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I am a total failure as a mother.

160 replies

turtledove23 · 27/12/2008 06:41

My DS is 9 months today and I can't seem to get anything right. He goes to bed at 7 and (on a good night) sleeps til 1-2 then wakes anything from 2 to 8 times and wakes anywhere from 4-7 for the day. I have to work very hard to get him to sleep well in the day. Lately he has been having an hour in the morning and 45 mins-hour in the afternoon. We try to do 2-3-4. He is still breastfed despite me trying to give up about 20 times. He has 7 teeth which caused him huge extended pain and has been working on the eighth for what seems like an eternity. He is just about walking but can still only manage 6-10 steps so we're still in developmental hell. I have been in tears since 415 when he woke this morning, as have realised that after trying NCSS and all the kind stuff that I am going to have to (TONIGHT) do CIO. No booby, no love, just screaming. It is breaking my heart but I can't do this anymore. I know that I am on the road to PND from lack of sleep. Please tell me it will work?

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 01/01/2009 15:48

turtle i would try the beakers i mentioned before and a straw. it worked for my friend's dd. you don't have to leave him without solids. he is at the age now where he might start dropping feeds as he eats more food. as long as he eats quite a good amount of solid food if he goes a day or two without milk it won't harm him as long as he will drink water or juice to keep him hydrated.

nappyaddict · 01/01/2009 15:48

oh and you can always sneak milk into sauces, porridge, give him yoghurts, cheese etc.

turtle23 · 01/01/2009 16:09

what i meant was that if he has solids he will not touch the milk. We've tried. Also have tried all beakers made and straws.

nappyaddict · 01/01/2009 16:12

did you try the one someone mentioned where he has to bite it?

HolidaysQueen · 01/01/2009 18:47

turtle - just wanted to come on and check how you are doing. hoping that your new start with DH at 12.01 this morning continues through 2009 - sounds like he is starting to realise that he needs to support you much more than he has been doing.

good luck i'm trying to wean DS of bf at the moment and it is not going well, so i know how worrying it is when they won't take milk except through bf.

ches · 02/01/2009 00:29

nappyaddict, apparently those where they have to bite it are a v. bad idea for bf babies as it teaches them to bite the nipple.

nappyaddict · 02/01/2009 01:33

well it might be worth a shot as turtle said he tends to bite the teat/spout on bottles/beakers.

also what bottles have you tried? it's worth trying orthodontic teats, nuk latex teats and mam teats cos they are softer. also TT closer to nature bottles very good for bf babies.

A few of my friends have had problems getting their bf babies to take EBM. One had success with the Avent Magic Cups and NUK teats, one with the TT Easiflow cup and MAM teats, one with orthodontic teats and about 3 with the TT closer to nature bottles.

turtle23 · 02/01/2009 06:37

nappyaddict-to be honest, we have tried all the makes of bottle and i really dont want to introduce one now anyway. I would never use the bitey one as we have nipple biting issues when he's teething already!! I am going to a different cranial osteo this morning as i didn't really think the last one was any good (need to get my knee looked at anyway!) and going to homeopath next week.
I will try anything now. I need sleep. It's very telling that I look at last night as a "good" night...he woke at 10, 2, 4, 5, 6.

nappyaddict · 02/01/2009 12:57

oh ... i thought you wanted to introduce a bottle so DH could feed him sometimes. sorry i must have misunderstood.

turtle23 · 02/01/2009 16:13

Do want him to have milk out of something, just seems silly at 9 months to start doing bottles. Beaker/cup yes!!

nappyaddict · 02/01/2009 20:52

Ah ok. It's just DS wouldn't ever have a beaker even now at 2.6. At nearly 2 he went straight onto an open cup with a straw but until then he couldn't work out how straws worked. Shortly after that he would have some beakers but only ones with very soft spouts or a fast flow. It could be that he's like my DS and doesn't like the feel of a hard plastic spout from a beaker.

These are the ones DS likes. Let me know if you've tried any of them or not. If there are any you've not tried I can find them out and send them on if you like.

avent DS would only use the soft 3 month spouts though not the 6 month spouts.

nuk

tommee tippee 4 months+

tommee tippee 6 months+

tommee tippee 12 months+

nappyaddict · 02/01/2009 20:52

Ah ok. It's just DS wouldn't ever have a beaker even now at 2.6. At nearly 2 he went straight onto an open cup with a straw but until then he couldn't work out how straws worked. Shortly after that he would have some beakers but only ones with very soft spouts or a fast flow. It could be that he's like my DS and doesn't like the feel of a hard plastic spout from a beaker.

These are the ones DS likes. Let me know if you've tried any of them or not. If there are any you've not tried I can find them out and send them on if you like.

avent DS would only use the soft 3 month spouts though not the 6 month spouts.

nuk

tommee tippee 4 months+

tommee tippee 6 months+

tommee tippee 12 months+

nappyaddict · 02/01/2009 20:52

Ah ok. It's just DS wouldn't ever have a beaker even now at 2.6. At nearly 2 he went straight onto an open cup with a straw but until then he couldn't work out how straws worked. Shortly after that he would have some beakers but only ones with very soft spouts or a fast flow. It could be that he's like my DS and doesn't like the feel of a hard plastic spout from a beaker.

These are the ones DS likes. Let me know if you've tried any of them or not. If there are any you've not tried I can find them out and send them on if you like.

avent DS would only use the soft 3 month spouts though not the 6 month spouts.

nuk

tommee tippee 4 months+

tommee tippee 6 months+

tommee tippee 12 months+

turtle23 · 03/01/2009 06:51

Thanks! We have tried all of those. DS has no trouble drinking water out of a beaker. Am going to try EBM again for a few days to see if it helps. Have managed to express a bit.
On a happier note, DH sent me to bed at 745 and had DS til 2 when I woke up to his I'm hungry screams (DS that is!) It would appear that it has begun to sink in...
6 hours in a row...most sleep I've had in one block in a year.

nappyaddict · 03/01/2009 11:22

Turtle I thought this might be of interest to you. I found it posted on a different thread.

"DS used to wake and feed back to sleep quite a lot during the night. I always fed him to sleep but I found that if I watched him and detatched him when he was just starting to drift off he would fall asleep without having to suck on me! Sometimes he did wake up right away and look for milk again and I would let him have it and then do the same again. GRadually he started to just feed when we first got into bed and then he would roll off me and go to sleep by himself with me just cuddling/patting him. This meant when he woke during the night I could just pat him or cuddle him and he would fall back asleep by himself without latching on - unless he was genuinely hungry/thirsty. Maybe you can try that? It doesn't involve any crying or a stressed out/worried/upset mummy !"

Here's another one:

"By lou031205 on Fri 02-Jan-09 20:01:07
Papaya, I have one!

When DD was 10 months, I had the same issue. I finally decided that enough was enough.

I chose a day when I felt strong, and stopped night feeds. BUT I have a bedside cot, so I put the cot side down, and every time she looked for comfort by feeding, I made sure the duvet was covering my boobs, and then gave her a big cuddle. I told her she was a big girl now, and that she could do it. At first she cried a little, but she soon realised that she wasn't going to get more than a cuddle. I cuddled her to sleep instead.

6 months on, we have finally got to the stage where she can be put in her cot awake, and she settles herself to sleep.

She has never been left to cry, and she has never had to 'get over it', but by gradually moving from breastfeeding, to cuddling, to holding hands next to her, to holding hands through the bars of the cot (long stage...) to lying on the bed next to the cot but not touching her, we have taught her that she can settle herself to sleep.

The method we used is a bit of a cobbled version of the Dr Jay Gordon method and the No Cry Sleep Solution, with a bit of the baby whisperer thrown in for good measure.

I don't think it is too young at 10 months, IF you are confident that he is not waking because he is hungry - ie. 2 min feeds every 2 hours.

I didn't try sleep training with DD1 until she was 2 because she genuinely seemed to need a cup of milk in the night. She didn't want attention, just milk. When we finally decided to crack down, she had already decided that she didn't need it anyway and had started sleeping through.

With DD2, I knew that she was waking just for the enjoyment of latching on for 2 minutes. So I made changes for my good."

fitnfestiveone · 03/01/2009 13:24

wow turtle, well done to your DH for sending you to bed and taking charge!

turtle23 · 03/01/2009 15:04

About bloody time, hey?

Ewe · 03/01/2009 15:07

Thrilled to see your DH is finally doing something helpful!

As soon as DD is over the chicken pox (as you don't need that on top of everything else!) we should def go out for a coffee and let the babies attack eachother play and we can compare notes about the pests!

Is DH going to do the same tonight?

turtle23 · 03/01/2009 16:13

No, he is very "tired." Fair enough, though. He was up 2 hours past his bedtime.
Defo on the coffee.

nappyaddict · 03/01/2009 19:35

turtle i forgot one!! amadeus 360 toddler cup

Maria2007 · 03/01/2009 19:57

Glad to hear, turtle, that your DH is helping! And happy new year by the way... hope 2009 brings lots of sleep

turtle23 · 03/01/2009 19:58

Wow...that's a v cool cup. never seen that one!

nappyaddict · 03/01/2009 20:04

Unfortunately we are still using that one so can't send you it but you can get them in boots and mothercare. £3 or £4 i think.

turtle23 · 04/01/2009 06:37

thanks nappyaddict. will have a look today. add it to the ever-increasing collection!

turtle23 · 04/01/2009 06:38

BTW managed to cut out two night feeds last night. The other ones he wouldn't settle without. (woke 6 times last night.)

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