AIBU to think teacher should have consulted about this?

[Rinoachicken]

Don’t know the full story yet, will be speaking to school in the morning.

DS1 age 9 has just started year 5. He has ASD, always been well supported by the school. Last year discussed with the SENCO about some additional ‘social skills’ work for him as he really struggled last year with this aspect. He found the classroom too loud at times and this was managed by him wearing ear defenders at times or being allowed to work in the library.

He has come home today and told me all excitedly that he now sits at a table alone in the corner of the classroom and this is his permanent seat for the rest of the year. He loves it because he can concentrate better and doesn’t have to hear others chatting etc.

But I am concerned that this will only make it harder for him socially. It ‘others’ him and sets him apart from his classmates, who have up til now been mostly accepting of his quirks, just part of him. He will miss out on the class conversations of his friends (I know they aren’t there to chat but you know what I mean). He will also not be able to practice some of the coping skills the school we’re planning on helping him with this year, as he’ll be alone and not exposed to anything outside of his own personal bubble. His tolerance for others and ability to problem solve will not be able to be challenged and built upon. How is this helping him to grow and develop and be prepared for secondary school and beyond?

AIBU to think that such a major policy change for him should have been discussed with me BEFORE being put in place?

And I’m not an ‘all guns blazing’ sort of parent. I’m way too lacking in confidence for that. If anything I tend to roll over and let things go when I should speak up!

So I’ll go in and meekly ask instead 😂

You don't seem like an all guns blazing parent OP.

Ultimately the older children get, the less contact over specific things will happen and changes to seating arrangements aren't something that's a discussion in most situations (e.g. i've only consulted a parent when a child has had a risk assessment around them and I wanted to try something different).

It's not about going in meekly at all though. Just ask for a chat with the teacher to see how he's getting on, how has the move worked and helped him in class, what's the impact been on his socialising and so on. As long as you're polite and reasonable, staff have no problem having a chat with parents.

At a school I helped at, there was a child on the spectrum who had his own table but it did not seperate him from his peers. All carpet time etc was done together and foundation subjects would still be grouped in only actually sat on their own for Maths and English on the whole where work was entirely solo and helped them to concentrate. Didn't miss out on conversation etc which technically shouldn't have taken place and helped his work greatly.

If your son has (or may have) SEN or a disability [he does, he has ASD]

And

May need special educational provision [he does, he is placed on a different table]

He meets the legal test for an EHC needs assessment. Two of my kids have ASD and I’d be livid if they were segregated without any discussion with me. It is discrimination if it is based on his disability. Ask for an EHC needs assessment so he can access his education fairly.

Hi OP it’s great you’ve taken the feedback on board , I just wanted to add that teachers esp SENCO know what they are doing and whilst your son is the first encounter with SN for you the school will have dealt with many & know good practice. It sounds like the school is really supportive , relax and trust them. Try not to worry too much.

YANBU.
Some of the responses on here are worrying and depressing.

This isn't a minor thing. This isn't an example of yet another thing or the type of thing that might need doing for any or every child. It's a specific strategy to help a child with ALN. Support for a child with ALN will require communication with parents that wouldn't happen for other children - that's a key factor in additional and specific support. Parent-school communication is often vital to ensure the specific support strategies work effectively.

I would feel the same as you OP. Yes, this may be a great idea but it should have been discussed with you first, at least just to let you know it was happening. It's good it seems to be a successful change but what if it hadn't been and you were left dealing with the fallout at home? Or what if there had been a reason for you to need them to ask them to postpone it or tweak it? Perhaps your input might have made the change even more of a success. What if next time a change doesn't work well? Or the positive impact of this one doesn't last?

When reasonable adjustments are made for adults in the work place they are done as part of a dialogue. No one has the attitude of 'we can discuss every little thing with you as then we'd have to do the same with every employee'. It is recognised that would make no sense at all. Why is it different for children? The only difference should be, for young children, that the dialogue is with parents (and the child). And at primary level isn't communication between school and parents generally meant to be seen as very important, let alone for children with ASD or other ALN?

Also- classrooms are so busy now , so much movement , active learning and group work your child will still be very much involved .

My son isn’t the first experience of special needs I’ve had. I work with severely learning disabled adults, some of whom have autism.

My 10 year old ASD son had a workstation for the first few years of primary school, helped him immensely. I think it’s great, and it sounds like it suits your child actually, so I think they made a great judgement call there.

Another influencing my feelings on this are that he has only been back at school for 8 days. His teacher is new to the school and has only known my son for 8 days.

I think if it had been done last year, by his teacher who had taught him for 3 years and known him for 5, I would have had less of a problem with not being told.

The SENCO at the school only started last January and only works there 2 days a week. When I met with her towards the end of the year she had never actually met my son.

Sorry if that’s a drip - wasn’t intentional

@Rinoachicken Really? I presume you’re familiar with implementing plans for their wellbeing etc and know that those writing the plans have their best interests at the centre of them? Furthermore those writing the plans are best placed to make the decisions without constant checking with next of kin etc?

Best interest decisions should ALWAYS consult those who know the person best

Which in this case should have been me

It sounds encouraging to me that a new teacher has seen your son, acknowledged his struggles and preferences and has acted to make him happier at school in 8 days to be honest.

I'm sure primary is very different but it takes me a couple of weeks at secondary to get the measure of my groups, who works well where, who'll work best at the back, alone, near me, on my walkthrough route etc.

I think you’re trying to micro manage your child’s classroom and you should allow the teacher to do their job. Obviously if there are issues you should go to the teacher but you’ve said yourself your son is happy... I genuinely can’t see what the problem is?
How I’ll you cope when the your child goes to post primary school where the teachers change every period, every year?
Come on OP you sound lovely but are verging I’m being hyper . Take a step back - or just homeschool him if you can’t allow the school to do what they are there for.

Hi OP, I don't know if this will help how you feel but our 12 year old is aspergic and has lots of friends, having had a lot of support with social skills from us and his fantastic primary schools. Now at secondary school, he chooses to sit alone in every lesson. He articulates his reasoning well-he can only listen to one thing at once and can't 'filter' background noise. He says it makes him feel anxious and then angry if he has to sit with chatting groups because it 'makes his head hurt.' So he sits alone at every lesson unless there is group work. Yet, my house is constantly full of his mates eating me out of house and home and he is a happy, popular lad. I can see what your concerns are and I do understand them but it doesn't have to be an issue socially. Have a chat to the teacher though, to calm your fears and perhaps ask for feedback about how he's doing in breaktimes.

But you aren’t the best person to know what’s best in the classroom- you don’t know what is being taught, what the plan of the day is, what the behaviour of the other children is like , you aren’t best placed to make those decisions. The teacher is, and the teacher will have spent quite a large amount of time during her/his inset days learning all about her new pupils, whilst also listening to the SENCOs in-depth reports of anyone within the school on the SEN register . The teacher is more than well placed to make these decisions. But you have to give them
Room to do their job. Which doesn’t mean consult you on a seating plan.

I’ve never known nor cared where or who he sat with before now. I have always backed up his teachers and supported what school have been trying to achieve.

I don't think it’s unreasonable to have concerns and questions about a sudden change in approach

I would love my son to have friends eating us out of house and home. Unfortunately that is not the case for him. He tells me he is lonely at playtime and feels left out.

And I don’t expect to be notified of the seating plan. I would have appreciated being made aware of the school adopting an new strategy with my son

I don't get the concern angle. You've said yourself he is happy.

I absolutely think it's worth having a chat with the teacher but it needs to be from a position acknowledging that she's responding to the child she has seen as a year 5 student vs keeping doing what's always been done. Sometimes the starts of new years bring new opportunities for all children. Have a chat about how he's getting on and book in some time to catch up later this half term etc and that would be really reasonable. Going in with a view of I should have been consulted and am concerned they've done something different and want to know why is needlessly confrontational and undermining.

By all means go and speak to the school about your concerns , however yabu to be expected to be consulted , this is part of their job. Many strategies are adopted on an individual and whole class level with SEN pupils and non. A teacher just couldn’t possibly discuss these all .
If the school has been so on the ball and supportive so far you’ve no reason to be worrying.
And if your son is struggling to socialise you should make it an absolute priority to explore extra curricular options outside of school , as another poster suggested earlier.

There is a massive overestimation on this thread about how well teachers understand ALN/SEN.

They are not experts or specialists. They do need to get to know the individual child. It's not unusual for teachers to be completely wrong about what a child with ALN needs. This is not a criticism of teachers. They have loads of children to get to know well and even an ALNCo/SENCo is not an expert in their child.

A parent may not know what their child is like in school but a parent of a child with ALN has had to learn and is their child's best advocate - it takes a lot to get a diagnosis of ASD. The parent knows their child well and the teachers see the child in school - that is why dialogue is necessary.

Sadly, I've seen some very poor outcomes where the assumption is the teachers must know best and don't engage in dialogue properly. Those outcomes range from children having to be withdrawn from school to children self-harming. They also include a child seemingly "improving" in school but actually the strategies are making things worse and the child is masking - then at home/outside school life becomes hell. This isn't what happens every time, obviously, but it is a risk when significant changes (which this was) are made.

It really wouldn't have been that hard for someone in the school to contact you OP and let you know the plan. It should be standard.

And if your son is struggling to socialise you should make it an absolute priority to explore extra curricular options outside of school , as another poster suggested earlier.

I’ll just quit my job to facilitate that then shall I? Sure we’ll have no home or food, his younger brother (who also has SEN) will suffer having to be dragged here there and everywhere, but hey, extra curricular activities come before all those things right?

@Hobsbawm What you’re saying is true of any profession , its a worst case scenario attitude that doesn’t support at all.
The OP hasn’t had any other concerns about the school or SENCO. Also her question is should she have been consulted and the answer is no.