a little bit of controlled crying support please....!

[lovelymama]

My 6 month old DS went started 3 hour night wakes 2 weeks ago. He wants to play in the night (not hungry/ill) and then is shattered at 7am and needs a marathon nap. I was very ready to do controlled crying and got support from HV yesterday to start it. Last night he woke up at 2am and I did CC for 2 hours 10 minutes before he finally went to sleep. Followed Richard Ferber's method of leaving 5, 10, 15 then 20 mins. Was the most horrible thing I've ever done. I'm going to persevere as I think it's working. He woke up at 6am crying and had a poo but went back to sleep by himself (as it was so close to morning I didn't think there was any harm in leaving him in a dirty nappy for 1 hour). Anyway, just want to hear from someone that has succeeded with CC that tonight he won't cry for quite as long. Please!! I need some hope!

Lovelymamma Im glad you have had a sucess story. I was so anti cc dd now 4 slept thru from 14wks & I count on 1 hand the sleepness nights Ive had with her all thru illnes.
DS now 10mths was the complete opposite never slept longer than 3hr periods then awake for 2hrs. We had some sucess with pu/pd but as he got older that method seemed to disrupt him more.
Matters came ahead when I went back to work a couple of months ago and nearly crashed the car after 3hrs sleep. Family life had become unbearable.
We said that we would cc for 5 nights. 1st night it it took 4hrs for him to sleep night 2 2hrs 3rd night he slept straight thru. He now settles himself at night and nap times and when he wakes up at night but he settles him self straight away.
He is so much more contented boy he has stopped being clingy and he is so much more sociable. Eating better and the bags under his eyes have gone.
I however have to learn how to sleep again after nearly 10mths of poor sleep I m awake at 4am trying to get to sleep again!
I know I will probably have some mums condeming me but it had got to the point that I was becoming dangerous on the road and could have killed myself or someonelse.

I used cc, and yes it was hard, but it worked for us. I used it at 7 months, and it took two nights and the third night my ds slept through. I have to say that once my ds started sleeping through he was far more contented.

Thanks AuntyJ. So pleased you can now get some sleep! I don't understand how people can say that CC is a bad thing when you see the positive impact it has on so many people. Yes, allowing your child to cry is never the ideal option, but it's such a short period of time in their otherwise joy-filled life that it can't have a detrimental effect. However, extreme tiredness from lack of sleep CAN have a detrimental effect on the brain. I know CC isn't for every family and may not work on every child, but it seems to be working for us. Unfortunately, our progress doesn't seem to be as speedy as yours! DS slept through on night 3 but on night 4 we had to do 25 mins CC at 3am and last night it crept up to about 40 mins. Has anyone else had this 'regression'? He's definitely tired in the night so when he wakes at 3am I'm guessing it's a normal night waking that we all have but he'll initially lie there sucking his fingers/chatting for about 30mins but then when he fails to get back to sleep he starts crying and then I have to start the comforting/leaving. By the time he went to sleep last night he'd been awake for an hour and a half so is tired this morning. Aaaarrgggh!

I suppose you will have some setbacks in the early stages Im fully prepared to have a few dogy nights especially with teething and illness. However I think the key is that DS is self settling and thats a comfort to me.
Could it be his teeth?

It could be anything...who knows with these little monkeys? Would never leave him crying if he was in pain - which is why I always pick him up the first time i go to comfort him - so i can judge if he's got a dirty nappy/too hot etc and to check if he's in pain. last night he was crying one minute then shaking his cot bars and laughing the next minute....so not in pain! will just carry on as our situation is about a million times better than it was this time last week

we are 3wks in so its early days for you. Good luck & keep us posted.

Hi Lovely, How is it going?

I started CC last night, doing 5 mins, 10 mins etc of leaving her to Cry then popping to comfort it took 1.5hrs. Second night tonight!

Please keep us posted as will I

My DD has just started shuffling backwards, 7 months old, and I find her on all fours stuck at the bottom of the cot as she can't go forwards! It's interesting about the light sleep cycle info as she wakes at the same time every night 4 - 4.30am.

Hello MLB....good luck with your DD...shame she can move as that must make the whole thing harder? We're having a bit of a nightmare to be honest. As you saw, night 3 was brill, slept 7 til 7 for the first time ever then things got worse. night 4, cried for 25 mins, night 5 45 mins, night 6 an hour and a half and last night it was 2 hours. Thought things were going to get better. Checked in with health visitor today and she said i have to keep going as all this will be for nothing. said we may have to switch to CIO as me checking on him regularly seems to p*ss him off more than.

Elffriend, you mentioned that you did CIO. Was that because CC didn't work? How long did you need to do it for? I'm getting so tired now and just want the whole thing to be over!

How was last night Mylittlebubble?

Hi, sorry, been away from the boards - bloody real life!

We saw CIO really as a stage in the CC process to be honest.(If you leave them for 10 minutes and they have gone to sleep then they have cried it out - it is just timing rather than leaving tham and moving to Hawaii!)

When we first started sleep training we were swadling DS still (arms not feet- and, yes, later then HVs tell you) which was helping his sleep but our intervention when he woke was to re-swaddle - immediately. From there it was a case of leaving him for an interval before intervening. Then it was going in but not re-swaddling (that had become his new sleep association). Then the intervals of going in became longer until he actually fell asleep. I think his longest was an hour but I'm sure it must vary.

Certainly I was aware that me going in to him would invariably "re-set" him because he would get very hacked off at me going in, not picking him up and then going back out again. Otherwise, you are not leaving him for an hour - you are leaving him for 3 20 minutes sessions (for example) and gaining nothing. Thye just get frustrated that you are not doing anything!

Sitting outside his door and rocking dementedly was my mid-way concession!

Even now, if he is ready for sleep he wants me out of the way! (illness notwithstanding, obviously).

I'm sorry it is proving so hard with your DS but it does take a while for new habits to bed in. If you are satisfied that he is not hungry/ill etc etc then yes, the best course of action is still to ride it out at this stage. Don't do your initial "check" if you can avoid it otherwise that will simply become part of what he expects when he wakes.

Hope you have had a better night since. x

Hi Lovely last night DD woke at 9.30pm so the whole process started earlier, which I found easier to handle to be honest. We did the whole 5min, 10 mins etc upto 20 mins till 11.30pm then I feel asleep and woke up again at 6.10am with a sound asleep baby! Feel bad as not sure how long she was left to cry but I am sure my instincts would have woken me up if she had of carried on for ages or really distressed!

Elf the CIO process, reading your post is that going in but not settling them? can you explain it as it might be worth doing x

Hi Bubble - it was a process of gradual withdrawal really. Once I had stopped the re-settling (cuddle/swaddle etc.) I would just go in and stroke his head for a moment. No picking up, no talking, just letting him know I was there and then leaving again. I just pushed out the time that I would let lapse until I intervened.

To be honest the idea was that I wanted him to know I was there. I hoped I would calm him and it made me feel better that I was making sure he has not somehow put his head through the cot bars! The reality was that it just ended up winding him up even more. It was better to just keep out of the room and grit my teeth. I always knew that I would go in if my instincts told me there was a real problem (cry would be different) but staying out was the only way we cracked it in the end.

Thanks Elffriend sounds really hard I understand your demented rockin comment now! Not sure I can do that just yet. If the CC doesn't crack it then it maybe an option

I would certainly say to take at a pace with whch you can cope (none of it is easy!).

How long are the intervals between you going in and what do you do when you do go in?

Thanks Elffriend. On Monday, I went to see my HV who has supported me through the CC last week. She said to keep going, which I knew I had to do as I can't put DS through this for no reason. She said the same as you - for some babies mummy going in every x amount of minutes makes them more angry and actually disrupts the settling process. Last night DS was awake for 1 hour without crying - just happy in cot at 3.30am but then started to cry. But it wasn't a real cry so I left him and he kept settling. After 30 mins he started crying a bit louder so just went in to do a nappy check as he has been doing such big poos recently! Also, it's so cold here at the moment I want to make sure the poor thing isn't cold. He seemed to want to wriggle out of my arms so I put him back in his cot and didn't go in to see him again. He did settle himself - although it took about 30 mins after I had gone in, but again, the crying has changed to an intermittent cry rather than that frustrated, "get in here now mummy" cry. Really hoping that things keep getting better

MLB - i think CC in the evening is easier than the early hours of the morning so i'm pleased you got a decent night's sleep. Bet DD was in a good mood today after a decent night's kip! Fingers crossed for a good one tonight

Well night 3 went well. She had a little winge at 11.30pm I didn't go in and she settled herself in 10 mins. Then the dog woke her up at 2.30am! otherwise I think we might have done it. Left her for 10 mins went in and cuddled put back down awake and she winged for 10 mins then back to sleep and nothing til 6.10am. She is much happier in the mornings so have my fingers crossed for tonight.

Lovely how you getting on?

Well night 3 went well. She had a little winge at 11.30pm I didn't go in and she settled herself in 10 mins. Then the dog woke her up at 2.30am! otherwise I think we might have done it. Left her for 10 mins went in and cuddled put back down awake and she winged for 10 mins then back to sleep and nothing til 6.10am. She is much happier in the mornings so have my fingers crossed for tonight.

Lovely how you getting on?

How nice MLB, but bet you wanna shoot the dog for waking DD up!! We are getting on ok, although I'm sure my DS is re-writing the rule book on CC as it's taken us ages to get to the point we are at now. 10 days after starting, DS has gone from 7pm to 2pm without waking (which he mostly did before we started CC anyway). Last night he woke at 2am but wasn't crying - just chatting and mild crying but I drifted off to sleep as he didn't need me to go in. Unfortunately he woke up at 5.15am, so I've come to the conclusion that DS may only need 10 hours-ish of sleep a night as he was refreshed and ready to go at 5.15. Going to try and move bed time back to 7.30/8pm so that morning starts at 6am.....I can't cope with a 5.15am start everyday!!

Lots of luck that things continue to go well for you. And tell the dog to be quiet!