Co-sleeping support thread

[BertieBotts]

I thought I would start this thread - for all co-sleeping parents, by choice or necessity, a safe space to vent about things which annoy you about co-sleeping without being told "Put her in a cot/her own bed then!" - or to share nice things you like about co-sleeping like middle of the night cuddles. Or to come and vent about annoying comments people make. Or anything really

Safe co-sleeping guidelines

Anyway, off to cuddle up with DS now...

Happy mother's day everyone

Just wanted to share how lovely it was last night listening to DS giggling to himself in his sleep... I lay there wondering what 10 week olds dream about

That's adorable nellyjane! You're making me miss having a tiny one.

tea - schoolgirl is doing well thanks! She seems v happy at the moment. Yours?

Well, Aranea... my school girl is currently in a spaghetti Western film obsessed phase... if I have to watch this one more time I think I will simply go mad:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NmGOnwYiaw&feature=related

nellyjane - aaaaw - 10weeks!!!!

My dd used to move her lips in her sleep lots and make her happily breast feeding groans - I am sure she used to dream about drinking milk most nights when she was a baby.

Now she is nearly four she sleep talks quite a lot. The scary dreams seem to be about a little mouse and keep all of us up while the good ones involve her friends and it is very sweet to hear her joyful mutterings as I fall asleep!

Hi all may I join you?

I didn´t really plan to co-sleep with DS2 it just kind of happened around 5 months and now he doesn´t actually go on his cot at all. He will only sleep on me during the day or in his pram if we´re out and about

"Will have to halt the bf through the night for comfort though - my bits haven't been so sore since the first week of feeding!"
flooziesusie I can really relate to that, the last couple of weeks DS2 who is a week off turning 10 months has been waking more than ever and BF for comfort...no idea why Ouch!!

My biggest problem is my own Mother who likes to tell me that "I´ve made a rod for my own back" and how "he´ll be there til he´s a teen" She will never understand, it´s pointless trying to explain

Hi - I'm joining too. I co-sleep with 5mth old dd most nights although we have a bedside cot as well for when dh comes in with us (he mostly sleeps in spare room).

I love co-sleeping and it was particularly great in the early days when I could just roll dd over to be fed. I do wonder about the future sometimes, and exactly HOW we'll ever return to normal life ... but mostly I just enjoy the precious moments I get with dd.

Best bits:
her gummy smile every morning
not having to move much in order to feed her at night
listening to her little noises

Worst bits:
Relationship with dh has definitely suffered as he sleeps in spare room so often

Also not quite sure about what to do once dd is so active that I can't leave her on the bed asleep. At the moment I feed her to sleep at 7pm and leave her in the middle of the bed with baby monitor on table. I then tiptoe in later on and join her. What will we do once she can roll off the bed? (bedside cot is obviously a barrier on one side, but what about the other?)

I think we are our own childs top child sleep expert
No sleep probs in our house!
The only prob we have is the rest of society trying to fix the 'problem'!

Hum ho.
comfort feeding I think that they feed a lot when they are going through a bit of a developmental thing - ds certainly did between 10 and 13 months but it has settled down now (hurah!)
Oops! Got to go - ds waking up from nap!!!

LadyMetroland - I have a bedside cot, and when I'm not there I put the side up. Then when she wakes up wanting a feed during the night when I'm there, I just slide the side out of the way so that it isn't there for the rest of the night.

I wouldn't feel happy leaving her there on her own without the side on. And in fact even before she could roll she did once manage to push herself all the way around to the end of our bed and fell on to the floor. So if I were you I would start putting the side up now. 5 month olds can move a surprising distance when you're not looking!

Hi, can I join you all. I have co-slept with DD since she was born (even in the hospital). she is oooooh, all of 7 weeks now

I absolutely love it and DD seems to as well, she sleeps cradled in my arms - I just wriggle her down to feed. She barely wakes at night at the moment, she just snuffles against me until I wake up to feed her and then we both go back to sleep again. I love having her next to me, I don't think I could bare to have her in a Moses basket - I would miss her too much

I have a confession to make though, I started with me using a duvet up to my waist and her in a gro-bag. But she just seemed to end up with her legs under the duvet every night - meaning she was too hot and I was freezing so now we both sleep under the duvet . She is in my arms at all times though, up level with my chin so her head never gets covered. It seems to work for us.

Agree that the bed guard is brilliant because she can sleep on either side depending on which side she is due to feed off.

Hi, I am new to this thread, currently pg with no.3 (due in Aug) and planning to co-sleep/use bedside cot. I have 2yo twins and I couldn't really co-sleep with them for practical reasons but I used to settle one then feed the other in bed (it was the only way to get any sleep in the first couple of months) and I really enjoyed it (never slept very soundly but it was better than sitting in a chair in the cold!)

I have some questions though - do you just feed from the same breast all night? What about nappy changes? With the twins I would cross my top leg over the bottom and have my arm bent around the baby's head in a kind of right angle so I didn't roll onto the baby. Is that a safe way to do it?

Southwest, just my opinion but she is probably not too hot - she is probably just right because it is pretty blooming cold at night atm and I think a lot of babies wake in the night cos they are cold (the guidelines seem to err to much on the side of caution wrt their temp IMO)

Hello neenz. wrt feeding - when mine were tiny I used to sit up and feed, so would swap sides just as usual, and then put them down next to me once asleep. When older I find it's actually quite easy to feed from both sides while lying down without picking up the baby/toddler. You can roll right around so they can reach the breast. Actually, now I think about it, I did that with dd1 when she was a newborn when I was in hospital, as I was so trussed up with tubes that I couldn't actually sit up and lift her across!

Your sleeping position sounds perfect to me. And nappy changes - I wouldn't bother unless they're dirty, in which case it's business as usual.

tea - that spaghetti western clip is brilliant! Sounds like you have a very cool little girl... better that than High School Musical?

crikeybadger - have you found the NCSS useful? I found it very reassuring about what actually constitutes 'sleeping through'. DS has happily slept in the cot bed without needing to be cuddled right in for the last few nights Thanks Aranea. southwestwhippet - just my opinion, but I would be worried about such a little one being under the duvet. Before we got the bedside cot, I used to wrap the duvet right down around my body/under my arm and put the bottom of DS's sleeping bag on top of it so he couldn't get under. Then I wore a long sleeve top over my pjs to keep my top half warm. Very glamorous

Do people who are breastfeeding still wear a nursing bra at night? I had the impression that at some point my DS would just be able to roll over and help himself... but the couple of times I've tried sleeping without a bra I've woken up in a puddle Even when he gets the hang of rolling I think it's going to be a while before he masters unclipping! Surely I need to try and give my nipples some air sooner or later?!

Hi all, I think I posted a 'hello' on here a while ago but not been back since. I cosleep with my 17month old DS.

It's a little off-topic, perhaps, but I've just seen the posting above by bbcwomen requesting participants for a sleep programme, with help from 'top sleep experts', whoever they are.

I'm a bit concerned at the way the ad is expressed, as it looks as if co-sleeping is viewed very negatively, as a 'problem' to be 'fixed'. Is it just my reading of the ad or does anyone else agree? Tell me if IABU, please. If co-sleeping is going to be portrayed in a negative light in the programme then does anyone think maybe this thread isn't the right place for the ad?

Also, I have asked the OP of the ad for info on whether controlled crying/cry it out techniques are likely to be used - I'm a bit distressed at the thought that such techniques might be used in the name of entertainment. Does anyone else feel the same?

Sorry for long post!

Chiccadee I wonder whether that ad was actually posted in the right place. It seemed very out of place because we don't have sleep problems! Lots of people on the sleep boards do have sleep problems so perhaps she meant to post the ad in the main sleep section but it ended up on here?

I am sure controlled crying will be used and I actually don't think cc is necessarily a bad thing as long as the constant reassurance from mum/parent is there eg going back in every few minutes to pick up/put down or pat etc. CC is not for everybody and of course co-sleeping parents are likely to be the ones most averse to it! So I can understand why you might not like the idea of it, but it can really help people, especially those who don't want to co-sleep. I don't see a problem with it (the programme or cc) personally, but I am sure I am in the minority here!

Neenz, that would make sense re the posting being in the wrong place.

Re CC, I understand your opinion of course and I know that the evidence is limited but I am concerned that the medical profession itself has concerns about this technique - eg www.bellybelly.com.au/articles/baby/the-con-of-controlled-crying - just as an example.

Given those concerns, while it's up to individual parents to decide what's right for their children a) I'm not sure it's right to use CC effectively for entertainment value; and b) I'd be worried that parents taking part might not have all the potential risks of the technique explained to them before they take part.

Wow, the Pantley safe sleeping guidelines seem very very strict (men can't co-sleep safely?! wtf?!), while I'm afraid some of the stuff that people say they're doing on the thread does sound a bit risky. I'd really strongly encourage everyone to swap their duvet for a cellular blanket. And you should keep the baby well away from the pillow.

Here are some guidelines for safe sleeping that I think are quite helpful:
www.babyfriendly.org.uk/pdfs/sharingbedleaflet.pdf

Chiccadee, I had assumed that they'd just plastered the whole of the sleep topic with their ad. It irritates me I must admit, because this thread is so clearly not the place for it.

They are also plastering my whole local area with leaflets and I was stopped in the street and asked if I had sleep problems with my dd2 and whether I would like to take part in the programme! It made me laugh because I'm sure most people would say that having a 17mo still waking several times a night does constitute a sleep problem, but I'm not interested in anyone trying to solve it.

Oh I hadn't seen that ad on this thread, how annoying, I agree it is not quite appropriate! Fair enough if they want to post elsewhere, but this was supposed to be a co-sleeping support thread.

Has anyone else experienced this - DS is going through a phase at the moment where he will seem tired when we are downstairs, but as soon as I take him up to bed he perks up and wants to play. I think it is because of the clocks changing recently but I am not sure.

BB - yes, I have that with DS too (17 months). He will say 'up' and walk to the stairgate ready to go to bed. Usually, when we get upstairs I give him a quick feed and maybe read a book, before singing him to sleep but recently - the last week or two - he has perked up after his feed, got off the bed and started playing. Not sure if he's just keen to have a feed or if it's an age thing or if, like you say, the change in time has confused him. If the time issue, not sure how he's going to cope with our antipodean move next month....

How are you dealing with it, BB - are you holding out for a later bedtime or just persisting once you are up there? At the moment, it's taking me an hour to settle DS, which is a bit irritating! (NB Likewise, am sure some 'sleep experts' would see it as a problem but they know where to go!!)

Good idea - and plenty of choice on digital too. Might give that a go while bedtime is taking a while, thanks!

BB - yes, we also have that. DD is 15 months, but has been like it for as long as I can remember.

DH's opinion is that "She relaxes and then has a little burst of energy" - it's possibly a simplistic view, but as the diversion only lasts 15 minutes or so, I'm apt to agree with him.

Have been co-sleeping with DD since Day 1 - I also have no idea why I put the cot up, other than to provide a 'side' to the bed . I simply love it My current favourite part is when she shoves her feet in between my thighs, to warm them up.

I was so worried about getting DS (who is now 4) into a cot; there is such a lot of negativity about co-sleeping and I thought that a) he would suffocate b) we would be Weak Parents and c) he would never, ever leave. So we put him through all kinds of controlled crying stuff in the day (never at night) before I finally decided to listen to my son. He came into our bed for about 3 years and still sometimes trots in, but at least he's happy. I can't deal with the thought of my children crying alone in the dark; I know that is quite an emotive thing to say, but I still remember how it felt from a child's POV and so does DH. We just didn't like sleeping alone; it seems our kids are the same.