Why do British children go to bed so early?

[Builde]

We find ourselves out of sync. with everyone else in that we don't put our children to bed at 7pm; more like 9pm.

We do this because our children are always at their best after tea (they settle down to a good play), if we put our 5 year old to bed at 7pm she would be up at 5am, and it's easier in the morning to have no time at all. (If we have some time, they start to play and we can't drag them off to school/nursery).

It also gives us a chance for a lie-in at weekends and during the week to breakfast in bed before getting the girls up.

Does anyone else follow this civilised routine, or is it just us in the UK?

I am not from this country - We have always slept late as children and I dont have any set time for bed for both my 18 month and 9 year old DDs. Cant understand this British thing of getting to bed at 7.00 Most children dont sllep but spend time doing something in their room till they feel sleepy.

I put mine to bed when they start to get tired. The actual chronological time is not that important. If DD2 has nodded off in the afternoon she'll not be ready for bed before 8, but if she's not slept then she's ready by 7ish. DD1 is generally getting tired between 7 and 8.30, so she goes to bed around then.

I don't get this obsession with "alone time with DH", so what?? I mean, once you are a family you are no longer just a couple, so just be a family and stop trying to be a (pre-children) couple!!!

We all eat together, pretty much every night, it wouldn't occur to me to make two different teas and make the kids eat before us!! I mean, we are a family, you know??

DS (6) goes up to bed at 7pm. We do have battles with him a lot of evenings, but to be honest even when he does go to bed nicely (usually around 7.30 after stories) he struggles to get up for 7am the next day.

mine go to bed between 8.30 and 9 even the toddler dp does not get in until 7 so like others by the time they have wrestled for half an hour played wildly for another half - then bath and stories.... do usually sleep till 8 - later at weekends and holidays

like serenity i am a night owl - so dont mind

*notsorampantrabbit" "There's a slight air of sneeryness (is that even a word) on this thread.

A kind of "ooh aren't people who put their children to bed early strange and repressed. I bet they wear supportive undergarments and hide packets of ginger nuts under the bed..."

My two (4 and 8 months) are usually merrily snoring at 7pm. "

I have been on threads before where the mothers who put their kids to bed at 7 have accused me of stunting the mental and physcial development of my children because I don't have a set bed-time for them. Yes, they actually said that! One SAHD on here told me that too.
I think a little "sneeriness" is quite light in comparison to that accusation and its refreshing to have a thread like this.

BUILDE-so u only have sex once a week on a sunday!
I think its the weather in this country its dark at 4-5 o clock, and its cold outside wot r the kids supposed to do. Better to wake up early and catch the bit of daylight there is.

All muslim kids go to mosque straight after school from 5-7PM so they only get an hour in the evening to have supper and spend time with their families

Childfren are just like adults - some need more sleep than others.

My DS (9 and a half) has never needed a lot of sleep and will never go to sleep until about 10pm (although he is in bed, reading or whatever, anywhere between 9 and 9.30).

When he was small I never really pushed bedtime or napping routines and he slept when he was tired. He soon tuned into his own body and found the routine which suited him best. As long as they're healthy, happy and growing and developing properly I can't see a problem.

When he started school things had to be a little more rigid but he was still one for going to bed at what I discovered seemed to be quite late compared to other children of his age.

I've never been hung up on bedtimes and think you have to find out what works for you and your family.

I think it's cruel to force children off to bed at 6pm just because that's what books tell you to do.

Children are all individuals, just like adults are.

Surely it depends on the child and their needs as much as anything? Mine are usually asleep by 8, 8.15; then up at 7.30. Which is perfect (DD is at school). If I put them to bed earlier, they would be up earlier, and I like my sleep . To bed any later and I would need to shoe horn them out of bed, not my idea of fun. I would like them to sleep a little earlier -at present I cook once they are asleep so we rarely eat before 9pm (DH doesn't get in til 7.30 at the earliest) but there is no point trying to force it. They need about 11.5 hours sleep, that's the facts and I can't change that!

HOORAY-GenevieveHawkings at last someone who speaks sense and actually thinks about the children.
Everyone else just wants special time or adult time by shoving the kids up early crying an screaming if they arent sleepy yet give them another half hour.

You're all making me feel much better, with my lack of routine.

MarionCole, I sympathise. I'm really lucky, that my husband has more flexible hours than I do (he's a student) so I can leave him and my daughter snoozing away in the mornings when I get up for work. If I had to do the daycare run we'd have to be out of the house by 7.30 and thus up by 6.30, so yes I'd be putting her to bed at 7pm too.

Perhaps that's the continental difference; children are cared for by parents/grandparents and have more flexible morning routines? I don't know, but I know all my American friends have early bedtime routines because they're all double-working families with tight morning routines.

My daughter goes to bed around 8.30, 9pm. It makes life really easy for going to parties or dinner (we do take her pyjamas to some house parties, because she'll conk out in the car on the way home and it's easier to transfer her asleep - but she's only 14 mo) but does mean I get basically no downtime in the evenings because I go to bed before 10pm myself. So, swings, roundabouts.

When we first came to this country dh went out with then nearly 4 year old dd to the shops to get something. It was just before 7 pm. Someone asked her why she wasn't in bed yet (not in a judgy way obviously, just in a making conversation with a child way). Dh was very confused and came home asking me why the heck would a child be in bed at 7.

Took us a few years of living here to realise that not just 7 pm but some children actually go to bed at 6. Can't understand how they'd sleep so long, unless the whole family start the day at the crack of dawn.

Builde that might be a civilised routine for you but that would be hell for me!

Don;t know if you meant it to or not but your post came across as very patronising.

Each family does what works for them. If your children are happy to be up at 9pm and are able to cope the next day - great! Some children (just like some adults) need more sleep or sleep better at different times - none of which is right or wrong. Well unless you force a tired child to stay up late or send an alert child up to bed too soon.

We took out DDs (6 and 3) out for dinner a couple of months ago thinking it would be a nice treat to let them stay up late - disaster, tired, grumpy children, stressed, hungry parents - never again!

We're in Canada and don't know anyone that puts their LO's to bed at 7pm, but many at 8-8:30. DS has always gone to bed between 8:30-9pm and wakes about 7am. I would be miserable lying in bed trying to sleep so early, but am totally at folks getting up at 5am because they want to put the DC's to bed by 7pm?

Interesting reading about the environmental theory...it's very dark and very cold where we are for much of the year, so don't know if that correlates, but interesting theory.

I love the way you see tots in pushchairs out with their parents in European restaurants at night. It makes "family time" mean something. Mind you, my child-rearing British friends all felt the same way - but were bullied by their friends (and by British restaurants) into putting them down early. Which means you need a sitter if you want to go out

My DD used to go to bed at 6.30pm then get up at around 8.30am-9pm. It was just how she was and now at 11 she needs much less. DS who is 5 years younger, didn't need quite so much but still needs a fair bit. I've always needed a fair bit so I guess they take after me. DS is incredibly grumpy if he doesn't eat at 5pm.

I had no idea about routines when DD was small, don't remember seeing an books so just got on with what she seemed to need and it's worked well for us.

I think everyone should do what suits their families and children and it is only a problem if it is causing behaviour you don't like.It would be boring to all be the same!

I live in Italy and must say i have NEVER seen any well behaved children in restaurants! in fact we choose where to eat by the amount of kids RUNNING about and SHOUTING with their auntie following them with a fork saying 'come on, another mouthful' til 1am, and the not-old-enough-to-talk aged kids squirming and panting with boredom as the adults ignore them! i can't bare it. Anyway, yes, life here seems to have a different timetable, i.e shops closing at 8pm, naps in the afternoon til about aged 4 or so, and fitting kids time into parents time and not the other way round. One thing we disliked about english small towns was the way that everyone's life was 9-5 like robots, it's hard though if you've been working all day and feel as though you only see them at weekends.

I feed the children tea when they come home from school as they are starving.So it is very difficult to have an evening meal with DH during the week. at the weekend we eat together.My children go to bed between 7 and 9 pm depending on their ages,tierdness and need for sleep.Sometimes I need them to go to bed to read to get some peace.I am a better mummy as a result....

For some children (mine) it's cruel to force them up to bed at 6pm, as they won't sleep for 2 hours at LEAST - and Ds1 would be more like 4. they will sleep in until about 8, if left to their own devices, but it doesn't matter how early I have to get them up, they do not fall asleep any earlier.

With other children (my friend's) it would be cruel to keep them up later than 7, as they are visibly exhausted by 6.45. They never get up later than 6, and nothing she has done has ever changed that.

It totally depends on the day for us. About three days out of the week DS naps, and then he falls asleep about 9. (He's 2 and a half.) If he doesn't nap, he goes to sleep around 7:30. He gets up before 7 b/c DH and I have a hell of a time getting ready for work and getting him ready for daycare otherwise. (We are unable to move quickly until at least 10 in the morning, I swear.)

Perhaps it depends on school? Here school starts @ 8:00 on the dot, so a lie in on weekdays isn't possible for most kids.

It probably depends on the person-I have friends whose DDs can sleep 7 hours and be ready to roll, whereas my DS needs 10 to even function.

Did you know that you only grow when you are asleep. Children don't grow when they are awake.

The earliest I have ever managed to get DS to bed is 8:30pm - normally it's about 9pm. On the very rare occasion he has gone down prior to 8:30, he's woken up again about half an hour later and then taken AGES to go back to sleep. Advantage to me is that he sleeps through until at least 8am usually, which suits me fine. As he gets older (he's 2.2 at the mo) I might have to attempt to adjust his timing, but at the mo I don't see the problem - and in fact it can be a positive benefit that he doesn't need to be asleep by 7pm sometimes, when we are out for dinner or staying at a hotel with him, for e.g.

There seem to be lot of sweeping statements on this thread. Lots of people who know a few parents who are clearly "doing it wrong" in their eyes, therefore so are the rest of the world.

I have known a few families who put their children to bed later. In fact they don't put them to bed at all, but just generally ignore them until they either start grizzling so much they get sent to bed, or make their own way there. That seems a pretty miserable existence to me. No bedtime stories, no special snuggles, and going to bed so late they are very grumpy kids most of the time. But I'm not about to say that all parents who don't do bedtime routines are lazy and neglectful because that would be rather stupid and lazy of me wouldn't it? It would be more accurate to say I know some families that don't parent very well, and that bedtime is one of the things they don't really bother with.

I live in Canada now, and most parents seem to have pretty similar bedtime routines to us. They work out when their children get tired and how much sleep they need, and place bedtime accordingly. For our two that's at about nine-ish now. They have friends that go to bed earlier and friends that go to bed later - just like in the UK really.

When our two were younger they went to bed earlier, possibly even as early at 7pm. They weren't dragged shouting and screaming to go to bed (I don't know any kids who are upset at bedtime except those that are obviously over tired), and they didn't lie there for hours either - they'd usually be asleep within 10 mins or so.

I always try and plan for ten hours for the children and eight for me. I'm not so good at going to bed early enough myself, but I can make sure the children get a good nights sleep.

My DD has 4. Her DS started school this year.Was a bit worried how he would go because his nickname is "The hibernating bear".

When he stays at my place overnight, he goes to bed about 7. After a relaxing bath where he floats ,plays a bit with bath toys, sings a bit he then goes to bed. I read him two rather long stories. Usually the same two books. "Whistle up the chimney" and "An eye full of soot and an ear full of Steam".

By the end of the second story, his little eyes are fighting to stay open.

Next morning I know I have until 10 o"clock before he surfaces. Time enough to have my breakfast, read the paper. etc.

When his sister stays (just turned 7) I know she won't go to bed until I do.

Then she wakes up at 6.30 am. Makes her own weetbix, puts on her swimmers, then wakes me up to take her swimming.

We swim for 2 hours and then she says "What's for lunch?". By this time it's all of 9.30 am.

The two little ones (9 months and just 2) go to be at 6 o'clock. I havn't had them overnight yet.

When my DS was little, he had his bath about 6 but as long as he wasn't tired or grumpy he went to bed when he felt like it.

DD always went at 8.30 when my mum went. Mum was living with us then.