Co-sleeping support thread

[BertieBotts]

I thought I would start this thread - for all co-sleeping parents, by choice or necessity, a safe space to vent about things which annoy you about co-sleeping without being told "Put her in a cot/her own bed then!" - or to share nice things you like about co-sleeping like middle of the night cuddles. Or to come and vent about annoying comments people make. Or anything really

Safe co-sleeping guidelines

Anyway, off to cuddle up with DS now...

Nice things off the top of my head

• the smell of their angel breath
• burying my face in DD1's curls as I fall asleep
• the feel of their warm little feet, no need for a hot water bottle
• if I have a bad dream I awake surrounded by my whole family, very comforting
• less bed linen to launder

hello, what a great idea for a thread. Not sure if we count as co-sleeping as we don't do it the whole night - we usually only bring dd in the bed when / if she wakes or is ill - but I would appreciate it if someone could answer my question -

when we do bring dd in the bed, she huffs and puffs and literally throws herself around the bed and it is impossible to sleep. Does this get better if you consistently co-sleep or do we just have a wriggly dd?

Usually dh gets kicked out onto the sofa, which does make it easier, but we regularly have guests (at least 2 nights a week) so on those nights there's nowhere for him to go.

Puzzlerocks I want to cry now

Tonight is the night that we have decided to stop co-sleeping. For the last few months DD has got more and more unsettled at night. She is feeding literally all night, bar a small window between 3-5 am, when she sleeps but jams herself right up against me. She is 10 months. I just can't keep going.

So DH has spent the evening settling her in her cot. Heartbreaking, but hopefully she will get more sleep, I will get some sleep & we will all be happier.

Oh Lou i'm sorry.

My younger DD is 10 months too (DD1 is almost 3y). We are actually phasing it out now. They are both starting off in their own beds but it's early days and invariably they end up in with us.
We just bought bunkbeds. DH and I were both a bit emotional when they arrived. But we know that, even once they are both settled and sleeping regularly in their bedroom, there will still be times when they bundle in with us.

I completely understand your need for sleep. We are at that point too hence the bunkbeds. I feel really proud that we managed 10 months. You have done great.

I'm trying to bring my co-sleeping arrangements to a gradual stop in the next few weeks. There are many things I love about it but I have 2 little boys in my bed and not my DH at the moment - and I need to get him back in!

We have a 'big boys bed' arriving this week and I helped DS1 choose some lovely new bedding for it, so hopefully he will be excited to sleep in it. My plan is to get DS2 moved into his cot at the same time(still in our room) so that DS1 doesn't feel like we have pushed him out on his own.

Not sure its going to work, so may need some support!

Thanks puzzlerocks

She cried and cried, so DH picked her up and she fell asleep in his arms almost instantly

He put her in her cot, she woke again about 10 minutes later, and it all started again. This time she clung onto him, and so he cuddled her to sleep

She hasn't woken since, so far.

I know she will be ok. I love her so much. But she needs sleep & so do I.

Oh yes please! What a great idea!

Am co-sleeping with my 15 mo ds. I feed him to sleep on a double mattress in his room then sneak downstairs for a bit of mn and telly and dh time (hmmmmm priorities????) Then go back about 11.30. Ususally he sleeps well til 3ish then I end up bf-ing him a few times till 8ish when he sticks his cheeky face in mine/ sticks his fingers up my nose/ gives me a slap/ sits on my head so we get up!

Found it really hard to begin with (we've been co-sleeping since he was 4 months) but it's got gradually better these last couple of months. I really love it now

Me and dh do not sleep together. We don't have enough beds This needs sorting. Ideally I would love for us to have a huge bed we could all fit in to.

Good luck lou I hope your dd (and you!!) get a peaceful night x

Hello! We're co-sleeping with our 16mo dd2. I really wish I thought I could drop the night feeds now and still carry on co-sleeping but I have a feeling it's all or nothing with her.

I'm not ready to boot her out yet but I would love to feel less tired.

But she is so adorable first thing in the morning as she nuzzles in and feeds and chats, and I can't give that up yet. Also I love having her there if she is ill, as it stops me worrying about her.

I hope everyone had a restful night?

Tasmania - My eldest wriggles like mad. Always has done. Although there was only so much she could do wedged four in a bed.
She stayed in her own bed last night and it was a rare treat to not have the covers pulled or kicked off me.

my ds always starts in his big boy bed but always ends up in my bed. he is 4 and when asked why he comes in he says because thats his favorite!

I've slept with gecko since birth
(not sure why we even put the cot up)
she went into her own bed about 2y 4m but I still fed her to sleep in her own bed and then when she woke once I was in bed she just came into my bed

shes just turned three and she doesn't feed to sleep now (although she does have a feed at bedtime)

and she still wakes every 2 ish hours and comes into my bed at the first wake after I've gone to bed

I was woken this morning by her singing twinkle twinkle but she wasn't fully awake
very cute

I had another musical beds night. DS2 started in cot (at foot of bed) but woke about 2ish for a feed then wouldn't settle back in cot so came into bed. DS1 was flipping around and kept snuggling into me 'cuddle mummy, cuddle' - lovely, but left me with approx 3 inches of bed space to lever myself into. I kept having to ask him to budge up and shuffle him back towards the edge of the bed.

DS1 had a feed when DS2 woke up (I am supposed to be night weaning him but was half asleep, curses!). Next time he woke I remembered and gave him a cup of milk, luckily he went back off each time very easily.

DS2 was then snuffling and squirming and waking DS1 so I suggested DS1 went to sleep with daddy (ha!), carried him there and went back to sleep.

I don't feel too bad this morning as each wakening was short, but I would really love a full nights sleep with no interruptions at some point in the next decade.

I'm still trying to work out the logistics of co-sleeping.

I'm not a great sleeper at the best of times, so I figured I'd try getting DD (5.5 weeks) to sleep in a side-arm type co-sleep arrangement.

She has other ideas. She would rather sleep on top of me (I use a wrap sling to keep her in place so I don't have to worry about holding her to prevent her sliding off when I fall asleep) or sometimes cradled in the crook of my arm (although proximity to the breast makes her more wakeful) or occasionally snuggled into DH's arm.

The one time I've managed to get her in the side-arm, she slept extremely noisily, which meant I was constantly awake to check on her. Then after a feed, she refused to settle back down, so it was back in the sling.

The problem with the sling/cuddled up options is the lack of quality sleep (albeit in short doses!!) for DH and (mostly)me.

DH and I don't mind her co-sleeping, but would like to have an arrangement that's more mutually comfortable. Any suggestions?!!

Have you tried swaddling her, Inmaculada?
My dd2 slept in a swaddle in her sidecar cot for the first 12 weeks, and was happy to be put down that way. Having said that, I didn't really crack swaddling with dd1 and slept with her on my chest for the first few weeks. After a while she was happier to sleep on the mattress next to me. It's just a matter of time, but I do think swaddling helps in the meantime.

Yes, good point, I kind of semi-swaddle her - perhaps if I wrap her a bit more firmly, so her arms don't come free she'll sleep more soundly. I'll try that.

Ah the highs and lows,

lows
being elbowed, pinched and scratched by a half awake grizzling baby
getting so so sore on my left hand side but not daring to move after 4-5am as it will wake her
not daring to readjust the pillows in early hours
being told by people that 'i am making a rod for my own back' or that 'she'll come to expect it' like i chose to cosleep hah hah hah i'd probably be dead by now if i hadnt coslept
holding on to my wee over night cos i dont want to wake her
where is my husband? he says the baby wakes him (she does of course) and he only comes in before a day off

highs,
feeling her little sleeping warm body spooned by me
her excited wide eyed chatty starts to the day
feeding without even sitting up
knowing this time is so precious and transient and when she and I are older knowing all I will have of it are memories

oops more lows than highs there ! hah hah

the highs are worth more (!)

I've loved co-sleeping with my two dd's. Both very different... My little one (9m) is such a wriggler, she is bf almost constantly at night as it seems to be the only thing that settles her! I'm beyond tired at the moment, but so reluctant to stop... My eldest occasionally stays in her own bed all night which is bliss! She co-slept from 6m and was always a wonderful sleeper.

but like tiredpookey says, 'knowing this time is so precious and transient and when she and I are older knowing all I will have of it are memories'. Even thinking about that makes my eyes water...

Will have to halt the bf through the night for comfort though - my bits haven't been so sore since the first week of feeding!

we are co sleeping with my 4.5 week old DS, not really by choice but i feel much better about it this week.

He likes to sleep on his tummy will not settle on his back at all. so he usually sleeps on me like IC. We are going to the cranial osteopath on monday so i hope that will help with that.
i bought a gorgeous hammock for him which hangs at the end of my bed. He has only been it it twice.

My 5 year old has only just started sleeping through and not comimng into our bed. i never really got the hang of co sleeping with him and nights were always such a battle. i don't want it to be like that with DS3 but it doesn't feel natural i barely tolerate DH in my bed it has always been my sanctuary.

We co sleep with our DS2 age 3yrs 4mo. He starts off in his own bed about 7:30 and by half 9ish wakes and wants to come into our bed. Though we're obviously not in it yet! I put him in our bed, rattle about in the ensuite for a bit which usually settles him back to sleep then I come back downstairs to resume my evening. It all works absolutley fine and the only lows we've had have been courtesy of other people sticking their oars in and judging us to be doing the wrong thing. They are tiny for such a short time.....but like another MNer commented, I wish we had a bigger bed!

I've co-slept with DS (6 months yesterday!) since birth. As PP says, the only real low is other people 'having' to have their say! And perhaps not having cuddles from DP all night, but that'll come back in time. I do get to have baby cuddles all night though. I wake up to my baby all wide eyed and wide smiling at me in the morning, and smelling deliciously of warm milk. I don't have to get up, or really wake up, to settle him back to sleep, therefore, getting more rest and not chewing DP's head off first thing in the morning because he's had more sleep than me!

I've just started to wean DS and think I'll probably have to think about moving him across to his cot in the coming months when he won't need as much milk during the night, as I think some of his night wakings are not because he's hungry, but because I've disturbed him. Not looking forward to that, the thought of not having my baby in bed with me quite upsets me, I'll miss him.

Great, an oar-free thread!

Am I alone in being fed up with people (MIL esp) thinking co-sleeping is a recipe for a failed marriage/needy children etc etc when in most of the world it is the norm?

How do you folks deal with/ respond to the criticism?

I don't think I've actually had any criticism! I find that if I tell people in a very confident, matter-of-fact way, they just accept it. I also quite often say that she's a terrible sleeper but that it's all my fault because we're co-sleeping and that I know I could probably fix it if I actually wanted to. I don't think there's much anyone can say to that really.

We partially co-sleep DD starts in her own bed and comes in if she wakes.

We started at 10 months and to be honest not sure why we didnt do it earlier. She's 2 on monday and it's lovely waking up and looking at her.

She has her own pillow now, which she brings with her when she joins us, which seems to make her move around a lot less.