AIBU to think teacher should have consulted about this?

[Rinoachicken]

Don’t know the full story yet, will be speaking to school in the morning.

DS1 age 9 has just started year 5. He has ASD, always been well supported by the school. Last year discussed with the SENCO about some additional ‘social skills’ work for him as he really struggled last year with this aspect. He found the classroom too loud at times and this was managed by him wearing ear defenders at times or being allowed to work in the library.

He has come home today and told me all excitedly that he now sits at a table alone in the corner of the classroom and this is his permanent seat for the rest of the year. He loves it because he can concentrate better and doesn’t have to hear others chatting etc.

But I am concerned that this will only make it harder for him socially. It ‘others’ him and sets him apart from his classmates, who have up til now been mostly accepting of his quirks, just part of him. He will miss out on the class conversations of his friends (I know they aren’t there to chat but you know what I mean). He will also not be able to practice some of the coping skills the school we’re planning on helping him with this year, as he’ll be alone and not exposed to anything outside of his own personal bubble. His tolerance for others and ability to problem solve will not be able to be challenged and built upon. How is this helping him to grow and develop and be prepared for secondary school and beyond?

AIBU to think that such a major policy change for him should have been discussed with me BEFORE being put in place?

@ShawshanksRedemption

Apparently they arrived in their classroom this morning and it was rearranged and they were told to sit where their reading books were and that those seats were now their seats for the rest of the year.

My sons reading book was on the single seat desk in the corner

No, classroom teachers aren’t “experts” in ASD. 🙄 They are still the professional in their classroom and, provided they have a sensible rationale for a decision regarding a seating plan, it’s their decision to make. If you are going to send your child to be educated by an adult, you need to respect that adult’s qualifications and boundaries as a professional, not regard them as some idiot who happens to be babysitting your child while you are at work.

not regard them as some idiot who happens to be babysitting your child while you are at work.

And I’ve said anything remotely like that where exactly?

sauvignonblancplz
SisterSistineThat’s a blatant exaggeration.... really is and very unhelpful.

It really isn't in my experience, unfortunately.

It would be a huge waste of time to phone every parent for every change to the seating plan. That precious time is spent planning for those individual needs. Nobody is saying you need to phone every parent when you change the seating plan.

Then to be honest, I would not be happy with that, if there was no discussion with your DS about what he felt would be best for him. I don't think it would hurt for you to catch up with the teacher to talk through how things are going in his new class and understand their reasoning behind moving your DS..

I have a desk that I offer to pupils if I see they are struggling to focus, and they can also ask me to sit there if they wish if they feel they need to, but it's not someone's permanent workspace. Sitting someone on their own feels like exclusion IMO, and if I felt the need to do that, then that would warrant a phone call or chat at hometime to discuss.

Rinoachicken

Although my comment wasn’t directed at you specifically, your laughing faces when someone suggested the teacher might actually have taken some time to understand your son’s educational needs - you know, as a teaching professional who is now responsible for your child’s education - weren’t very polite, were they? The teacher may not be an expert in ASD but she is now the person leading on your child’s education. She needs to take his ASD into account, along with many other factors, and make the decisions she thinks will best support his learning.

@Hobsbawm agree with everything you say 100%
@seaweedandmarchingbands - aggressive much 😮

No aggression here.

@hazeyjane - exactly

Mmmmm 🤔 not regard them as some idiot who happens to be babysitting your child while you are at work.

That sounds a tad aggressive to me

MyBlueMoonbeam

I don’t see it. Sorry.

Clearly

@seaweedandmarchingbands what if their sensible rationale is wrong though? I've had a SENCO explain a very sensible rationale to me before for a proposed change. I sensibly explained my reservations based on what I knew. She took my experience on board and modified her proposal based on my information.

This is all the OP is suggesting. Teamwork. Collaboration. Which is incredibly important when you have a child with SEN. Because none of us are experts actually.

MyBlueMoonbeam

What was aggressive about it? I reminded some posters that the people teaching their children are highly qualified professionals, because the tone of some of the posts struck me as lacking awareness of this. To me, “aggressive” is calling people names, throwing insults, etc. Perhaps we just have differing definitions of the word.

SisterSistine

The OP has been encouraged to have a chat to the teacher and can share any reservations she holds. Why not?

If his classroom is anything like the classrooms I've worked in for the last ten years, he won't be far from the others' desks anyway and will be able to talk to them if that is what's going on at that moment. In year 5 they will mostly be working in silence anyway, especially for English and maths.

Tbh I wouldn't be happy with the way that was handled. No discussion with your DS or you (and I bet none with the SENCO either) would have me worried that it was an isolation desk as opposed to a desk for his needs. And there is a massive difference between the two - the attitude of the teacher is absolutely key to it. Especially if it goes against a strategy you had previously discussed with the SENCO.

You should absolutely ask the questions you have and find out more. It could be that the teacher is spot on - teachers who understand children with extra needs are so worth their weight in gold. We had one for my DD who revolutionised her school experience in less than a fortnight because she just got her! Fingers crossed yours is the same

Good luck!

This was my ds in year 5 too.

It was like his dream come true! He always wanted his own desk away from others and was as proud as punch when he got it.

He attended a nurture group 2 afternoons a week.

Camps said to me not to judge ds social intersections by what I wanted for him or the norm - but whether he was happy with the situation and it's what he wanted.

So social skills groups and interaction should be on his terms. He preferred working alone and socialising at break times. That was enough for him.
He's now 15 and tolerates people for longer periods of time as it was done at his speed and on his terms.

@seaweedandmarchingbands

My laughing face was because, in my opinion, there is no way at all that the new teacher can know my son in 8 days well enough to know how he would respond to this change.

And I’ve seen his SEN ‘support’ plan. It is not detailed or thorough. The school have supported him well for the most part over the years, through trial and error and getting to know him. But this is NOT reflected in his SEN guide, and if that’s what the new teacher had to go on to to understand how ASD affects him, then it’s not nearly enough. And 8 days would t cut it either when there are 35 other children in the class they also need to get to know.

In my experience, the really good (primary, in particular) teachers realise that one of the best way to get to know a child is by engaging with the parents. The really good teachers also realise how important this is for specific strategies and support put in place for pupils with ALN.

A brand new teacher in a school with a new ALNCo does not know OPs son at all. Yes, she will have some information on paper. She may well have done some reading on ASD to supplement that reading. She did not know this child.

Communicating with parents is a key parent of any primary teacher's job. Communicating with parents about individual children's needs and the best way to support them is utterly, utterly central to any ALNCos job. I sympathise with the workloads of teachers. I sympathise with trying to balance the needs of 30 individual children in a classroom. But that doesn't change the fact basic communication is required between teachers and parents. For a child with ASD who needs individualised support, that basic communication involves any changes to that support.

...because the tone of some of the posts struck me as lacking awareness of this - do you feel that it undermines a teacher's professional role if they have to work with parents, in making certain decisions, in order to ensure that a child with SEN has their needs met?

Personally I would request a meeting with the class teacher and SENCO - and this would be one of the things I would want to discuss. And I wouldn't react until it had been discussed.

I also doubt that any seating arrangement is for "the rest of the year" unless the teacher is very rigid in their thinking. Most seating arrangements get modified over the year and with topics.

Nurture group is part of the plan, or was last year anyway. Hopefully will still be part of the plan for this year.

I made the mistake of assuming that my dc's teachers would be trained in special needs and/or differentiating in the classroom. What a gross mistake. Between the two of them they each had one teacher during their 6 years of elementary school who had a clue of what to do with a child with significant learning differences. I very much regret making the assumption that my dc's teachers were "highly qualified individuals" who were trained, competent and experienced in recognizing every child's needs, particularly in the case of outside the norm children.
My experience included a teacher who sent for 3 weeks straight (until I found out) my ds every day for break and lunch to the principal's office as a "punishment" for not focusing on his schoolwork. Obviously it was not effective, but ds loved it. He was bored in the classroom and the principal's office was the only place where he could read ahead in his books without being disturbed. I sent him for private testing after that where he was diagnosed as having a genius IQ and very very very low processing and active working memory. If the teacher had bothered to speak with me first, I could have given her several suggestions as to how to get him to not disturb the class and move ahead in his studies. His teacher the following year figured out what he needed and asked me if it would be ok and was extremely successful for him and with him in her classroom.

I'd still just arrange a chat with the teacher for the start of the year and agree to meet half termly to catch-up and that you'll both be in touch to share relevant information and updates.
She gains the benefit of your insight as his mum and you are open minded to hearing different approaches.