times like assembly and PE etc, he doesn't need to do it all day which will be exhausting for him.
I'd bite their hand off.

Something similar happened to my child when she was 6/7 years old (also has asd). My child was being severely bullied by several children in the class and their solution was to isolate my child on a table alone, and one which faced the wall so she was kept away from the children bullying her.

She also had to use a different route to get to the teacher so that her presence didn't antagonize the bullies(so she didn't walk directly past them).

It made her feel different and made the bullies bolder in their actions outside of class.
When I complained, I was told it was easier to move 1 child rather than 4 or 5.

Sorry, the obit offs my ozzy is that takes don't always do what's bay for a child with SEN, sometimes they take the easiest road.

Hope you manage to get it sorted, OP.

• sorry, the point of my post... don't always do what's best.

Bloody autocorrect!!!

I put a work station in for my 1:1 with ASD. It should be the norm for any child in school with a diagnoses. Butttt my 1:1 also is put on group tables for most learning. The station is there when they want quiet time or are struggling in a group setting. Also enquire about social interventions and how often they are happening.

To those saying they would bite the schools hand off and similar has worked out well for their child...
The point is, that this was the plan for this term, should have been communicated to the op beforehand.

Its a fairly standard solution and not one we'd generally discuss with parents first, especially if the support plan didn't tell the teacher as much detail as your OP has. I think you need to talk to his teacher and discuss your concerns and their plans for the social side of things.

there is no way at all that the new teacher can know my son in 8 days well enough to know how he would respond to this change Experienced teacher, who may well have known your son from around the school might know them well enough to know if it is worth a try, they will also have had a handover with the previous teacher who may have had some input. It is often much easier to make changes like this at the start of the year, before they have got into a routine with you/got used to their set place.

I've moved children before so they and others can concentrate. Doesn't mean I don't make sure they are all actively involved as much as possible at playtime. It's perfectly normal classroom practice and not punishment to have children separate if it means they concentrate better.

I'd probably have spoken with the parents, but i work in a very small school.

@SadOtter

The new teacher doesn’t know him from around school as the teacher is new to the school this term

@Rinoachicken Oh, yeah they won't know him well enough then, sorry, I assumed you meant new to him not new new.

My laughing face was because, in my opinion, there is no way at all that the new teacher can know my son in 8 days well enough to know how he would respond to this change.*

And yet he came home excited, happy, and loving the change. Sounds like maybe you should give her more credit.

OP, I think you should ask to have this thread moved to the SEN section rather than in AIBU. You will probably get much more useful input than a bunch of parents telling you how they think that as long as your SEN child is happy, that's an appropriate and adequate educational setting. Each child has unique educational needs and although some approaches may work for most, they don't work for all.
A good teacher will consult with the adults who know the child best to ascertain what that child needs. And frankly, often the child should be consulted too. Either of my dc's could have very articulately explained to their teachers what they needed in order to get the most out of the instruction and in both cases what they needed was far easier to deliver than what was implemented without consultation instead.

He’s been in the school all this time and hasn’t got a plan or one in progress? He could also do with it before sats.

Luckily for the moment, the gamble played off by not letting you know so that you could also discuss it with him beforehand.

I have asked it be moved to SEN chat, thanks @SofiaAmes and other who have suggested this

Yea getting it moved would be a good idea.
Some of the posters have no idea of the potential problems that this could cause. Today he loved it and as we know tomorrow he could absolutely hate it.

I don’t know anything about EHCP’s, if he is supposed to have one or what. When he was first diagnosed I was told he didn’t need one, but I never met that SENCO, I was just passed the message. Have at least met this SENCO, but only because there were problems with bullying and social stuff and I demanded a meeting

And yet he came home excited, happy, and loving the change. Sounds like maybe you should give her more credit.

...and if he hadn't been happy and excited? What about the next time something is put in place...wing it and keep fingers crossed he is happy with it? Does the OP know the plan for other lessons/opportunities for group learning/working with a partner etc...?

Get in touch with family action as well. Very good at helping parents help their dc’s