Co-sleeping support thread

[BertieBotts]

I thought I would start this thread - for all co-sleeping parents, by choice or necessity, a safe space to vent about things which annoy you about co-sleeping without being told "Put her in a cot/her own bed then!" - or to share nice things you like about co-sleeping like middle of the night cuddles. Or to come and vent about annoying comments people make. Or anything really

Safe co-sleeping guidelines

Anyway, off to cuddle up with DS now...

Chiccadee, don't worry I wasn't offended about the cc at all .

neenz - your post mirrors my mindset totally. i'd love to be able to co-sleep for a while, as ds is so young and waking for feeds frequently, to avoid the pacing and rocking ds2 for an hour and a half at a time.

BUT, i do love my sleep too and anticipate that once ds is sleeping through or close to it, i'd like him in his hammock, so that i'm not disturbed (and i will probably sleep more deeply without him next to me).

so neenz - can you tell me, at what age did your lo's move to their cot and how was the transition? (still paranoid i will regret my decision to co-sleep now, at a later point when he refuses to sleep alone).

we're going away when ds2 will be 6 months, so i hope he'll be in his own 'bed' by then.

thanks

Willoughby - yes I think that co-sleeping babies probably do wake up more, but my way of looking at it is I'd rather be woken slightly, latch DS on and go back to sleep 4 or 5 times a night than have to get up out of bed, pick him up, sit in a chair, feed him and then settle him back to sleep even once!

Re temperature, I tend to wear normal pyjamas, with the duvet over my legs, and a cardigan or zip top, like a cheap tracksuit top kind of thing over the top. DS has his own blankets (well since age 1 he has been under my duvet, but he used to have his own blankets) and I would just take a layer off if he felt hot or fold them over again if he felt cold. I used to pull the same blanket over my tummy as well to keep that warm as it was usually exposed.

Sheep I strongly believe you can't 'spoil' a baby so young (under 6m) so whatever you do now don't worry, you just do what gets you through the day/night . With the twins I didn't co-sleep all the time because of the practicalities of having them both in bed with me (having one at a time was scary enough ), so I used to feed and settle one and then lie down to feed the other. So they both had some time in the cot and some in bed with me (although one twin in particular spent more time in bed with me as she had a hernia at 9wo and struggled with the pain for a few weeks until the op ).

It's a difficult one because every baby is different, but when they are very little you can't train them to do anything just like you can't spoil them, so trying to teach them to sleep in the cot is a bit futile - they'll either like it or they won't, you just have to give it a go and see.

But as they get older and more able to sleep for longer periods you can try putting them in the cot more often and just see how it goes. With the twins it was impossible to rush to them both every time they cried so often one would be left to cry for a little while as I tended to the other and they learned to settle themselves that way. So I do believe a little bit of crying to let them learn to settle themselves is OK (in certain circumstances, you have to use your instincts on that one!).

thanks for posting neenz. that's reassuring that yours learned to settle themselves in time. i'm happy to risk a few nights of broken sleep when i do move ds2 to a cot, for the benefit of a few earlier months of easier nights!

sorry to hear about your dd's hernia, your twins are gorgeous in their piccies on your profile page. how mums of twins manage to tandem feed i'll never know, i find it difficult enough with one

thanks again

Sheep, congrats on a decent(ish) night's sleep. As to 'sleeping through' and sleeping in own bed etc, I don't want to scare you but you may need to plan for this or be prepared for some broken nights if you make that decision early on as I think it's unlikely any young baby is going to voluntarily be away from its mum (survival instinct and all that). I believe, although don't quote me on this, that there is supposed to be some benefits to shallow sleeping/frequent waking re establishing good breathing in younger babies - does anyone know if this is right or am I barking up the wrong tree?

My DS is 17 months now and has only just started to consistently sleep through from 7-4, and then, after a quick feed, to 6am so moving him out earlier wasn't really an option, even had I wanted to. I did find it tough after 12 months, but more due to the the MIL 'rod for your own back' comments (and therefore feeling that I could never complain about the odd bad night's sleep) than the co-sleeping.

Having said that, every baby is different - my sister also co-sleeps with her 2mo DD, who is already down to only 1 night feed so perhaps it has nothing to do with co-sleeping.

Sorry if this post is a bit all over the place - editorial skills are absent tonight!

I agree with Chiccadee, your LO will complain at first when you put him in the cot cos of course they want to be with their mummies! So you do have to be prepared to do some sleep training I think, so it depends what your attitude to that is. If you do it gradually and from an early-ish age (eg 6m) then it might not be so painful.

Sorry, I don't want to keep mentioning sleep training because that is absolutely not what this thread is about - quite the opposite. You can come find me on the June 08 postnatal thread if you want any tips when the time comes, Sheep .

I'd not heard about the shallow sleep theory but it makes sense, certainly for babies under 6m which I think is when cot death rates are highest. I have also read that co-sleeping can REDUCE the risk of SIDS because you are more responsive to a baby who is in bed with you.

Chiccadee - as the mother of a 15 month old who is still waking up 5-10 times a night, your post re your 17 month old gives me hope!

We usually get quite a solid sleep from 8pm-2am (possibly one or two very brief wakings), but from 4am-7am, I seem to be be constantly swapping from one side of the bed to the other.

thanks chiccadee and neenz. it's good to know the reality of co-sleeping. i think i might try to encourage ds to sleep in his hammock maybe at the start of the night and encourage him to get to sleep in different ways (i.e. in buggy, moses basket, cot, to music etc) for his daytime naps, so at least he then isn't always falling asleep from being fed lying next to me. it is so tempting though, as after only 2 nights, co-sleeping is so much nicer and enjoyable than the time spent settling him. he also seems less bothered by wind. we'll see how we get on, but thanks for posting.

ds1 had colic every night between 4 and 12 weeks old, screaming between 6pm and 1am every night in pain (we didn't co-sleep). BUT, he then started sleeping through at 12 weeks. i'd love that to happen again at 12 weeks, but i know that's unrealistic and we were very lucky last time (after 8 weeks of screaming!). we used white noise CD and lullaby CD with him from the start and maybe I should be using that as well now. god, i'm already desperate for sleep

How old is your DS, sheep?

DS1, that is.

2 years, 5 months druzhok

Ah! How are you finding life with both?

Co-sleeping was the only thing that saved me, when I had the second one. I could 'sleep when baby sleeps' when I only had one (and then attempt to get DS in his cot at night), but daytime naps were out when I had a baby AND toddler to look after. In fact, the periods that DD slept were the only time I got with DS.

A friend made me up a 'feeding box', for DS - have you heard of them? Genius idea. A shoe box full of little treats / books / toys for the older child, who gets one every time the baby feeds. It kept him happy and was a useful reward system!

That's a good idea Druz about the feeding box - my DS (23m) gets quite possessive already if his twin is having a cuddle and new baby isn't even here yet. I might try something 'special' I get out for them only when feeding.

Sheep, my DTs used to be terribly unsettled until about 1am each night too (sometimes 3am or even 5am ) but at 12wks they were sleeping from 11-7 (in their own cots), so it is possible! How old is your baby now?

My sister used to put her kids to sleep in the pram in the back garden for daytime naps (no matter what the weather!) and when they stirred she'd just give them a rock and they'd go back to sleep. Lucky her - I couldn't get my twin pram through the front door so naps in the back yard were out of the question unfortunately!

druzhok - i'm really enjoying being a mum of two, but it is exhausting! a 'feeding box' sounds like a fab idea. to be honest, ds1 has been very good (bar the first few days, where he was testing us a lot!). but now, he is back to his old self. but the 'feeding box' does sound good for when i'm feeding and ds1 is tired (when he craves attention the most). though i think i've spent more time with ds1 for my own paranoia he will feel neglected since ds2 has been born.

neenz - ds2 is 4 and a half weeks (5 weeks on sunday). i'm hoping he'll be sleeping through as quickly as ds1 did! also, congrats on your pregnancy - when are you due?

thanks again for posting.

Neenz and Sheep - Hawkin's Bazaar is a top source of suitably interesting and cheap tat! A 99p plastic 'rainbow' slinky was the biggest hit.

But sometimes it was just a library book that I read over the baby's shoulder; anything to divert him for 10 minutes or so.

Druzhok - sounds like you're doing a great job. My DS was the same a few months ago so I feel your pain! The breakthrough for my DS seemed to be when he suddenly started being happy to have a feed downstairs earlier in the evening and then let me or DH sing him to sleep. Also, most of his teeth are finally through and that has REALLY cut down the nighttime wakings - I could always tell when he was teething because he would be crying even before he would wake. When he was teething, feeding seemed to be the only way to ease the pain and get him back to sleep.

Could your DC be going through something similar?

And Sheep - best of luck with the hammock - sounds lovely!

We love co-sleeping, but... anyone got a solution for a wandering 5 month old? My daughter has taken to waking at between 3-5am, rolls her belly then babbles to herself for an hour.

I would leave her to it, but she's not that good at rolling back on to her back and I worry about her ending up face down & not breathing (possibly irrational!) Plus she normally ends up needing a feed/suckle back to sleep.

Ideas?

Chic - she's only got her two bottom teeth, at 15 months. I am fully expecting a matching upper set very soon, judging by the restlessness of her sleep. Although not welcoming the inevitable pain that will bring my poor abused nipples.

Jem - my DD slept face down from a very young age - it was clearly her preferred position and I just went with the panic in the end and left her to it. I think that, by 5 months, she is probably old enough for you to not worry as much (I believe 6 months is the magic - possibly arbitrary - number). And as for the waking ... no advice as still doing that 10 months on!

I'm not so bothered by the waking, that comes with the territory it's the rolling/face down thing that worries me.. when do parents stop being paranoid?

Um, that would be never. Does never sound good for you?

I don't know. I panicked about the face down thing with DS, but I didn't with DD. Whether I just became very irresponsible in the intervening years ... !

Well.. bugger!

Saw this thread mentioned somewhere else so thought it could do with a bump...

I know this is an old question now but Druzhok, once they can roll it's fine to let them sleep on their fronts. If she was sleeping in a cot, you probably would be asleep and not even notice that she had done that, would you?

Where can I buy a side bed rail from?