Why do British children go to bed so early?

[Builde]

We find ourselves out of sync. with everyone else in that we don't put our children to bed at 7pm; more like 9pm.

We do this because our children are always at their best after tea (they settle down to a good play), if we put our 5 year old to bed at 7pm she would be up at 5am, and it's easier in the morning to have no time at all. (If we have some time, they start to play and we can't drag them off to school/nursery).

It also gives us a chance for a lie-in at weekends and during the week to breakfast in bed before getting the girls up.

Does anyone else follow this civilised routine, or is it just us in the UK?

Just want to say that as a non-brit, I don't think it's a british thing. I used to be sent to bed at 7pm and I'm not British. All my friends at school had bedtimes around 8 o'clock up until 10 yo or so. My own dcs have a 7.30-8 bedtime on schooldays. This time was not randomly selected by us because we felt we wanted adult time, but because the dcs naturally got tired around that time. DC3, who's only 9m, seems to need bed around 6.30-7, so that's now her bedtime. Basically our dcs bedtime was chosen by themselves.

Also agree with whoever it was that said that bedtime has no bearing on wake up time, especially with toddlers and pre-schoolers.

Holiday time we do let ours stay up later, but that's usually because we're all having fun and they are playing with other dcs on a campsite or something.

We've never gone in for strict bedtimes - they go up when they are tired. It helps them settle much quicker. I think later bedtimes make for more family time - though you can have too much of a good thing... If DH and I want 'grown-up time' we sit in the kitchen; our children have known from an early age that 'grown-up time' means 'go and play in the front room while me and dad have a chat'! Works for us.

I am not repressed or obsessed with routine but my 3 and 5 yo children are upstairs at 7 and generally asleep by 8 (certainly during term time) they seem to need the sleep and certainly it is not a stressy and unpleasant time (unless they are particularly tired and grumpy) but a time for stories and cuddles and sleep. By 16 mo is generally up later and falls asleep with me around 8-9 pm. We all eat together between 6-7 most evenings. They are up btwn 6.30 - 7.30 ds always the early riser (regardless of when he goes to sleep (I know I have caught him playing with his lego in his room late into evening).

The bedtime will move later as the children get older that is what happened for me and I always thought it was the norm not just here in UK and not a wierd abberation? 7pm would be too early for a 10yo but at 6 or 7 during term time surely sensible?

dd almost 3 bed at 8 - 830, wakes 830
ds 9 mths bed 730 wakes 2 or 3 times in the night, wakes in monring 830.
Obviously will make it earlier if needs be when she goes to school.
(incidentley, dd talked and sang till after 11 last night and was still up at 830)

I work in the evenings and struggle to get up early for nursery. I don't mind being up at 8, but much earlier is a killer.
I find my 5 year old can sleep anywhere from 8:30 to 11:30 regardless of when he goes to bed, it depends more on what he did during the day, i.e. how knackered he is.
I generally get him up around 8-8:15, he eats brekkie, gets dressed then is straight out the door for nursery. No playing.
I only know of one other family who doesn't have kids up at 6 or 7am. People's eyes pop out when I tell them I got DS up at 8am.

I'm a little thrown with this. My Mum is Spanish & we went to bed at 8pm no later on a school night. She is a fab mum and my Dad wasn't bad either. On a school night we went to bed at 8. During the hoildays & weekends (not of course Sunday) we went to bed later. We sometimes went to bed at 1am when out with friends We also sometimes got up at 5am to go to work with dad as a treat! Now with my son I roughly do the same he needs his sleep. Why do I get the impression that because a child has their tea at 5.30pm and goes to bed at 7.30pm he is less loved than a child who goes to bed at 11pm! When I went to visit my aunt in cold northern Spain I was forced!!! to nap whether I liked it or not go figure. Did she love me more than my Mum I don't think so (tho we do love each other lots)

If ds got up at 8am I would never get him to school for 8.50am - we have to walk and I also have two younger children to get dressed and walk down with me - it is always a rush but it is unbearably stressful if we are not all eating brekkie by 7.30 ish

Bigmouth Same in this house. If we don't go to school with enough time I'm a nagging witch. If we leave at 8.30am it's 'look at the birds and trees' and 'I'm pretending to walk on the moon.'
DH and myself are fed up with this international idea that Brits love there children less because they don't have them up until midnight!!!!! With my brother & sister Mum let them up late for a few years while she divorced my Dad as she was lonely. MY parents got back together the children went back to going to bed earlier (not as early as before as they were now teenagers)

I agree stabear and anyway what is so awful about lots of sleep anyway? I bloody love sleep and can only imagine that my children have inherited that from me. I have yet to see study saying 'children damaged by too much sleep', yet plenty staing that too little sleep promotes poor behaviour, poor performance and bad temper so why am I still awake?

and you can see what lack of sleep has done to my ability to type coherently! In my defence I am recovoring from nasty virus and spent pretty much all of yesterday asleep

My DD used to go to bed around 9 (not cool, as she was 2!) but for the last couple of months we've got a bit more organised and she goes up at 7.30-8 most of the time. That's late compared to my friends' kids but my DH gets in at 6.30, and the hour or so in the evening is the only chance they have to spend proper time together. I don't want to cook a separate meal for DD and have her eat on her own, especially when I have 6m/o DS!

I never had a bedtime as a kid and I'm doing ok. falls asleep on keyboard

My stepdaughters are nearly 12 and their mum makes them go to bed at 8.45 on a school night. They're in yr7, is that weird?

3M

I'm the original poster and I would like to add that I'm not advocating children being kept up when they are tired. (or when their parents are tired, because to enjoy family life and be a responsible parent, parents need their sleep too!)

We also have a very lovely bedtime routine, it's just that no-one is asleep at seven.

Back from school at 4pmish. Dinner at 5.30ish. Bath at 7ish. (They spend hours in the Bath playing). Stories from 8ish. (in bed, and lots!) Children all asleep at 9ish.

Adult time is something you can only get with small children; parents of teenagers will have to put up with their company all evening!

(unless it is true that teenagers need more sleep than 2 year olds)

This has really given me food for thought! I live in Egypt and my husband is Egyptian. We have a 3wk old, and I've been sure that, unlike everyone here, I was going to be 'very british' and have a proper bedtime when we got to that stage. But I suppose I never really asked myself why? People here don't tend to use babysitters, and just take their kids out with them wherever they go...regardless of time! If the kids fall asleep, then so be it.
I think maybe I'm a creature of habit, so would prefer to have a stable routine- selfish reasons!

I have always wondered..how do British parents manage to put their children to bed so early, specially in summer when its still bright at 7pm
my 4 month old goes to bed around 9-10pm and is up and playing at 6-7am..

my dd is nearly 11 and is bed by about 9pm, any later shes miserable and she does love her sleep!!

Bigmouth I would probably get up earlier if I had two younger children as well.
We are only 10 mins walk from nursery and I usually have DS's clothes picked out the night before and he has the same cereal as me and same drink so there is absolutely no thought involved at all, whatsoever, otherwise I couldn't manage.

docpriva - this summer will be the first big test for us. DD is 2. For the last 2 summers we have used black out blinds so it has not mattered that its light outside. However, she has now developed a fear of the dark so needs the door ajar and a light in the landing - should hopefully still work in summer (we have a new born arriving in May so fingers crossed!)

I like the idea of taking DD out with us and if she falls to sleep, so be it, and if not, then hey ho. However she gets really grotty tired, and would not just fall to sleep but instead become over excited, irritable, tearful etc. (We tried it once) and she would ruin ours and everyone elses evening.

docpriva - children will go to sleep when they are tired, light or not. When you think about it: naptimes are when it's light, isn't it? LOs still sleep

I would have thought blackout blinds would make a difference to the other end of the sleep: not being woken by the dawn?
We do put up a curtain during Summer to keep the room slightly darker, but DS is terrified of the dark so we usually leave the door open a bit, kind of defeating the purpose.

My DS (18 months) sleeps around 8.00 pm. It used to be earlier, 7 pm (which in some ways suited us very well) but we moved it to 8.00 gradually so that we could have a bit more time in the evenings, and also because at some point it meant he was sleeping til later, waking up around 7.30-8.00.

I originally come from a mediterranean country & I have to disagree with the romanticized view of happy children out with their parents at lovely open air restaurants, everyone having good family fun. Yeah right. Reality: more like- children exhaustedly sleeping in buggies or half asleep & grumpy on chairs. Parents kind of oblivious to the fact that their children are tired, shouting at them for being 'grumpy' etc.

Not saying everyone is like that, but it's NOT true that children being left up that late (when they're tired) makes for happier families. I just think in Britain there's generally more public discussion / knowledge about children's sleep patterns etc, more books about these things, more internet forums. It is a cultural thing, yes, but I think the british have got it right on this.

Regardless of whether children have naps (which they do, more so, in southern countries: adults do too to a large extent) I still don't think it's good for children to be out & about at 11.00 for a meal with parents in a restaurant. There has to be some quiet time for children, and some adult time for parents... I do think slightly earlier bedtimes generally make for happier, more rested children (but obviouly there are many individual changes between families).

I agree with Fallon. I too don;t like it if I'm out in the evening for a drink and/or meal and children are there, however a couple of weeks ago I went out to a local Indian and about 9pm a couple came in with their 2 children (one a baby, the other a oddler) and I wasn't impressed, but I have to say they were beautifully behaved and not a problem at all.

I do hate it when families are out and the parents have no control over their children at all and let them run all over the place whether the day or night. Not ionly is it inconsiderate for other diners, its also dangerous with hot food being served.

We have good friends who we will no longer go out for lunch with as they exercise no control over their children who shout, run around and spit.

I'm also tired of it being implied that I'm repressed / anal / cruel / inflexible / whatever else you might want to throw at me {grin} because we have a routine and my children are in bed by 7.30. This will obvioulsy change as they get older.

Surely you do whats right for you and your family, if your children are able to function on less sleep - great, mine aren't so they're in bed earlier.

NeedaNewName I agree it's not as if we have sent them to boarding school at 8 yrs. I must say Ds has tried my patience today when I've taken him out on a fab day out and he still complains that he hasn't watched telly before bed!!!!!!!It's a school day and its bedtime you ungrateful brat. Where is that brochure?

My DD (3.5yo) sometimes goes to bed BEFORE 7. She's always been a big sleeper, and since dropping her nap and starting pre-school, she has been absolutely shattered by early evening. We have had to stop eating our dinner together when DH gets home, as she was in bits by 6, and wouldn't eat a thing (actually fell asleep at the table a few times!). She now has her tea at 5, and usually goes to bed at 7pm, and sleeps til 7am. I wouldn't mind her staying up a bit later if she wasn't tired, but would really miss the 'me time' if it was much later than 8.

Onyl read OP

We have always been pretty flexible with bedtimes, and DD has never gone to bed really early TBH.

She is 7y now and on a school night will go to bed around 8ish, but sometimes later esp if she has Drama or Brownies as not in til after 7:45 then anyway. She gets up for school just after 7am. She needs about 10 hours sleep, sometimes a little longer.

If DD went to bed at 7am, she would be awake between 5 and 6am, which is too early for my likeing. Fortunately, DD does tend to sleep for x number of hours, rather than having a set wake up time, like some children have.

At weekends and holidays she often goes to bed later. She will then wake later usually too.

We are in England though, so not following some European or non-British routine. just what works for us and DD.